aaalex

Using my words poorly and not giving enough context to the situation. I saw him more as an friend when we were just friends first and I left some subtle signs which he snapped up subconsciously. I were actually the one who approached him in the end, both of us thought we were friendzoned by each other. ? Maybe a bad example. Kind of hard having an open discussion when assuming stuff like this. Wish you the best. ?

Imo, does not need to be creepy. A mature woman will understand that her attractiveness for some is irresistible and a quality man will not feel the need to adventure the friendship if there is a possibility of the friendship ending. My ex did this and when I finally confessed to him my feelings (took a whole year haha) he said it was always mutual but he’d rather have me in his life as a friend for the rest of his life than risk loosing me if he was being creepy. He did leave subtle signs chich always made me wonder, subconsciously...

I just love how you choose your words, I laughed at the bus, pretty hard. ? Yours tho. ”I, harassing YOU and you not falling for that is hurting ME!” Classic, just classic. @intotheblack I saw your post about how to increase feminine energy and I just wanted to say that I appreciated to see that. ?

Damn. I haven’t watched any of them yet but just watching the last video’s thumbnail give me the chills, it happend to me at some occasions too in India where men recorded me when I was as the beach. It has happend in Sweden but not as openly as they did it in Asia. Their reaction when confronted is always ”Oops, what, no, me?” I even had one man who faked getting insulted for even assuming this about him. ?

I agree to some extent that our biology is affecting us more than we think but we already now that we can get conscious enough to see beyond the body and the mind.

I get what you mean, I can only talk from my own experience, but I do believe that women rather want to believe that every man is good from within if you think about how oppressed we are regarding this issue. Me, for example, have a really hard time consciously thinking men are like this when my brain is already wired to be afraid of a man. Somewhere, I don’t want this to be true.

Yeah I saw it but immediately (I don’t post here often) so I changed it, hehe. @Lucas-fgm maybe you could help me deleting the pictures you quoted ? my bad! But yeah, quite disgusting. I hade a similar experience where I got help from a family in a village in India. The husband talked English quite well but not his family. He told me next to his family that he “hooked up and had sex” a German girl on a family trip in Bali. He asked me if I wanted to see him after his family went to sleep, initiating me doing the same with him. I was speachless. I do believe his story was horse shit in the end, thinking I was gonna be turned on or impressed or whatever. I don’t know if this is common behaviour with married men in India or if it’s the view of female, young foreigners will spread their legs for every single man in the country.

Fuck’s sake. ? I’m sharing one as well, a guy I thought I was good friend with during a voluntary stay in India. He had a wife and two small kids. He was drunk, calling me on my spare time in the late evening and wrote stuff on Messenger that he deleted, but I saw them before he did. He wrote that he wanted to kiss me and come to my tent. He blamed him being drunk and having too much to drink, no regrets though. I could not tell the leader because the leader was even more fucked up and was very touchy with the volunteers that were there. Mainly the volunteers where foreigners and the staff were Indian men, there were no female staff.

It’s ok, but thank you. It was a younger guy who didn’t speak for almost 10 years with anyone in our family, little to no human contact, severely autistic and used to hang around on darknet. He is older now and regret this deeply, even though I thought he would never because of his diagnosis. I have chosen understanding in this matter and have forgiven him in my heart, for the sake of my sanity. I am thankful for the abuse not going ”all the way” to fullclose intercourse, even if what I experienced was horrific. I probably would! I went to India for three months once and experienced some really fucked up shit because of me being nice to everyone.

Jesus christ…

I guess I am pretty attractive. I have very attractive male friends and I would never put them in the same position so maybe the differences with gender play a key role? I agree with choosing friends selectively, however with some guys you don’t really notice this until the damage is made. I won’t stop being nice, never! I don’t really want to use stereotypes as I’ve been wrong with some men before, too. I don’t really attract these kind of situations to the same extent anymore which is also worth noting (I don’t mean that you consciously attract this as a woman but I hope people understand what I mean by this). It still happens though and I don’t feel safe in the streets walking alone if I encounter a man, regarding if he will approach me or not. You kind of get taught to be afraid because of experiences or by society as every male is a potential rapist (I also hope people understand what I mean by this and don’t twist my words).

Even though my shitty experiences with men (which are one of the reasons I turned into spirituality) I don’t see myself as a victim anymore which is liberating. <3 I truly believe that no one is born this way and that we as a society and individuals, are teaching each other “This is the way!”. I know this because I had a really dysfunctional childhood where I had to unwire my own behaviour patterns after I realized that you can’t scream or abuse your loved ones. But I had no other way of knowing as I was mimicking my own parents, this was my “normal”. The human experience is so more complicated than you’ll normally think. If you want to solve a problem you need to go deep to the root, not blaming gender, masculinity / femininity (even though they play some role in this issue). this forum and Leo was helped so much regarding my traumas with men and I am forever thankful for this, and forever thankful that this thread was created.

I would love to give some examples based on my experiences as a 23 year old woman who grew up in Scandinavia and currently living in Spain. One thing I’ve noticed and learned in some of my male ”friends” over the years is that 99% all of them have been or are sexually attracted to me and will wait for the opportunity, if it ever comes. Always when I’ve left a relationship there has been some male friend who’ve tried taken the oppurtunity almost immediately, taking their shot at me when I’m most vulnerable. Which makes me sad thinking I had some authentic connection to with that individual, just to find out they were just waiting to fuck me all along. This has made me hard trusting “male friends” and I now choose my male friends with extreme caution and will not continue the friendship if I sense there is anything I could do to “lead them on”, when I don’t want anything sexual with them. Sadly, this has happened alot and most of these dudes were typically ”a nice guy” and not some creeps. Going back to being in a relationship, I’ve preferred being in long relationships over being single. Mostly because of unhealed childhood trauma in some ways but mainly because I’m like, super duper horny for being a female and being in a relationship is more safe than being single and hitting it off by some strangers. That does not mean I was always safe even being in a freaking relationship. I was together with a guy who was super childish and also was on steroids so his horniness and being too masculine was too much to handle. He did not treat me well with my emotional needs so I was not that turned on him in the end. He wanted to have sex so bad and was so needy about it, I did not have any birth control and used to use that as an excuse to not have sex with him. Sometimes though, I gave in and had “decent” sex with him but I didn’t really enjoyed it and would have preferred not having it. But I felt obligated. At one point when we were going to sleep and he wanted to fuck, I said to him I wasn’t feeling it because of all the shit we were going through. We went to sleep and I woke up with him touching/massaging my vagina in my sleep, thinking I would change my mind in my sleep, not being able to give consent (?). I broke up with him. I’m from Sweden so our society are quite different, men are men everywhere in the world but Swedes are known for being afraid of confrontation / afraid of conflicts. We have alot more of “Nice guys” pretending to have good intentions but then they’ll prey you as soon as they can. Maybe this is normal everywhere but I’ve travelled alot for longer periods to different countries in Asia and I live in Spain at the moment and male behaviour / how male approach you is super different. For example, in my Experience, males in Spain are more outgoing and can literally tell you to your face that they are interested and want to fuck. Most guys in Sweden tend to build a friendship first, thinking they might have shot sometime in the future, if opportunity comes. I also experience that if I’m too nice in guneral to a guy will make them think I want them to hit on me immediately and in some cases I’ve had to make an excuse or literally just walk away because of this. Which is sad because I am a very loving person who thinks everyone needs love, even “idiots” who think they can use girls when they are most vulnerable. One example of this was when I smiled to random dude on the bus, which I can do to anyone regarding gender. It ended up by him trying to attack me by going of at the same bus stop as me. I was afraid of running away and indicated that I was going to scream if he tried. I think I was so hard to attack as he left me alone when I started to cry hysterically and was very afraid. I was sexually abused several times by a male in my family when I was at an institution for drug addicts when I was a teenager. It happend during my visits to my home and I was afraid of saying anything because I was already being a drug addict which people tend to think are not trustworthy. I told my family years after and they did not take that so seriously but this happens everywhere in society. The list goes on sadly by exampled but I am trying to keep the list short.

I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, I can't say it's all gone but I am taking huge steps! I have ADHD and features of Autism aswell, so I hope my perspective will help in somehow! Expose yourself to social situations / social gatherings are crucial, it's the most scary solution but definately most effective. You also have to be OK that you sometimes will be awkard or even weird when you try in the beginning. Try not be discouraged by this and just move on if it happens. Overthinking this is counterintuitive and will make you scared to try again. One of the BEST videos out there with a technique I use almost everyday with everyday life but especially with social anxiety is this gem that Leo posted. We all know it by now as Let Go. It could be as "simple" as taking your lunch break in the kitchen at work (if you have possibility of going to work during Covid-19) instead of hiding away and eating alone somewhere else. Or start to greet nearby collegues or strangers that walk pass you. You are already doing a great work asking random people of the time, It's quite a different but simple approach you have there. Relate to the humanity in all humans, this will help you relate to people more which will create a more natural flow in the conversation you are having. Because of my autistic spectrum I've never really thought people were that interesting because of my over-rationalizing and over-analyzing side. It actually got worse when I started my spiritual journey as there is only a small percentage of people who actually does this work so I got way too selective with people. When I started swifting that into realizing that even if me and my co-worker almost had nothing in common we had one thing in common: our humanity. BONUS TIP: I've noticed that people LOVE to talk about themselves, by revealing something about yourself (small or big) you will help other people relate to YOU! Tell jokes, have fun and spread love / positivity! I believe everyone loves to have a laugh or to have something loving said to them because this feels more close to our natural state. I struggled so much with how sarcasm / irony worked because of my diagnoses + I was bullied in school til I was 12 years old so I had no idea how to talk with people I wasn't related to. Today, I love to laugh with people and put a smile on their face! If you think the joking part is too complicated at this point, try giving a compliment (not a fake one, alot of people can feel when you just say something nice for the sake of it and that backfires immediately) to the person you are talking with. It can be a simple "You look so happy today!" or encouraging / supporting them if they tell you something they overcame in a situation for example, if you don't want to come from a shallow way like complimenting their apperance or whatever. Don't overthink though - love is love, regardless of which approach that resonates with you. Be honest with your intentions, why do you want to be viewed like this? Why is it important for you how others percieve you and to be liked? Do you really want friends for genuine connections? Or may there be an underlying issue that stems from a lack of self-love or not feeling like you are enough as you are? If there is an underlying issue, then being more confident and likeable will not fix your problem, you are just pushing away the real reason to why you want to fix this issue from the outside. Don't get me wrong - there is nothing wrong with wanting to have genuine connections but wouldn't you want for people to like you for who you "really" are? Is this really important to you? For example, I want to help people on my journey to self love = so being able to just talk to people without draining my own energy is something that fits in with one of my life purposes with what I want to with the brief time I am here. Be careful trying to push an idea of how you should be, just because society / other people tells us that this is what makes an person successful and happy. I've become so much more confident in myself after more self-love, accepting me for me. First then, other people will be able to see you for you and also accept you for who you are. You are one of God's infinite perspectives, so there is nothing wrong nor right if you don't have all of these traits in your personality naturally. You also need to accept that not everyone will like you and that is OK, because you probably feel the same with someone in particular too. Not that you hate that person but sometimes, the energy will not match and if you want to be more loving in your life: you could see it as a gift because not trying to push something that is not meant for you will create more space for everything that is meant for you. The paradox is that you can be whatever you want to be, because there is really no "You" to begin with. But sometimes trying to be something that does not come natural to you in your own direct expereince can do more harm and can leave you quite confused, forgetting what you really want. I happened to learn this the hard way. Most of all: stop overthinking everything, I don't know if you actually do this but I have found similarities between people who just have social anxiety and people like me who have diagnoses which often then results in social anxiety to overthink everything all the time. It's EXHAUSTING! If you switch sides, when someone is acting "weird" or maybe out of place: for how long do you think about that after it has happened? I think we all can agree on that we are our own biggest critics, and usually when it comes to others we are so much more accepting and usually do not reflect that much about others like we do about ourselves. People are usually very occupied with their own thoughts and so are we, when we chose to not be conscious! And if you happen to met a conscious human you will see that they wouldn't give a shit about how you are, because everything is exactly how it's supposed to be! There is so much more but I have found these tips help me the most, which lays a foundation where it has started to happend me more naturally and with a more autenthic, genuine approach in connecting with other people. Feel free to PM if you want to know more or ask questions. Good luck with overcoming your social anxiety. Love.

Still waiting for people who replied in this thread to realize that opinions about Leo is just projections based on your own personal experience and navigiation, in this so called "life".

Hi everyone! I’m just going to get straight to the point. I also just want to mention that I would love some input specially from men who’s woken the Kundalini since me and my boyfriend has but is of course not a must. Long story short: me and my boyfriend have been going really deep into self development since this winter, he woke his Kundalini last year in spring and I woke mine last year in august. It’s been a sick journey for both of us and of course together as well, we’ve been put through some really tough challenges these last couple of months and we are finally getting back on track from a long period of confusion. Not going to go into so many details for now but the both of us have been really confused about consciousness, duality, non-duality, the human species, purpose, reaching deep levels of awareness being aware of awareness etc. It kind of put us in a tough position being able to connect on a physical level which started to effect other levels connections in the end. It was just to alien sometimes, especially for him. The major thing that was getting in the way was (and still is) my boyfriend “inability” to have sex for a longer period of time. To describe it better, the sensitivity in my man’s down area is so high that he’s having trouble lasting during sex. It made him avoid having sex in the beginning but we are slowly getting there. This has not been a issue before, we’ve been able to have sex for at least an hour or even several hours but now it can last from 2-3 minutes to 20 minutes maximum (foreplay included). It’s getting better since he could only last 5 minutes maximum (also foreplay included) in the beginning when all of this started. He says that since he was able to move his energy all the way up to his head (the crown chakra) this began but not also just the sex, he feels an increased sensitivity in all of his areas in life, psychically and mentally. He described it once as feeling like having sex again for the first time due to how it feels, which I notice makes him feel insecure and what to do in bed. I just want to help him feel like the sexy beast he is, but he comes even more quickly when I take things in charge for example. My question for you conscious men, have your sex life changed since starting doing conscious work and self development? Have you had similar experiences? Any tips/ideas of what he/me/we can do? I don’t know if this is crucial information but around the top area of the penis (the glanse area) is where the sensitivity has increased at most for him. Thanks in advance!

Funny thing is that he already has that book (like you suspected) and have read about 50 pages, however we do not have access to the book since it's home in our home country. But I will check out the possibility of finding the book online! I will also check out David Deida, I've actually searched for some great sources of sex/relationships connected to spirituality so thanks a bunch!! Our connection is getting better in bed, connection overall has always been deep and we do truly care and love each other. I totally agree about not putting pressure on performance, it just feels silly even thinking about it and the only one putting pressure is him on himself. He've had issues with performance anxiety since he was a kid and he says it is mainly connected to that except that it's extremly sensitive physically, which makes it go into an evil spiral. It will take some time as he's healing that part consciously! We've done some tantra in the past, I don't know if that's the same as semen retention but I remember that he got more horny, and after not coming for a while it felt like he was going to explode as soon as we had sex. I know that I read that it was going to feel easier after 21 days, we usually never got to that point. If it is the same thing then we will try again but if not, any great source of more information? Have you practiced semen retention yourself?

This is so beautiful written. You are bringing up such an important topic here, which unfortunately I don't find so much about on this forum. I really enjoyed reading this. There's something about a true committment between two souls that fascinates me in the human experience. When two souls are fully committed to letting go of each other with each other, a great teacher in the two of them for each other occures. It creates space for both parts to fully meet themselfes and to grow indivdually, not just the relationship itself. This is what I've experienced in my relationship with my partner and it has taken our love to the depths and made our bond and understanding for each other so strong. It is such a beautiful process that my eyes gets all teared up just thinking about it. There's alot of talking about growing from ending relationships but little of thriving relationships. It's very courageous to commit to this kind of relationship and I recommend it to anyone mature enough who meets someone worth committing to, if one is willing to practice letting go seriously. It's a very interesting and beautiful experience we humans get the chance to experience and can be very transcendental. Thanks for sharing your perspective on this topic.

It wasn’t about that I wouldn’t love him if he would awaken. I did read some of your answers in another thread about soulmates which made me reflect, ALOT. We’ve never experienced anything like this before, so both of us created some kind of resistance to what happened. Surrendering to love changed everything for both of us. I somehow forgot for a split second in my backlash that I have chosen this. I appreciate you calling me out on that, that was very healthy for me to hear. We have done some tantric practices / sex before but never tantra yoga. Will look into it. Love.

Hello everyone. I’ve been trying to find anything similiar to this on this forum but couldn’t find much. I'm hoping someone could share som insights on this matter or maybe even have had an experience similiar like this. The original text was unnecessarily long so I tried shortened it. During this one and a half year I met this incredible guy. From the first moment we met we created an instant connection. I’ve never experienced true understanding and unconditional love in a union. Time went on and since we live in separate cities many hours apart we became friends at first. Talked every single day and getting to know each other without any expectations. Grew with each other, both making tremendous positive changes individually. He woke his kundalini after a couple of months of contact and this was the first glimpse of what unconditional love felt like. I knew that I liked him more as a friend (we were still friends at this point) but also realised that he was going through things at that time and didn’t want to “stay” in the way of his progress. I constantly knew in the back of my head, that he’s a person who've worked alot on his attachments and made me realise that I want to work on myself. Not for the sake of him or the relationship but for my own sake. Time continued moving forward, knowing each other for almost a year, growing more and more individually. Left the country for some months to search for inner truth, still having contact with him. I was afraid at first to be honest about how I felt, as I knew from the beginning that this was an individual I want to be a part of my life regardless if I’m in a loving relationship with him or not. I had a profound insight when I was travelling, that life is too beautiful to not speak out your inner truth and decided to confess my feelings next time I was going to see him. Everything was flowing so naturally when we saw each other , zero confession needed as his feelings was mutual. Never was there any pressure from both of us to try to manipulate the relationship into our own favour or desires. Just happy and extremely grateful with having each other in our lives. We began exploring the depths of true love with each other. Pursuing truth at all costs. We've had conversations where we've said that we have to let go of each other eventually in the end too (not breaking up but you get my point). No bullshit. Then, I also woke my kundalini 3-4 months ago. I had no intention doing it but it happened. It turned everything I knew upside down. I've been doing spiritual work for 4 years but that felt like nothing compared to this. Kundalini feels like a spiritual boot in the ass that won’t stop kicking you towards what you are destined to. Even if you try laying down and refuse, it will continue kicking you until you get up (if you don't literally take your own life). It’s all pure love. It’s like you really have a choice, like a door that never can be sealed. Only thing you get to choose is how hard and painful it will be. Surrender and face all of your inner pain which can be really painful if you have experience of a shattered life like me, growing up in alot of mental, physical and sexual abuse. I am aware that my past is not my present, that I'm God having a human experience. I'm in a process where I observe how these survival and defense mechanisms have shaped a Self, a pattern of how I have experienced and percieved reality until now (and still do in some areas). I'm working alot of healing my three lower chakras and starting to feel how my heart chakra is beginning to work its magic towards the root, sacral and solar. This is very much needed to let the energy rise. So, almost a week ago a shift happened. He described it as feeling his kundalini rising almost all the way up to his crown chakra. I've felt some kind of a wall from him energetically. I've brought it up with him since we have good communication skills. Both of us are higly sensitive people who feels energies very easily, so we can't really hide anything from each other even if we wanted to. He describes this as his love towards everything - even me - has changed. That the love which is immersing him right now is so genuine and divine, like a motherly love. No seperation from anything. He says that he wants to be with me, to grow more with each other and to be free. It's just not a physical attraction anymore or having a need to be with me like lovers do. He says that he loves me so much but it's more like genuine love now and that he's unsure if he sees me just as a friend. I asked him if he's not in love with me anymore and if he sees my as his sister and I get the answer that he sees everything as a sister/brother/whatever you want to call it. It's nothing personal which I understand. I can feel genuine love swirling in him and around him and this was even one of the qualities that made me fall in love with him. He's the most genuine person I have ever met. I cannot help to feel shattered. Knowing that our love we once shared is not the same anymore. I'm so happy for him pursuing his inner truth to become Divine Love - like we've talked about so many times - but none of us was prepered for this. My ego demonizes my feelings for him and try to make me feel selfish for feeling pain in this. It feels like we've broken up, even though the option to be with each other is still there if I want to. I innerly want to but I can't deny my feelings. It feels like me being in love with him prevents us from being together. The deeper the rabbit hole goes, the realer my feelings have become. I realize from this that there is some work with attachments going on but I genuinely don't feel that my feelings grew from my ego in the beginning. I don't know how to explain this better than I'm already doing. And because of my genuine love for him I am willing to understand that I maybe have to let him go for the sake of myself - and also so he can be free. How can I let him become free if I linger towards something that is just not there anymore? Is there anyone out there who have experienced anything like this? I'm so confused with that I am feeling, I feel devestaded while feeling this deep and unconditional love towards him. There's nothing I'd do to stand in the way of his path, even if it would result me not being with him. Even though he says he do want me there, to walk next to each other in this absurd but beautiful reality. Just not like we did before. I feel that I have come from a place of nediness these past 24 hours, not being able to accept this for what it is right now. Everything is still so fresh and he needs time to reflect which I understand after thousands of questions of trying to understand. My ego is playing all of our memories ever shared in front of me, making me feel like something or someone has died. Knowing I will never feel him on that intimate level again (not just sexually, you can be intimate with someone without sex). But at the same time so fucking grateful for every little moment and presentness we've ever shared. I constantly ask myself "Why does this hurt so much despite my love for him?" I've only had glimpses of this divine love several times but I won't feed any self deception with saying that I do understand fully because I don't. That however don't mean I never will someday. Am I creating a problem that actually does not exist due to where I am with my spiritual work? Am I being selfish with my feelings?

Sometimes we create an idea of someone / something in our head and confuse ourselfs (been there done that). I like your honesty about it! Interesting observation! I used to be depressed the majority of my life and can see how manipulating can go hand in hand with depression. I was so consumed of my own misery which made me create bad and toxic behavioural patterns. I remember behaving nasty in situations and using my depression to my advantage which made it easier for people around me to put up with my shit. It all depends on how willing you are to be completely 100% honest with yourself. Spiritually helped me with this even if it was a painful truth to discover about myself. Or you’ll continue to be in denial because the truth can be extremely painful for some people. It’s very likely you’ll stay in that state if you also take medication (my own observation). May she find peace and realises she is the only one responsible for her own happiness! 1+ to you for staying true to yourself!

You have to make a decision if you want to interfere with her and her progress. If she’s on medication for depression means that she probably has a quite unstable psychology. Of course there are some things you can do to make the communication easier between the two of you but don’t expect anything from a person who suffers from depression. If she struggles with trusting people she will likely be super defensive if you try to confront or talk to her about anything related to why she’s depressed. What I’ve experienced with people on medication for depression is that there’s a lot of self denial and suppression. That’s one of the reasons they even take medication in the first place.

I understand that I am probably looking at this from an ego backlash point of view. I’m just really trying to grasp this and look at what is hurting in me. This is one of the most challenged situations I’ve had in life. I do seek Divine Love. But what to do if he does not see me more as before? More like a sister than a lover? How could intimacy then even happened? I’m not just talking sexual. I somewhere understand that love is all there is and to not make a separation but just by observing how he behaves around me, I see that there is nothing more than a genuine love towards another human being. It feels like we’ve never been in a loving relationship from the first place. He described it as he is dying. There is no Self. Everything connected to his former Self is gone. Both me and him have had a mourning process about our relationship these last couple of days. Maybe I am in denial and don’t want to accept that my feelings for him is based in my identification I took when I was born. It just does not feel like that genuinely atm. The more layers I’ve striped from myself the more intense my feelings have gotten. Maybe this is one of the biggest Let Go lessons I need to have to really be able to do so properly. If so, it’s quite brilliant from a bigger point of view.

❤️