Raptorsin7

Being back has been rough. I feel so much negativity towards my parents it's insane. I am literally the worst version of myself when i'm around my parents. The same is true when i spend time playing video games with my friends online. Not sure what to do really. Every time I think about this stuff. I think, how will I fix this. What can I do. But then i remember that I am the problem. Or am i the problem? I have no idea. I'm so confused right now ): I did 45 minutes of meditation today, but I didn't start on any other projects. I found a new posture for meditation which is way better so i'm happy about that. I think it will be effective when i try and do my really long sit. Man i really just want some stable happiness and joy in my life. I feel sad when I think about all the ways my life could be right now. I always told myself that eventually i would have my life together, and Christmas would be awesome. I don't have my life together and Christmas sucks ): I am depressed and down right now and it sucks. I need to overcome my depression. Is neediness the problem? Uhh i'm so fucking confused with all these concepts. I am going to cut today early and try again tomorrow. Building some momentum early will be effective. I spent many hours in bed this morning before my day even started. I can change that tomorrow and try and jump into my day early. I am really happy i'm back home because now i can take cold showers. I love cold showers it's one of the thins I did a few years ago where i felt like a super human after i overcame my depression. Definitely need to bring to those back. Need again wtf.

@Angelite Sorry it's based on different attributes that have been attributed to Allah/God from different religious people i've seen talk about this stuff. It always confused me. I believe in a higher power so i'm not saying this disproves god or anything. No, what do you mean by gift from god?

@Angelite So god creates us to test us. Then if we fail the test he will punish in hell. But because god is all knowing and he created us, then he knew from the moment he created each of us into this reality who would fail the test and who would pass. So whoever fails this test will have been doomed from their conception. The moment god created the dammed he knew they would be dammed because he is all knowing. God has the power to step in and ensure that everyone passes the test. But he doesn't. Is this consistent with your paradigm about god?

@Angelite But god creates our reality then he creates things in our reality that are not allowed. That's what doesn't make sense. Why create something for us and then punish us when we do it. That does not make sense. I do agree. You crushed my paradigm about god's love. What i view as love and what god views as love must be different.

@Autumn Watch Leo's latest videos. Everyone thing on non-duality and Love from his vids over the past 2 years are all about this stuff.

@Annoynymous I am also 24, i'm not a virgin but i've never had a girlfriend so I can relate to some of your issues. My advice is to work on yourself to the point where you are honestly happy and satisfied with life to the point where you no longer feel like you NEED to go after girls and get sexual experience etc. When you are happy and satisfied then you naturally attract like-minded girls and you will have joyful relationships. If you are going after girls from a place of need and desperation, like i think most pick-up people are doing, then I think you will not find satisfying relationships.

@Amandine Thank you for your encouragement. It would be a one-off. There is a poster who makes posts about meditative joy and happiness. He said he did one day of 4 hours continuous meditation and it has completely transformed his practice, to the point where he experiences joy and happiness all day basically. All stemming from his one super long meditation session. I'm going to experiment with long term sits like those over the break until i reach some sort of break through.

@Angelite Why do you think Allah allows suffering in this world? Creator of all things. Why not make everyone happy and content without suffering through the ups and downs of life? Doesn't this fact of the suffering of the world contradict Allah's traits of infinite love and infinite compassion? Like Rape, Murder, Torture. Why would Allah create these things and then punish us eternally for committing them to each other? Why not just create this world without those things in it. I'm going to remove this because it's more of a question not a paradigm crusher.

@Angelite No problem. I actually like your cannon ball thing lol it makes it more appealing to look at on the journal section XD. Okay pretty much everything i wrote is unnecessary argument I left the few posts about the verses i don't like. I can remove those too if you want just let me know. I can remove this one too after if you want.

@Angelite Sigh... The verse is literal. You are trying to tell me that I shouldn't read that verse as if a man is allowed to strike or beat his arrogant and disobedient wife? This is paradigm crush... You invited people to argue against your paradigm... Then you ignore arguments and cherry pick verses to avoid uncomfortable realities of following Islam as it's written. Those verses are part of the whole. A woman's intellectual deficit compared to a man, and the man's right to beat arrogance out of his wife. That is part and parcel of Islam. That's why i'm trying to argue against it because those are obviously wrong and not from god...

Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand. “…And get two witnesses out of your own men. And if there are not two men (available), then a man and two women, such as you agree for witnesses, so that if one of them (two women) errs, the other can remind her…” Allaah has commanded the testimony of two women so as to be sure that they remember, because the mind and memory of two women takes the place of the mind and memory of one man. (See I’laam al-Muwaqqa’een, part 1, p. 75). https://islamqa.info/en/answers/20051/why-is-the-witness-of-one-man-considered-to-be-equal-to-the-witness-of-two-women Are there verses in the Quran that say this? These are translations so it's not 100% the same. You basically called me a liar fyi...

I have 3 weeks off until next semester starts. This time is incredibly valuable. I don't want to over extend myself so i'm going to focus on a few things that I want to grow over these next few weeks. Read Abraham Hicks, and try to understand her videos more and LoA teachings more. Begin Leo's life purpose course. Not sure if i can or should finish it in 3 weeks but I need to just start it. 3 hour continuous meditation sit. Learn how to lucid dream I feel good about these things, and I can get the ball rolling on each of them in the coming days.

I have been a devil on the forum over the past few days. I've triggered multiple people. I also missed an appointment with Nahm. I've also got into an argument with my family since I just came home from break. I am very confused right now. I just want to get my life together and make progress. I have felt stuck for a long time. Emotionally and physically stuck. Spiritually I feel like i am growing and becoming more open minded. I have to do this on my own. I care too much about what others are doing. On this forum, in my life, everywhere. I'm always giving other people advice, but i am a huge fucking mess right now. I do not have my shit together. I think this is big devilry, by giving advice without me actualizing my own potential first. I need to prove that this stuff works on myself first. Before i start preaching to others. I am scared. And i don't really know what I can do that will actually work. I feel like i'm running on a hamster wheel with the meditation, the yoga, the time on this forum. I don't know if it's going to work or not. I mean i'm not even happy. I'm going for enlightenment and i'm not even happy in my life right now.

I'm very confused about how to control my thinking. Sometimes I hear people say that you don't control thinking, and that thoughts are simply arising in awareness. But on the other hand I think that my thinking habits are the reason I am unhappy, and so i need to change thinking habits to improve my feeling in life. But how do i resolve this paradox? Am in control of thinking or are thoughts just arising outside of my control? Also, can someone expand on the role of thinking in how we feel about our lives. Why is it that thinking is important to happiness?

@tsuki Have you ever looked at @Nahms threads or comments. He is very wise, and has helped me a lot. He could probably help you. Good luck friend. As i learn more i'll come back and try to help.

@tsuki Yeah sorry I get that what i'm saying may not be resonating. I'm just trying to help. I just believe that major life improvements are much closer than people realize.

@tsuki No, then you are not understanding it fully. You are thinking too much. The more concepts you have about this stuff the farther away you are from the truth that will set you free. I don't know exactly what you're doing, or what beliefs you have, that are causing you so much suffering. But i'm confident that there is something subtle about your reality and direct experience that is fucking you. You are the source of your own suffering. Not your boss, not your parents, YOU. Keep trying your best though. I hope things get better soon (:

@28 cm unbuffed Are you happy and satisfied with your life then? If you are already happy and satisfied what is your motivation to continue with spiritual work?

@28 cm unbuffed So you're enlightened?

@28 cm unbuffed Yea that is what i'm seeking too. I accept that my happiness will have to be unconditional for it to be meaningful. But how to start this process?

@Max_V Very good. I have a similar complex around achievement. Part of the reason i'm on this forum is because I want to be super successful, and achieve my greatest potential. But then I think why i even care about this. That why is the important part. Whatever reason you think you have for researching this stuff is bullshit. Examine the why, and you will learn so much more.

@28 cm unbuffed agreed

@Surfingthewave I don't agree necessarily with that. Life never stops, and we will always be growing throughout our lives i have no doubt. But in terms of happiness and satisfaction with life that is binary. I am looking for happiness, the same way people look for water in a desert. It's not true to say that a thirsty guy in a desert is on a lifelong journey to improve his water getting. No, he gets his water he's done and now he moves onto other issues. This is how i view happiness. It's like a character trait. Some people are just happy and satisfied for some reasons. Others, like me, are looking hard for it. I'm the guy in the desert looking for water. When i get my water i'm good