I am a 24 year old female, I have a full time job and I live with my parents because we live in a country where young adults don't live in their own apartments unless they get married. So please don't suggest "just move out".
I don't want to play the victim here. I understand that I have 100% control over my thoughts and emotions, it is just that it gets so hard to maintain my good mental health sometimes while living in this fucking house.
my mother is schizophrenic, depressed, and miserable. all she does is sleep, eat, smoke and sleep some more. my sister and I saved her when she tried committing suicide 3 times before. She is killing herself slowly by smoking 40 cigarettes a day and eating shitty food. She is also a slob and always leaves food and clothes and all sorts of rubbish everywhere, it's just insane!! i am the kind of person who highly values discipline and cleanliness and I am always cleaning up after her mess. She doesn't listen, I tried time and time again to help her live a healthier life but she just never listens. she is very irresponsible and apathetic. she is also very dependent on me, she refuses to leave the house without me, refuses to sit down with people without me being present, she lets me do everything for her, even dress her sometimes and she is not that old, she is only 60. I will not go into details about my childhood but i feel like i spent my whole life just taking care of her. Ever since i was a kid i was always responsible for her emotional and mental wellbeing, i always had to be her cheerleader, just begging her to get out of bed... and I always took care of house chores, cooking, cleaning, etc...
I am a positive person. I want to live a good life. I cook healthy vegetarian food daily, I go to the gym and clean the house everyday. I believe in god, I pray, I love people, I love laughing, I love order, I love having a peaceful loving family, and I just love life! i am into positive psychology and spirituality and I highly value positive, healthy, good living. I have a full time job and I get home very late and all my time at home is spent cleaning up after her mess. I barely have time to take care of myself, for example (cook healthy meals, pray, meditate, exercise, read, rest). I feel like my whole life is wasted between my work and taking care of her. i cant even have the time to think about my career goals and plan for my future (which is very important to me).
I believe that I am in full control over my thoughts and my perspective in life. but there are days when my mother's negativity is so overbearing and it cripples me and hinders me in my path to create the kind of life I want. how can I deal with this? how can I cope when things get tough? how can I accept that this is my reality and be happy regardless of my very negative surroundings? how can I accept her the way she is? how can I love the negative, irresponsible, miserable person she is and stop putting labels over things as (good or bad). how can i have the strength to keep my house in order as well as my work and my spiritual and mental health all together?
TLDR; I live with a toxic mother and I need to learn how to accept it and not let it bring me down. help?
