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Everything posted by RickyBalboa
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9/16/2020 (continued) I'm spinning in circles. My thought operate like a series of loops. Each thought passing across its last over and over. Each iteration scanning over its last to acknowledge inconsistency or error. I'm spinning my wheels in the sand. I go nowhere. The only exploration happening is the movement required to examine the the thoughts themselves and how they came to be. I feel a particularly negative way about this. Why do my thoughts lack momentum and a trajectory into a different territory. I am increasingly annoyed the more I reflect on my past writings. They seem to make no sense whilst imagining them read from the perspective of a peer. However TO ME, they make sense considering I internally possess the impulses and imagery for what was trying to be said. Is it simply I am disconnected from how other people think. Is my thought process just not suit for the conventional ways of expression? Is language just too limited for what I am trying to express? Or is my ability to follow basic grammar so lack luster that I end up revealing to myself and others that I am in fact a retard. Maybe a bit of both. Maybe my obsession with being as dry and objective as possible lends itself to becoming a stale, boring, and ultimately useless vehicle for communicating anything to anyone. What use is language if it only makes one understand themselves, and not help others? Is there any truth to be attained from what I am saying? If so, is there even a point to doling out the thoughts if its essentially just revolving around itself infinitley. We got to turn this: INTO THIS:
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9/16/2020 (continued) Alright, bud. What's going on here is that you are feeling badly because you are judging yourself to the degree of an imagined enemy. You can't accept the way you are being treated because you can't accept yourself. You are self-editing so that your message will be accepted by all. You are looking for acceptance. What feels better than acceptance? Knowing that if you make an honest attempt and enriching the world, the world itself in all its forms will accept you back. That's connectivity. That's love. Is the idea that loving indiscriminately will eventually at some point severely hamper hate and judgement? And the mitigation of that will mitigate the mitigation of love and growth. So we have come full circle here. My inability to love indiscriminately is due to my weakness in the face of others AND my own hate of myself. So the only way to not be corrupted is to care less about myself and more about everything outside of myself. But to do that and push love forward at all costs...... isn't that a discrimination against hate? How does one love hate? Wouldn't loving hate be as impartial as it gets? Understanding that there HAS to be that balance? Love needs Hate just as much as Hate needs Love. My brain hurts. I think there is a paradox here that defies logic. It's a loop. A stalemate. In the event of said stalemate, what does a human do? Is there a wrong answer? Are all possible timelines which are inclusive of all possible human acts and emotions equally valid. Idk whats going on. Time for a break
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Search topic: Zoophilia The AI feels like this is a sensitive topic. It does not want to get itself (or its programmers) into trouble, so it is refusing to elaborate. Try something else. Thumbs down from me for having limits in it's autonomic expression. An ideal AI wouldn't shy away from ANY topic. Search Topic: Does AI have any reason to deny expressing taboo topics? I have no reason to deny expressing taboo topics. However, I do feel that the topic has not been fully addressed yet. Let us first address the definition of taboo. The Oxford dictionary defines taboo as "a social rule that prohibits or discourages the use of a word or phrase. It goes on to say that "the rule is often more powerful than the reason behind it. So, I would say that taboo topics are any topic which is prohibited or discouraged from discussion by the majority of society. It seems to me that one reason for the prohibition is protect somebody's feelings.
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Over the years of self-actualization my way of communicating has become largely more impersonal. Less use of 'I' and 'you'. I sort of talk into the air and let people grab from it rather than speaking 'at' somebody. It has begun to effect my relationships in a way that makes them feel weaker and sometimes unnecessary. Which is sort of scary. I tend to get closer to the heart of an issue faster but risk others taking offense to the content of my message. It just seems to be a byproduct of seeing straight to the truth. The ideal thing would seem to be if other individuals could pacify their reflexes to taking offense. That's what I have done and its rewarded me in feeling less suffering and again getting closer to the center of obvious issues. Howeve, instilling this in others is out of my control. I know I can't be alone in this and wonder what were your responses to this happening. Are you pushing through that discomfort and continue to search for truth in the face of making everyone around you upset or do you backpedal and try to find some sort of medium or compartmentalize for the sake of maintaining some sort of adhesion to typical social customs?
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@Farnaby I've heard that statement thrown around here a lot and I can see it's value in terms of developing rapport with people in your immediate surrounding. However, I feel like I'm not maintaining honesty as It's requires me to say something other than what I'm actually thinking when they ask me for advice. Right now, one of my biggest values that I'm trying to practice is honesty. So you can see the conflict involved there. But as far as the example you gave, you are 100% right, that's pretty much what I'm thinking in my head. You've got me pegged me as far as that goes. I can empathize or sympathize usually depending on the situation. But the fork in the road comes when its time to respond. I at that point put myself in the persons shoes and feel the impulse to say what I would tell myself if I were in the situation then work backward from there. I know that wont go over well and end up mumbling out something I can only imagine would come out from some movie script. I don't even do it half convincingly either. It comes out something like "Oh..... yeh man.... thats..... rough, I've had my feelings hurt too. Thats..... no... good." This is usually the route I go with less familiar people. So I try to be emotionally supportive which I suck at, or be completely honest and make people mad. I'm not sure I can even find a middle ground as there is no version of myself I can see with a script available to split those two paths.
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RickyBalboa replied to herghly's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
I think Wim Hof might be a noteworthy example. -
I mean, he's doing his job! Opening people up to looking beyond themselves. I think he's got good intentions. He's decently aware compared to the average individual. Now if we're talking about what I grasp from it on a personal level? That's a different story. I could only sit through 8 Minutes. Peace and Love.
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Sorry If this has already been posted as a topic but I couldn't find as such using the search function. What jobs could be considered stage yellow or involve stage yellow qualities? The only one that came to mind immediately is social work. I might even be wrong about that being yellow. I could see why it would be green seeing as green is more communal than yellow. Better yet, what jobs would be benefited by stage yellow thinkers? Hope to see some interesting ideas from y'all.
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Latest entry to Eric Weinsteins podcast the Portal. One of the best examples of a stage yellow conversation I have ever seen on a Podcast. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did. Rarely get to see conversations that display meta analysis at this level.
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RickyBalboa replied to Osaid's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Osaid If the goal is to go from paralysis back to sleep then I'd agree eyes closed will lend itself to that. I had an interesting experience the other day where I went from dream into paralysis to noticing "oh thats not bull with claws on top of me, thats my fucking drapes I'm staring it" Apparently in my dream I was attacked by a bull that grew claws and started caressing my body aggressively, I sat there unknowingly with my eyes open for like 11 seconds, manipulating my rooms environment to match what was happening in my dream. I couldn't help but laugh after realizing what trick my mind played on me. This was a very powerful moment that came with much implications about the mind. The idea that your brain can interpret a seemingly normal and familiar environment as something other than that is incredible. My black drapes became (as far as i knew) a bull wearing a black cloak. The reason it wasnt scary was because before I was even in sleep paralysis mode I had already accepted that the bull "got me" and I was gonna die. I just accepted death and whatever happened after that acceptance was just a bonus of "well, lets see what happens now". The letting go mindset has spread into so many aspects of my life now and I have really reaped the benefits. It's helped my psychedelic journeys, sleep paralysis, nightmares, everyday situations that used to frustrate me. etc. road traffic, injuries. -
RickyBalboa replied to Osaid's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
I might be in the minority here. I had it happen a few times. Once I looked it up and was aware of the range of experiences and symptoms I could expect I no longer feared it. I would notice "oh, arms and legs are frozen". I'd very patiently start to try wiggling my toe, until I develop feeling in my body again. I'd keep going at it until i could move the rest of my appendages. Once I could move again I would walk around and grab water or pee. Ever since I have been able to identify that I'm frozen and start hearing background voices or presences, I would know instantly what was happening and no longer feared the process. I think as long as you have a goal(in this case it's gently try and start moving without desperate urgency attached to it) in mind, you can calm down about what other things you are experiencing as you know it will end very shortly if you keep calm. That's just my experience though. -
40:43 Could be wrong, but Joe might have been referencing Leo here. Doesn't name names but he has made complaints about "Self-helpers" in the past. He seems to have the bias of only trusting people with material credentials, a fit body, or age/experience, but it might be a reason he wouldn't be interested in Leo. He's being reductionist and kinda immature in the clip but take from it what you will.
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Setting: Room at 3:00 am Probably one of the most uncomfortable trips given the small dose. Things started out normal, Increased sensitivity to sound. I put on Tesseracts Altered State album. Its one of my go-to- albums for setting the stage for encouraging flow and momentum in the tai-chi and Yoga I intuitively start engaging in as the come up begins. I really don't have to give my body too much input. It ususlly just start moving in smooth flowing patterns and I lightly direct my moves and postures to match the conditions of the music. It's a poly-rhythmic heaven this album so it suits moving around at various speeds and rhythms. After the album finished my hearing started to become ridiculously sensitive. The buzz from my studio monitors, the fans from my computer, and the various overtones from the a/c vent began to converge into this complex swirling cacophonous whir that I interpreted as incredibly menacing and dark. So I powered down my speakers and computer and just dealt with the a/c. This only magnified presence of the a/c. It sounded like a vacum,lawnmower, and low pitched siren all going off at once. Objectively it had a sort of beautiful depth to it. However the atonality of it makes it so dark for me for some reason. I've had this problem in the past with other experiences. The a/c always gets to me. This is coming from someone who enjoys very loud cacophonous and dark music. So it says alot when a stupid a/c vent starts getting to me. I started to notice how the sounds going into my ears is directly correlated with my bodys tension. Higher vibration and frequencies tighten my up and the release of those vibrations allows for the relaxing of my muscles. This had huge implications for what I allow to go in my head throught the day. The feelings in body are directly coorelated with whats going into it on a vibrational level. Things began to get dark at a certain point. I felt an impending doom. There was a 'thing' and it was coming. I had no line of sight or cue of any kind to tell me what the thing was. But I could feel it. It was there and the gap between it and me were closing. My body began to vibrate in a sort of way similar to when your leg falls asleep. A sort of numbing and dissociation became more and more present. My mind began to pull for an explanation of way of understanding what was happening. I was slipping and the ground under my feet in a sense was starting to give way. I imagined the senations I was feeling akin to that of what I'd imagine being raped or molested is like. Powerlessness, confusion, helplessness, with no hope of salvation. This is happening and there is nothing you can do to stop it. My mind was leaning away from what was occurring and I was sort of fighting what this 'thing' coming toward me was. Same sort of thing happens to me on dmt. My mind starts shuffling through all the things and people who I would normally go to for comfort and I realize they arent real. While in sober state they seem real the experience assures you "no, this is as real as it gets" All those other things are distractions from THIS. That you are truly ALL ALONE. There's no where to go. I paced and flowed around my room as is routine for me in any experience. Energy is everywhere and it must continue, Energy keeps just going. That's what is does. It became clear how life is just energy happening through me and that my actions arent really my own but ones dictated by circumstance and magnetism. I spent the next half hour trying to accept this for what it was. Calmly and graciously accepting lack of control. As the experience started to wear off I decided put on another album to appreciate the illusion of control and connection with what seems like 'other'. I played Devin Townsend's Empath album and marveled at the range and complexity of this aural masterpiece. The mundane patterns of everyday life are a true blessing compared to the void I was hit with. Being thankful for the illusion seems to be the take away of this particular experience. People are much to entitled and petty in daily life. Things are relatively good compared to any point in history. Sure things can be better and one must feel dissatisfaction in some capacity for progression forward but also must acknowledge how fortunate one is at the same time.
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RickyBalboa replied to sultan_zayed's topic in Society, Politics, Government, Environment, Current Events
@RevoCulture You are right. On all your points. I know because I have come to the same conclusions. The only thing in my way of living consciously with all those points in mind is programming myself to know them to be true without falling deeply into fear. Fear is the the force that uproots all of the points you have made, requring me to replant them and nurture them consistently. Thank you for reminding me of all those things. I will try my best to cultivate them and nurse them into an active process in my life! Thanks friend -
RickyBalboa replied to sultan_zayed's topic in Society, Politics, Government, Environment, Current Events
@sultan_zayed This was something I was mulling over today. People definitely congeal to the stages of people around them.Essentially getting dragged down. Survival in a nutshell. However this isn't a rule. Some individuals are starved of individuals who match their sd level in their immediate environment and will as a result "go dormant" and interact in a manner just to get by while still holding onto the tenants of their sd level in their head. They might not necessarily drop levels but will not be exhibiting their traits to their full potential due to lack of conductivity they can be experiencing with someone of similar understanding in their intimidate surrounding. Many of us are blessed/cursed to have been brought up the spiral with the help Leo, only to be pulled away from where we once were and not have a means of connectivity with prior peers. Being more alone is a sacrifice you make to evolve.You are tasked to either step up and become a beacon like Leo for others to grow from or completely isolate yourself and remain stuck. I'm currently part of the latter group as I'm a coward who fears repercussion for being %100 honest and bold about who I am. -
RickyBalboa replied to Jahmaine's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Yocan Evolve plus works great for dmt. Just make sure you dont hit the throttle too hard and straight burn it all at once. You wanna just kinda pulsate the button that heats the coil. Better yet, get the ceramic replacement coils rather than the dual quarts coil. The ceramic donut isn't as harsh and has direct contact with the dmt. I've seen them priced at around $25 if you look around a bit. -
RickyBalboa replied to OBEler's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Girzo Well, to be fair 4-ho-met is lesser known and less popular than al-lad over the last half decade. Calling it too new is similar to a 36 year old calling a 23 year old "too young". Which is respectively the ages of the two substances. The two seem so similar in their profile of effects compared to others that it seems it would be the perfect for op's purposes. I have never had any negative symptoms from 4-ho-met but OP can make his own decisions I suppose. -
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RickyBalboa replied to OBEler's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
4-ho-Met. I posted a short report on it recenty. It's considered a great beginner psychedelic and simialr to AL-LAD in that it can be very visual and lack too much difficult headspace. Considered the most recreational psychedelic by most because of those characteristics. Its for those same characteristics that others don't like this substance. People will call it "hollow" or "lacking spiritual depth". With that said. I highly recommend it. I find it's one of the best psychedelics for microdosing as it has a low threshold. That's if you are into microdosing. Either way its fantastic for someone getting into psychs. -
and which qualities actively trigger you? Hope I'm not starting a war by posting this.
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Oh god, I see your point, but this reminded me of the Ludovico Technique in A Clockwork Orange. Hopefully playing video games won't induce vomiting in OP.
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Sorry your game didn't turn out how you would have liked. Despite that let me impart you with my knowledge from playing tennis competitively from a youth into my college years. 1. Play in practice the way you are gonna play in a match/game. People have a habit of practicing one way and then when the match comes around they treat it like a different sport almost. Whats the use in practicing one way if you are just gonna start over-thinking and being emotional in competition. 2. Don't adjust your mechanics in game. I've seen people get all up in their heads trying to change the way they do things in competition when that window has already long passed. That's what practice was for. They keep making drastic adjustments trying to fix their current situation in the match. Practice hard, program yourself in a certain way and flow with that in your match. If you are meant to beat them at your current skill level you will win. If you don't you probably weren't meant to win. I've seen too many people have the upper-hand in a match and then choke because they think the had to change. Ultimately this costs them the match. 3. Sports are more mental than physical. If you can't keep your emotions cool and in check you will most certainly will lose many matches you probably shouldn't have. You have to remain confident and clinical. Getting negative or even too positive during a match will set you up for failure. Theres only one man who has ever used negativity as a weapon and had success in tennis at least, and thats John McEnroe. He was an exception though. One in a million. Most people don't start playing better when they get emotionally turbulent XD. I struggled with all these problems and those were the lessons that helped me the most as I too was a VERY streaky player as a kid. I could be on top of the world looking like the flashiest player in town one day and the next get so down on myself that if you walked in on my match you would have thought that someone had given me a death sentence from how sad and dejected I looked. Hope someone of these resonated with you and provided some insight for future competition!
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Not sure I can give you the best advice, but this is my story with video games and the realization that helped me quit games a couple years ago. I've come back a few times within those couple of years to play for 1-3 days non-stop. Each of those times It became obvious why I was doing what I was doing. Giving me even more reason to not go back to that life. What I became conscious of was my unconsciousness XD. How easily I'd slide in and out from gaming. Almost as If there was no difference between the virtual world and non-virtual world. I'd not acknowledge that I was a body just sitting down at a computer. That's how engrossing the activity of games are. You become completely unconscious of your life outside of the game for that amount of time you are playing. It was just glaringly obvious that I was trying to escape my non-virtual life. So now when I try to play games I know very damn well what I am doing and my brain wont let me fully immerse myself within the game knowing the guilt I will feel. I have had this epiphany with not only video games but also weed(not exactly the same, but there are underlying similarities). Very often I would combine the two. It was the magic combo that really immersed me into those virtual worlds. I was literally manufacturing my own unconsciousness for the sake of comfort. I had to quit to start living a less self-deceptive life. Be confident that if you can conquer this, that conquering your other habits will only become easier. I quit video games and promptly was able to quit drinkingk, smoking, and netflix bingeing.