arlin

Oh yes, you both guys are right. @Carl-Richard

Well, even awareness comes and goes of example when you are sleeping. OR like i said before, when im doing so many things at the same time it might seem like i have more awareness at one moment, and less in another.

@Nahm I have to say that when i do something for example like drinking water, i think at the same time of many things and it confuses me, then when i stop it all and i get more "clear" it seems like it was turned off

Well, when you say that to me, no i can not turn them off right now.

Also, this is applicable to others. If others i interact with don't exist, then connection is pointless. Can you see how this can make somebody depressed.

Thank you, this makes me feel relieved because what if im not really living? If this is so then nothing matters, my dreams and goals and visions. Nothing. And all of my decisions, im not really making them,they are inevitable and i have no free will. I seem to have this experience, or i seem to over obsess about it. I mean it's unlivable like this. A split second after reacting to something, i see how it just happened without me deciding it sometimes. I don't choose my preferences like for example i like tomatoes. Why do i like it? Because yes, because i can not like it. Can i really make a decision to not like tomatoes? Or not like sex? I can't. If this is just overthinking, i want to stop it and move on. Never questions those things again. I have listened too much of jim newman.

@Nahm There is awareness yes. "knowing" i don't know... i don't know if there is knowing. I know nothing anymore. Maybe i have to start looking for things to know in which to ground my sense of reality. But even when i think that there is this chair which is essencially nothing, it has no substance and yet is a chair. It is non existance chairing. then this disturbs me. you can see why my sense of reality is fucked.

I know that i live in a universe or in a reality but i don't know what's real anymore and i don't know if i really exist. @Nahm

Objective i mean that it is the reality of the universe out there in which i live in.

Truth is what is objectively real and true. A belief is something that you hold, it's your perspective on things... I hate him, he just says the same things over and over again and i think he could have brainwashed me that's why i hate him. Jim newman says that life is meaningless but i can tolerate that, what i can't tolerate is the fact that he says with such conviction that there is no self and no will. Now everytime i make a decision i can see that comes out of nowhere and i have no choice but to make it. Yes but consider that, if i know i might not even exist, what enjoyment would i get out of tje journey? what "personal sadisfaction" if i had no free will? you see, it's a problem. self-imposed resistances... curious. If there is no self then who is imposing those limitations? anyway, you see how considering those "truths" hurts your progress in life, at least for me... i don't want to think about it anymore, and i hope i forget all that bullshit even if it will be hard. I want to live in a normal world.

Yes that was harsh. And made me feel sad. But thank you and yes, i will take A LONG break from trying to understand and all those things.

@traveler What? If im misunderstanding something, please tell me...

So i forget about all of this and go live my life. But this will constantly be in the back of my mind. You are missing your point when you say it's about freedom. You see? When you say it's about something you miss the point. You have took non duality and applied it to your ego and decided it's about something you can attein like freedom. But most likely you are aware of that, as yous aid, you spend much much time obsessing over those things. Yes, this is what it was also for me in the beginning. And now here i am realizing what a fuck i have done. Im in worst shape than i actually have ever been. What i meant is: Do you believe you can actually get a happier life or is it just an illusion?

I think you are right. Agree. Im getting there. I need to fully grieve the loss of myself first.

I can see how you could reach such a conclusion because in fact im very close to that conclusion myself so it seems like you understand me. I get that, or i might get that trying to get somewhere else it's useless but i still want to experience things in life. I mean, i haven't actualized my life purpose, i want to be creative, to form meaningfull connections with others. I think most non dual teachers have already done it and then they can rest in peace and just say that trying to get somewhere else does not help the seeker. But this does not benefit me in any way because im just 21 years old and imagine how can it feel like when you have no free will yet, those desires arise within you and you feel like you can't acomplish anything in life because there is no you. "what is left is what is truly longed for". Well i regret discovering those things now, because i would just have live my amazing life and then died and that's it, what remains after is everything, what is longed for. Rather then living at 21 and seeing there is no free will which stops your life right there. But we can't do anything about it. As i said, im alive so i might as well just live now. Does seeking have to be negative? People have lived and have achieved happier lives. It's not that seeking is completely useless. Of course one can never be whole and truly complete in this life (it is but it's not recognized bla bla), but certaily people have suffered and recovered and got happier lives.

Allright. Do you believe we have free will? And if we don't, do you believe everything is predetermined or is just spontaneously appearing ?

@traveler In fact i don't care about embracing anything anymore. Im just tired of word games and concepts. I have had depersonalization and used to obsess over those things which made my sense of reality more thickle and slippery. Feeling i have no free will sucks and ruins your whole life. You talked to me like jim newman or some non dualist aggressive teacher so i know what you mean by embrace not knowing. It is impossible to find the answer yet we are trapped in a constant stream of never ending seeking. Even leo can't stop seeking because he is still in the dream believing he is achieving something serious. what a fuck... Well i guess im alive so only choice is to start living now.

Oh , i see. Well thank you for that. Like what? Non duality? if you want to share im ok with that. If you don't, im ok.

@Johnny5 Why? What do you believe in?

@Johnny5 But then how can i be sure that what i believe is right and im not just deluding myself? i guess it's silly question. I Guess im just tired of those things that's all.

You can turn this into "everything that is, is evil" and your circular logic would still work. How do you know there is god? Also, omniscient and omnipotent are loaded words. How do you know such thing exists?

is there free will?

God is a loaded word here because it implies so many things. If you talk to the guys on the conference they will tell you no such thing exists yet you talk to me like they do. That's why i asked about are those the same views or different views of non duality yes or no If everybody has their own, discovering my own that is different would just lead to the fact that everybody decideds like he wants so everything is fucked. Rather than discovering an objective ultimate truth. Are those the same views or different views?

Yeah but then how do i know which is true then?

No you misunderstood. I was asking if all those teachers had actually different views on of nonduality