Raptorsin7

@zeroISinfinity Yeah i used to drink a lot at parties because i was anxious and I felt like I needed alcohol to have a good time. I realized i just don't really like parties that much and the downside of drinking alcohol is too much it's not worth it.

Another good day. Here's what I accomplished: I did an hour of meditation focusing on the breathe. I believe i'm on stage three of TMI so i'm trying to progress by overcoming the gross distractions that pull me away from the breathe. I did not order take out. I ate very healthy today, and my mood is improving likely because of the improved diet. I went to therapy today and learned some interesting insights. I have an ideal i strive towards and I think it's limitng my happiness in the moment because i'm always expecting more. My therapist recommended that I do self compassion meditation which i think is a great idea. I also want to look into volunteering. I went to a party tonight and did not drink any alcohol. I resisted the social pressure with ease, and honestly I have little desire to go out and do normal socializing anymore. I want to do more with my life and have deeper connections. A major thing I need to work on is lack of direction during my day. I noticed that i spend a lot of time procrastinating because i'm just not clear on what to do next in my day. I think making a list and setting clear goals should help resolve this issue.

This times 100000.

I love this music. I watched part of this anime on the plane to Japan this summer and something about it just resonated with me. Great art style, great music, great setting. Just plain amazing.

@Nahm Can i dream board my ideal partner in my journal instead of the board? I imagine if i apply the same principles you discuss from the board it won't matter if i do it on the board or if i do it on the journal. I want to be really specific about traits and stuff and I feel like i be much more nuanced with my computer instead of the board. What do you think? Also for picking traits in my partner. Should i think the trait and see how it resonates in feeling then decide if i want that trait? Or is okay to just go off the top and just write down whatever i want? Like one thing i was thinking of was asking for a really rich partner because all things equal i think it's just better to have more money than less. But what if my inner being doesn't like this notion and the thought doesn't feel good. Do i just scrap that trait and start choosing based on what feels good to me?

@zeroISinfinity Haven't seen those yet i'll check em out. Thanks bud I just got back from therapy. Overall it was a good experience. I learned a lot, and it was nice to be open with someone and just sit there and express yourself. I definitely find more value in my conversations with @Nahm so I think moving forward i'm going to stick with just the life coaching. But I'm going back in three weeks to do a recap of the techniques i went over today. Here are the main takeaways from therapy I learned: I have an ideal vision for myself, and by striving towards that ideal constantly i'm unable to just be happy and present in the moment. This connects back to the ability to truly connect to the present moment, and so far i have been unable to successfully connect. I intend to be more aware of when i'm creating this ideal vision for myself in my activities, and i'm going to intend to be more comfortable just in the present with whatever happens. Good or bad I need to accept life as it is more than I have been doing. It's paradoxical but this will bring more richness to my life I am going to start practicing loving kindness meditation or self compassion meditation in addition to my other meditations I have been doing. This will help me accept where i'm at more and address the suffering i'm creating in my life with too much striving. I am going to look into volunteering so i can give back in my community. I'm going to choose something really simple that I really enjoy and i'm going to take my time with this. If I don't find something that resonates with me then i'm going to push this one. I want to give back, but i'm committed to my own development right now and i am comfortable with this focus. Overall my plan is to address my seeking first, then start a business using my new found energy and happiness from all my personal development work. Then i'm going to start giving that money back to the world. One thing I really want to do is pay for people's online coaching and therapy from the forum that can't afford it. This is a simple yet powerful way to help people.

@mkrksms I don't have a lot of experience with relationships, actually i have 0, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I think open relationships are low consciousness and I would rather commit to one person and use that love as a foundation to build happy meaningful lives in the world. I couldn't imagine spending energy and time managing multiple relationships there's so much more to life that can be done. I see 0 value in maintaining multiple relationships as you evolve and become a better person. My advice. Break up with him and move on. Find someone who wants a committed relationship. Don't settle for that kind of relationship that leaves you feeling bad.

@bejapuskas Recently started watching his videos he's great.

@AwakenedSoul444 Get the book The Mind Illuminated. I just started reading it and it's a complete game changer for me. It teaches you how to actually meditate. I can't recommend it enough. And the poster you just referenced always references it, i think he's super legit i'd listen to his posts.

Another great day. I'm rolling right now. Here's what was accomplished: Early morning meditation for 30 minutes. Woke up around 6 am but stayed in bed for about an hour. Float tank for 60 minutes. I had 90 minutes booked but i came late. Something to work on moving forward, show up a bit earlier so there's more time in the actual tank. 40 minutes of meditation in the middle of the day. I think it's about time i moved up on the TMI scale. My attention on the breathe is good, but the attention is dull and i get sleepy sometimes. The book has recommendations for overcoming this so i'm looking for to reading more. I had an excellent conversation with @Nahm today. I learned a lot about the dream board and non-duality. It's a lot of info he's throwing at me, but it's really incredible what he's teaching me. I think it will be a good idea to spend some contemplating the ideas we discuss so it's clear in my direct experience. I'm going to be talking to him weekly moving forward for the foreseeable future so I will plenty of chances to clarify what's going on. He's an amazing person i feel so grateful that I was able to meet him and learn from him. I did yoga tonight. This was the smoothest class i've ever done. I think its because my diet is getting so much better. I barely ate that much today, i ate a kale smoothie, yogurt, a wrap, and coffee. Diet is so important for energy levels in exercise. Yesterday i had pizza at school and i felt sluggish at the gym. Today my diet was clean and i crushed the workout no problem. I'm done with junk food. I ate enough trash food for this life time. Going to be very strategic moving forward with junk food. Going to limit it to parties or when i'm out with friends. Even then i'm going to be very choosy with what i pick from the menu when i'm out. I ordered take out today. But i ordered a very healthy kale wrap that i think was overall very healthy. It was expensive so i don't want to get into the habit of ordering this kind of thing all the time. But i think moving forward i'm going to go out and buy some healthy food from local healthy restaurants.

The outer world is just a reflection of the inner world. Turn inward and watch how everything around you changes.

@Nahm How can we use the dream board to find an ideal partner? Can you go into distinctions on say writing I want x partner or i want x trait in myself and how that will manifest in our lives. What's the difference between writing i want x, vs writing i am x, vs writing just x. What kinds of traits should we include when using the board to find a partner? Should we super detailed down to the hair color, or is that going to far? I feel like getting specific about race and stuff might be too specific for me, but at the same time if i can get whatever i want i gotta be careful with what i wish for.

What do the people on the forum think of their own eventual death? Higher consciousness individuals usually talk about experiencing physical death which leads to a realization of the truth or god. I wonder if you've had that experience of ego death do you have any fear of your eventual physical/real death? I've never had an enlightenment experience and I don't usually think about death. But if i got diagnosed with terminal cancer tomorrow I'd be terrified and I wouldn't want to die out of fear. How do others on here feel if you were given only a few days to live?

We are cosmic surfers catching a wave called "life". @cetus56

@cetus56 I'm taking that and putting in my journal

I think you need to find balance here. My parents did a similar thing with me where they commented on my looks growing up because they didn't want me to get an ego around it. It didn't matter, I was always insecure and vain and it really bothered me growing up until I was like 19. I think having a positive view about how you look is important. Looks are entirely subjective. What someone finds beautiful and what someone finds ugly varies to the point where one person can call something beautiful and someone else can call that same thing ugly. The important thing here is to find yourself beautiful. If you have healthy psychology it won't distort your ego because you will be focused on other things. And if you find yourself good looking then at some point you will just get used to it and move on from it. But if you find yourself ugly it can chip away at you and hurt your confidence like it did for me. I think it's important to just keep a good relationship with your daughter so that if she ever feels insecure about her looks she can talk to you. That way you can deal with the problem when it arises. Trust and openness are huge here. I remember when I was depressed when i was 19 a big reason was because I thought I was ugly and i didn't think ugly people could be as happy as good looking people at their ceiling. My parents would either shut down the conversation or they would try to persuade me i was good looking, but there was no trust so i didn't believe them. I wasted a year going in circles in my mind over this topic and i feel like if i had a trusting relationship with my parents and had healthy self esteem about my looks the whole thing could be avoided. Now I consider myself good looking, but i don't spend all that much time thinking about it. It's like checking a box. Once i got it i just moved onto to the next thing.

@Nahm Okay

@Nahm What kind of beliefs are necessary? And do you still hold those beliefs? @WelcometoReality I'm not ready yet. I still need to work on basic self development before i go beyond into higher levels. There's still worldly stuff I want to do before I go deliberately try to awaken myself. If it happens on the path then so be it. But I think there are risks to going straight to the top and I'm not going to force myself down that path.

Another solid day: Here's what I accomplished I woke up at around 6:45 and was able to meditate in the morning for 30 minutes. I went to the gym after class even though i didn't feel great because i ate pizza at school. I noticed just how much junk food affects my mood and energy levels. I think at this point in my life I need to be really careful with my diet. The junk has to go. It's time. I did not order any take out and overall i ate very healthy today. A few things need tweaking though. i'm going to stop ordering large coffees from tim horton's and go down to a medium. Eventually i'm going to start going to other local coffee shops and getting out of my comfort zone and ordering different kinds of coffees. My city has a lot of local coffee shops so this can be a really fun adventure for me just going around the city a bit more. I did 90 minutes in the float tank. I really enjoy the float tank. It gives me a sense of calm and clarity. I'm planning on doing it every other day for the near future until I feel like i'm totally over my depression. I made plans with my friends to watch football at my apartment on Sunday. This is good for me to be social and do something I like that's not just going out and getting hammered. I did 45 minutes of meditation before I did the float tank. This session was odd because i basically fell asleep during it. TMI has good points on how to overcome these kinds of challenges so i'm really excited to overcome these and evolve my meditation practice. My third eye or the sensation between my eyes is really starting to thaw out a lot. I feel constant cracking throughout the day, and ever since the LSD trip the cracking has been more frequent. I think moving forward LSD will be used to reset myself if i fall into a rut for more than a day or two. I'm not concerned about peak experiences or seeing the truth, right now i'm in heal mode and want to master the basics of personal development. -The next step for me is going to be improving my diet a lot. I find right now i just don't that much food. I think if i was consuming A LOT of high quality and healthy foods then it would make a big difference. No more junk food for me. I'm done with it. The only exception will be when I go out to restaurants/bars with friends. But even then I'm going to be very strategic with what I eat. I'm also going to limit myself to max 2 drinks every time I go out. I'm going to drink as slow as a fucking turtle if i have to. i drank 3 drinks last night and i felt hung over in the morning, so that's a big no no moving forward. I'm on the up and up. I'm gaining momentum. It feels authentic and genuine. I feel in control of my own destiny. Intention is key. And right now my intention is to heal myself, in every domain of my life. And it's working.

I have a hunch that if your anxiety led you to think about death 24/7 you wouldn't have an anxiety disorder for long lol. Death is a powerful motivator. I'm similar. I have had times in my life where i was very anxious over trivial things. But never much anxiety around death.

@Erixoon50 No it's not. Bread and cake are much worse than peanut butter.

@Ingit Thank you

Today was another solid day: Here's what I accomplished: I went to class, and got my exams back. I did much better than I expected. I barely studied for finals, and my grades are average or just below average. I was expecting some F's on these exams, so i'm quite surprised that I pulled off decent grades. My mind is geared to excel in law school, so i don't have to worry about failing out of school. I'm going to be strategic these semester with what classes i go to, so i don't spend more time in school than i have to. I went to the gym and got in like a 40 minute weight lifting workout. Right now i'm just concerned about getting myself to the gym so I don't isolate myself in my apartment like i've been doing in the past. Going to keep up this habit. I really like doing an incline walk to get a sweat going then doing about 30 minutes of weights. I did a TMI meditation. I had trouble focusing on my breathe in my evening meditation, but overall it was a good one. I got pretty deep into the meditation, and i'm so happy I found this book because now I have a structure to my meditation practice that I didn't have before. I woke up very early. I woke up at like 6:30 which is big for me because i usually wake up late. I'm going to continue waking up very early because i don't like being up late at night and I really enjoy my morning time to myself. I went out for drinks with some friends and had a pleasant time. I want to start going out more with my friends, but I also need to pace myself with the alcohol consumption. I don't have a problem with alcohol like I've had with weed, but I still want to control my intake because I don't like the after effects of a night out drinking. I made an appointment with a therapist. I'm actually not sure how good she is because her PHD is in teaching and not therapy. But I think therapy for me is just about finding someone i can confide in and be totally open with. My therapist seems like a loving person, so I think she will be suffice. I'm going to go to her on Saturday, and i'm planning on doing a bit of an interview of her to see if she's up to task. If she's not good then i will find someone else, but if she seems solid then i'm going to stick with her. I didn't order take out for another night which is huge for me. I also didn't smoke weed today which is another big accomplishment. Eating junk food at night and smoking weed was absolutely killing me, and I didn't realize how bad it really was on my mood. This has been the single biggest change i've made over the past few days and it's been transformative. I'm not going to be neurotic about this habit. If i relapse on take out or weed then so be it. But these habits need to die. They are making me unhappy and hurting my healing process. My goal is to heal myself. So these habits need to end. I'm open to smoking weed in the future if i can get a better relationship with the substance, but right now it's hurting more than helping so bye bye.

@Flowerfaeiry What is your life purpose?

@Raphael Okay no problem. If you ever feel stuck in your meditation or you're unsure if you're progressing properly etc keep that book in mind. It's excellent, I can't recommend it enough.