StarStruck

You have to develop a killer instinct and get touch with this killer instinct. If you can you will reach this discipline called execution and you can just do it! The killer instinct is a psychopathic trait that should be combined with traits like social awareness, carefreeness, humor and calibration. My advice is to go 10% out of your comfort zone and - push - it. It is no different than training a muscle in the gym. You just have to do it.

Thank you so much for posting this! This is what I really needed to hear. I'm a guy who didn't get the love and attention from my mother. The article says such guys are not naive enough to expect real love from a female. That is not correct. I do expect unconditional love from a girl on an emotional level. It is hard to stamp that need out because I desire something I didn't get from my mother. I will talk about this topic with my therapist. I don't know him enough to tell him about this sensitive stuff. I'm just being done with being nice. And for a nice guy it is not possible to be 50% less nice. I noticed that I really have to swing to the opposite side of the pendulum. Yesterday night I was out, and I came across a girl who I approached months ago. She gave me her number at the time but she didn't want to go out with me when I texted her. I asked her why and she said "You don't look happy!". Well she was a little drunk and I think she is a little bit autistic but that really hit the nail. Girls just care about themselves and what feelings they get from a man. That is the crux when it is boiled down to its essence.

I decided to pickup again. As you can see in the journey, I was offline between begin-August to the middle of October. It will be low intensity pickup. I'm over hyperactivity. I have the skills to get phone numbers with minimal effort. My effort is really on my self, inner game (self-acceptance and self-transformation), and most importantly my work ethic and LP. My mindset is totally different than in the beginning of my journey. Girls really disappointed me and I'm learning a lot from them. And the more I learn about them, the more I learn about myself.

Fair enough. It is hard to grasp when I'm in the middle of this shit show but I understand it now. That rung a bell. I try my best to look from a third person perspective to my feelings right now but it only works partly. I just want to punch somebody or something. I'm trying to channel that anger towards self-improvement and self-acceptance. I'm doing Joe Dispenza's meditations: mainly doing release work from root chakra towards crown chakra, and a second meditation that focuses on the heart chakra

This is some good resources on not being creepy:

I have huge personality flaws. Acting like those doesn't exist doesn't help me. I have tried that.

You are a woman though so you have it easier. I'm weird and in my head. Today my gym mate told me I was not sharp and easily distracted. He probably doesn't want to train with my anymore. Until I solved this I'm not going to date. It is self chastity.

I have abundance right now. I already have a date with another girl but that doesn't change the hurt. That Polish girl literally took my heart and stamped on it. And I don't blame her. I was kind of in my head, too logical, and insecurities at the end of the date took me over. There is a part of me that doesn't want to date anymore. Dating feels like slamming my foot with a hammer. I can just see how I fuck up things and I can't help it.

For me manipulation doesn't have a bad connotation. When I drove home I manipulated my car to drive me home. Now I'm manipulating my phone to write a msg to you. And you are trying to manipulate me in the same manner. That is what we do. Manipulate. And other guys manipulated the polish girl and slept with her. And I failed to do that.

Pickup is all about manipulation. Being human is all about manipulation. Have you ever done pickup?

I totally understand what you mean. I did my homework on spirituality. So you suggest I should ruminate about what you wrote and that will solve my problems? I guess I'm trying to find the magic pill but there is no magic pill for my problem. Perhaps infinite love is the magic pill. To be honest, my ego doesn't even want to listen to what you are saying. I really had to push myself to read what you wrote. I just want to wallow in my misery because I'm addicted to those feelings while what I really need is existential love or loving life. I hate life. I'm creating my own future by choosing the emotions.

So I should be content with what happened? I'm content with the fact that I got a chance/date with her. I can't be content with her blocking me and treating me like trash after I paid everything for her and I was a real gentlemen. If I played my cards right I would have a smile on my face right now. How can I be content with that? Very good point. In the park she jokingly said "I don't trust you", I guess that was not a joke but a message. She didn't trust me because I didn't trust myself. My mindset was like this: "I can't believe this beautiful girl is with me, is this real life? Don't fuck this up!!!" Yesss. This is so true. She felt I need her more than she needs me. I could see it on her face.

True, the conscious and mental bandwidth get's capitalized by negativity and where one puts attention there the life force goes. I'm not somebody who cries but I'm already going the things I highlighted. Yesterday I ran my ass off. Read a book. I journalled and did some seminars. I'm more productive than ever but I still want to go. My inner fire is too big. I'm afraid I will do stupid stuff again like calling her, going to her place or not doing that and taking cannabis. So why would I even do pickup? Obviously I'm not her, she is not with me right now. Perhaps from God or Quantum perspective I could accept everything is 1 so I'm also the Polish girl that I like but that doesn't change anything in the material world we are in right now. You are typing this msg in the material world right now and me too.

Update about my psychological state after yesterday's date and resulting rejection. ? This is really the straw that broke the camels back. ? My internal fire ? is raging. I want to tear something apart. Punch something. Conquer a fucking country. Beat a squeel with a bat. I really don't give a fuck (!!) about women anymore. I give only a fuck in the extend that it will give me what I want. That is how they are. Just like in the famous words: you are all about her and she is all about hers as Lil Wayne says: Girls are forming what I will become. It is a process. It will take time but I'm going balls deep. Really not giving a fuck is not easy and it will take time. At the end of this year "I will fuck what I want and fuck what I don't!"

I'm not materially blessed though. Not financially at least. Physically and health perhaps yes, but in terms of my face I'm not good looking I think. On tinder I don't get any matches. I have to grind my ass off to get dates (getting phone numbers is easy though). I don't have it easy if you are trying to tell me that. It is not. I explained it above. I'm no different than those guys. The difference that I have is that I get 1 date from time to time and then get trashed in the garbage bin by females. Ok, this kind of connects to what Joe Dispenza says: act like you already have it... but I feel like I'm fooling myself. The one thing I want right now is that Polish girl and she doesn't want me. So I still have to act/pretend like she is with me?

Hmm, interesting. I think you might be right. I see weak looking guys with beautiful girls all the time. So what do they have what I don't have? I don't think I have to become god to find a gf. I'm seeing my dating journey and spirituality journey as two separate things. Sex, approval, enjoying good things from life like dating and hanging out with hot girls. Most girls scoot off after 1 or 2 dates. It makes me miserable and I'm not enjoying life right now. It is a hell. So I have to wish it and I just get it? I don't have to do anything for it? I'm already working on setting powerful intentions but I also know I have to act upon it. And until now it is not working. Hm, I will contemplate about it.

@mandyjw I still have to reach my first real enlightenment but I don't know if that is going going help me with my pickup. You say I will never get mine. So it is wrong to say that strong men get rewarded and weak men get punished? That is what I'm observing. I'm sick of being weak. What is wrong with that? Joe Dispenza already helped me to transcend the material and go into the timeless/infinite. Life would be much more pleasant if I get mine just like how the fuckboys do. I mean I won't be stuck forever in fuckboy mode. If I get mine it will be easier to let go of the material realm and focus on real spirituality. At the moment, after yesterday, I'm just miserable. I don't even want to eat and I have to force myself to eat. Why would I focus on the infinite/spirituality when I can't even get my basic needs met like sex. ? By the way, thanks for explaining the difference between care and love. I have to contemplate it to really understand it. I care way too much. I'm way too serious about life, LP, dating, and so on. And that is not sexy. I know that.

I'm doing Joe Dispenza's stuff and I totally know what you are talking about. I'm a natural empath so I really care what others think and feel. That is what fuckboys have and I don't have. Again; I don't want to be a fuckboy. I just don't want to be treated as dirt by these girls. At least fuck boys get sex while I get to be depressive. I think for the coming months I will try to become an egoistic in the sense that I won't care what other people think, feel or want. I will be just out to get mine.

I just wanted to text her, and I discovered she blocked me. This makes me so mad. Fuck being a nice guy. I don't have respect for girls anymore. This is really the straw the broke the camels back.

That is painful but true. I'm getting angry but I shouldn't. That is just the game. I want to be a fuckboy for the lessons and experience, so that I can integrate my inner fuckboy and be a wholesome person in my dating life. Comparing to half year ago I made astronomical progress. I couldn't even dream up such a beautiful girl half year ago and now I get dates with them, so I'm happy with my progress but I'm also getting frustrated. I'm in my 32 and I don't have the luxury of stretching out my learning curve for 10 years since I'm already 10 years too late in the game. This ego baggage is counter productive and I'm letting it go but there is also reality which is my age. Like I can get 20 year old girls now, when I'm a little bit older it will get well awkward to hit on beautiful 20 year old girls. My plan is to date 2-3 to catch up with casual dating and then slowly find a long term partner. I'm ok with the way I'm. I'm a quite and reserved type. The problem is that girls don't like to fuck with such guys. I do have a wild side but it is like 30% wild, 70% reserved. The night was 30% wild and fun and, 70% I was just reserved. Everything was fine until the last hour of the date where we both got bored in the sisha lounge.

I failed at that so hard in the last hour. I just ran out of stories and then I got afraid to come across boring and that is exactly what happened. Law of state transference is so important. Actually I did try to kiss her two times, once in the park and second time in the lounge, but she rejected me. But we did hold hands when walking (her initiative), put my arm around her, touched her hair and face. How would you have dealt with that situation? You are 3 hours in the date (and the vibe was good although she rejected my kiss two times) and the last hour is getting boring.

I know you are right but it is hard to accept. I have a low anima animus integration. There are like 5 levels of integration. I'm on level 1/2 so I'm very depended, submissive. I can't help myself. For me dating is not a game. For me dating is getting something I don't have in my life which is love. I know other people see dating as a game. I see dating as life and death like getting a necessity; yes, that is thirsty but it is hard not to be thirsty if you are.

I'm doing your humor exercises every week and I made a lot of progress but these dates last 4 hours. I can be very entertaining/playful and emotional for the first 3 hours but after a while I just got exhausted (introverts do) and I become massively boring. My last date: I was silly a good portion of the time but in the last hour in the sisha lounge I got boring. I feel like there is something wrong with me. This happened like 3 times in a row with other girls. 1 girl literally said to me I was boring while the other ones were polite about it. I did RSD at home and those guys say just be yourself. I can be funny for a while but eventually the girl will see that I'm a boring (or at least a silent/quite) man.

So how not to be boring though? (I'm not asking you specifically perhaps other people have some pointers on this too).. I know it is ok to be introvert but I'm just boring. Couple of girls told me my vibe is off.

That is a long process indeed. What makes me really attack myself is my boringness, my silent/quite attitude, and introvertness. I mean I'm ok with these qualities. Girls are not ok with these qualities. They want a guy with a good vibe. What I know is this: I have to enjoy my own vibe before she can join my party and enjoy it too. My vibe is good for first 2 hours of the date. After that I can really boring! Thanks but it wasn't a story, the last hour she was really bored. I could see it on her face. First couple of hours were great though. Those are good points. Thank you.