Raptorsin7

I'm feeling more hopeful. I'm going back to work today and I'm going to be experimenting with this third eye meditation a lot more. I can feel my brain being charged by a lazer, so at the very least I feel something is happening

@Consilience Don't you think the ideal approach would be to combine psychidelics and meditation? I've done a lot of trips and they haven't led to lasting profound change so I definitely agree with a lot of criticism of psychidelics, but at the same time at least when I take psychidelics I know something will shift and I at least feel like I moved some % toward healing and releasing emotional and energetic blocks. Meditation can be very discouraging because there are so many sits where it appears like nothing happens. You just sit and you're stuck experiencing whatever you are experiencing, which I assume for most people like me is just an unpleasant state of being. The way I see psychidelics and meditation is like this: Suffering, at least for me, is contained as a knot of tension in the head, and when psychidelics really work for me it feels like my attention zeroes in on the knot and eventually I can penetrate to some source sensation that when dissolved leads to completel perceptual shifts and loss of a sense of suffering that when dissolved feels like an unnatural weight i was carrying for years. If I were to just meditate then I can feel into the knot but there's never been any movement, save for one time in my life where I spent virtually all day meditating, and somehow managed to make progress in dissolving the knot, but if I do a typical 30-60 minute meditation where I'm just aware of the knot then I get nothing. According to this view it seems like you would have to do something to radically alter your state to benefit from meditation, or else you could be stuck just witnessing and observing energetic knots and blockages for years without making progress.

Had a conversation with someone from the forum today, it has the potential to be very impactful. He recommended I meditate on the tension in the third eye and the more I meditate on that space, that will lead to a disollution of the tension and bliss. I've been doing it all day since and I do feel some effects. My head is very stimulated in the third eye region, And I can feel the tensions very strongly in my head. But I have hit a bit of road block where the tension isn't dissolving anymore. But at the very least this is progress. I can surrender to the third eye and just be persistent. It's only been one day, so let's see after a few days of doing this how I feel.

I looked into some holotropic breathing facilitators near me. This is one of the next things i'm going to try. I've experienced the profound affects of the breathe, but I don't know how to do it anymore so maybe a guide can help. So far walks and weed work best to change my state of being, but I wish I had stronger and more systematic methods to change my state. I'm going to go on walks as much as I can, I might start doing multiple walks per day. I think walks free up my breathing and give me more oxygen to the brain so that's why I feel better and have a heightened perspective. I've also got MALT that I haven't tried yet. And my ayruvedic herbs so at least I have some stuff in the pipeline. I'm also going to learn suriya kriya this Sunday, and I'm almost done the first part of inner engineering so I can get the main Sadhguru kriya yoga practice.

I just tried breathing with my mouth open and through the nose and it's a pretty dramatic difference. I can feel my jaw is almost sore, and it makes me wonder if it's not natural to keep your mouth closed while breathing. I always thought having your mouth open was kinda weird, I bet as a kid my parents told me to close my mouth. I wonder if anyone else would experience the same thing. I've been searching for good breathing techniques recently so maybe this could be big.

@Asayake Thanks for the support. I am feeling better today than the past few. I am really going to focus on self love. I'm watching Leo's video on how to love right now. I've been just trying to love myself and think loving thoughts towards myself. I'm not 100% sure I'm doing it right, but I have felt some tears come up so i think I'm on the right track. Maybe I'll make a post about how to do it. I'm just going to try to keep loving everything. Theres a lot of nuance so I'll probably just have to keep trying to love and see what happens. Maybe I'll make a love journal or something.

I'm going to do some active journaling. I feel very distracted. I also don't know how to describe what i'm feeling. Ahh this is not good, I have nothing else to say.

@Zeroguy I still don't fully get the point, but thanks for the vids maybe in the future it will click for me. Okay so I feel myself getting very depressed. It's probably because I haven't been to work for a week due to COVID, but i just feel really bad about myself and my progress. In the past this would slip into a deep depression, but I'm not going down that road again. I will resolve to do what it takes to improve my life and overcome this chapter of my life. CHANGE THE BREATHE RATE. DON'T FUCKING FORGET THIS DETAIL. This is the only thing that has brought any relief to me so far. Lowering my breathe rate consciously actually makes me feel a bit better. Nothing else has worked.

This is going to be a journal where I write down everything about my journey beyond emotional apathy.

@Medhansh Cool man. Did you feel some change or benefit almost immediately from doing it? I think if I knew I was getting benefit it would be easier to stick to the practice, but if it was unclear then I may struggle to be consistent.

Why didn't you have sex with the psychologist

@ZeroguyThanks man. Why does it matter that I'm an INTP? I don't understand the value of personality typing. I just booked an isha hatha yoga teachee so that should be fun. I'm going to restart my inner engineering online so I can get initiated into shambhavi mudra. Today I was feeling really apathetic. It made me depressed to think about how little I have developed. It's weird a few weeks ago I believed I was progressing well, but now I feel at though I'm very stuck

What do I really want? I want a girlfriend who I am in love with. Someone who I find incredibly attractive and someone who I can experience magic with. It would be awesome to have someone to go on vacation with. I'd definitely travel to Japan with my girlfriend. I feel like having a great girlfriend would be such a bright spot to life. What a dream that would be to have someone like that in my life. I want to have awesome hair too. I've been self conscious about my hairline for years now, and it would be cool to be able to regrow as much hair as I want. It would be awesome to be able to do my hair however I want to. I want to be so rich that I don't have to work and I can just do whatever I want all day everyday. I wish I could just fly wherever I want whenever I want, I would be travelling all over the place. I wish I didn't have to go work and I could just go visit some cool teachers and stuff like that.

I have almost fully recovered from my sickness. I am shifting my focus to really feeling into the body and getting in touch with feelings. I'm basically going to try to come up with my own meditation and breathing techniques to see what works for me. I'm going to mess with breathing rates and just experiment to see what works.

Meditation is main priority now. I have to deal with this at the level of sensation and feeling in the body.

Be the open space of awareness. Do not resist what's happening. Be open and accept experience as it is. And from that open space, breathe deeply and extend the breathe. Make this the foundation of your practice. Put your attention on your anus and feel the energy move up your spine.

How can you prevent this without drastic gun legislation? Even with background checks etc if someone really wants a gun i'm sure they can find a way

Is this just judging yourself for being judgmental?

Thank you (:

@Razard86 how did you let go of judgment

Too many to name them all. But the peak gaming experience was the first few weeks of playing WOW. It was like a magical feeling that was beyond anything I ever experienced in gaming. Halo 3, Gears 1, COD 4/MW2 were all staples of my childhood and teen years.

@Gesundheit2 Thank you. I've been taking it really easy so i'm giving myself the best chance to recover

I'm really sick right now. I think I have covid. This really makes me appreciate when I was healthy. The biggest issue is the headache I have right now, this is the most disturbing symptom. IT HURTS AHH. I'm only a few days into my illness, idk how long this will last. I am resolved to live, I do not want to die. On the positive getting sick gives you a new perspective and really makes you slow down. My diet has been the best it's been in years since getting sick. It's funny too because I just had an aruyveda consultation, and just as I started to drink more water and take my health seriously then boom I get sick. Hopefully I can use this sickness to spark a positive health change. I do not like being sick, this is really rough. Even acim and my awareness practices aren't enough to ease my suffering. Only advil has worked. Maybe I'll try chanting the mantra, i'm pulling out all the stops. Pray for me if you read this (;

The irony of Leo talking about toxic spirituality. Suffering is that the heart of spiritual pursuit, To try and divorce them and then justify it is madness

Maybe try and notice what you're doing after the trip that you aren't doing on the trip. Whatever mental habits you're engaging in that account for the difference between your trip and your sober experience may be manifesting as the headache