aaalex

Using my words poorly and not giving enough context to the situation. I saw him more as an friend when we were just friends first and I left some subtle signs which he snapped up subconsciously. I were actually the one who approached him in the end, both of us thought we were friendzoned by each other. ? Maybe a bad example. Kind of hard having an open discussion when assuming stuff like this. Wish you the best. ?

Imo, does not need to be creepy. A mature woman will understand that her attractiveness for some is irresistible and a quality man will not feel the need to adventure the friendship if there is a possibility of the friendship ending. My ex did this and when I finally confessed to him my feelings (took a whole year haha) he said it was always mutual but he’d rather have me in his life as a friend for the rest of his life than risk loosing me if he was being creepy. He did leave subtle signs chich always made me wonder, subconsciously...

I just love how you choose your words, I laughed at the bus, pretty hard. ? Yours tho. ”I, harassing YOU and you not falling for that is hurting ME!” Classic, just classic. @intotheblack I saw your post about how to increase feminine energy and I just wanted to say that I appreciated to see that. ?

Damn. I haven’t watched any of them yet but just watching the last video’s thumbnail give me the chills, it happend to me at some occasions too in India where men recorded me when I was as the beach. It has happend in Sweden but not as openly as they did it in Asia. Their reaction when confronted is always ”Oops, what, no, me?” I even had one man who faked getting insulted for even assuming this about him. ?

I agree to some extent that our biology is affecting us more than we think but we already now that we can get conscious enough to see beyond the body and the mind.

I get what you mean, I can only talk from my own experience, but I do believe that women rather want to believe that every man is good from within if you think about how oppressed we are regarding this issue. Me, for example, have a really hard time consciously thinking men are like this when my brain is already wired to be afraid of a man. Somewhere, I don’t want this to be true.

Yeah I saw it but immediately (I don’t post here often) so I changed it, hehe. @Lucas-fgm maybe you could help me deleting the pictures you quoted ? my bad! But yeah, quite disgusting. I hade a similar experience where I got help from a family in a village in India. The husband talked English quite well but not his family. He told me next to his family that he “hooked up and had sex” a German girl on a family trip in Bali. He asked me if I wanted to see him after his family went to sleep, initiating me doing the same with him. I was speachless. I do believe his story was horse shit in the end, thinking I was gonna be turned on or impressed or whatever. I don’t know if this is common behaviour with married men in India or if it’s the view of female, young foreigners will spread their legs for every single man in the country.

Fuck’s sake. ? I’m sharing one as well, a guy I thought I was good friend with during a voluntary stay in India. He had a wife and two small kids. He was drunk, calling me on my spare time in the late evening and wrote stuff on Messenger that he deleted, but I saw them before he did. He wrote that he wanted to kiss me and come to my tent. He blamed him being drunk and having too much to drink, no regrets though. I could not tell the leader because the leader was even more fucked up and was very touchy with the volunteers that were there. Mainly the volunteers where foreigners and the staff were Indian men, there were no female staff.

It’s ok, but thank you. It was a younger guy who didn’t speak for almost 10 years with anyone in our family, little to no human contact, severely autistic and used to hang around on darknet. He is older now and regret this deeply, even though I thought he would never because of his diagnosis. I have chosen understanding in this matter and have forgiven him in my heart, for the sake of my sanity. I am thankful for the abuse not going ”all the way” to fullclose intercourse, even if what I experienced was horrific. I probably would! I went to India for three months once and experienced some really fucked up shit because of me being nice to everyone.

Jesus christ…

I guess I am pretty attractive. I have very attractive male friends and I would never put them in the same position so maybe the differences with gender play a key role? I agree with choosing friends selectively, however with some guys you don’t really notice this until the damage is made. I won’t stop being nice, never! I don’t really want to use stereotypes as I’ve been wrong with some men before, too. I don’t really attract these kind of situations to the same extent anymore which is also worth noting (I don’t mean that you consciously attract this as a woman but I hope people understand what I mean by this). It still happens though and I don’t feel safe in the streets walking alone if I encounter a man, regarding if he will approach me or not. You kind of get taught to be afraid because of experiences or by society as every male is a potential rapist (I also hope people understand what I mean by this and don’t twist my words).

Even though my shitty experiences with men (which are one of the reasons I turned into spirituality) I don’t see myself as a victim anymore which is liberating. <3 I truly believe that no one is born this way and that we as a society and individuals, are teaching each other “This is the way!”. I know this because I had a really dysfunctional childhood where I had to unwire my own behaviour patterns after I realized that you can’t scream or abuse your loved ones. But I had no other way of knowing as I was mimicking my own parents, this was my “normal”. The human experience is so more complicated than you’ll normally think. If you want to solve a problem you need to go deep to the root, not blaming gender, masculinity / femininity (even though they play some role in this issue). this forum and Leo was helped so much regarding my traumas with men and I am forever thankful for this, and forever thankful that this thread was created.

I would love to give some examples based on my experiences as a 23 year old woman who grew up in Scandinavia and currently living in Spain. One thing I’ve noticed and learned in some of my male ”friends” over the years is that 99% all of them have been or are sexually attracted to me and will wait for the opportunity, if it ever comes. Always when I’ve left a relationship there has been some male friend who’ve tried taken the oppurtunity almost immediately, taking their shot at me when I’m most vulnerable. Which makes me sad thinking I had some authentic connection to with that individual, just to find out they were just waiting to fuck me all along. This has made me hard trusting “male friends” and I now choose my male friends with extreme caution and will not continue the friendship if I sense there is anything I could do to “lead them on”, when I don’t want anything sexual with them. Sadly, this has happened alot and most of these dudes were typically ”a nice guy” and not some creeps. Going back to being in a relationship, I’ve preferred being in long relationships over being single. Mostly because of unhealed childhood trauma in some ways but mainly because I’m like, super duper horny for being a female and being in a relationship is more safe than being single and hitting it off by some strangers. That does not mean I was always safe even being in a freaking relationship. I was together with a guy who was super childish and also was on steroids so his horniness and being too masculine was too much to handle. He did not treat me well with my emotional needs so I was not that turned on him in the end. He wanted to have sex so bad and was so needy about it, I did not have any birth control and used to use that as an excuse to not have sex with him. Sometimes though, I gave in and had “decent” sex with him but I didn’t really enjoyed it and would have preferred not having it. But I felt obligated. At one point when we were going to sleep and he wanted to fuck, I said to him I wasn’t feeling it because of all the shit we were going through. We went to sleep and I woke up with him touching/massaging my vagina in my sleep, thinking I would change my mind in my sleep, not being able to give consent (?). I broke up with him. I’m from Sweden so our society are quite different, men are men everywhere in the world but Swedes are known for being afraid of confrontation / afraid of conflicts. We have alot more of “Nice guys” pretending to have good intentions but then they’ll prey you as soon as they can. Maybe this is normal everywhere but I’ve travelled alot for longer periods to different countries in Asia and I live in Spain at the moment and male behaviour / how male approach you is super different. For example, in my Experience, males in Spain are more outgoing and can literally tell you to your face that they are interested and want to fuck. Most guys in Sweden tend to build a friendship first, thinking they might have shot sometime in the future, if opportunity comes. I also experience that if I’m too nice in guneral to a guy will make them think I want them to hit on me immediately and in some cases I’ve had to make an excuse or literally just walk away because of this. Which is sad because I am a very loving person who thinks everyone needs love, even “idiots” who think they can use girls when they are most vulnerable. One example of this was when I smiled to random dude on the bus, which I can do to anyone regarding gender. It ended up by him trying to attack me by going of at the same bus stop as me. I was afraid of running away and indicated that I was going to scream if he tried. I think I was so hard to attack as he left me alone when I started to cry hysterically and was very afraid. I was sexually abused several times by a male in my family when I was at an institution for drug addicts when I was a teenager. It happend during my visits to my home and I was afraid of saying anything because I was already being a drug addict which people tend to think are not trustworthy. I told my family years after and they did not take that so seriously but this happens everywhere in society. The list goes on sadly by exampled but I am trying to keep the list short.

I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, I can't say it's all gone but I am taking huge steps! I have ADHD and features of Autism aswell, so I hope my perspective will help in somehow! Expose yourself to social situations / social gatherings are crucial, it's the most scary solution but definately most effective. You also have to be OK that you sometimes will be awkard or even weird when you try in the beginning. Try not be discouraged by this and just move on if it happens. Overthinking this is counterintuitive and will make you scared to try again. One of the BEST videos out there with a technique I use almost everyday with everyday life but especially with social anxiety is this gem that Leo posted. We all know it by now as Let Go. It could be as "simple" as taking your lunch break in the kitchen at work (if you have possibility of going to work during Covid-19) instead of hiding away and eating alone somewhere else. Or start to greet nearby collegues or strangers that walk pass you. You are already doing a great work asking random people of the time, It's quite a different but simple approach you have there. Relate to the humanity in all humans, this will help you relate to people more which will create a more natural flow in the conversation you are having. Because of my autistic spectrum I've never really thought people were that interesting because of my over-rationalizing and over-analyzing side. It actually got worse when I started my spiritual journey as there is only a small percentage of people who actually does this work so I got way too selective with people. When I started swifting that into realizing that even if me and my co-worker almost had nothing in common we had one thing in common: our humanity. BONUS TIP: I've noticed that people LOVE to talk about themselves, by revealing something about yourself (small or big) you will help other people relate to YOU! Tell jokes, have fun and spread love / positivity! I believe everyone loves to have a laugh or to have something loving said to them because this feels more close to our natural state. I struggled so much with how sarcasm / irony worked because of my diagnoses + I was bullied in school til I was 12 years old so I had no idea how to talk with people I wasn't related to. Today, I love to laugh with people and put a smile on their face! If you think the joking part is too complicated at this point, try giving a compliment (not a fake one, alot of people can feel when you just say something nice for the sake of it and that backfires immediately) to the person you are talking with. It can be a simple "You look so happy today!" or encouraging / supporting them if they tell you something they overcame in a situation for example, if you don't want to come from a shallow way like complimenting their apperance or whatever. Don't overthink though - love is love, regardless of which approach that resonates with you. Be honest with your intentions, why do you want to be viewed like this? Why is it important for you how others percieve you and to be liked? Do you really want friends for genuine connections? Or may there be an underlying issue that stems from a lack of self-love or not feeling like you are enough as you are? If there is an underlying issue, then being more confident and likeable will not fix your problem, you are just pushing away the real reason to why you want to fix this issue from the outside. Don't get me wrong - there is nothing wrong with wanting to have genuine connections but wouldn't you want for people to like you for who you "really" are? Is this really important to you? For example, I want to help people on my journey to self love = so being able to just talk to people without draining my own energy is something that fits in with one of my life purposes with what I want to with the brief time I am here. Be careful trying to push an idea of how you should be, just because society / other people tells us that this is what makes an person successful and happy. I've become so much more confident in myself after more self-love, accepting me for me. First then, other people will be able to see you for you and also accept you for who you are. You are one of God's infinite perspectives, so there is nothing wrong nor right if you don't have all of these traits in your personality naturally. You also need to accept that not everyone will like you and that is OK, because you probably feel the same with someone in particular too. Not that you hate that person but sometimes, the energy will not match and if you want to be more loving in your life: you could see it as a gift because not trying to push something that is not meant for you will create more space for everything that is meant for you. The paradox is that you can be whatever you want to be, because there is really no "You" to begin with. But sometimes trying to be something that does not come natural to you in your own direct expereince can do more harm and can leave you quite confused, forgetting what you really want. I happened to learn this the hard way. Most of all: stop overthinking everything, I don't know if you actually do this but I have found similarities between people who just have social anxiety and people like me who have diagnoses which often then results in social anxiety to overthink everything all the time. It's EXHAUSTING! If you switch sides, when someone is acting "weird" or maybe out of place: for how long do you think about that after it has happened? I think we all can agree on that we are our own biggest critics, and usually when it comes to others we are so much more accepting and usually do not reflect that much about others like we do about ourselves. People are usually very occupied with their own thoughts and so are we, when we chose to not be conscious! And if you happen to met a conscious human you will see that they wouldn't give a shit about how you are, because everything is exactly how it's supposed to be! There is so much more but I have found these tips help me the most, which lays a foundation where it has started to happend me more naturally and with a more autenthic, genuine approach in connecting with other people. Feel free to PM if you want to know more or ask questions. Good luck with overcoming your social anxiety. Love.