StarStruck

Omg. The story I told in my earlier post in this thread was after a full day of approaching girls. It could be a sign from the universe to teach me a lesson. ?

I had a Russian dude approach me today ask me if I wanted to eat chicken nuggets with him in the park. I was just nice to him but he was like "hold these chicken nuggets. I'm going to get wodka and cola from the supermarket and be right back." I said "no, I'm going home." He was all sad. Now I know how it feels to be a hot chick. Guys are way over their head. I'm straight as a straight guy can be so I had no interests in it from the start. I was just curious what his spiel would be.

I have some experiences with 5 Meo DMT but they were not nice. I have trouble with surrendering.

@Roy that is so funny you said that. I'm really control over myself and not over the girl. So I approached this girl. She was not my type and actually ugly but I thought I need to hit the 5 approach streak. So I was just joking around about the weather and how love was all around. She got really mad at me for saying I was looking for love. We got in a fight. ? She got rude although I was obviously joking about the love part of my story. It is totally not me but it was so empowering to basically say to her that I found it funny and it is her freedom to not find a funny. And I stood my ground. It was not really about pickup. It was about my principles of not putting up with rudeness.

What I really stop trying to do: not reinvent the wheel as much as possible. Yes. Pickup is learned by having boots on the ground but for me boots on the ground is also about self awareness. Huge sticking point for me is being a nice guy. I don't need to figure it all out by myself. This book is exactly what I need so why wallow in my misery? I know what to do. Pickup is really striking at the core at who I'm. Pickup, relationships or anything else is really about habits:

I have a friend who tells me stories like this and I'm listening with a dick that is half hard. It does motivate me to push harder and give me insights what girls respond to. I learned more from him in couple of hours than I learned from pickup programs. It is really about the energy that the guy carries.

@OBEler my experience with psychedelics is different. I took medium doses of lsd and I totally freaked out. I couldn't relax and my thinking was in overdrive. You are right though. I was supposed to stop thinking and do infinite intelligence do its work.

I took some modafinil because I have a deadline tomorrow. I thought let me experiment pickup on that substance. Not a good idea. I'm just a little bit off on it.

If you want to do psychedelics to heal, you also need to know a lot about the psychology of trauma healing. Otherwise that would be like giving a 1000cc motorcycle to a rookie and expecting nothing bad will happen.

what do you like about that book?

I can resonate with this. I'm glad it happened though. It opened my eyes about the truth about myself and how dating works. For some reason (while I know it is not true), I thought only guys can rejected through this way. Dating dynamic is different for a guy than for a girl though. I guess a lot of girls are afraid to be pumped and dumped. We guys don't have this, so our strategy is different. I guess if I could fuck this girl and she dump me I would be less "fucked". In a sense, I feel - emotionally - pumped and dumped by her because she keep cancelling on me the last moment. This is not the first time girls do this to me though. If they are manipulative like this eventually I will have to become like that too. That is really the crux. Especially for a guy it is important to have high self-worth, otherwise we tend to put a girl on a pedestal and that is an instant libido killer for a lot of girls. Hm, I guess that was my biggest mistake; to be emotionally detached. With confronting I mean just telling her how I perceive things like: "you cancelled our date 3 times in a row, what is up with that?" I don't think that is losing patience and composture. True

To answer your last question. I would. I would leave one day earlier from my parents place to meet somebody I like that I haven't seen for 2-3 weeks. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it. When she is back from her parents place things will get more clear from her behavior. This is what I noticed: I can clearly see she was head over heels in the start of the relationship and now it is less. Probably because I got needy. I mean it is hard to not be needy if you can't see somebody for 3 weeks that you like so I get myself but it was not smart to portray that I guess. I'm definitely not going to ask her for a date. Just poking her and showing her interests in her life is the most I will. That made me feel better but I'm still angry. Not necessarily angry at her but angry at myself. Perhaps for not doing enough to work on my self-esteem and self-worth. I can't get angry at her for not being attracted to a guy who bends over backwards for her so to speak. lol. My inner fire is brighter than before meeting her so I have to be thankful to her for that but at the same time my heart is broken and I'm confused. What I know is that the solution is working on myself. In terms of personality to be successful with girls I'm nowhere where I should be. Thanks for your long ass reply by the way I think I like her. I already made plans in my head how things would have worked out and that we would hold hands, make long walks and enjoy life. At least meet once a week. I guess I can kiss that fantasy good bye. Perhaps things will make a turn around. Perhaps not. The bottom line is that I had expectations and she didn't fulfil these. I thought we were on the same line until the very last moment where she changed her mind. Perhaps she was not ready for sex but the strange thing is that she chose to meet in a private setting. All I can do is learn lessons from this and not be emotionally attached. I'm going full PUA. Fuck love, for now.

Don't depend on it. It is just the cherry on the cake.

The things you say are painful but I think you are right. I think I was doing a good job with holding my self worth until she cancelled and I started chasing her. I probably messed it up for good. For the record, she told me to come to her place (because it was raining) or she could come to my place. I told her she could come to my place. Probably she didn't want to fuck me after having showed some weakness. Well, I was and I'm hurt so I understand why I got a little toxic here. On long term being toxic doesn't work but that is just how I feel right now. I'm not a dumb guy; I know that I have to work on myself. For me there were were two options: acting like I'm the prize thus non-needy or just being myself. I'm not good actor so I just decided to be myself and I got needy I guess. Also me tolerating her flaking on me two times should have made me angry and I should have confronted her and demand respect. On top of that she couldn't meet next week because she decided to visit her parents. The bottom line is that she doesn't really have respect for me because I don't have respect for myself. Looking back at it... Perhaps I should have held the neediness in until I fucked her once but also.. if I didn't allow myself to be myself, that neediness wouldn't come to the surface, and I couldn't signal it and work on it. I held of meeting with other girls because I really liked her. Recently I got two other numbers so I will try my luck with them. That is a very good point. It is amazing how my brain distorts reality. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she really was sick last week and she had to cancel. And perhaps she really did have a job interview last Tuesday and had to cancel. And perhaps next week she is really going to her parents. But what you said is just as plausible although I think you are making couple of assumptions here. At this moment I caught myself making excuses for her like "she is shy and I need to give her time" but truth be told if she really liked me she would come one day earlier from her parents and meet me. But in general I think you made good points. My problem is low self-worth, chasing this girl to feel worthy, and having low self-image and self-esteem. Sad part is that I have been working on this with my therapist and I guess I didn't make a lot of progress. I guess I need to read some good books on this topic because what I'm doing right now doesn't work. My neediness works like an anti-magnet towards girls. My self-deceptions are really my pain point and source of suffering I guess. You are a life saver. Thanks.

Something else I discovered which is a very important discovery for me: Advice should be taken as advice and nothing more. In the past I would take other people's advice as instruction. It kind of reminds me of the dynamic between myself and my parents in which I was not allowed to think with autonomy/have self worth; and was expected to follow orders as a robot. I'm repeating those behavior patterns. It is not healthy and it doesn't work.

What Leo says here connects to what I said earlier: boyfriend frame versus playful jerk frame. I approached another two other girls and I can only subscribe to what Leo says. This is what I become conscious of: in the beginning I'm always the playful jerk and girls just LOVE it. I approached 5 girls in total today and almost every time they are just delighted they got approached by me. It really goes down the shitter when I drop the playful jerk frame and quickly become needy when I sense I have a chance. It is so counter intuitive to not be needy when I'm. It feels like holding my fart in. Neediness is really like a fart. She really needs to like you to tolerate your fart. lol. By the way, I got a text back from the snap chat girl that I met today. She seems receptive. I really want to ask her out but I don't have time. My take on what Leo said: what it really comes down to is this: A playful jerk dude resonates around and above 200+. The feeling of courage is really the baseline of jerk. Feeling of neutrality (not shown in this pic for some reason: it is called trust in this picture) is at consciousness level 250. I noticed that gaming girls really works great on that consciousness level. This is really the level where "freedom of outcome" happens. So to come back to what just happened. I approached this stunning girl with black dress and just amazing body and face. My words can't do it justice at this moment. She was just ecstatic that I approached her. I asked if she is from here and I asked about her logistics as good pickup etiquette. She said her parents where waiting just 10 meters from where we were standing. I was just shell shocked. Her parents were watching me trying to fuck their daughter for 2-3 minutes straight. I instantly dropped to consciousness level shame which is the lowest of the lowest. I couldn't think straight and of course I messed it up. What was really the problem here? Her parents? No! I just couldn't deal with the emotions of her parents looking at us having a good time. She just loved me. If I had emotional mastery, I could have dealt very differently with the situation. Again it is not really about a different outcome that I would have wished but my emotional mastery. First step of mastery is becoming aware: one can't control what one is not aware of. It is amazing that I just could register all of these ups and downs in emotion to tell it back. What I could have done differently is basically this: become aware that I dropped to the level of shame, calm the fuck down, not rush action, embrace the feeling, accept it and let it go. What I did instead is just rush it, force a close after 4 minutes in, her parents are waiting there, of course she is not going to give her phone number to a guy she just spoke for 4 minutes. In retrospect it is easy to talk but these situations are just hard to deal with. I have already become socially savvy quite a bit but this situation really scooped me off my feet. I got stuck at shame and I just dripped off like a loser. I lost the outer battle because I lost the inner battle.

Before you penetrate her physically. You need to penetrate her mentally. If you look at her like you want to kill her and she doesn't have a naughty face you are doing something wrong.

Update of girls in my rotation 20 year old Brunette snapchat girl (latest addition). Action plan: going to ask her out somewhere next midweek 21 year old. Blonde girl whom canceled our third date two times in a row. Action plan: kind of gave up on her. She always has excuses although she is always receptive. Going to wait it out. 24 year old Thai girl. She agreed for coffee date but she is in exam week. Action plan: coffee date next week 27 year old Hippie girl from smart shop. She wants to do psychedelics with me but doesn't commit. Action plan: visit her more often until she calls me. She has my phone number.

Two other approaches I went to the speciality store to hit that hippy girl up again. She says she wants to do psychedelics with me. I also did another approach. My vibe was spot on. Effortless approach. I got her snapchat. I will ask her out this weekend.

Approaches of the day: Approached a very cute 18 year old. We talked mainly about art. She shower her art and I showed mine. I thought everything was going well until tried to close "she thought I was too old for her" but she thought I was a nice guy. I'm hearing this phrase that I'm nice so much. It is not funny. It is highly irritating because I'm already showing the least of my niceness and people still call me nice. I guess this niceness is in every fiber of me. I can't even see that I'm being nice or sublicating. Anyway I liked this set because we vibes very deep in a short time. I'm currently playing around with power versus force. Letting go emotions below consciousness level 200 (David Hawkin model) is a good to have on my mental-emotional barometer. Especially now with that girl constantly flaking on me my emotions are just in ruin. After every set I'm asking what was my baseline emotions? I'm aiming at courage and neutrality (power consciousness) considering I'm usually on desire and fear which is (force consciousness). Using this model by David Hawkins is really good. It stops me from micro managing my sets. The only thing that is required is to stay in touch with the body and emotions which is a whole task for me because I'm a heady person and very dissociative from the body.

My therapist told me to follow my feelings more. I think I did act a little bit clingy but what asking her out clingy considering this? She asking me two times how I was doing and asking me out, gave her enough credit for me to take the iniative. That is what I was thinking and what my mindset was at that point of decision making. I really like her so is it weird that I want to see her at least once a week? She wants to see me too otherwise she wouldn't ask how I was doing two times in a row and ask me out. I'm not calculating my every move and perhaps that was my mistake. I was just myself. Apparently girls don't like authentic guys. They like manipulation. That is what they will get.

Little update about this girl: So last week she took contact up with me te reschedule our third date. She canceled hours before our date because she was sick. After that I took the initiative this time and rescheduled to last Tuesday. She had a job interview and had to cancel. She canceled again few hours before our date. It is kind of strange but she works in restaurant sector and such ad hoc job interviews are possible. So I told her to meet me next week. She told me she is going to her parents. That was really the last drop. I really thought she liked me and I liked her but it is so scary how girls just can change their mind in the last moment and just drop you like a hat like you never existed. Our dates were the best. The second date was our last and she bad clear feelings for me but I screwed up by being too nice, not taking initiative to kiss and fuck her and not showing enough spine I guess. This girl is just another saga in my dating career that causes me a lot of pain and suffering. Yesterday I was just paralyzed and shell shocked how she went from very receptive girl through texts to almost radio silence. Based on my experience I lost all respect for girls. Apparently being yourself doesn't work if you are nice but I can't help it. That is just how I'm. But these experiences do change me. Girls are forcing me to transform... by losing my innocence, becoming antifragile. There is even a feeling inside me that wants to become manipulate and hurt women the same way they hurt me. I perhaps even go that route for a couple of months to live my heart out. Unload my system and transform energetically; having a better balance between nice guy and being a douche. This niceness is killing me.

They do Euthanasia is not advised by doctors. No doctor will say I can't help you let me help you finish your life. If they do I'm against that. Patients request it themselves.

This also counts for you. Letting people live while they don't want to live and not giving them a respectable way out is just as evil in my opinion. Dying in a respectable way with euthanasia is much better than jumping in front of a train. This might not be valid for the subject of this thread (in my opinion there are other options to exhaust for the subject of this thread) but some other people are mentally or physically very sick and everyday is a hell for them.

Euthanasia is allowed because people who want to kill themselves, they will find a way to do it, with euthanasia or not. It is actually a very humane way of dying if you want to die. Not everybody has the brains to figure it all out by taking psychedelics. Government wants to give a humane way of dying because if they don't people are jumping in front of trains and shit.