StarStruck

To answer your last question. I would. I would leave one day earlier from my parents place to meet somebody I like that I haven't seen for 2-3 weeks. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it. When she is back from her parents place things will get more clear from her behavior. This is what I noticed: I can clearly see she was head over heels in the start of the relationship and now it is less. Probably because I got needy. I mean it is hard to not be needy if you can't see somebody for 3 weeks that you like so I get myself but it was not smart to portray that I guess. I'm definitely not going to ask her for a date. Just poking her and showing her interests in her life is the most I will. That made me feel better but I'm still angry. Not necessarily angry at her but angry at myself. Perhaps for not doing enough to work on my self-esteem and self-worth. I can't get angry at her for not being attracted to a guy who bends over backwards for her so to speak. lol. My inner fire is brighter than before meeting her so I have to be thankful to her for that but at the same time my heart is broken and I'm confused. What I know is that the solution is working on myself. In terms of personality to be successful with girls I'm nowhere where I should be. Thanks for your long ass reply by the way I think I like her. I already made plans in my head how things would have worked out and that we would hold hands, make long walks and enjoy life. At least meet once a week. I guess I can kiss that fantasy good bye. Perhaps things will make a turn around. Perhaps not. The bottom line is that I had expectations and she didn't fulfil these. I thought we were on the same line until the very last moment where she changed her mind. Perhaps she was not ready for sex but the strange thing is that she chose to meet in a private setting. All I can do is learn lessons from this and not be emotionally attached. I'm going full PUA. Fuck love, for now.

Don't depend on it. It is just the cherry on the cake.

The things you say are painful but I think you are right. I think I was doing a good job with holding my self worth until she cancelled and I started chasing her. I probably messed it up for good. For the record, she told me to come to her place (because it was raining) or she could come to my place. I told her she could come to my place. Probably she didn't want to fuck me after having showed some weakness. Well, I was and I'm hurt so I understand why I got a little toxic here. On long term being toxic doesn't work but that is just how I feel right now. I'm not a dumb guy; I know that I have to work on myself. For me there were were two options: acting like I'm the prize thus non-needy or just being myself. I'm not good actor so I just decided to be myself and I got needy I guess. Also me tolerating her flaking on me two times should have made me angry and I should have confronted her and demand respect. On top of that she couldn't meet next week because she decided to visit her parents. The bottom line is that she doesn't really have respect for me because I don't have respect for myself. Looking back at it... Perhaps I should have held the neediness in until I fucked her once but also.. if I didn't allow myself to be myself, that neediness wouldn't come to the surface, and I couldn't signal it and work on it. I held of meeting with other girls because I really liked her. Recently I got two other numbers so I will try my luck with them. That is a very good point. It is amazing how my brain distorts reality. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she really was sick last week and she had to cancel. And perhaps she really did have a job interview last Tuesday and had to cancel. And perhaps next week she is really going to her parents. But what you said is just as plausible although I think you are making couple of assumptions here. At this moment I caught myself making excuses for her like "she is shy and I need to give her time" but truth be told if she really liked me she would come one day earlier from her parents and meet me. But in general I think you made good points. My problem is low self-worth, chasing this girl to feel worthy, and having low self-image and self-esteem. Sad part is that I have been working on this with my therapist and I guess I didn't make a lot of progress. I guess I need to read some good books on this topic because what I'm doing right now doesn't work. My neediness works like an anti-magnet towards girls. My self-deceptions are really my pain point and source of suffering I guess. You are a life saver. Thanks.

Something else I discovered which is a very important discovery for me: Advice should be taken as advice and nothing more. In the past I would take other people's advice as instruction. It kind of reminds me of the dynamic between myself and my parents in which I was not allowed to think with autonomy/have self worth; and was expected to follow orders as a robot. I'm repeating those behavior patterns. It is not healthy and it doesn't work.

What Leo says here connects to what I said earlier: boyfriend frame versus playful jerk frame. I approached another two other girls and I can only subscribe to what Leo says. This is what I become conscious of: in the beginning I'm always the playful jerk and girls just LOVE it. I approached 5 girls in total today and almost every time they are just delighted they got approached by me. It really goes down the shitter when I drop the playful jerk frame and quickly become needy when I sense I have a chance. It is so counter intuitive to not be needy when I'm. It feels like holding my fart in. Neediness is really like a fart. She really needs to like you to tolerate your fart. lol. By the way, I got a text back from the snap chat girl that I met today. She seems receptive. I really want to ask her out but I don't have time. My take on what Leo said: what it really comes down to is this: A playful jerk dude resonates around and above 200+. The feeling of courage is really the baseline of jerk. Feeling of neutrality (not shown in this pic for some reason: it is called trust in this picture) is at consciousness level 250. I noticed that gaming girls really works great on that consciousness level. This is really the level where "freedom of outcome" happens. So to come back to what just happened. I approached this stunning girl with black dress and just amazing body and face. My words can't do it justice at this moment. She was just ecstatic that I approached her. I asked if she is from here and I asked about her logistics as good pickup etiquette. She said her parents where waiting just 10 meters from where we were standing. I was just shell shocked. Her parents were watching me trying to fuck their daughter for 2-3 minutes straight. I instantly dropped to consciousness level shame which is the lowest of the lowest. I couldn't think straight and of course I messed it up. What was really the problem here? Her parents? No! I just couldn't deal with the emotions of her parents looking at us having a good time. She just loved me. If I had emotional mastery, I could have dealt very differently with the situation. Again it is not really about a different outcome that I would have wished but my emotional mastery. First step of mastery is becoming aware: one can't control what one is not aware of. It is amazing that I just could register all of these ups and downs in emotion to tell it back. What I could have done differently is basically this: become aware that I dropped to the level of shame, calm the fuck down, not rush action, embrace the feeling, accept it and let it go. What I did instead is just rush it, force a close after 4 minutes in, her parents are waiting there, of course she is not going to give her phone number to a guy she just spoke for 4 minutes. In retrospect it is easy to talk but these situations are just hard to deal with. I have already become socially savvy quite a bit but this situation really scooped me off my feet. I got stuck at shame and I just dripped off like a loser. I lost the outer battle because I lost the inner battle.

Before you penetrate her physically. You need to penetrate her mentally. If you look at her like you want to kill her and she doesn't have a naughty face you are doing something wrong.

Update of girls in my rotation 20 year old Brunette snapchat girl (latest addition). Action plan: going to ask her out somewhere next midweek 21 year old. Blonde girl whom canceled our third date two times in a row. Action plan: kind of gave up on her. She always has excuses although she is always receptive. Going to wait it out. 24 year old Thai girl. She agreed for coffee date but she is in exam week. Action plan: coffee date next week 27 year old Hippie girl from smart shop. She wants to do psychedelics with me but doesn't commit. Action plan: visit her more often until she calls me. She has my phone number.

Two other approaches I went to the speciality store to hit that hippy girl up again. She says she wants to do psychedelics with me. I also did another approach. My vibe was spot on. Effortless approach. I got her snapchat. I will ask her out this weekend.

Approaches of the day: Approached a very cute 18 year old. We talked mainly about art. She shower her art and I showed mine. I thought everything was going well until tried to close "she thought I was too old for her" but she thought I was a nice guy. I'm hearing this phrase that I'm nice so much. It is not funny. It is highly irritating because I'm already showing the least of my niceness and people still call me nice. I guess this niceness is in every fiber of me. I can't even see that I'm being nice or sublicating. Anyway I liked this set because we vibes very deep in a short time. I'm currently playing around with power versus force. Letting go emotions below consciousness level 200 (David Hawkin model) is a good to have on my mental-emotional barometer. Especially now with that girl constantly flaking on me my emotions are just in ruin. After every set I'm asking what was my baseline emotions? I'm aiming at courage and neutrality (power consciousness) considering I'm usually on desire and fear which is (force consciousness). Using this model by David Hawkins is really good. It stops me from micro managing my sets. The only thing that is required is to stay in touch with the body and emotions which is a whole task for me because I'm a heady person and very dissociative from the body.

My therapist told me to follow my feelings more. I think I did act a little bit clingy but what asking her out clingy considering this? She asking me two times how I was doing and asking me out, gave her enough credit for me to take the iniative. That is what I was thinking and what my mindset was at that point of decision making. I really like her so is it weird that I want to see her at least once a week? She wants to see me too otherwise she wouldn't ask how I was doing two times in a row and ask me out. I'm not calculating my every move and perhaps that was my mistake. I was just myself. Apparently girls don't like authentic guys. They like manipulation. That is what they will get.

Little update about this girl: So last week she took contact up with me te reschedule our third date. She canceled hours before our date because she was sick. After that I took the initiative this time and rescheduled to last Tuesday. She had a job interview and had to cancel. She canceled again few hours before our date. It is kind of strange but she works in restaurant sector and such ad hoc job interviews are possible. So I told her to meet me next week. She told me she is going to her parents. That was really the last drop. I really thought she liked me and I liked her but it is so scary how girls just can change their mind in the last moment and just drop you like a hat like you never existed. Our dates were the best. The second date was our last and she bad clear feelings for me but I screwed up by being too nice, not taking initiative to kiss and fuck her and not showing enough spine I guess. This girl is just another saga in my dating career that causes me a lot of pain and suffering. Yesterday I was just paralyzed and shell shocked how she went from very receptive girl through texts to almost radio silence. Based on my experience I lost all respect for girls. Apparently being yourself doesn't work if you are nice but I can't help it. That is just how I'm. But these experiences do change me. Girls are forcing me to transform... by losing my innocence, becoming antifragile. There is even a feeling inside me that wants to become manipulate and hurt women the same way they hurt me. I perhaps even go that route for a couple of months to live my heart out. Unload my system and transform energetically; having a better balance between nice guy and being a douche. This niceness is killing me.

They do Euthanasia is not advised by doctors. No doctor will say I can't help you let me help you finish your life. If they do I'm against that. Patients request it themselves.

This also counts for you. Letting people live while they don't want to live and not giving them a respectable way out is just as evil in my opinion. Dying in a respectable way with euthanasia is much better than jumping in front of a train. This might not be valid for the subject of this thread (in my opinion there are other options to exhaust for the subject of this thread) but some other people are mentally or physically very sick and everyday is a hell for them.

Euthanasia is allowed because people who want to kill themselves, they will find a way to do it, with euthanasia or not. It is actually a very humane way of dying if you want to die. Not everybody has the brains to figure it all out by taking psychedelics. Government wants to give a humane way of dying because if they don't people are jumping in front of trains and shit.

The problem is ambiguous feelings. One part of you wants to stop (your super ego) because it sees the downsides. The other part (your id or animal instincts) want to continue with old patterns. You need to develop a stronger ego so it can mediate between the super ego and the id. Eventually you want to be come the master of your own life. The trick is this: you need to make a deal with yourself that works, and I don't have a blue print or magic pill. Everybody is different. If stopping porn full stop is difficult try stopping 1 week and add 1 week to your streak and build the muscle. Your mind is your mental gym. It is really about consistence. Find a rhythm or new baseline of behavior that you can stomach.

The girl who cancelled our third date for the second time really hurt me. This date was her initiative, she wanted to meet me so I thought this time she wouldn't flake but I was wrong. 4-5 hours before our date she cancelled it. She said she had a job interview. So this time it was a job interview...Last week she said she was sick. So it is the second time she cancels our date. I asked her if she could meet next week: "I'm going to my parents next week". I'm so done, hurt, and angry. She was so into me but I played my cards wrong. People tell me all the time "just be myself". I'm just being myself and girls find that anti-magnetic. Last time the date was just perfect, we had so much fun. She really liked me and she said "you are such a nice guy" and that moment I knew fucked up. For the record, her cancelling my date because of a job interview is plausible because she said she is looking for a new job. On the other hand, her going to her parents and leaving me out to dry is a CLEAR sign I don't have high priorities for her. It is very painful because I remember in the first date: she was very eager to meet me and was head over heals. And now she is showing clear signs that she is the opposite. I'm in doubt about that last part though, the last date (second try for having a third date) was still her initiative so I might be reading too much into it. I really liked her and the last two weeks I couldn't see her. Next week I can't see her. I think it would be healthy to detach myself emotionally from her. And even more over.... I will detach myself emotionally from girls and from dating all together. This is really a new phase in my personality. Being a nice guy only caused me pain and suffering, and I want to hurt others but that is not the way. I'm trying to take the hurt and anger and put it into my LP and my self-development but it is not easy. I'm not use to pain. In the past I always dodged rejection and other kind of emotional pains through an incel life. I hate these sensations, but these sensations do make me feel alive... There will be a time to be dead, now it is time to live. I'm close to giving up though. I even had some suicidal thoughts. These rejections just go to the core of who I'm. Emotionally I'm trying to keep on my feet. I notice how weak and fragile I'm and I'm just trying to let it be and not judge myself or judge others. I'm confused. Some relevant advice Summary: Just allow yourself to be the new guy because what you resist (the inner nice guy) persists, Notice the inner nice guy in the body when communicating: be mindful and take notes of the nice guy in the physiology (muscle memory), without awareness there is no control, it is not about thinking but what you are in the body, just relax Just relax, trust yourself, be flexible and responsive, practise it

Did that fucker remove the video?

Approached a girl. Just amazingly hot with crop top. It went really good. She agreed to give her number. My vibe switched a bit and I got nervous. She picked up on that and retracted giving her number to me. Game is that subtle and nuanced! Girls can pick such small changes in vibes. Just wow. Gaming is really done through vibes. What I could have done better is vibe longer or gone for instant date. I felt there was room for instant date. I just rushed getting her number. I was afraid of making mistakes. I didn't know how to set up instant date on the fly. I wanted to play safe and that costed me. With game playing safe is not playing safe, it is the opposite.

She did the same thing AGAIN after her taking initiative to reschedule the third date. Last time she was sick. This time she got invited for a job interview. She says she has to cancel. Man, fuck this shit. I'm only getting disappointed. I'm giving up. I really got enough of this shit. It is just not working out. The universe is against me.

I'm taking the Janssen vaccination. 1 is enough. If it is next year I will take the other type too, if needed.

I would be funny that after so many pages Leo would decide not to go on the tour. It would be plausible. He is health issues.

That is like saying don't take a painstiller now for your headache because next year you will perhaps maybe get another headache.

I'm getting 1 vaccine. I don't need 2.

Frustration can be used to keep my old patterns. Or frustration can be used to create new patterns. It all starts in the brain and thinking patterns. There is where the ignition happens. I need to have patience. First and foremost I need to finish my no fap journey. I got some good advice here: But people don't seem to understand my struggle. I do get it though. It is hard to understand.

I'm currently doing no fan (monk mode) and I can't have sex. So we are into each other. We had couple of dates. She says I should come over next week. I'm afraid of this because I'm doing nofap and trying to heal my brain. In the past I told a girl about nofap and she freaked out. I need some advice on this hot 21 year old blonde girl. Because I'm afraid I will lose her if I gave her bad sex. I rather not have sex with her, completely my 30 day challenge and go from there.