Raptorsin7

Here's a list of things i want to accomplish today: 2 Hours of meditation Walk around the lake Read the power of now Play 3 games of league of legends Do push ups and arm exercises Look up nootropics for energy to order, and foods for energy.

Today was a better day. A few insights i had about moving forward with my growth: Spend multiple hours a day in meditation. I have a lot of free time and there's no excuse for not spending 2-3 hours per day in silence meditating Start drinking kale smoothies, and start consuming more vegetables. I barely eat any vegetables currently and i do feel lethargic and weak, so i think consuming more vegetables throughout the day is an important habit. Look into retreats in BC. I found a cool website that listed a handful of retreat centers in BC for around 100 dollars per night which is pretty good. I work part time with my dad right now, and if i do a weekend retreat like once a month or once every few months i bet i would grow a lot from that experience.

I will not give up. I'm not going out like this. I will not die a loser. I will figure this out, I will find happiness, i will get more out of life. I will find the dream life i've been seeking for my entire life. This will not be the end of me. Mark my words, one day i will solve this. One day i will end the seeking, and finally enjoy and cherish this life.

@Pramit Yeah i've been loving listening to this kind of music. I don't even know what genre it is haha, to me it's just relaxing Japanese music.

I want to take some time to write about my dream life. What would my life look like if everything was working for me, i was happy, and i lived a dream heaven like life. This is my dream life, what what it look like, what would it contain. I would be an open and honest person. I would be as loving as kind as possible to those people around me, and i would attract an incredible relationships with people who i meet. I would be humble, kind, and form strong friendships with people in my life. I would be full of energy. I would wake up feeling energized and motivated. I would be in love with life. I would love everyone and everything. Life would be a miracle everyday. Everyday i'd be grateful to be alive, and i would be excited for what the days holds for me. I would feel healthy, strong, motivated, and clarity. I would have a clear purpose and a goal i was trying to actively solve in my life. I would be working on something bigger than myself, and working towards a higher goal that i would be proud to be part of. I would have a clear sense of doing good in the world, and i'd be happy and responsible working. One thing i've realized writing this is i have no idea really what my dream life would look like. Even if i had unlimited power i guess it's not so easy to plan out your dream life that easily. Honestly, i don't think it's about having some dream heaven like image of life. I think it's more about how you live your life and the intangible qualities that make up a good life. Like if i woke up feeling inspired, and my life had a dream like quality of spontaneity and adventure then i bet i'd be happy with that. I wonder how many other people struggle with similar questions about their lives, finding meaning, finding happiness. I know i'm not the only one, but i'd be curious to see numbers on this. It's hard for me to function, and if the entire world were like me then the world would fall apart quick. There are some strong people in the world to keep it running, that's for sure. I wonder when this dark night will pass. I wonder if i'll ever find lasting peace and happiness. At least i have all of this documented. It would be awesome to read this one day when i'm happy and living my dream life.

The past few days i've been feeling pretty depressed again. There's a numbness to my experience, it's hard to describe. It's not like i'm super sad and want to cry, i just kinda feel flat and numb. No motivation. No drive. Life just kinda sucks, and it feels like i'm slowly dying. I did like 10 rounds of whim hoff breathing today but i didn't get an emotional release like i'd hoped for. There's an online breath workshop that you have to pay for, i think i'll look into that and hopefully i get something from it. The meditation is not really working for me at all, i just kind of sit in silence and try to breathe and feel sensations as they arise, and thoughts come and go. I don't know what exactly the goal is, like i had hoped that over time with meditation that i'd feel better in my meditation session like maybe some energy or clarity, and then that state or feeling would carry over into my life. But that's not what's happening. I'm just kinda laying down, closing my eyes, and getting up 20 or 30 minutes later feeling a bit more relaxed, but then i just continue my day and i'm still miserable. I haven't noticed any improvements from the RASA i think. It could be working subtly but at this point i'm not sure if it's working or not, granted i've only had 1 session so it could take multiple sessions before i notice an improvement. According to the book the 580s is when you enter thought free meditation sessions and significantly reduced mental activity. I'm really hoping this process works for me but right now it's pretty dark and i don't know. Even as i write this now i have slight tears in my eyes but i can't even bring myself to cry. I feel the tension and pressure in my head like always, and when i try to let go i feel the pressure kind of crack in my head but i have no idea what to make of that experience. Honestly, at this point it's hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel even though i still have hope. I've had roughly 5 months of happiness in the last 4 years, after i overcame my year long depression, and everything else has either been just a numb depression, or a feeling slightly better than depression but hoping to have a break through into happiness. The peak experience i had on LSD was amazing, but idk why they won't happen again to me. I wonder what life will be like when i die. It's possible that this life will continue to be these ups and downs, with no break through into genuine love and happiness, and if that's the case i can't help but wonder why the hell i'm even here. I know other people have lives much worse than mine, but it really sucks not being happy and being depressed and numb.

Had my first session with Ramaji today and received my first RASA transmission. My initial LOC was 572, and I was told it will take about a year to get LOC 1000. I'm going to find out my Ennegram type and experiment with some different meditation types in between sessions. He also recommended I go and get a girlfriend which I thought was funny haha, it's something I've been thinking about, but i'm not really in a rush to get into a relationship. I do want to deal with my unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life before I get serious about finding someone to be with but this could change. I don't want to put all my eggs into this basket. The RASA and coaching will likely be helpful, but I also need to play my part and do what I can to address my issues and make positive changes in my life.

@LfcCharlie4 Ahh I see. My first session is tmrw, I'll let you know how it goes.

@LfcCharlie4 Isn't it fair to say that you are only able to appreciate the profundity of THIS moment given where you're at LOC wise? Like if we rewind a year and you are back as a seeker prior to RASA etc, would your own advice resonate or be meaningful? Curious about your thoughts on this. It seems to me so much mom duality advice is dependent on the state of the person receiving advice. But maybe some wisdom transcends states?

Still progressing league. Currently Plat 3, and the games don't feel too hard which is good. I expect to be diamond pretty soon, and from there it will be interesting to see how the level of competition jumps up. The way i'm playing is bad though. The idea of playing mindfully is not happening, I get tilted easily and I flame my teammates constantly. I'm climbing the ranks, but I don't feel like i'm improving noticeably or anything. It's more just a grind to improve and get games in. Well because I have noting else going on atm I will continue to climb and strive for my goal of challenger. When I hit my goal who knows what i'll do with it but at least i'll have something to show for the work I guess.

i'm trying to hit challenger in league of legends and I want to start a journal to track my progress. I'll track my progress, issues, goals etc on here. The goal is challenger, but the sub goal is to hit masters rank and then start writing content for my website. If anyone has experience in competitive gaming and can offer insights for my improvement I would appreciate it.

@Serotoninluv What do you think of the slippery slope arguments about how the current sentiment regarding Confederate statues will end up with removal of something like mount Rushmore? Confederate statues goes hand in hand with slavery. Tough to argue in favor of the Confederate history without showing some disregard for the legacy of slavery. But isn't that also true of the founding fathers. At the end of the day the mountain glorifies slave holders and racists.

@Arcangelo Yeah i get it. Idk, i don't think money can solve my problems. I think genuine financial freedom would be an improvement, but when i was in school i had unlimited money and didn't feel the slight shame of just living off my parents as a burn out, but it didn't make me happy at all.

@Arcangelo No i'm not. What is the relationship between financial independence and chakras? I'm not financially in trouble because my family has money, but i'm not free to do anything I want. I want to be financially independent, but my plan was to address my chronic unhappiness and seeking before beginning the next phase of my life, but it's not exactly working out like I hoped.

@mandyjw Maybe you're right, but where I'm at now what you're saying doesn't resonate. I still have some moves to make, like psychiatry/therapy, so I guess i'll exhaust my efforting before reassessing but we will see. If I don't see the love in the world, I don't see how seeing just see the love in the world is of any use. From my pov this the equation of my current suffering. Heat Chakra+ Crown Chakra+ Third Eye= Closed. So whatever the solution is will move me in the direction of opening those chakras. I've yet to get a clear answer from anyone on how to do this, but someone has to know.

@mandyjw I still feel like a self though. From my pov it seems like I'm looking out from behind the eyes. I understand intellectually what you wrote, but I don't experience it. How did you get the shift in pov to occur? I agree that I'm not giving a full effort, but I dont even know what teaching to do. I've done hours of self inquiry, but at this point it feels like I'm just waiting for a shift to happen.

Some major problems with myself that need to be addressed: I am mentally weak I am not disciplined I lack close relationships. Even though i have friend and family, i'm isolated and lonely I have a terrible diet, and i'm developing type 2 diabetes. I feel numbness and tingling in my feet after i eat high glucose meals. I want to be better and happy, but i either don't know what to do and/or i lack discipline/will power to change basic habits that are keeping me stuck Too much phone/internet/computer usage Lack of structure and routine No meaning I have no source of joy or well being in my life. My personal development is a complete roller coaster/yoyo. One day i'm feeling better and gaining momentum, then i eat wendy's and go to bed late and i lose the progress.

@VeganAwake Sweet video man. Takes a lot of courage to get in front of the camera and present.

@Leo Gura Sorry i think my comment came off wrong. I meant do you know if analysts who cover similar ranges of issues but are stage yellow. The guy above is obviously smart, but there's a lot of toxic green too. I'm just curious if you listen to people who don't come with the baggage of so many leftist commentators in the media.

@Arcangelo Good luck with class Arc

@Leo Gura Do you listen to any stage yellow political thinkers?

How do i expand my meditation practice? I've done various guided meditations and different practices at this point but i'm not getting much out of the practice these days. My goal for the practice is to find an elevated state of being in the practice, learning to embody feelings of joy, bliss etc. Just focusing on my breathing, or doing letting go gets me more relaxed and calm but it doesn't come with elevated feelings or any lasting change that sticks throughout my day. In my recent meditation session i decided to play some inspiring movie trailers, and i noticed that at certain points in the trailer, or with certain music, i get this wave of good feeling or inspired feeling that comes over me. That wave of good feeling that comes from the inspiring trailer is amazing and it's what i want out of my practice, but my meditation sessions never get me there. Any thoughts on my situation? Should i seek out more trailers or music that makes me feel good? But if i'm just listening to these videos is that even meditation anymore? Has anyone been able to cultivate a beautiful state of being in their meditation sessions that they managed to carry over in their everyday life?

Been pretty shitty past few days. 1 step forward, 2 steps back. But i'm done with victim mentality. God please open my chakras so I can experience an elevated state of being. Any being out there please help.

@Consilience Can you open any of the main chakras, like heart, third eye, and crown without psychs at this point?

@Roy Because it's a self help forum, and the vast majority of people here need more help than they are willing to admit to lol