I've become more self aware and tell myself I'm much better off now than I was 5 years ago. I soak up all the self-help I find and don't put any of it into practice in the real world beyond some green lifestyle changes. I don't spend too much time away from my parents home. I continue to take in more and more information about psychology, spirituality, philosophy, etc. but dont bother trying to break through barriers I have set for myself. I am unemplyed and have an excuse for most propositions people give me because "I won't stand for a career thats not actually helping the world". Ta-da!!!!
Don't get me wrong. I have made some changes for the better. I've cut a LOT of crap out of my life (gaming, television, junkfood, breaking things out of anger) and replaced them with good habits (reading, gardening, keeping personal space clean and organized) but my problem remains the same as its been my whole life. I can't function to the best of my ability around people. I can't stand peoples crude lack of self-awareness, lashing out, scapegoating. Its a thing I've been avoiding my whole life and cant stop avoiding. I can't make myself try to love people and be around them. It seems an impossible endeavor to manage.
