Raptorsin7

Hi everyone I have a few questions about a girl I'm currently seeing. We have been on 2 dates, but i'm at a cross roads and i'd appreciate some advice. So, I think I'm ready for a serious relationship. I really want to grow, mature, be happier, etc and I think finding a secure relationship is an excellent way to facilitate growth between both people. This girl I'm seeing is a great person. She smart, aware, and just an overall good person. I think she would be an excellent person to commit to and develop a relationship. But I have a few concerns and i'd appreciate insight. I find her cute and attractive, but i'm not VERY physically attracted to her. Like there are some girls that are like sex magents, but this girl I find cute and attractive and it's not like I find her off putting, but am I setting myself up for future problems if i'm not insanely attracted to her right away? Is sexual attraction something that can build in a relationship? It was weird, after our first date I really liked her and we really hit it off. I was thinking ok this girl i'm going to date. But then after the date I started getting in my own head about how she's a lot shorter than me(i'm 6ft3 she's like 5ft3) and I started thinking maybe I should find someone I find more attractive. But at the same time looks are so subjective, like I used to think I was ugly as a kid but now I like how I look and think i'm attractive. Could the same subjectivity apply here, could I find her more attractive as I work through my insecurities with her? I guess i'm in an odd spot where I really want to WANT her, but I feel internally conflicted. Any thoughts or questions are appreciated

@Average Investor Thanks man. Yeah I've definitely tapped into something here. I'm like 15-2 in over my most recent stretch and all my games im playing well.

Sorry for the delay. I play better on the trip. When i'm more conscious the game moves slower and i'm just more aware of how everything is occurring. I haven't been able to channel the state, but there's definitely a difference in my performance on and off the drugs. I have a pretty big update. I was going through a bit of a crisis because I wasn't getting any better and I was stuck at a medium rank. In the past 7 days I'm 23-9 on my main champion, and I just hit Plat 4 which is a new max rank for me. I've been playing very well and I think I can climb even higher just by playing and focusing well each game. I've found that meditation right before I play, or playing right when I wake up actually increases my performance. I think it's because I have more mental clarity In the mornings. I'm back in full swing on the game, and I expect to be Diamond 4 very soon.

@egoeimai No, I honestly had these thoughts earlier but I was internally divided on the subject. On the one hand I thought I could make it work and i'd get over the insecure thoughts, but on the other hand I thought it could just be we aren't compatible and i'll know when I find someone who's right for me. I do feel sad about the situation, but overall i'm relieved that this experience passed, especially because I have a greater sense for what to look for in a potential partner, and how much work I have to do on myself to be ready for a great relationship

WOW. Huge update. She just messaged me saying she doesn't want to lead me on and doesn't see it going anywhere. I was having second thoughts throughout our date and i'm pretty sure my coldness rubbed off on her and that's what killed it. I had a thought earlier today that I would be so relieved if she just messaged me and said she wasn't interested, so I got just what I wanted haha. The world works in weird ways. I think one thing I learned is I have to find someone i'm incredibly attracted too. I don't know if i'd be satisfied settling for someone who ticked all the boxes intellectually, but in reality something felt off.

See here's the issue. She is a quality human, but my mind just turned on her after our great first date. I guess the concern would be that I keep dating her and I just keep thinking of what's wrong. Like on our last date It didn't go well, and I know it's because I was having these negative thoughts about her and I think it manifested in me being cold and not open in our date. I guess the question is will the feelings and connection grow deeper into the relationship. I want to be a happy, self actualized person. I don't care if my girlfriend is a perfect 10 model type nonsense, but I am worried that if these thoughts don't go away and then it's like 10 dates in and i'm still having reservations and just picking her apart. This is what i'd hope happens here. How do I know if i'm mature enough for them to dissolve? I don't want to be comparing her to other girls, and I don't want to focus on her tiny flaws, when there's so much about her that is just awesome. This is the first girl I've gone out with that I've actually cared about. Part of me wants her to say she doesn't like me so I can get out of this, but I do want an intimate relationship. I also know that superficial looks etc is so surface and I do not want to be the kind of person who gets hung up on this. There's a higher version of myself that would love this relationship and it would be great.

@Serotoninluv @Leo Gura If the psychedelics were that powerful/revolutionary etc in your LOC and insights. How come you can't learn something in that state that changes your sober state dramatically? It seems paradoxical. If you were in a superhuman state on the psychs, shouldn't you be able to problem solve and learn how to get to those levels and beyond without the need of a substance?

@Dolphin I know myself pretty well. Here's the thing. I'm pretty committed to the path, so I recognize that my worries, insecurities etc are just thoughts created by me. I'm the one who's making a problem with this girl. Like after our first date I was so excited, we hit it off, I found her attractive, the only thing that bothered me was the height, but she had so many positive qualities I thought i'd let it go and eventually it would pass. The more I thought about her and the situation the more unhappy and bitter I became about it. But even this is just more thinking. But I wonder if i'm just forcing it, and maybe the thoughts and feelings here are a sign to move on. I am currently somewhat immature, but i'm really committed to working on myself and that's one reason why im conflicted here. This girl is pretty good, and I've never been in a relationship and I think part of the problem here is I just never formed a healthy, happy relationship with another person. I've heard some stuff about how forming relationsghips with people is incredibly important for emotional regulation etc, and the issues I'm having here are emotional issues. So maybe these issues won't exist as we get closer and form an emotional bond but idk.

I got a few things off my list accomplished, so not bad. I had a great day of games today. I played well in every game, and the only game I lost I was playing well but I actively made huge late game mistakes that cost us the game. But I feel much more impactful and engaged in the games now. My record today was 4-1, and i'm only 1 win from my gold 1 promos.

@TrynaBeTurquoise Dude don't put so much attention on what Leo's doing, you're being too combative, trust me I've been there/still do it. Be careful, don't get banned for nothing like dick swinging

@VeganAwake How did you recognize the truth of no self? How do i know when i got it, or i've just convinced myself i got it?

I'm going to plan my day in advance today: Coffee Shower/Shave/Washroom Guided Meditation Mooji 1 Hr Warm up aim booster/ 3 games of league of legends Wash windows Break go for a long walk/run(maybe run i'll see how my stomach feels) Whim hoff breathing 5 rounds Watch all 3 replays and take notes on mistakes- look for trends Shadow work journal Look up popular websites related to league of legends, and gaming improvement Read LOC 1000 and Transurfing reality Bed before 10 pm Additional: No junk food or binge eating, I've been struggling with this one lately. Take action on each item on the list, don't fall into the trap of procrastination.

@mandyjw The suffering Is always in thought. But I just want more out of life. Sadness is not a big deal when compared against happiness, joy, thriving. But I have none of that. I'm just stuck. No progress, no just failure. My life is ups and downs, but the downs are so much longer then the ups, and the ups never last. I want more out of myself, but I don't know how to get it.

Doing 1 hour of guided inquiry with mooji is pretty effective for me. The ego backlash is pretty rough. A few months ago i felt on top of the world and felt as though i was on the verge of a huge break through. But i'm still stuck and i can't relieve the tension in my head through my spiritual practices. Now i'm just kinda stuck in limbo. The girl i'm talking to hasn't responded to my text in 2 days too lol. Our first date was pretty great i thought, and she agreed to a second date but then she just went ghost on my over text. Part of me would be relieved if she just said i don't think it's going to work out, i don't know if this is a self sabotaging part of myself or what. Pretty sure life is better than what i'm currently experiencing. These lows really suck. It's not even that it sucks that much, it's just that i know life can be so much better than this so i'm just sitting here waiting for things to get better, but i guess they won't get better until i make major changes. But then Nahm sais there's no problem so i don't know. My mind is fucked. Thinking is ntot on my side and i'm just not in a good place. There's literally no point to any of this. Like if i'm the eternal absolute being. Then this game will go on forever, but the current iteration of the being just fucking sucks. So what is the fucking point of doing this to myself. Why not set up a situation where life got continuously better? Idk

@Galyna Does the book teach you how to move through emotions? I'm definitely in apathy for the majority of the day right now, but i'm just kinda stuck here

http://baldattraction.com/secret-formula-for-bald-mans-attractive-life/

I did 10 rounds of wim hoff breathing today and i felt some pretty good sensations in my head. I really want to fucking cry, but i don't know how to do it. The past few days i've relapsed on my diet, and i feel slow and lethargic. I'm going to do a dopamine detox tomorrow and see how i feel.

@The observer What's your shamanic breathing practice? Any tips or recommendations?

@ElenaO Good luck, i hope you find someone soon! Remember that girl i told you about who didn't respond? She messaged me back like a week later, and we went on a date yesterday. Everything went really well, but i had one neurotic thought about our height difference (i'm 6ft3 and she's about 5ft3) but other than that it was almost perfect. I'm pretty excited, i already have another date planned for Wednesday and i think there's a mutual spark!

@Consilience @Leo Gura What do you guys think of finding love in the context of a romantic relationship? I've had a peak experience on psychs but i'm not sure if i've found unconditional LOVE/TRUTH on a trip yet, but recently i've been thinking that a relationship could function in a similar way as psychs. It's a essentially a practice to deepen the experience of love in your direct experience, but instead of psychs you're using each other in the context of a loving relationship.

I'm going to change course with my life purpose a bit. The last few months i've made very little progress with the game and my LP, but i think i see the problem. I want to focus on developing content, and writing material that is of benefit to other people, then i'll worry about playing the game for marketing purposes. I also realized that just by playing the game a bit, i will have my pulse on the gaming community which will aid me when i write. I actually don't need to be challenger right away, or at all, for my idea to take off. I'm excited to start writing and start thinking how i can really get creative in helping people. I think this will be a wise move. Selfless vs selfish intent will likely lead to very different results in my life. The next step is to think about what content to write. I think once i understand what people are searching for and where the interests lie in the gaming community, i can work quickly to start developing content around those niches.

Yup, the only thing that motivates me is basically this in one form or another.

@SamueLSD What i'm after the joy inherent in flow states. I don't how much you've read about flow psychology, but there's a state of being that gets accessed in various sporting events etc that is a large reason why certain sports like surfing are so popular. It's the state of flow that they're accessing. I want to access a flow state in league of legends, but i've been playing for the past few months and there's no flow at all. I don't know what it takes to get totally immersed in the game, but i'm trying to figure it out.

@Kalki Avatar Thanks that's great advice. I believe that as i go deeper with practices it will translate into how i play the game. I think one issue i have is i'm not reaching a deep state of relaxation in my practices, so even when i meditate before playing it's not like i'm in the zone already ready to go. Let's say i were starting from scratch in trying to apply this philiosphy to my gaming. How should i go about it? @SamueLSD League of legends.

@Raphael How are your sessions going? What's your technique? Can you full on cry from each session?