StarStruck

When I read this thread back I can see the absurdity of it. I talked with a friend about it and it feels like I'm in a different paradigm right now.

It is not really about what you get from the table but what you take to the table and share with others on an energetic level. Having confidence is a giving and taking energy in balance. I'm really a leaf in the wind in terms of energy. I get influenced so easily. I'm perfect material for manipulation. Solution: Developing stronger ego boundaries

Doing pickup or dating is not possible without opening the heart. The thing is that life becomes more yoyful but from my experience life is painful. I had a wonderful date yesterday but I didn't kiss her. She made herself so beautiful. I disappointed her so much. And I disappointed myself. I'm in so much hurt and pain right now. I know I should focus on myself, on my own growth and my LP. But this is life. I really have two options Live life like a weasel that is afraid Live life like a tiger And the end of both scenario's is death. Only thing I can do is enjoy the fucking ride. Well that is what I learned from her! What did I learn more from her? She feels what I feel, so I should feel carefree, joyful and pleasant She was a really good story teller, her stories are about nothing but I do enjoy them If she rejects me that will give me ammunition to go apeshit at my life problems. I'm really fed up with my problems! I'm done with being a nice guy, being reserved, or holding myself in. It is either EXPRESS or REPRESS. So if you are a nice guy , try nicing so hard that you reach fulll expression of your personality. That is how one grows, by not hiding. This moring I was going in full depression mode because of REPRESSION. I really need to go of things or express them so I become aware of my behavior and feelings and let that go. I'm sad but I'm alive. Part of me wants to die. I don't want to life. I want to go back to my cave. This ordeal reminds me of the book "Fear of Life" by Alexander Lowen. And guess what? Parts of me are dying. That nice guy is dying!

@Shin hhaaha that made me laugh. I really want to throw myself in the garbage bin. She keeps texting with me so I guess she is ok with me. She is busy this week. Next week I might schedule a new meeting with her but chances are big she will just reject me because I'm just not a man. If I could redo it I would just move closer to her. I waited for her permission or something magical to happen so our lips would meet. It is stupid really. One thing is sure, if I get another date, it is either make or break.

I want to kiss her next time (if she accepts a date) but if she doesn't hold eye contact I can't build up tension.

How to build up the tension again though? As I said, she held eye contact the first date. Second date the eye contact was a little less. She broke it off quicker.

I thought about kissing her right at he beginning of our next date.

@universe my female friend told me "the kiss would happen naturally". Seriously. This is the last time I'm going to listen to female advice when it comes to dating as a male. During the first date there was good eye contact. She held the eye contact. During the second date, it was a little bit less. She broke off eye contact when I tried to hold it at the end. How can I get it back to before where she was holding eye contact?

I didn't want sex. I just wanted to kiss and slowly build up the intimacy towards sex so she can become my gf. I just messed up by forgetting man to female frame and just going in for physicality and a kiss.

I met her at a coffeeshop. We went on an instant date in the park. This thread is about the second date. She was all dolled up, nice skirt, nice hair. It was an easy job but I didn't want to fuck because of nofap and porn addiction recovery. I need some weeks off to heal. I think she wants me for the long haul. If she was interested in something short she would already ghost me after I was wanking around, not leading her to sexuality. I will be bummed if it doesn't work out but I have no choice. Healing from my porn addiction has the bigger priority than a girl. I don't know if she will stick around for weeks. My porn addiction recovery could take that long.

I'm theorizing and trying to understand myself and how I work. Self knowledge is the foundation of all wisdom.

I'm theorizing everything in my life because theory is part of practise. No?

I still have to read these books: Way of the superior man No more mister nice guy I think these books will help me. She called me a nice guy in between conversations. I was really insulted by that. I already feel a little bit better. Is emotionally detaching myself from her a good idea? Doing visualizations like she already rejected and left me?

This my second date with the blonde girl. The date was the best. The aftermath and my failure to kiss her ruined it for me. My mistakes Believing I didn't deserve her. She was so beautiful and sexy. Not being calm, abundance, carefree, grounded, masculine and confident: mindset Not knowing how to engage a kiss in that situation: know how Listen to female advice on dating as a male Not having fixed my LP and my addictions and trying to find happiness and value off of her Having close to zero dating experience

Pickup and dating reveals how much resistance I have against life. I don't want to feel all these feelings of fear and possibility of rejection. I thought I manned up after my last breakup but I still feel like a little boy. I guess the only thing I can do is surrender to the moment. Let go of outcome and see where the ship strands. What else could I do? I hate life. I rather go back to my incel life where nobody can hurt me but I would come suicidal when I become old and lonely.

I feel like she will expect sex when I bring her to my apartment.

That is a good point. Sometimes I can be desperate. I thought pulling meant taking her home and having sex with her.

Damn, you are a life safer but my porn recovery will take like 1-2 months. I don't think she will wait long enough if I'm not honest about what happens behind the scenes. I think she is a sexual person but she also likes me.

First I have to recover from my porn addiction. I'm not confident to go to bed with her right now. My dopamine receptors got smashed because of all the porn use during the quarantine. I'm afraid I will get ED.

I know but in the moment it is hard to do it. We were sitting in the park. I could ask her if I could sit closer and it would have been a done deal, and then just size her up to see if she wants a kiss. Doesn't girls want romantic shit? I think, "can I sit closer?" would be a better move.

Do you guys think I should tell her about my porn addiction and that I'm recovering right now. During lockdown I really got into porn and that made me depended on it. I'm in a flat line right now which means my dick isn't functioning. My insecurity to kiss what exactly because of this. I didn't want to pull. @Harlen Kelly @Ghost

Sure thing. There are a lot of good looking women but there are a not a lot of women that look great and also have depth and think about life on a deep level. I feel like there won't be any other girls like her. Meeting girls is not easy for me and getting hotties with brains is even more difficult. It was really thanks to pickup I got her. Without pickup I would never know her. I did some pickup this week and it didn't go well so I'm thinking "she is a dime and I shouldn't lose her". For me bring a girl into my life is like bringing a dynamite in my life. All the flaws in my life and my personality get exposed and I know that if I want her in my life (or any other girl), I need to fix my life.

Something else: the vibe was really good, but at one point it was really good, and it was so natural to kiss her, but the love was so great that if I kissed her I would cry, so I didn't do it.

@Leo Gura I don't have a lot of experience with women. This brings out a lot trauma such as being unloved and not being good with women my entire life. She is a very young cute beautiful girl but she has tattoos. Probably she dated guys that kissed on the first date and fucked on the first date and here I'm on a forum being emotional and worried. I don't have a lot of experiences with dating so I'm a little sympathetic towards myself but it is only a matter of time I will mess this up too. There were couple of instances in the past that girls just lose attraction because of my inertia, incapability and lack of confidence. Pickup and dating really forced me to live in reality. Something I don't like doing. I have always lived in my fairy tale lands where nobody could hurt me. One part of me is grateful for having to know her and another part of me is totally irrational about it. I hate life.

Thank you. I touched her arms couple of times. The only thing I can do is to pretend I'm not needy because I feel very needy. I could do what you said and give her compliments about her knowledge about metaphysics and her amazing presence but I feel like that wouldn't make it male-to-female. That last "3rd one must remain a secret" is good one. I guess I get what you are trying to say: I should keep it light and playful. If there is a next time I just have to go for it I guess. Big chances she lost attraction though. I feel so dumb and useless.