Bridge to Infinity

@Timothy I discovered that Marijuana use for an extensive period of time (4-5 days straight) is very effective for handling depression and anxiety. What it allowed me to do was the following: To view my life and problems from a perspective of happiness and security (by-products of being high) and because of that enhancement of vision and ease of perspective I was able to better situate myself in my own life. I had many insights that exposed the dysfunctions that were in my life. It also helps that I had an ego death early on while on a mixture of Adderall + Indica-Marijuana + CBD droplets. I've been off of weed for a good while now, and I don't crave it nor are the results some temporary fix. Weed is greatly underrated for its ability to allow you to introspect and view your problems from a higher perspective.

I find it very difficult to achieve a state of awareness/observing thoughts/detachment from thoughts during my meditations I used to be able to effortlessly pull this off (detachment from thought) but now it seems I can no longer do what I once could. I suffered some major anxiety, loneliness and depression when I moved out of my parents’ and into a new country, and my monkey mind has tripled or quadrupled even... Its as if though I had beat the shit out of the “monkey mind” only to have made it more powerful and more wild... The result of having suffered this anxiety, loneliness and depression is that I can now sit all alone by myself and be totally entertained by my own mind chatter. Drifting in and out of awake dreaming states (day dreaming). I, now have very unproductive meditation sessions, I have been going at it for a couple of months with little progress, where as before, within a couple of days of starting to meditate I would be able to experience massive differences in my day-to-day experience. My fault for not sticking to the habit when I clearly should have. What to do moving forward? Edit: I no longer feel anxious, lonely and depressed however one of the side effects of having suffered through that is the development of a more powerful monkey mind.

@Stakres to become more focused, decrease neuroticisms, gain detachment from thinking, decrease overthinking.

So my thoughts are very vivid, during mediation i cant seem to let go or notice them and as a result i get lost in them. Mind you, I have some sort of depression where my energy levels are low through out the day, so i also find myself falling into light sleep during my meditations. What can i do? things im already doing: I began a workout routine daily to help out with energy eating well persistent meditations high quality sleep

@Bill W very true

Actualized.org, as useful as it is for some people it is becoming a problem for many others. People begin to take the actualized content on faith, creating a belief out of it which is the danger because you become insane. Story: Recently I've talked to someone who has social anxiety, unmeet survival needs, and therefore depression. This person is an active follower of actualized.org and is totally entertained by the idea of actualized.org. Not only does actualized.org content stimulate his brain and promises some escape out of his situation but it also makes him feel like he somehow knows things that others don't, which as we all know is very ego-inflating and with the addition of the forum he feels a sense of belonging as well. What he really needs is to meet the needs that are on Maslow's hierarchy of needs diagram. BOOM! actualized.org has become the ultimate crutch for his ego. He is pretty much pedaling in water (not getting anywhere) but in this case, his taking on beliefs of insanity is making him go backwards. beliefs like, YOU ARENT REAL! EVERYTHING YOU SEE AROUND YOU IS AN ILLUSION! SCIENCE IS FLAWED! THE WORLD IS IGNORANT! YOU KNOW MORE THAN EVERYONE ELSE! and the list goes on... Conclusion: Actualized.org needs to be more transparent with the fact that the content can do more harm than good for some people.

@Leo Gura I love your one-liners! HAHA@Bill W I'll look into it "imposter syndrome" maybe it could shine a light on the situation @remember wise words, cheers m8

@Bill W agreed, the mastery approach rather than the obsessive. for me, the only results I am able to get in my life is when I take the obsessive approach and get 100% immersed in something. It probably ties into my ADHD. When I was fat I became obsessive with weightloss and lost 26 kg in 2 months which is around 50-60 pounds, I would eat no carbs, do cardio 3 hours a day, drink apple cider vinegar, weightlift every day and go on 4-5 day fasts whenever I plateaued. I lost the fat for good. Same with this thing here, I have the ability to ultra-focus on one thing, but I have to be wary with plateaus because that is the weakness of the obsessive.

I've never had a girlfriend or intimacy with a girl and I'm pursuing pickup hardcore at the moment... that being said.... I've read this in the SixPillarsOfSelfEsteem book where Nathaniel talks about how because we don't love ourselves we are shocked when someone loves us and we start to think that there is something wrong with their judgement and dismiss them as not worthy enough. I'm conscious of that however I legit think if a girl is playing into me and sending me pictures and face-timing me after a day or two of meeting her I start to think she is really insecure, unexperienced and lonely which turns me OFF. Story: I visited the city of my soon to be university, and I met this girl during the time I was there. She just wanted to get involved with me, telling me "don't leave stay with me" and whenever I talked about my future she would always come in and say, I want to do that with you. To me, she was just an insecure person and I couldn't imagine myself having sex with her. I will never have sex with an insecure girl, it turns me off and makes me feel used, as some sort of crutch to get her out of her loneliness.

@Leo Gura Damn, I was just pulling numbers out of my ass but you would know better than me... I still suck with the opposite sex. I found that getting rejected over and over can make you unfazed by rejection thus making you more confident and assertive...not just rejections from women however, but also men, getting rejected socially with guy friends, having them not like you, think your stupid, or not laugh at your jokes... or just straight up tell you to fuck off. Maybe me this is me oversimplifying this but, low self-esteem in social situations seems to stem from a fear of being rejected/disliked, overcoming that can release so much suffering and anxiety that happens as a result of social interactions. I've set a goal for myself to get rejected as many times as I possibly can, socially with guy friends and women. Since we apes are socially attuned creatures we organize ourselves in social status hierarchies and the people at the top are usually not afraid of rejection while the people at the bottom are scared shitless... It's attractive when people see you don't give a fuck if they reject you because that would imply high status on your part. Thus making you have higher social status. From the ages 14-18 I discovered this wrongly somewhat and started acting like I didn't care about people, I became known as an asshole when in reality I cared very much about them and what they thought of me, I just wanted them to be attracted to me so I acted like I didn't care about them. It didn't work! But now I realize the thing I gotta do is separate from that, caring about them or not isn't the focus rather it's this "being concerned whether they like me or not" that is the issue.

@Nichts Take initiative on your own first. Then if it doesnt work out spend the 3k, they arent gonna teach you anything that you cant find online for free. They are gonna get you to do some cold approaches and you could do that on your own, think in terms of months not days, think if i approach 3 girls everyday for 10 months i will get real good at it.

@Bill W haha! I wish it was that simple, Im just shit with women, they always think im a creep. Working on myself IS meeting with women and developing my seduction skills. This entails developing my confidence, social skills......

@Timothy No in the netherlands

So now that I've handled my University and academic situation... I'm 18 and I've been half-assing trying to improve with girls for the past 5 years and I haven't gotten anywhere. To be honest, I've gotten much worse because I have built-up resentment and lowered self-esteem because of failing with girls for many years. I have taken very little action, I've only 4 cold approaches, and I primarily focused on dating apps. I suck balls at attracting girls now because I have just become so perplexed by the dating dynamics (I've watched countless dating programs). I'm going to get my drivers license in a month, I will rent a car and be traveling to new cities and just doing cold approaches like a madman, I'm going to be reading David D's Double your dating like its the bible, as well as going to be on dating apps. I'm frustrated with myself, I need to get this part of my life handled. If anyone reading this lives near Amsterdam, hit me up.

Straight to the point. Leo simplifies what low self-esteem is by pointing out that what it truly is which is just a lack of self-love. There isn't much more to it than that. I've read Nathaniel Brandon's work on Self-Esteem, and what he goes into detail about are the characteristics one lives by that causes one to love themselves, fundamentally the books he has written preach that one should develop themselves into a person they love. But that is challenging in many instances because persons who are highly neurotic and therefore have low SE will always find flaws within their character no matter what causing themselves to not love themselves. The aspects of self-esteem that Nathaniel Talks about in his book "Six Pillars Of Self Esteem" are a direct result of self-love. For Example: Because I love myself I will put up personal boundaries, therefor live assertively. But the opposite could also be true "I put up boundaries and live assertively therefor I love myself" however that is a lesser form of love and is dependant on the actions you take. Leos's method of living with high self-esteem is much more efficient because embodying the characteristics of high self-esteem will come naturally once self-love is established rather than having to force actions that feel very incongruent with who you feel you are right now. eg... living assertively Great Job Leo. I would absolutely love it if you touched on some more stage orange personal development topics with the spiritual understanding and perspective you have. It brings me to tears now that I finally know what it is I must do to live with high self-regard and esteem. It is not to jump through hoops trying to raise my self-esteem rather it is to directly and unconditionally fall in love with my-Self.