Raptorsin7

Still backsliding hard, i'm aware i'm in a rut but i'm too comfortable to push out of this. Two biggest problems right now are my poor diet, and over use of the internet. I realize no matter how much concentration practice or self inquiry I do, if i'm spending my other time just mindlessly surfing the internet then i won't make progress in my life. I've been slacking on my readings for school too, i definitely need to get on top of this stuff. So far school has been a great time though, i've had more fun and met more people in the first month of law school then i did over the entirety of my undergrad. But, i need to be better at cleaning up these simple bad habits that are subtle but definitely super toxic. Junk food, internet addiction, fapping, and poor study habits all need to be corrected. Tomorrow, i will wake up and do yoga and catch up on studying. I need to better. I really want my journal to be about growth and the barriers in my life i'm knocking down, but right now i'm stuck in the sand i need to get out asap.

Good luck man, go make it happen!

How do you go from a person who wants to self improve, but does not have momentum on the path for whatever reason, to a person who is motivated and firmly on the path to improving them-self day after day. How do you bridge that gap?

@abrakamowse Don't have much to contribute, i just really like the way you go about interacting with people. You seem like a really good person haha (:

I'm skeptical about this whole enterprise of super powers. Do you have concrete proof that would satisfy a rational skeptic or is more of a you need to experience to believe it and it doesn't necessarily fit into conventional understanding of powers?

So, i've been sliding hard since i started my journal, go figures hr aha. I was on no fap for 2 months since early august, i had only masterbated maybe 2 times in 2 months, but these past few days i was super horny and i was basically addicted to online dating for 3 days. I just had a girl over and after i came i instantly regretted it, it's crazy the effect of being horny has on my behavior. I've realized that no fap is great, but if the urge of sex is driving me to dating apps and random sex then i think i'm better off fapping then going through this cycle. Eventually, i want to get off fapping altogether but i feel like at this point whenever i go no fap i can do really well for weeks, but once i get strong urges it usually ends up with me looking for random sex online and its super toxic and i don't like doing it. I always feel guilty and whenever i'm on no fap i always think of people saying like "you have no stick it out man, you can't jerk off or you ruin the whole thing". I don't know i think thinking in absolutes is bad, and i feel like had i just jerked off the first day i was super horny i could have avoided this whole situation. I feel a bit better because me and this girl didn't even have sex but still i regret it, and i feel like i wasted 3 days. I'm going to wake up and do yoga in the morning, and continue with my self inquiry and meditation, so i feel like i can prevent a hard backslide. But, i still feel discouraged about going through this cycle of seeking a random girl just so i can get off, when i know this is toxic behavior and not something that is going to bring me happiness. I hope my next posts are more to the point of self actualization, and not me caught up in my own web of addictions/bad habits but i want to be transparent too. I'm actually super embarrassed if someone i know this reads this, but i think its for my own good to get this stuff online to keep me in check. I'm going to continue with no fap, because i think fapping is a toxic habit overall and i actually prefer not watching porn. But if i get a strong urge that i feel will lead me to dating apps/horny behavior i'm going to fap to get over the urge and then go from there, i don't want to keep up the charade of no fap while i'm spending hours refreshing bumble/tinder hoping for someone to have sex with.

@arlin Thanks man, good luck. I'm also a noob with personal development, but i've experienced some awesome stuff with affirmations and faking it until you make it, so i know this shit can actually work. Good luck my man, i hope you find what you're looking for.

@Nahm @seeking_brilliance (: i'm just messing with you

Good luck man!

@lennart Thanks man, i'm going to try and post every other day at a minimum then build up from there. Ill defs come check yours out.

That was my first thought when i was watching this episode haha. Joe is a highly developed person imo, but he can also be a close-minded fool too. This is an example of him taking shots at someone he hasn't taken the time to understand. But there is also truth in what he says, i'm sure leo would be the first to tell you about how he needs to work on embodying the ideals he espouses more than he currently does. I hope Joe takes the time to understand what Leo is doing with his channel, instead of taking shots at him like a little kid. Goggins is the man, but he's not exactly an intellectual titan haha.

@Nahm Please don't be toxic. I'm surprised you'd make a comment like that ):

@Meditationdude oooo i just read your initial comment. I didn't actually read your comment before i commented on leo, mine was more of a general motivation post for leo to keep doing what he's doing and ignore the haters. I actually agree with your comment haha (:

@Meditationdude I wasn't talking about this forum. I was referencing mainly outsiders who look at the forum and view leo as a cult figure or some manipulator. I've read some reddit posts of people going pretty hard at leo, and although most of us here know the criticism is coming from a place of ignorance, i don't know how well i'd react to such constant negative attention drawn my way. But your point is well taken

@Leo Gura This may be true of "most" people in the sense that every society has a huge proportion of people that are poor, psychologically disturbed, in abusive relationships etc, but i think many people who do 0 formal self actualized work are actually much happier than i think Leo is letting on here. I think there's a tendency to view others on an unconscious path as unhappy by default because you can see how they are creating their own problems, but a lot of people, at least where i'm from, are actually pretty psychologically well developed and are not doing any active self improvement in the traditional sense.

@arlin I'm not happy, but i'm also not unhappy. I've had moments in my life that i recognize as clearly better feeling than others, and i am largely on this path to change the way my life feels so that i don't have to ask the question am i happy, rather it will be obvious to me in the moment. I've been meditating for about 2 years, pretty diligently, and my mindfulness and concentration have approved a lot to the point where meditation is something i look forward to, rather than just a chore, which it felt like for the first year especially. Ironically, the happiest i ever was occurred after i overcame depression, and i had a hypomanic experience for about a 3 months, i basically successfully applied a bunch of self help techniques like affirmations, positive thinking, cold showers over the course of 2 weeks in winter break and i literally became a different person. This high point all occurred before i ever had a moment of mindfulness, so i can't say that meditation has made me super happy or anything. But, it has gave me a direction in my life an something to cultivate. I feel like i have something that is independent of my worldly pursuits, and i view my self actualization work and meditation work as somewhat distinct right now, but obviously they are influencing each other every step of the way. Right now i view meditation as my fail safe in life, so lets say my mom dies or i get thrown in prison or my reputation gets ruined, i have something to fall back on that will bring peace in the moment. But my ultimate goal of this work is to just be able to honestly in this moment, am i really happy, and if i had to live like this for lifetime would i be excited and happy to do it, or am i still searching for a better/happier life.

@Leo Gura Keeping fighting the good fight Leo. In many ways its a thankless job, you will get criticized no matter how you present the information. But your vids and this forum are invaluable (:

@DrewNows In the moment of recognizing a state as something other than what we want. What's the next step? Are we not left in that moment of mindfulness with further evidence of our enlightenment?

Past few days have been interesting. I've been pretty consistent with no fap these past 2 months, maybe 2 fap's in 2 months, and i hadn't fell urges in a long time. However, the past few days i was insanely horny and i downloaded dating apps hoping to meet some girls for casual relations. I've been through this cycle of not fapping in the past, only to download dating apps and waste a day or two obsessively checking them and then ultimately fapping. These past few days i've been checking the apps more than i should, and i was close to meeting up with a girl i found really attractive but she flaked me. I ultimately want a stable girlfriend who i love, but until then i want to experience a casual relationship with a girl i actually find hot. In the pat i've used these apps and usually just matched and talked to girls i didn't think were attractive because i thought it'd be usually to get laid out of it. I want to see this through, experience what these apps have to offer, and then move on from them. I've been good with my habits: self inquiry 1hr, concentration 10 mins, yoga 4-5 days a week, and recently affirmations throughout the day whenever i punctuate my experience with a moment of mindfulness. In the near time i want to achieve first awakening to the truth of no self, i want to meet a girl online who i find attractive who is down for a casual relationship, and i want to transform my day to day experience with my affirmations. I will update as often as possible, with whatever major is going on and also with a recap of me staying on track with my habits.

@Leo Gura Ok, thanks for the advice. Yea, i agree my mind can definitely can get out of whack haha

If a girl claims she only wants a casual relationship because she just got out of her first LTR, and is still young she's 21, is it likely she actually means in or is there a chance the girl will flip and become clingy and attached. I have a girl coming over i bet on bumble, and my fear is that she will change her mind and then become angry/vengeful if i don't reciprocate. I have no intention for something serious, and this girl strikes me as very sexual, just based on your messages, and i don't know if it's a red flag for when i eventually try and break it off. Am i overthinking this? Any thoughts? We're both university students, at a large and good school, so that makes me more relaxed knowing at this age people are much more sexually liberal. I don't have a lot of experience with hook ups, and i can be kind of anxious sometimes. Any insight would be appreciated.

How do i apply single pointed concentration on the self to achieve awakening? Any guided self inquires where this technique is used? Also, can someone give me a detailed explanation of what this technique is, how to apply it in direct experience, and how to know if i'm doing it right or wrong. Thanks! (:

My fear here is that i break it off at some point, and she gets vindictive and blackmails me or claims sexual assault out of spite. I"m concerned about my reputation as well. Yea, i'd say i'm somewhat fearful of people getting angry at me.

How does the truth of no-self actually influence our lives day to day. For example, i'm currently doing self-inquiry work, the purpose of which is to discover the insight of no-self (I think i'm not actually sure what i'm going to get out of this), but i don't know how that will actually change my life. How does one change after learning the truth no-self, and please correct me if i'm wrong about the purpose of self-inquiry work. Does anyone remember how their experience changed from before they had the insight to after they had the insight?

Sounds like a very toxic relationship. My advice, breakup with him and see a therapist and talk about how you were attracted to the kind of guy who would cheat on you and then try and maintain both relationships.