Raptorsin7

https://lonerwolf.com/spiritual-escapism/ Does that article resonate with where you're at in your journey?

I think self help is a form of spirituality. And many spiritual practices are a form of self help. The purpose of all this stuff is to improve your direct experience. To improve your life right NOW. So the distinction doesn't really matter, they are both targeting your experience as a human and are aiming to improve it in whatever way that matters to you. I think the distinction could be coming from a judgement on self help. Like, i'm not into self help that's for undeveloped people. But i'm really into spirituality that's more advanced.

Do you practice shadow work or inner work? Also, did you do Leo's life purpose course?

@Lento It's more than silence for me at this point. I can sit in silence for hours, but i get lost in thoughts and sensations and repeatedly before just beginning again over and over. But there is also pain in my soul. Like if i ask the question what am I running from, I can feel tension/pain/avoidance in the moment. The pain goes beyond the silence. I can be silent without going into the pain. But i'm pretty sure that pain within me is the root of my seeking/unhappiness. And I wonder if this is true for other seeks like me.

@LfcCharlie4 I've been reading your post history, and for some reason people have such a strong negative reaction to your posts lol. From my pov what you're talking about seems like an ideal path for a western seeker. We want the benefits of enlightenment and spirituality, but we don't want to get live in robes or get crucified on a cross because of the teachings lol. But maybe the reason you get so much flack is because you're missing something? Why do you think people are so resistant?

Good luck! I'm also trying to get some LSD while back home from school. Been meaning to add psycs to my path for a while now, pretty pumped to get it going.

@zeroISinfinity I believe it's true too. But still confused about how to progress. Feels like i'm going in circles, and making some progress then losing it the next day sorta deal. Going to focus on my breathing during meditation more. Pretty sure my breathing quality has been really poor.

This was also from Nahm* Emotions have been created thus far based on the relationship to the outside world...circumstances, events, etc. This script must be flipped. Emotions are actually, and always have been, created by the inner world “Relationship”, the relativity between thought, and infinite being / absolute Love. At whatever pace you’re comfortable with, you and reality, will be turned inside out. There will be highs, and there will be lows. But in the end, everything will make sense, really, really, really Good sense (feeling). Btw...this is what every religion, spiritual teacher, every guru, and everyone who loves you, everyone who really just freakin loves you - has been talking about.

This is post by @Nahm from another one of my journals. This spoke to me a lot, and i wanted to post it here so I have access to it in my current journal You’re ‘tasting’ the bitterness of the separate self. Not at first glance maybe, but it’s a wonderful thing. The separate self is the one in the thought story, the one in the past, the one in the future - where feeling is not. It seems to me you are discovering this clue, this “there must be more to life than this”. It’s not too far of a stretch imo to say - welcome to the ox pics. Indeed, there is much more. Expressing gratitude & appreciation in thoughts & words can tune one into the feeling, for sure, without a doubt. However, on a ten scale, figuratively speaking, this might take one from 0 to 3. Later, full circle, turquoise, nondual, this is the default, though it would then not be described as gratitude or appreciation, but visceral amazement, disbelief, childlike wonderment. I’m going to really scrutinize the clues, and I hope it’s helpful... The biggest challenge on the path, the name of the game, is precisely what you’re getting clued into - suffering & the separate self. Self referential thinking - thoughts, about yourself - over time, have constructed a sort of seemingly solid idea, of you. But that ain’t you. That, is conceptual, and is more or less void of feeling. So welcome to deconstruction. Contemplate, with “new eyes”, presence - mindfulness - what you’re encountering at this point, is exactly what those words were coined to point to - being here, now, where feeling is. And furthermore, diving into this ocean of consciousness, awareness, of Love. For now (terrible pun sorry)...just practice: Being attentive, to what you have thus far been inattentive to. Didn’t seem like a big deal, letting the mind wander, thinking, overthinking, etc. We all go there. This is the intellectual era. Most die there. Some of us, die now. One little deconstruction of the separate self at a time. ”I always imagined” Imagination is arguably the greatest facet a ‘human’ ’has’, but, when we involve happiness and gratitude, we can create a trap while simultaneously getting snared in it. It’s a triple trap really, that I am human, that I am the idea of who I am as a human, compounded with that I expect to be able to wander via the undisciplined mind, and still feel. If right now, and for the next year, I imagine when I’ll be happy and appreciative...________ - ...notice I’ve already blown it. I left now, and made my happiness conditional - the condition, is time. I did this merely with thought, about me, in the future....where happiness is expected to be. Because the truth is that there is no separate self, there is no past, and there is no future - that what appears to be a time space continuum (“physical reality”) is actually an infinite being, appearing as time & space - because that’s actually the actuality - feeling - which is only of infinite being, not of the separate self in thoughts - is only here & now. The source of feeling is absolute unconditional love...unconditional, as in, the finite mind says “meh...later in life..I’m busy”......Feeling, all knowing, all loving, nowhere & no thing more worthwhile to be than “you” - says “Ok, cool. You got it my man”. Very, very loosely, you might say this is the “catch”. Infinite being is unconditional. Loving you so much, no matter what you do...that it can slip by unnoticed. Absolutely unconditional. But alas... THIS IS A DREAM. YOU ARE THE INFINITE BEING. The metadventure is well underway. Welcome to it brutha. The separate self is a virtual expert at taking living, and reality, for granted.

@Leo Gura I think it's a bit harsh to say never lend money to anyone. I'd say don't lend money to anyone with the expectation of getting it back. If you are expecting to get it back or need it back then don't do it. If you want to help someone in need, and it's an amount you are comfortable losing it then i'd say go for it.

@Alex bAlex I would be concerned with the legality. If you honestly think someone is suicidal or just dangerous call the police right away. If something happens to them while you're driving them or they get violent with you or something you could get fucked. There's no downside besides time if you call the police, and it's better to be safe than sorry. Also, tell the person you are going to call the police. If they are not serious about being suicidal that will jolt them and they will likely leave you alone because they don't want to deal with the cops

@Raphael That's awesome to hear Raph. Most people in their early 20s are concerned with the wrong stuff. I think you got it right with the path you're on.

What is holosync breathing?

Today was a much better day. I did around 2 hours total of meditation, and my new meditation cushion has really changed my practice. I am able to keep my back much straighter, and i even felt a weird tingling energy moving up my spine during my meditation. I looked up how to lucid dream and i am going to begin recording my dreams and doing reality checks throughout the day to get this habit going. Hopefully I can automate this habit and just make it apart of my normal routine. I also referenced the emotional mastery concept Nahm always talks to me about. Aligning thought with feeling. So i'm not sure about the whole choose a thought thing. But i can see how different thoughts are associated with different emotions. I'm going to start referencing the chart throughout the day to get my thinking right. I think I can always get myself to a feeling of contentment from meditation, from that point it's about optimism and hopefulness I think for my next steps after my meditation. I am thinking i'm going to put off doing Leo's life purpose course for now. I need to get my happiness and satisfaction in check first. I want to be happy. Full stop. Then i will deal with my life purpose. I know it's possible, i've done it before. Cold showers are amazing. So pumped to have them back in my life. My family is going to think i'm crazy but im thinking of doing like 3 or 4 showers a day just so i can get that rush from the cold shower. I wasn't in there long today, but over time i'm going to just stay in longer and longer until i can sit with the pain and the cold. Feeling hopeful and content today. Pretty solid. But i have much more to go. I want bliss and joy. I will not get complacent. But a strategy to apply when i get out of alignment.

@Amandine Thank you I appreciate the encouragement (:

@Anna1 Thanks. I will definitely go back to self inquiry once I get other parts of my life more in line.

@Anna1 I have done self inquiry before. I have been doing just more basic breathing and letting go meditation recently. But i should definitely get back to some form of inquiry. It was helpful for me to ask myself who is suffering, or where the suffering is located in my direct experience. Thanks

@aklacor727 I'm in a similar situation as you I think. I would start a meditation practice, for as a long a duration as you think is realistic. Then examine why you want to pursue enlightenment in the first place. Maybe the why can be accomplished without going through the enlightenment process. All roads lead to the truth so you will get there eventually, so just focus on taking care of yourself first. There is no rush to be enlightened imo.

@Preety_India Wow thanks for the breakdown. Yea i am guilty of a lot of this behavior in the past. Especially in how i interact with my parents. When i get in a relationship I will definitely have to be introspective early on to see how i'm behaving. Thanks

@Preety_India I have narcissistic tendencies. Are there simple things I can do to improve, or does it take a lot of work to overcome?

@Angelite Didn't you seek the help of a guru? That is an example of taking an ally besides Allah. According to these verses only Allah is necessary to seek advice from. So did you make a mistake taking the guru as an ally?

Being back has been rough. I feel so much negativity towards my parents it's insane. I am literally the worst version of myself when i'm around my parents. The same is true when i spend time playing video games with my friends online. Not sure what to do really. Every time I think about this stuff. I think, how will I fix this. What can I do. But then i remember that I am the problem. Or am i the problem? I have no idea. I'm so confused right now ): I did 45 minutes of meditation today, but I didn't start on any other projects. I found a new posture for meditation which is way better so i'm happy about that. I think it will be effective when i try and do my really long sit. Man i really just want some stable happiness and joy in my life. I feel sad when I think about all the ways my life could be right now. I always told myself that eventually i would have my life together, and Christmas would be awesome. I don't have my life together and Christmas sucks ): I am depressed and down right now and it sucks. I need to overcome my depression. Is neediness the problem? Uhh i'm so fucking confused with all these concepts. I am going to cut today early and try again tomorrow. Building some momentum early will be effective. I spent many hours in bed this morning before my day even started. I can change that tomorrow and try and jump into my day early. I am really happy i'm back home because now i can take cold showers. I love cold showers it's one of the thins I did a few years ago where i felt like a super human after i overcame my depression. Definitely need to bring to those back. Need again wtf.

@Angelite Sorry it's based on different attributes that have been attributed to Allah/God from different religious people i've seen talk about this stuff. It always confused me. I believe in a higher power so i'm not saying this disproves god or anything. No, what do you mean by gift from god?

@Angelite So god creates us to test us. Then if we fail the test he will punish in hell. But because god is all knowing and he created us, then he knew from the moment he created each of us into this reality who would fail the test and who would pass. So whoever fails this test will have been doomed from their conception. The moment god created the dammed he knew they would be dammed because he is all knowing. God has the power to step in and ensure that everyone passes the test. But he doesn't. Is this consistent with your paradigm about god?

@Angelite But god creates our reality then he creates things in our reality that are not allowed. That's what doesn't make sense. Why create something for us and then punish us when we do it. That does not make sense. I do agree. You crushed my paradigm about god's love. What i view as love and what god views as love must be different.