StarStruck

So I tried 2CB for the first time of my life. Every time I take some psychedelics I always tell myself that I was a fool for not taking psychedelics earlier and that I should do it every 2 weeks. I know why I don't do psychedelics in hard times... I remember now: I swore it off because it was so overwhelming. This trip was different because I have become a different person. I can actually - unconditionally - listen to my heart and not be nasty to it. It is my decision not to write a trip report. It is too personal, but what I can say is this. When I take psychedelics I always think in analogies and the story of Frankenstein was a major part.. “I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.” ― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

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She was all dolled up little blonde. Meeting me in a park. She had an amazing dress and I fell in love. I was so nervous I couldn't kiss her. We had a lot of fun discussions but I forgot to keep it male to female. I feel like I messed up. The hurt is so much that I wished I didn't start pickup/dating women. How could I have kissed her. She had a bag between us. I couldn't get close. My brain just wasn't working. Do you think I messed it up or am I overreacting?

@bazera type into youtube: RSD Tyler or Julien

There are a lot of civilizations that have gone instinct. Personally I think it is possible for civilization fuck up and take couple of years to recover. In the meantime it will be hunger games for the average joe. Civilization can be fucked up in so many different ways. Even some excess radiation from the sun could take out something simple like electricity and just wait and see what shit shows unfold.

I will definitely not confront her or take contact with her but as a last ditch effort I will try it. The more she can hurt me the more I can grow. That is actually what I do with girls who's number I get and they flake through text. I just call them until they have the decency to pickup the phone and tell me. After two times it stopped hurting and gave me freedom. I'm really busy on develop self-esteem. That is the major point for me. Girls can just smell a little pitch of neediness or creepiness. When I approach really hot girls I vibe with them very well but after I while they just smell the stench of niceness and they get repulsed.

I would love to find more wingmen but it is difficult to find them.

I went to the super market. I talked to a blonde worker than caught my eye a while back. It went really good. We exchanged names and I left. I planted the seed in her brain. Next time I will escalate. Ps: I'm at home and I'm having a huge ego backlash. Last week's girl who canceled our third date two times in a row really got under my skin. My ego is in overdrive and I want to do all my addictions. I'm fighting against it as we speak and it is hard to negotiate with it. If I relapse I will be devastating. I'm at home alone, gaming myself. It is fight club. The universe put me in this spot for a reason. This is what I need right now. I need to face the music. I need to face myself. Now I'm listening to myself my heart starts talking. I feel deeply hurt about that girl who canceled me but I know why I failed. It wasn't her fault. I failed because I was to weak to face myself, facing my emotions, develop self-esteem, self-mastery, self-love. Self-love is really what I lack. I wouldn't be have a porn addiction and other addictions if I really loved myself. I would have stopped years ago... and now I'm deciding I'm not continuing with that shit. Every moment of my body is either self-love or self-hate. Perhaps... self-love is too far stretched for me. Let's start with self-respect.

@flowboy thanks for the truth pill. To be honest, I really ask that question "what are these older people doing with their life if they're not getting laid?" and it makes me depressed to get old. I know the solution: life purpose. But getting girls seems so more juice than my life purpose, right now.

In a way learning game is about gaming yourself. If you have a tyrannical ego that doesn't allow you to feel emotions, or more precisely an ego that doesn't create a safe space for yourself so emotions can manifest, emotions will simply not show up which leads to being emotionally disconnected from life. Isn't gaming a girl about the same thing? A girl will never show her feminine side if you can't create a safe space as the masculine counterpart. Both counterparts have equal stake though for things to work out. In my opinion inner love works the same. The healthy ego (masculine energy) plants the seed in the fertile feminine soil (heart) so it can blossom into a flower which is called (inner) love. Without being esoteric and putting it more simple.... ego is controlling power and heart is feminine allowing power. Within our own system as a human we need a good balance of both. If you are all love you are just overly feminine. If you are all ego you are just very masculine. I'm the latter. The universe told me to game myself: develop a healthy ego, create trust within myself and be nice to myself. The former is really not possible without the latter although the latter is just as important. In this thread I used inner jihad a lot. I thought inner jihad was a war against the self. I was wrong. So important to keep an eye how the ego interprets things. War against oneself is really punishing and masculine (inner dad?) While we also need an inner mom that is soft and loving. I will still use inner jihad, because I'm really my own general but a good general is smart and wins battles without bloodshed. If I boil it down, it comes down to this: Girls love guys with healthy egos..... people say girls don't like needy and creepy guys. That doesn't strike at the heart of the problem. The - heart - of the problem is an unhealthy ego. Interesting sources: https://www.pdthinker.com/healthy-ego.html https://www.juliabushue.com/blog/healthy-ego

Today I got a small emotional breakdown after contemplating. I don't get emotions that often so it was kind of a big deal. I saw how my dysfunctional mother influenced how I connect to people and how I especially connect with women. There is a reason why I don't trust people or don't open up. And there is a reason why I have difficulty connecting with people. It is projection really. I already knew this on an intellectual level but knowing it on an intellectual level is not that much if there is no emotional connection to the truth. As Buddhists say, wisdom is really in the heart and the heart should be used to integrate the wisdom. For some reason I was able to to silence my mind and just listen to my heart... and it lead me places. Perhaps it was the modafinil from yesterday. Yesterday I was really going hard. I couldn't stop approaching. I did 3 hours of nonstop approaching. Afterwards contemplating on it like a mad man. This was really the process Coming out of inertia, taking massive actions Being exhausted, ego defenses being weakened, Ego defenses collapsing Having the chance to listen to my heart and getting amazing wisdom Do I have to use the sequence every time to access my wisdom? Hell to the no. The average person can easily access the heart especially if you are somebody who can easily cry. The problem with me is that I can't easily cry or listen to my heart. Teal Swan demonstrates how it can be done: It is really going towards the inner storm, towards the eye of the storm. My ego just bails when I try to do this. It is really about loving yourself which means listening to what is in the heart. Now I think back at it. By listening to the heart is how I cured my porn addiction. It can be used to solve other problems. My issue is that I don't have a strong ego. It has a hard time setting boundaries so it overcompensates through being over controlling. The way to the heart is about having a healthy well balanced ego.

Fair enough My experience is that those techniques helped me to open my mouth. Thanks to those techniques I made a lot of progress. Without those techniques I wouldn't even know how to open my mouth and talk to girls. If you tell an incel... "go talk to some girls!", he would just look at you weirdly and ask you what to say. A lot of guys just don't know how to talk to girls and they aren't necessarily incels. Connection and intimacy is really the foundation of trying to get girls I agree on that. Personally I see PUAism only as some tools to spice things up. If you told an incel.. "forget about PUAism, just build connection and intimacy", you know what would happen? He would be needy, weird and just off. Girls would be creeped out by him and the incel would go back to his man cave. To build connection and intimacy the guy needs some experience and know how. Personally I'm using a mix between PUAism and just being myself during nightgame. Completely dropping PUAism and just being myself doesn't work during daygame. Most girls don't want to connect with every guy. First their interest need to be sparked with flirtation. That is when pickup comes in. Social game or night game is different ball game though. I have no trouble with this and no PUAism is needed because of social proof.

A lot of guys miss emotional intelligence or just being able to make an emotional connection. Females are just better in this so I guess it makes sense they are better in picking up other females when they are bi or gay. Awareness (like being able to calibrate) and emotional connection is really the core of picking up women. All those other "PUAism" like pickup lines and such is a cherry on top of the cake.

Female-male relationship dynamic is different than female-female relationship. Come on Emerald. We? You are speaking for all women? Try to take third person perspective: 1. On the one hand you have men who approached thousand of females and know what works on the grand scale of things. 2. On the other hand you have females who have individual opinions and who don't see the grand scale what works for females. Now you turn into a man for one week and you get to approach women and perhaps sleep with them, who's advice would you take? 1 or 2?

@Emerald hahahah, that made me laugh. God bless your heart. I know but I'm learning. It is amazing how sturdy they hold onto their paradigm. This is why I never talk about out of female paradigm stuff to females. It is just alien language to them. They really have to grow some cock and balls (and try to pickup women) and try to be a guy for couple of weeks to understand us. So I really don't blame them.

But you are just 1 girl. I talked to hundreds of girls and I have pickup friends who are highly successful who know what they want and how to get it, but let's agree to disagree. Such things are nice for psychoanalysis but I think most guys won't say the truth when you ask them. Especially guys who have high numbers.

Fair enough. Women do have nightstands too, of course not with beta males that are boring and don't know how to make her juices flowing. They will do it with alpha males who know how to make her juices flowing. I agree this is a phase for women but this phase comes and goes. A lot of beta males get a chance from certain women when those women get bored of alpha males and they downgrade to beta males so they have stability and settle down. Of course there is also alpha male providers. Guys who have their life together but also know how to make her juices flowing. These guys are very rare. Most women don't have the value to attract such a guy and hold him so they chose an alpha scrub (a guy who knows how to make her juices flow but not have his life together). Where do you think my passion comes from? Perhaps it is hard to understand from the female perspective. I speak from first person experience. Being a nice guy, being a provider, won't guys one night stands, nor abundance. Well, I respect your taste in men. I wish more women were like you. The truth is this: go into a nightclub and see which guys get most luck with girls. Try being a guy for one day and come back

When I talk about alpha male I mean top of the food chain. That is how alpha is used to describe animals too. So I wouldn't call alpha males scrubs. An alpha male is a guy with options. He has characteristics that attracts female attention. If you have a bf who is alpha (and he is a scrub) good chances that other women will try to fuck him just for the kicks of it, to get at you or what ever justifications women have. It is easy for a guy without options not to cheat. It is difficult for a guy with options to cheat. It has nothing to do with being a provider. An alpha male can be a provider too. The thing is that a lot of women downgrade from an alpha scrub to beta cuck/provider because they become of age and they need to settle down.

Nice guy uses niceness as a strategy for personal gain. I agree on that but calling them assholes is kind of weird. Everybody has their own strategy for survival. Nice guy needs to stop lying to himself that niceness is a valid and working strategy. Niceness is really pseudo selflessness and girls don't buy it. And the worst part of it is that nice guys are not aware of it so in that sense they have very low consciousness. Pickup artists on the other hand don't have to be nice and they know it doesn't work. They know how to play with the girl's buttons to open her up. In that sense pickup artists have higher awareness about dating while they are less consciousness (more immoral than a nice guy who would never do that).

Most men don't cheat because they don't have the option to cheat. I see a lot of women say "my man doesn't cheat" with a proud gesture. Hunny he doesn't have the option. He is a provider beta male. For an alpha male it is a different story. Girls just get attracted to them. Even if he doesn't pursue girls, girls will find him and that guy needs a strong ego to not give in to his inner stallion.

So why do pickup artists get their dick wet all the time and a nice guy with their heart at the right place don't get anything? It is true that the pickup artists don't desire women as much as a desperate nice guy because he is already getting enough but I wouldn't say the pickup artist is more selfless than a nice guy.

Really good points... "It's very easy to understand. Power = consciousness. All states of consciousness which are less than infinite will have finite power. And infinite power isn't really free either because it must all be given selflessly to Love. So the idea of manipulating reality for your personal finite gain cannot hold at high states of consciousness. So your ego's power fantasies will never get fulfilled. But you can surrender to selflessness and Love. The cost of infinite power is all finite definitions and attachments. Such that once you reach infinite power you have absolutely no personal need to have it. It's just like with attracting women: the guy who needs sex the least will get it the most. And the guy who needs it the most will get none" -----

I'm over-philophizing in this thread. Next two weeks I will try to do this less. I will work on an emotional energetic level. Let me try a different ball game! The nice thing with emotions is that it is happening right now. Thoughts (theorizing what I'm doing here) is not here. Doing some theorizing is good but I'm doing it too much and it made me out of touch with my emotions thus the now. Emotions is really like water. It is like the ocean. There are waves coming and going. If you are a surfer want to ride a wave, it is all about catching the momentum and balancing on the board. I will be doing this with my life in general.

@Thought Art you say you lost your flame and then you say my career is "mathematically impossible". Without emotions you won't have inner flame. And emotions have nothing to do with math. Emotions are really about surrendering and letting it happen. If you try to control emotions you will just get stuck in life. Your life will be on freeze. Let emotions flow and your life will flow. Without emotions there is no inner movement thus no passion or work ethic.

Surrendering to life is not easy but it is really what spirituality is all about. Your music career might not work out but perhaps it will lead to another career. For that to happen it is important to not be attached to your music career. By the way, I'm not saying give up on your music career. By all means be passionate and go all in, so you don't have regrets later on.