arlin

Do non duality teachers like jim newman and tony parsons and leo gura talk about different things? Im asking if talk about different things or the same thing expressed in different ways.

this is clear explaination. But didn't you say that "it is realized". So why did you say that for? Why are you contradicting yourself? Can you expand a little further on death? How do you know that this is a dream?

@traveler Yes but you said that when you die it is realized that there is nothing to realize. Who has that realization? Yeah and it's god and love as you said. You are talking like living is useless and invalidating every human being on earth.

"It is realized" by who?? Are you talking about death?

did you partecipate?

Yeah this i know very well by now. Glad you are in a better place. I have aspects of myself which i reject because i believe would get me rejected by others but im now trying to own them and to love them. Im in the right direction. Thank you for this

So you have been gone through something similar. im sorry and I hope you are doing fine now. Thank you very much, this feels good Yes she was bullied and had trauble childhood herself... It took a while to arrive at that conclusion especially because i never heard of a story like this, lol. But i think she liked my personallity because we joked toghether. And she has shame also and difficulty expressing herself so i feel bad for her. But doing to someone what she did to me is screwed up, even if you like the personallity of someone you should not say those things and at least PLEASE STOP. STOP. When you see i don't know how to react, or why the fuck don't you ask me if it hurts or express any concerns for the way i feel? I also believed it was weak to show my emotions or she would loose interest. But she also did the same thing when she was on the relationship, never asked me how i felt. Thank you for the encouragement.

This could very possible be. My mind right now completely is disregarding those ideas. I just don't care anymore. It has been soo much pain. I know sooner or later i have to figure this stuff out but as you said, not focusing on looks but more deep issues that has to be resolved otherwise i would always feel unworthy the way i am. Im having an emotional reaction to this, i think i need more people to see my pain and to validate it and to stay close to me. Maybe with support i can fully let go. it's difficult because i have shame around the subject of being attractive and the way she treated me.. if for example i could open up to somebody and that somebody failed to aknowlege the deepness of the pain and disregarding it or even encouraging me to get over it soon, or that it is not a big deal, that would make me feel hopeless. Thank you for clarifying here... I also took fault, i can see how, because if looks don't matter then it's you fault if you don't respond to shit tests well and she looses attraction. Also i was always, as i am today, trying to improve myself so it's natural to take fault in that you can be aware of what you are doing wrong and correct it to improve your life. But now i can see how i tend to put way too much weight on myself and i find it nice of me that im willing to be gentle with myself and more caring and say: This is completely messed up, she is responsible also. For example, why did she want to be my GF when she didn't like me in the first place? It can seem strange to you, but i never asked myself this question ever, since maybe some days ago and it's been 2 year since the breakup. It was all about the gaslight i recieved. We saw each other other times and again she commented on my looks. Even though we also had great time toghether. Time that i spent tring to win her approval underneath and feeling lonely. Now, she has forgotten about me and i think about her and this bothers me soo much. But i feel this story is going to end soon now.

The fact that you are validating my feelings brings me relief. and this is what i need. Thanks Yes for sure. For sure i consider that. Now, i say that i had a difficult childhood and i have shame about expressing my feelings and being vulnerable with somebody. Now, i worked on it and man, i did a really good job now my heart is more open and i processed some heavy heavy stuff by my own. I fear the most that i would be rejected if i "exposed" myself, in fact my terrible social anxiaty i understood in my journey really came down to shame and fear of abandonement. It's insane. I am considering therapy in fact, now it's time to surround myself with people who can help me and that in and on itself for me is a huge step because i didn't let anybody in... and i believed i didn't need help. Yes, this is huge for me. I was pubblicly shamed in the sense that girls loughed at me when i approached them in groups. But most important, my first girlfriend which i loved (i suffer from shame and abandonment traume so hear this.) she samed me for the way i look. She told me everything under the sun that if i had to tell you, you would genuinely feel bad about me. I think this is a huge trauma but im processing it and letting it go more. This is huge. HUGE. Because as i say above, i suffered from trauma right? I was lonely all my life, i have trauble being vulnerable, letting people in, and shame as the base of my personallity basically. I have shame for every emotion under the sun. Grief, fear, exitement (yes, even positive ones). Only now im working with it. My first girlfriend shamed me for how i look so you can understand the level of suffering when you don't open up to anyone, she is the first and she tells you those things. She told me i was ugly constantly, she told me "i don't want to have sex with you because you are ugly as fuck." (worthy of connection,right?) she told me " No girls want to be pretty for you, because you are ugly". She told me " It's a shame to go out with you because you are ugly". She told me "Why don't i have a boyfriend with the same personallity, but good looking?" And so much more... You see my point here. It's difficult not to believe her. So how can i love and be loved if i have this flaw? I believed i took all the responsability of the breakup myself (because it's always something wrong with me, right?) and basically failed to see that maybe if she could have been gentle with me and not harsh, stay friends and genuinely care, this would have been much less of an impact on me. You are totally understanding me and this is making me feel so relieved. I think you are totally right here.... Im loving your help because i feel you can relate to this. You are right about working with a professional in fact i am already considering this. But, the fact that i was so resistant to it, it's because of gaslighting. Let me explain, i was already insecure especially of my looks and as i said i was rejected by my ex and had other experiences. But everybody says that looks don't matter particularly pickup community, now i don't want to debate about this but when everyone says that your reality is wrong, i basically could not process the emotions and i hold on to them for months god damn it. Even my "best friend" who is into pickup, said that looks don't matter and it my ex was saying this because it was all a shit test (could be partially, don't know). Fact is, i lived in the middle of 2 worlds and nobody actually aknowledged my pain. It wasn't only short time ago, i decided looks it's the only thing that matters for attraction and then i was finally able to grieve the loss of my hope to be attractive and actually find ways i can be accepted and approved in spite of that. Hope you understood

Yes but he is not ugly. And what does not exactly that good looking mean? Lol.

Yes, of course, this is it. Yes this bothers me also... Everybody hooks up online, i write to girls on instagram but i don't get responses. Maybe this fuels the beliefs i have. You are completely right here. I have nothing to say about this. I think part of it is that i want my people to validate my suffering. I definetly need to open up to somebody to express how i feel and why i feel this way and find relief. This is really interesting... Yeah... this gives me an interesting perspective. You are definetly opening my mind here. This is such an interesting question yet i never ever asked it or thought about it... I would feel that when i speak people listen, that i make everybody lough and just have a good time. I would feel relief everytime i go out instead of freezing. I would feel like i can express myself freely... I would feel that when girls look at me i would feel like i have a place in the world, like i am somebody.And this is really important to me... My belief was that this was not possible couse of my looks.

@Farnaby I have a huge nose and yes im insecure about the way i look. So this is the number 1 thing for me... maybe there is something else im not seeing, im not completely disregarding this. im not attractive. But i would be happy if i could make friends that accept me for who i am and people who appreciated me. Unfortunately, it bothers me soo much that people rate others in terms of "value" and by not being attractive it means i don't have value. This is what i used to believe, i want to change that. As soon as possible, or find a way out. Otherwise i will live a miserable life i regret.

Yes... i just want people to see who i am inside and to for real connections but i fear my appearance is holding me back. I don't want to pick up girls anymore and all of that. I don't want to use psychedelics because im only 21 years old. I got an experience of depersonalization months ago and that scared me so i fear my brain would be sensitive to those substances. In fact, i did get a GF after the first. It was my 2 girlfriend and things were going well but i didn't love her so it couldn't work out. @Globalcollective Hi im 21 years old and i live in italy. I also do think those qualities are important but i think right now i want to focus on embracing my uniques and finding people who appreciate it and whom i can form connections... Also it bothers me the term "unattractive". I used to feel that even if i got with a girl, im unattractive so it's something important that is missing that she deep down wants and i can't give her that so i can not have a satisfying relationship. Also i compare myself to other guys but who wouldn't? It bothers me that people compare people and i do this too. It's like, we live in a competition world. Who is most "cool" or "attractive". Who is the most lucky to be with that person, etc etc.... I don't want to be able to attract girls per se. I just don't want to feel rejected or unworthy. Or because im unattractive something in me is missing... like im not the whole package. I don't want people to have pity for me. I want to be able to form connections and to have people really come towards me, be interested in me. I used to fxate on sex because well, this is the most that people can come towards you right? If they are attracted. Especially girls, and also being seen with a lot of girls for me, i would have felt safe, like i had value in the world. And in other peoples eyes. But i completely let go of that and i don't want it anymore. Also, i know it came from insecurity. But i still want people to come towards me and to appreciate me. And to form connections. Who would not want that? I was alone for soo long, still don't have real friends and im very closed off. And i envy good looking guys because they can express themselves and be admired, if an unattractive guy would be to be himself, even if he is unique, i fear people will not appreciate me entirely like the good looking guy. This bothers, me, it's unfair.

guys the answers are a lot, let me take some time to process them all and very interesting

My god you are talking about me. Yes. I might as well have written this. The solution is find people. I had a belief that finding people who you truly connect is hard. Then i thought about it, and aside from a good psychotherapist, that can empathise with you and feels you, i suggest go to church and confess. It's what i did 2 days ago, the priest had a good presence which is what you need to heal from your pain. I was shaking and i was ashamed and could barely talk, but just the unconditional presence it's all it's needed. It lasted less then 5 minutes and i said nothing, it was amazing. Just feeling my emotions while another human being is completely here with me, it's so healing. You also most likely have shame. if you want to know more tell me. I know it seems like a big deal and im going through this also. Im planning to find people who have that kind of presence, you have to surround yourself with those loving friends. it can be found, it seems impossible because what you always experienced is pain alone. Imagine if you have friends you age with whom you enjoy life, play videogames and also talk about you pain and they accept it without you needing to be different. it can be done and it's my next goal.

This is actually good advice, thank you I internalized it pretty fucking good. And yes, she was immature, she was abusive. It's hard to take in a compliment like this for me, but i thank you. I made decent amount of approaches in total. Good looking guys can express themselves in photos and be admired for that. Im not even talking about sex yet. Just the fact that if im ugly it's hard for people to appreciate you, especially teens, because it's unpleasant to stare at you. I think it's very important to have a partner and form connections. You might as well live on mars or in another planet alone if your mindset is that you dont need anybody. Connections are crucial in life and everybody knows that if you are confident, you get or did get good social feedback starting by your parents. And what best method to get good social feedback that if you are good looking. I don't know ugly people that have partners yet.... If they do, they don't have an amazing sex life ...

@Farnaby Nobody wants to give up. It is what i have done. Everybody will tell you looks don't matter. Yet on the streets all i see are good looking guys getting the attention. Why nobody will admit this? A whole lot of suffering for nothing. I wish i could be liked for my personallity, but even the girls which i feel i have fun with don't respond on social media and i know why. On social media only good looks get attention. What i will suggest you, is that if you are not good looking, if you are considered ugly you have to admit it and stop. It's what i did. My ex said to me over and over again i was ugly, she was insecure and she felt something for me. but did not have sex, the physical contact for her was absent, when i would kiss her she would back off. Her dad told her she can do better and guess what, she can so she left me. Nobody wants to stay with someone ugly, even if she likes you her friends and family will dissaprove of you. I know i can be charismatic and magnetic and this can draw people in, i never told that this is not relevant but when it comes to attraction, only the physical side matters. She told me clearly "Why can't i have a boyfriend with the same personallity but good looking?" what does this mean? yes, it means she liked me inside, BUT she was not attracted to me. Even though she fell in love with me at the beginning. Of course it matters also the phsycological, but if she wants you on top of her, she has to like your face.

Being magnetic does not mean being physically attractive.

im sorry but he seems like a provider... btw i know the fearless man, great channel. looks are major. sorry

So your mom has a kid with him? I have a step dad also I know this can be done. i think there is some truth to that, but let's not ignore the importance of looks please. Every girl will tell you they want an handsome man.

@Sleyker Thank you for the incouragement. But when you say fat ugly man, have you seen them? or is it just a story that you hear? I agree with the love yourself part, it's very important. That's completely ignoring the looks part tho. an btw, this is just 1 photo. in reallity, i have a big nose

Im sorry... you must feel very hurt inside. I wish the best for you.

@mandyjw Thank you very much you have given me great advice It could be, yes Ye that really sucks... I hope this thing turns out good for me because im still wounded and need to do lots of work. Btw i take that as a compliment even though i can't let it in, lol. thanks

Yeah also. Also because of this... Regarding people diminishing you about the way you look, i have had a girlfriend and she has been cruel regarding this point. I agree that she was insecure but i loved her. You don't have an idea of how much it hurts when your girl tells you that you are ugly and she doesn't want to have sex with you. The anger i have i think it's huge because of the unfairness. I keep thinking that she is attracted to other guys, especially my good looking friends. I feel worthelss and like people don't see my beauty inside because of my face, and so much more. Can you relate? so far you have been giving good advice, you seem to know what you are talking about. Thank you soo much

reacting with anger.