Raptorsin7

The entire structure of my life. There's a way to live life that's more effortless, joyful, engaging etc, I've done it before through self help work. I want my life to feel and be a certain way, it's hard to describe exactly what it is. I'm pretty sure it comes from learning to change beliefs and accept what is, but there's definitely elements of reality that i'm completely missing and I want to access them again. I'd also like to make some progress with my meditation and enlightenment work. I've been stuck for like 3 or 4 months now with no growth in that area.

@Raphael I feel unmotivated, and I just don't enjoy anything in my life. I've been stuck with my progress with improvement in my life, and I just can't believe my life is still fucked when I thought I figured it out. It's funny because I don't even have difficulties really. I just know life can be incredible, but I see none of that while I'm alive.

@mandyjw If I were writing a book and I made myself the character i'd be the biggest fucking idiot writer in the world. I do not want to live this book, I could make my life infinitely better in 5 seconds if I were writing. Guess what the fun of challenges is... It's the experience of challenging yourself and either overcoming or failing, but the purpose is in the doing of the thing. I'm fucking miserable and numb. It would be one thing If I were struggling through this, but I was growing, feeling good, enjoying the process etc. I'm not even getting that out of this, this suffering is literally pointless. There's nothing being gained here it's fucking retarded. I've already suffered. I've already had the contrast of happiness vs unhappiness, there's literally no point to continue the path i'm on it makes no sense. Happiness is a means in and of itself. Your question is basically, would you really want to be in heaven and actually enjoy and love your life in each moment. The answer is hell fucking yes, wtf kind of question is that. I want to experience a life where I actually enjoy and love my life. I want to have a life where my relationships, my work, my day to day life is just fucking amazingly happy. Have you ever seen a movie like LOTR where there's a deep conflict and then peace at the end? The peace and happiness is the point. You could also have peace and happiness without the suffering, there have to be people who have this. Even I've had times in my life where I wasn't enlightened, but it was fucking awesome and I had fun and the experience was enjoyable and engaging. At least this life is only 100 years max, I don't know what the after life or whatever is like but this life as it stands makes no fucking sense at all, and I can't believe what i'm going through actually exists. It's a complete joke.

On paper my life is perfect. I have family support, family wealth, good genetics, good social skills, and some friends etc. But oh man do I not feel anything good. I don't know what misery is because I don't have a basis for comparison, but my life legit sucks.

Dam i'm just stuck in the mud with this depression. Pretty rough, life sucks and i'm eating super unhealthy so my body is getting fucked. Pretty sure i'm either typ2 diabetic or at least pre diabetic at this point. If I never figure this out i'm super curious to know why the fuck i'm here. I wonder if anyone has a coherent definition of god at this point besides just absolute love. God loves me so much it loves my misery and shitty life haha. what a joke.

@DreamScape How did you awaken your kundalini, and what were the results before and after?

@dimitri How do you find good feeling thoughts? I've tried meditating and just letting go if thoughts as they arise, but I dont get good feelings one that come up to focus on. Did you have any experience with the crown and third eye chakra opening? That's basically all I got right now, I know if these sensations in my head can relax and release fully then I'll feel a stickiness in my head and then bliss Haha

@Nahm Ok I'll try guided yoga session and shadow work this weekend and then see how I feel. Idk i agree intellectually with what you're saying but it's not resonating.

@Nahm I am ready to let the beliefs go, I just have no clue how to do it. One major technique i haven't tried yet is shadow work, so I'll give that a shot and see how I feel. I'm pretty much open at this point. There really isnt anything in my life I wouldnt give for a real happiness and enlightenment. Pretty sure most people cant say that.

@ivankiss Is that what sparked your awakening? The actual death? Did you regress into old patterns after that, or did you have that 1 defining moment that changed everything?

@Lenny They are always more interesting and engaging. Like in one of my recent dreams there was a party, and the host ended up being like a bond villian. It's hard to describe but I always remember waking up and feeling like I'd rather be there then where I'm at now.

@Treetalk So do I just sit with the feeling as it Is, whatever it is, for a long period? What does this look like in practice?

@Nahm I dont know how to do it. The last time I did it I was really depressed, and now I'm depressed again so I guess I'm going in the right direction.

@Nahm Yes. It's not enough. That's the path? More clarity and calm? Feeling a bit better is not enough. I've done self help work in the past, and it wasn't just slightly feeling better and calmer. My entire life changed, and I was a different person. That's what I want. I don't mind being called a shit head, but it'd be great if there was a point or purpose. What you're saying is not resonating. It seems like we're just going round in circles.

@Nahm I just had a meditation session and tried to implement what you said. I bring attention to breathing when I notice thoughts, and then I bring attention to feeling. I tried surrendering, and just tried to lay down without attempting to do anything. I repeated to myself, pick a better feeling thought, and I tried to think thoughts that felt good, I also tried to bring attention to feeling and think while feeling first. But I have no idea if this right, and I didn't get any noticeable relief or release aside from being a bit calmer and more clear after the hour. Am I just going to repeat this over and over again until something clicks? I'm basically at the end of my ropes here, i'm pretty much open to anything. Should I just spend all day in bed meditating and walking around? Also, there isn't really anything I love or enjoy doing. Walks are nice, and I go for a walk almost every night, but it's the same pattern. I go for a walk, feel a bit better, or a bit motivated, and then it never lasts or leads to meaningful change. A lot of what you're saying sounds great if I were on the other end of feeling good. If I felt great then yeah everything you're saying sounds good. But right now feeling stuck, it just doesn't resonate at all idk.

@Nahm How do I uncover(and change) the beliefs that are preventing my waking state from being as engaging and captivating as the dream state? Why would I choose to believe something that causes my life to be unappealing?

Still no major progress. I don't really have anything to report. Life sucks and i'm miserable haha. Apathy. At least i had a cool dream last night. My dream experience is awesome and always captivating, but the waking state is miserable and depressive. I am starting to have my doubts about pure spirituality. I spent at least an hour in meditation today but i don't get to a well being place through meditation. If i were to die tmrw this really sucked. If today were my last day on earth i don't even know what to say this is just insane. What the hell am i doing here. Why is it so hard to get to a good happy place for me. It's past the point of being funny, it's just crazy. I asked for guidance from spirits or a higher power in my meditation and on my walk and although i did pick a better feeling though4 t, it was sublte and made virtually no difference. Feeling depressed and sad, 2 seconds of a thought about a tv show, then back to depression and feeling bad. I told my mom today that it'd be great of she and my dad died so i could get the money and not worry about getting a job. It's a terrible thing to say but i don't even care. It didn't even feel bad to say it tbh, and it's honestly how i feel. My life is miserable and sucks, but if my parents were dead at least i'd be financially free and independent, and if i felt worse than i feel now maybe i could cry. Wow life sucks, this is fucked. If you read my journal 4 months ago, you would think i'd be the happiest person on earth. I thought i had this figured out. I thought my life was on a different trajectory. I'm back seeking happiness, and just depressed again. Crazy

I feel a stickiness and pressure in my head. I believe this is a third eye blockage, but i have no idea how to overcome this blockage. I have so many concepts, so many different teachings in my head. I'm not sure what to pursue at this point. I think i'm going to start trying a bunch of different stuff to see what sticks. An hour of self inquiry or meditation doesn't do much for me at this point, and i think it's important to start doing more and different things. Today i'm going to run for a mile, work on duality, read about quantaum mechanics, do some yoga, and eat healthy.

I have a question for anyone with experience working with the emotional scale. https://www.thelawofattraction.com/law-attraction-learning-move-emotional-scale/ I want to learn to move up the scale emotionally at will, but i'm kind of confused with the process. How do we tell our current emotional state? One issue i'm having is i'm not quite sure where i fall on the spectrum. I've always been a very insecure person, but does that mean my default emotional set point would be insecurity? Is it possible that my emotional state is the lowest on the list, but because i've been in this state for so long i'm just used to it? Like if someone said how do you feel, i'd say fine but i don't really know how to label it on the scale. It could be boredom, but it could also be despair/insecurity that i've just gotten so used to that i just consider this normal and not "bad". Any insights are appreciated.

@Harikrishnan My life purpose is coming, but slowly. I think i'm going to work the course again to gain more clarity about how i want to release content. My life purpose is directly tied to my life. I want to write about the benefits and value of all this work, but recently i've been stuck and honestly I have nothing to write about honestly. I know that the greatest life happens based on how our internal world works, and that's what i want to share with the world, but my direct experience does not reflect that and i can't start writing until i actually make noticeable progress on the path to enlightenment.

I started a course on mind valley called Duality. It's about energy healing so i'm hoping to make some improvements in my life through the course. It's an 8 week course so this will last until the end of summer. I'm really hoping to transition out of this depression phase of my life by then. I really just want life to be awesome and amazing, like i've had in the past.

@Galyna I don't know what exactly the trigger was, but i was hoping for more progress with my path since i had an awakening experience on LSD in February. It was an incredible experience, and i thought i would be able to embody the feelings i had during that experience more reguarly but since then i haven't been able to get back to that state, even with LSD. It's just frustrating knowing that life can be amazing, but living a life that's just numb and dull. I'm not planning on quitting or anything, mainly because i don't know what else to do with my life at this point haha, but i do wish i made more tangible progress with how i feel and the quality of my life then what i'm currently doing.

@Artiekee Agreed about the meditation. I think that has been the biggest difference, just being more present and playing more calmly. An hour of meditation gets me refreshed and it's definitely noticeable in the game. I'm making great progress on the game rn. I'm 15-1 in my last 16 games on renekton lol. I'm currently Plat 4, and the way i'm playing it won't be long before i'm diamond.

@Nahm What do you when you struggle to find thoughts that feel good to focus on? I tried to find good feeling thoughts after a meditation session, but nothing was coming up that felt good.