Raptorsin7

@erik8lrl Not cried, but there are certain movie scenes or songs that touch me deeply and it feels close to bliss. I've had incredible blissful experiences on psychidelics and it seemed to come from a deep acceptance of reality and dropping judgment, but I can't do this stuff at will. I have a tendency to suppress any crying that comes up. There have been more and more moments at work where I think of something and I get a bit teary eyed, but my immediate response is to cover it up and hide it.

If I am singularly focusing on helping myself become loving then technically I am investing my own ability to contribute to the goodness of all. I see your point about learning to appreciate etc and recognize the feeling. In my meditations recently i've been trying to practice being gentle, compassionate, and just whatever comes to mind when I think of how to love myself and I notice a difference in how I feel. When I imagine a bigger version of myself comforting myself as if i was a child i can feel a noticable positive difference in how I feel.

@RendHeaven I mean that I don't feel a deep joy, bliss, etc about my life. Like I want to love my life, and experience it as amazing but I currently don't. If I am a loving person right now, then I want something better than love haha

What

I will search until I resolve the issue. I have experienced a version of myself that far exceeds where I'm at right now in terms of how I feel, my perceptions of the world, my suffering, abilities etc. I want to be at my best before I go out in the world and create something. I believe i am not operating as well as I could, and until I resolve this gap I will keep seeking. I want to experience my life as amazing, beautiful etc... I just don't experience that right now. For example, I suck(relative to people to who are very good) at online games, but when I peaked on LSD i felt a noticeable shift in my performance. That's what I want to do, and I think Love is how i get there.

I don't know what the experience of love is. I think being a loving person means to be caring and accepting, but I don't know if this is love. I always thought love was something visceral that could be felt and couldn't be mistaken. Like if I experienced love I assume I would know for sure and I wouldn't be this uncertain about it.

@Harlen Kelly Do you think you are capable of attracting the highest quality woman available? In terms of looks, personality, wealth, consciousness etc... do you think with your paradigm/traits you have the ability to attract the most desirable woman available?

Love everything in direct experience. Whatever you feel, however you are right now, love that. Be gentle, nurturing, patient and everything good towards your emotions and feelings. Sink deeper and deeper into the love. Just love. A useful exercise is to think of something loving. Imagine having a young child and being unconditionally loving of the child.

What kind of normal man wants to take on the responsibility of caring for someone else's child? I agree there are some cases where it's a good option for a small minority of men, but maybe there are cases where a woman's best option is to be with an abuser. I think most reasonable people can assume that being a single mother is not a good trait for dating.

Relevant part of the video starts at 5:00 mins. The only white person in the panel brought up a victim mentality and then was berated for the rest of the show by the entire panel. There were people in the panel who brought up the point that if this how "allies" are treated then what is the incentive for people to join people of color, but no one really took it seriously. I thought this what was pretty embarrassing behavior from the people who ganged up on the guy, but what are your thoughts?

@soos_mite_ah Okay I think I said my peace. Sorry if it came across as harsh and thanks for your input

@Applegarden8 Thanks for your input

I agree i'm not a conventional racist but I still discriminate based on race. Have you seen stats on online dating? Black woman are the least desirable group in online dating, I think it's largely cultural, but I noticed that I barely ever swipe right on black woman. This may not seem racist on it's surface, but when you consider that 75% of black woman in the US won't ever get married, the fact that they are discriminated against in dating, rightly or wrongly, I think that's based on racism. I prefer woman with light skin, long straight hair, certain facial features etc. This may not seem racist, but what if 99% of men have the same preference, and you have an entire groups of woman who are undesirable by conventional standards? Even the example you gave above about black people and intelligence. If you believe that intelligence is affected by genetics, and genetics vary according to populations then by definition by some populations will be genetically less intelligent than other groups. What you do with that information is what matters imo, but even stating what i just wrote will probably have most people on this forum thinking i'm a racist(in the derogatory sense)

@Applegarden8 I have noticed that I find certain groups of woman more desirable than others. I'd say i've seen an attractive woman from every race but there are some races where it's noticeable that the woman are more attractive. There's certain facial features and body types I find attractive, and those features vary across different groups. If I met someone who was incredibly attractive but they were x race, I wouldn't lose interest because of their race. I have just noticed that my attraction does not balance equally across all races and groups.

@RendHeaven Do you want me to lie and say all races and people are equally attractive and desirable?

Haha you don't have to apologize i'm being pretty blunt here so maybe i should be the one apologizing. I am struggling to understand the distinction between judgment and preference myself, so i'll do my best here. Do you remember a thread a while ago when you posted a list of qualities you wanted in a partner. You also said in that post you wouldn't date me given what I wrote. I had the sense there was some part of my character/writing that triggered the response of, there's something wrong with this guy I wouldn't date you. I'm sure many woman were put off by what I wrote, but the fact you specifically mentioned you wouldn't date me indicates that a dislike or Judgement of me as not worth dating. I also have a sense you judge guy #1 above, and me likely, as wrong or bad because of the racist preference. It wasn't that you were neutral in your preference for partner, it seemed their was active disapproval or judgment of the person and the racist behavior. Finally, from your posts I have a sense that you see problems in the world. Problems with class, politics, climate etc. This is your judgment on reality. The universe/reality doesn't have an issue with this stuff, but I think you are judging the current state of affairs. It's possible you aren't actually a judgmental person and I just misunderstood. I don't understand judgment that well, but this is what I believe based on my understanding. I think as far as your emotional honesty etc. I think the issue is you aren't aware of how closed of emotionally you are because you don't have a frame of reference. For example, on one my peak LSD trips I felt this tension in my head/jaw feel like it was being unwound and pried open by a hand, the end result was like a complete liberation of energy from all the contraction of the body, and I had never felt so good in my life. It was like their was an entire new tier of emotions/feelings that I didn't even know existed. I think this may be what's going on with you emotionally. You don't know what it's like to not have the emotional make up you recieved from your upbringing so you think it's normal. I'm saying they are undesirable in the sense that you did not desire them when they approached you. If you live in a major american city, I think you're from Dallas right, I think it's unlikely the issue is you just haven't met someone you click with. I think it's more likely that you are doing something, or failing to do something, that is blocking your ability to find compatible partners.

@RendHeaven Yes

I have the same complex as guy 1 you mentioned above so take or leave my assessment here. I think the issue you have now is you are not attractive from a personality/emotional stand point to the kind of men you would like. Men can pick up on woman with the resting bitch vibe etc and will stay clear because you are emotionally guarded. From reading your posts, you have a very in-tense vibe. It's kinda like why so serious. I think men you would like are picking up on this and will stay away. This may be projection, but I've noticed this dynamic in my family, where Indian woman are forced to mature and take on responsibility way earlier than Indian men and so Indian woman can develop some masculine qualities because of cultural pressures. It wasn't surprising that one of the men you found attractive turned out to be gay. I have a few woman in my family who essentially run their relationships and it comes from this dynamic. I think men like warm woman, but you appear cold, and I can't imagine men would sense you as a source of peace and joy in their lives. I guess this was kind of harsh so sorry, but I tried to be as analytical and unbiased as I could. My advice. Learn to loosen up and drop your armor. If you can free yourself from the emotional armor you developed growing up you will open yourself to peace and joy, and men will react and you will get attention from similar people and I bet you will find someone you like.

I really liked Gundam Seed growing up, and I'd say Keira is turquoise by the end of show. Interestingly, i've had a few experiences on psychidelics where my crown chakra opened fully, and it felt like a popping inside my head like in the show, and it completely changed my perceptions/abilites after the crown explosion/cracking open.

@thisintegrated I think Avatar the last air bender is a great example of this.

@Zeroguy I'm just not a social guy. I'm too neurotic and I prefer being alone. But I see the value of having friendships. I think I am afraid of intimacy too that friends bring, like I am too selfish to worry about other people seriously. Yeah I agree about pick up. I've been watching some redpill stuff recently and these guys are idiots.

@Zeroguy Yeah I think the same thing when I see majority of woman. I have my own issues too, and I wouldn't be offended if many woman said they won't date a child haha, but I still look at 90% of woman as not worth dating. What kind of society is Serbia? I know there is a difference between eastern europeans and westerns but how do people in Serbia view themselves relative to other Euro countries? I have 2 serbian friends from school, and both them seemed a bit crazy and ready for war almost.I also grew up with a bunch of Italian people, but I never was intimated by an Italian guy for some reason, but I wouldn't want to mess with a Serb. I also played basketball against some serbian guys a few times. That's when I learned about how good Serbs are at basketball haha

@Zeroguy LOL no dw I would never do an arranged marriage. We met on a dating app. Only concern is I don't want this too last too long because I want more variety in real relationships before I settle but we've been texting a few weeks and she seems very cool. . One thing I noticed is she way more into me than usual because I am Indian, nice bonus I guess.