Raptorsin7

I think I made a major breakthrough.

I think i'm on the verge of a breakthrough. Even just saying it I worry i'm setting myself for failure with delusion. But I feel good about my insights lately. I have to sit with whatever i'm feeling in this NOW and accept the feeling with full embrace. I am constantly running from how i'm feeling NOW,If t and that is where all my problems are coming from. I can't think beyond my current emotional state, and until I resolve the underlying emotional blockages/issues I will not be able to move forward and expand my mind. Become aware of how you feel NOW. Then fully accept and embrance how you feel, no matter what arises. Stay with the feeling/emotion, breathe into the emotion. Don't resist, accept what is happening. We all want to change our state of being. But in order to change our state we must accept our current state of being, and love who we are as we are. The paradoxical thing is that once you fully accept your current state of being as it is without wanting to change it... then your state will be in alignment with your highest self. Once i figure this out i'm going to find out how to make a bunch of money so I can move out. I want to buy a ferrari spider and buy a beach house in hawaii... for starters (:

I feel stuck. l don't know what to write, I want to express how i am feeling but I don't know how to do it. I just want to spam random characters like a mad man tbh. Hopefully I can find a good teaching/teacher I can follow through with. I like what i've heard about David Hawkins and letting go so i'll look into that. I believe right now I have a repressed emotion/emotional blockage that is undermining my entire state of being and life. I feel a constant tension in my head, and I believe it's related to some repression or emotional blockages i'm going through. I ordered some shrooms so i'm pumped to start working with psychs again. I view the psychs as a jail break or a glimpse of god, I can get free for a time being and use that time to assess where i'm at and what I need to improve, and i'll also hopefully gain insights into how to achieve a happy state while sober. I want to be more honest and authetnic when writing. I feel myself wound and anxious even while writing this. Maybe i'm just really uptight and need to learn to let go. So simple.

Does anyone have a concise way of summarizing Dr. Joe's teachings? From my understanding, he's teaching people to meditate and practice visualization/positive thinking, to practice a positive state of being, so people can then bring that positive state of being into all parts of their life. It seems like he's saying that people who are suffering are stuck in a habit of negative thinking and focus on negative emotion, and these 2 things feed back on each other and trap the person in an eternal hell of bad thinking and bad emotional states. He has a simple way of speaking about the path which I like, but i'm not sure how accurate his teachings are, or if there are better teachers that have a more simple and complete map and more effective techniques. Is his entire teaching like another religion, like there are people who practice zen buddhism, meditate x hours per day etc, and I wonder if this guy is just another form of zen buddhism for example. Some teachings are probably way better than others, and I wonder if this guy's found a recipe here that can be more effective than any other techniques out there. Any other thoughts on this guy, or his philosophy of healing and transcendence.

@arlin I mean that the same a way a person can follow a religion and get benefits from following the religions teachings, you can view Dr. Joe's teachings the same way. Ideally this guy is like a modern jesus and these are his teachings, uncorrupted. In 2000 years people may looking at Dr. Joe's hair and think the slick back look is a key part of the meditations lol. Wouldn't it be awesome to follow a modern buddha

Dr. Joe Dispenza is pretty sick. I think he's spitting facts. The way he describes the mechanics of suffering seems to really map on to my experience. I like how directly he speaks about improvement and suffering, i haven't found any preachers like him. I was listening to a lot of abraham hicks, but I don't really resonate with her teachings. I understand her main point, and it seems like Dr. Joe is saying the same thing but with a different delivery, and although i understand what she's trying to get at, I just don't feel it resonate with me in my experience. I want to find more and more teachers. I do believe that if there is a teacher that really resonates with you, then they could give advice that could be recognized and applied directly in the moment. The best preachers are always pointing you to a better feeling perspective on life as often as possible, and so there must be teachers out there who you can identify with strongly. Part of me thinks that Dr. Joe is a con artist, and i'm just being scammed haha. He's probably not perfect, and maybe he's wrong about stuff, but I have faith in what he's saying, and given where i'm at I'm going to trust him and follow his teachings.

@Applegarden Yeah, that's the hope man. I've only been able to touch that place sparingly in meditation, but I have a good sense of what's possible within me from psychidelic trips. I'm going to keep at it until I find what i'm looking for, hopefully it's sooner rather than later lol

What is the purpose of self inquiry? I can recognize that when the question, who am I, is asked in thought, there is awareness of that thought which is itself not a thought. After that point, I'm left with pressure/tension in the head and other sensations of the body. How deep is the inquiry supposed to go? I find myself getting bored/distracted after repeatedly asking who am I, and it feels like later on during the sits I'm not as attentive to what's occurring as during the earlier portions of my sit. For anyone who awakened through self inquiry, can you give a description of how the process unfolded for you.

@The0Self How will I know if I'm moving in the right direction during a meditation session? Over the past few weeks some days I feel like i'm making progress and going deeper into feelings of myself, and then sometimes I'm just constatnly getting distracted by thinking and there's no stable attention. There is a correct way to do this right, in the sense that if done correctly it should lead to the witness state of consciousness? I've been trying to really understand what about my meditation sessions is working and what's not working recently, because I think if the inquiry works then it should work for some reason, or based on a specific aspect of the technique. It seems to me, based on my experience and observing others, that when people say meditation/inquiry requires years or months of practice etc, it's because they weren't performing the inquiry properly and when it finally works for them, it's because they finally did the technique in a proper way during their sit. I used to have the view that meditation was like exercise, in that you just keep doing it, and even though you might not notice the effects, you can be sure it's having a positive effect. But i'm starting to think this is how people spend years on a hamster wheel of "spiritual practice" thinking they are getting results when in reality they are just spinning their wheels, all the while "practicing"

Questions that need answering: Throughout the day, what can I do to improve my mood/thought process when I recognize that i've been stuck in a not good feeling place, ruminating for a long period of time. What does it mean to let go of beliefs about yourself, how can you let go of beliefs that you aren't even aware you are holding. How are beliefs about yourself, impacting how you feel, and how do those beliefs prevent the release of suppressed emotion. How do emotions get suppressed/repressed in the body, and how do you get them out? How do I pick thoughts that improve my mood? What is the relationship between thoughts and feelings, and how do I use the fact that I am the awareness of thoughts to thinking better feeling thoughts. How often should I do psychidelics moving forward, and how can I know what is the right timing and dosage? What about my meditation technique is working and is worth keeping, and what part of it is not working and should be let go of

I want to write freely on this journal. I feel a sense that other people are reading and so I feel the need to censor or present things in a certain light, but I think that is not healthy and I will grow more by being honest and writing my mind as honestly as possible. I told my psychiatrist that i'm going to start psychidelics again, mushrooms, and he said it's a bad idea and that basically ended our relationship. My GP is going to prescribe the medication from now on, and he said if i get depressed again i can maybe see him, but he did not want to be apart of what i'm doing with psychs. I did not get any better from medication, it did basically nothing, the thing that gave me hope and got me out of the deep depression was hitting a deep state of meditation that resemebled the peak LSD trip. I told this to my psychiatrist but he just didn't believe that the meditation is what got me out of it, from my pov it's clear but I see his pov too and it makes sense that he would be skeptical. I have been struggling with my meditation sessions over the paIst few days. It feels like 2 steps forward, 1 step back. One day I feel like i've made some serious progress and am close to a breakthrough in understanding, and then the next day I feel stuck with my technique and worry that I'm making no progress. As I type this, I am aware of a technique that I am going to try for the next few hours before bed. I am going to become aware of the felt sense of me, or what I refer to as I in experience. It's a general sense/feeling that covers my head and parts of my body. Once i bring attention to this space, I'm going to feel into this felt sense of me. I can simultaneously feel into this space, and be aware of this space. It's been about a month since I had a series of great meditation sessions, and it's frustrating that I haven't been able to understanding what I did that worked, or find a way to have those kinds of experiences consistently. Hopefully the Mushrooms help me get in touch with this meditative space more consistently. I am worried about the future. I have so much to improve and work through, and I worry that my plan for improvement is deluded and doomed to fail. I'm hoping to find a way to have a consistent meditative practice that gets me to a deep state of relaxation, and to carry that state with me throughout the day. And i'm hoping to find a way to change my thinking habits and emotional state, so i'm more optimistic and grounded throughout the day. I do believe it will only take a few days of momentum to get me going in a great direction, but how long it takes me to get to that place is anyone's guess.

@Guru Fat Bastard Okay. But how do I move from this understanding to a meaningful shift in my experience. I've had experiences of perception shifts that resulted from awareness centering on sensations in the head, until I let go to a point where the entire frame or lens of reality shifted. The insight into formless etc has only ever led to a meaningful change in my experience on LSD, but i want to have that same shift without psychs now. What exactly do I do with this understanding to facilitate actual change in my life. I want the peace, bliss, love, happiness etc that is supposed to come from this recognition.

There is one planet... but billions of worlds- Mooji

It feels like i'm getting closer to a meditation technique that will allow me to breakthrough and lead to a shift in perspective. On the LSD i would always have the experience of the tension in my head releasing, and the tension would localize to the head, and then it would release and the sense of me would shift to a sort of unified field, rather than localized to the head. The technique i've been working on is as follows: I become aware of the sense of me using a few different points... asking who am I, asking who do the thoughts refer to, basically any thought that gets attention pointed back to the sense of me or sense of existence. Then once i am aware of this felt sense... I become aware of the fact that I am aware of the sense of me. I am basically just becoming aware of the sense of me, then I becoming aware of that sense of awareness... and this will just continue until I get in touch with the true self and i get the perspective shift. I'm pretty confident in the technique, but I still have to find a way to keep the chain of being aware of awareness going. I find i get distracted easily and lose touch. The end point of this technique will lead to getting in touch with the feeling awareness that is behind experience. Eventually that sense of just being aware of awareness will be the default, and that shift is what leads to the loss of the conventional sense of self. This is consistent with the teachings of Mooji and Rupert Spira, so i'm pretty sure if I just fine tune this teaching it will lead me to the true SELF. Not sure how to fast track this process so I can open the crown chakra and get the bliss body, and get in touch with emotions again. But it does seem like i'm on the right track.

I had a great meditation session today. I brought attention to feeling and subtle breathing in the body, and I just calmly relaxed and let go moment after moment. Thoughts would arise and i'd lose focus for a few moments, but i just kept on coming back to the subtle feelings and breathing. After about an hour the tension in my head released quite a bit, it felt like I was close to breaking through. I thnk i got over excited and starting thinking and over "doing" so i didn't go all the way, but overall it was great progress. I know that I am already enlightened. Enlightenment is literally you, you are all that is. I know where i'm going thanks to the LSD trips, but i'm not sure what it's going to take to lift the veil fully. I know that I literally am feeling, the awareness is feeling. It's like a sphere of feeling that encompasses all experience. I haven't done psychs in like 5 months, but I know if I took LSD i'd hit the peak based on my present Level of consciousness. Psychs are my last resort, but I really think I won't need them.

@zeroISinfinity Never say never

@zeroISinfinity No problem, I'll be here if you change your mind

@RendHeaven Thank you. I don't know how to make progress and move forward in life. I've been meditating a lot recently, but the good experiences i've had from meditation have been random and I'm not sure what i'm doing in the good sessions that I can repeat. I don't understand how to meditate in a consistent way that leads to good feeling, and relaxation and letting go. I've also had to miss 3 days of work in the past 2 weeks because of migraine headaches and nausea in the mornings. I believe it's from stressing my head in meditation, and my attempt to forcefully relax the head and open the third eye and release that tension. I thought my forced relaxation was working a bit because it lead to a release of tension from the head, but I can't keep doing it if it's making me sick and I have to miss work. I'm not sure how many more days I can miss work before i get fired. I like my job too, so it would suck to lose it. Nailing the meditation technique is going to important moving forward. I want to find a technique that can get me consistently to a relaxed, let go state. I've felt it a few times over the past few weeks, and it's really dramatic how different you can feel after some meditation sessions. I believe i'm close to opening the third eye, or releasing the tension in my head related to my identification with thoughts, but I really don't know how close. I also thought I was close to doing it like 6 months ago, and it never happened so I could be deluding myself. Meditating and feeling into the sensations and letting go of effort seems to be working the best, so I will continue doing that. I wonder if it could be a good idea to track each meditation session and keep a record of what was working and what wasn't. Just typing this now it seems like it could be a valuable idea. I'm working with a business mentor on how to learn digital marketing so I can get a decent paying job to move out. I'm 25 and I really want to make progress in becoming independent. I do think I have a lot of emotional/psychological issues that are keeping me stuck as well, but i'm hoping that meditation can help me transcend or at least cope with a lot of my issues. I'm still living like a hermit, basically only going for walks, going to work, and staying home... but I want this to change moving forward. I guess the plan is still the plan over the past few weeks, meditate... turn within and hopefully I can find that transcendent state of being that I found on the LSD. From this transcendent place, it will be easier to solve any issues that arise in my life and to move forward. I have to be careful during my sessions to not over do it... the migraines and nausea are becoming a real problem and I don't want to lose my job while trying to breakthrough with my meditation technique. I'm still very confused about a lot of stuff, but I am a million times better off than I was even 2 weeks ago so hopefully things keep trending up in a major way.

If I is just a thought, how can you use I in speaking in a way that is true. For example, If I say I love you to someone. Technically, it's not true because I is just a thought and not capable of love. But if the I refers back to being or what is prior to thought, then I guess it can make sense to say I love you if it is known that I is referring to the feeling self. How can someone know what exactly is referenced when using I in their thinking. The I can refer to the body-mind. The I can refer to the sense of being. The I also seems like it can exist as a self contained entity that just exists in thinking. Anyone have any ideas on how to reconcile the use of I in language. It comes back to the fact that YOU cannot think-feeling. So saying stuff like I feel like _____, in some sense doesn't work because that entire sentence can be contained in just thought. But YOU can feeling-thinking. So if I say, I love _____, that entire thought can be felt by YOU. My goal is to think in a way that is most in alignment with feeling. And based on my LSD trips and past experience, most of the thought-feeling relationship is based on the unconscious thought patterns involving the I thought. I think the precision really matters here so i want to nail it down. If anyone can provide insight here that would be great, or if you think i'm missing something or you can see the bigger picture of what i'm doing or what i'm getting wrong that would be great too.

@VeganAwake That was a great read, thanks man.

@Moksha I am not self realized. I've had the sense of self behind the eyes dissolve on LSD a bunch of times, so i have a sense of what i'm looking for in terms of spiritual growth but I can't get there sober yet. I am trying to bring my thinking into alignment with how I feel. I want to think in a positive, healthy way. One thing i noticed from my LSD trips is how my thinking becomes clearer and how much more sensitive I am to thinking patterns in general. There's the thinking pattern of a person completely believing their mind, and believing they are identical with the mind. I can recognize I am aware of the mind/thought, but I'm not sure how to reconcile this understanding with thinking. For example, You could say in thinking... " I feel like going to the mall", but if you believe are fully identified with the I, then it makes no sense to say that because the I thought cannot feel. I'm trying to adjust my thinking in a way that best matches what is actually real, because I think if thinking is not alignment with reality then you will suffer from the ignorance.

@Moksha I'm inspecting thought because I'm not enjoying the experience. You could say enjoy the unique you that you are too virtually anybody, but there are levels to how good life can be.

@The0Self I want to understand to best use language and thinking in a way that feels good and doesn't lead to unnecessary suffering. I was on a walk today and I noticed how my mind was just going and it didn't feel good. I'm pretty sure my habits of thinking are so out of alignment that the default thinking patterns are like slapping me every time they go off. If my thinking was all about murdering, raping, looting etc i'm assuming that would have a huge impact on how I felt. I think the same is true of my thinking now, just to a lesser degree.

What are the best techniques to break the identification with the I thought, and collapse the subject-object duality. I've made this perspective shift on LSD before, and so I know the sensations and area of the body associated with the identification. And there are certain techniques like turning attention from outside back towards the sense of "me" but it hasn't worked so far. A basic self inquiry asking who am I has a similar positive effect, attention gets turned back to me but it doesn't lead to a full collapse of the duality. Does anyone remember when they were stuck at this point on the path, and what they did to get over the hump and lose the little sense of self for good?