Bratcat

The thing that would motivate me the most about losing weight if I was in your position wouldn't be health or good looks. Something I've noticed many times before, is the way overweight people carry themselves. Everything seems so hard and exhausting. Getting out of breath when you walk up the stairs, almost falling when you try and sit on a bycicle, having trouble getting into a car... I don't know how overweight you are, but when I imagine having to carry an extra 50-100 kg with me everywhere I go, I'd be so much less motivated to do stuff. But the good thing is, these things don't change only once you've reached a healthy weight, but already from the moment that you start being serious about working out. I sometimes have days where I barely wanna get out of bed and these are the days where I'm already exhausted just from standing up and doing the dishes. But on the days when I get up immediately and incorporate some kind of workout into my day or even just ride my bycicle to university or work, I feel like existing in this world is so much easier! Same goes with eating. I do not have a healthy diet by any means! What I have learned is to eat exactly what my body tells me to, even if its storebought cookies with processed sugar. This may not work for everyone, but I have found that this way I don't get as many cravings, it's easier for me to stop eating once I'm full and I don't eat around aimlessly to try and satisfy some craving. However I like almost anything, if you're a person who doesn't like most vegetables or fruit, this may not work for you. Maybe try learning to cook. My point is: you should lose weight, because you will feel better. I know this is hard to imagine, and I know working out can be a pain in the ass, but you can and will actually learn to enjoy the pain. You just need to stop thinking to yourself "I don't wanna do this, this is painful", and start enjoying it, because what you're doing is you're working WITH your body, not against it. You are doing something for your body, because you love yourself and simultaneously your body is doing something for you, the effects in your mental health will immediately if you have the right mindset.

@Scholar What you wrote makes a lot of sense to me, thank you. I need to learn to focus on the next step instead of the whole map.

I am from germany as well. I think this is a good example about how perspectives can differ. I don't see any radical change since the refugee crisis in 2015. Maybe I see a couple more poc or women wearing headscarfs on the street (not a bad thing yet) I sometimes see arab men acting threatingly. I sometimes see german men acting threatingly. I sometimes see muslim women acting inconsiderate in public. I sometimes see german women acting inconsiderate in public. You see where I'm going? Biases have a way of confirming themselves because you want them to. However I see your point, I guess modern Islam is mostly rooted in stage blue values, and german society mostly in stage orange. BUT Even with this realization, how do we go from there? Don't let anyone into our precious german paradise bubble? Keep exploiting other countries and hoping everything will sort itself out sometime in the future? Wait until all the third world countries are so frustrated they'd rather turn to ISIS than a country focused on progress and human rights? Or just hope that most of them get killed off in some war or due to hunger? Maybe welcoming muslims into our society isn't the fastest way to progress, but it sure as hell is the safest and the most humane. Fatalistic theories aren't going to get us anywhere, if you think the german government is going to collapse under a couple million muslims, maybe we aren't so ideal after all. Other cultures aren't immune to progress, you know that right? But how do you expect them to, if you shun them and put them in a hazardous environment where they have no option to choose progress, since they have to focus on survival? And by that I also mean segregating them from us while they are already in germany, not giving them the same chances, threatening them...

Hi everyone! First of all, I'd like to say that I truly appreciate most of Leos content and do not want to cancel ego work. However I would like to share my experiences in hopes of helping someone else see the traps I walked into. Since I was a child I've always been a mix of being deeply insecure and kinda narcissistic. I was tested to have an intelligence above average and from that moment on I based my entire value on it. I never learned how to properly learn because in my pride I thought I can only prove my intelligence if I get good grades without working for them. I wasn't the most empathetic child, I think I was around 16 when I noticed that and started actively and slowly changing. It is still deeply ingrained in me, that I have to continously act intelligently and never make a mistake to prove my worth. A couple of years back I discovered Leos videos and ego work and it came as a blessing to my struggle to always do the right thing. Because suddenly there was no real right or wrong, there was no me, so in turn, there wasn't anything that could hurt me. I felt free. But also, I felt better than everybody else (ego), I felt as though I had seen a truth noone around me had yet discovered, and at the same time I was scared to share it with them because I thought they wouldn't understand. Of course I wanted to be good at ego work, so in my head I started questioning and critizising everything I thought and valued. I was passive in most discussions because when you don't know the whole truth (which you don't if you aren't god) no opinion is better than a partly blind opinion. Then I got into a relationship with a person who was equally as insecure, though I think it was rooted not in their narcissistic nature but their constant devaluation during childhood. They were on the journey of keeping ones ground and maybe overdid it sometimes. So in a sense we were completely opposed: I tried to constantly be neutral but wanted others to just see how I was right, whereas they tried having strong opinions even though sometimes it was just for the sake of having an opinion and it wasn't actually about defending their truths. For the first time in my life I had to really get along with another person. There was no runnning from conflict, no faking apathy (because feelings) and no discarding the other person I was in disagreement with. As you can imagine, due to me trying not to identify with any values or personality aspects I was deeply vulnerable. I often felt powerless, misunderstood and manipulated. As a result over the following months I started losing my self worth. I couldn't prove it anymore through being right, I also couldn't stand being wrong or leaving a conflict unresolved. My interest in education and self-development plummeted because I couldn't identify with it anymore. I'm now at a point where I need to find all those values, traits and interests i really identify with and leave ego work to the side. Maybe someday I'll be ready for it, maybe it just isn't for me. I hope someone reads this who can learn something from this without going through the same thing Also I'm open to any advice on how to go from where I'm at right now! Have a nice day PS: I do realize that this was in fact my ego feeding off the idea of becoming enlightened (better than others). I still think that at the moment I don't have the right capacities to do some real ego work.

So you're the Jesus of xenophobia?

@pangolin The reason I couldn't give him what he wanted was because we had had a lot of difficulties before I broke up with him. Situations where I couldn't recognize him as the person I thought he was to the point he almost scared me. I wanted us, if we even were to try it ever again, to take it very slowly and see if both of us did our part. I just couldn't give him what he wanted before seeing if he'd really recognize those concerns of mine and change accordingly. It's true that in the very beginning I didn't want to commit to a relationship, but that changed. However I always thought a lot about our possible future together in an anxious way, because it felt like we were inevitably steering towards a point where we just couldn't work out anymore. For example I wanted to do a semester abroad and he was always soooo scared about that, wanted to come with me or else he thought I'd find someone better than him during that time. I never said he was toxic. I said the relationship was toxic. There's definitely some things he did that weren't okay, especially looking back I feel like I was very subtly manipulated at some points. But what I meant by toxic, was the codependency that resulted from both our insecurities and my inability to rely on myself whilst being with him. @Aquarius Actually he is 11 years older than me and had quite some relationships before me. I know you mean well by saying I can't be alone in the You-niverse, but as I already said I'm on an extremely low consciousness-level right now. I am just constantly filled with sadness and fear and it is very hard for me to see the beauty of life. I just miss the connection to another human being, someone I can share everything with, someone I can call at every time of the day and whose presence just makes me feel at home.

Thank you Leo @iGhost I think it's okay to a certaint extent to be needy in a relationship, as long as you recognize it and are willing to work on it yourself. Nobody's perfect and everyone has got their insecurities. @Spiral Do you mean dating in search of a new relationship is a trap or do you think even casual dating like one-night-stands etc. isn't such a good idea for me right now?

Of course I don't know exactly what's going on in your life, but I believe you made the right choice, if you already admit that a big part of you knows that you were holding yourself back in that relationship. I had the same feeling in my past relationship and believe me it reeeeeally sucks, but even after only 3 days of fully breaking up my head has become a lot clearer and I am more and more certain that it was the right choice. I get that it's extremely scary to leave a relationship because you've learned to lean onto your partner for security and selfworth. It sounds like we are in a similar situation right now, if you want you can message me about it.

thanks everybody it's really hard for me right now. I've been the happiest i've ever been when I was with him but that doesn't make up for our incompatibilities and the fact that I don't know how to be happy when I'm alone. I still love him and it hurts me to think that he's unhappy, but at the same time I can't make myself responsible for his happiness. I don't really have any good friends and my family lives far away. Nothing feels worth living anymore if there's noone to share it with. How do I learn to live for myself?

thank you Elisabeth I indeed had already blocked him on Whatsapp and after that call blocked his number, and he just now sent me an email, which I didn't open. I'm planning on reading it together with my therapist, I hope I can persevere until then.

Fuck he just called me and said he thought about it and was able to calm down a bit and wanted to explain to me again what it was that he wanted. I cut him off and told him that I can't do this whole back and forth thing anymore, but it threw me just a little bit off. I had just started building my world without him and then he calls.

Hello everyone! I've been in this relationship for a little over a year and there had been lots of ups and downs since like the 4th month already. I ended the relationship already 2 weeks ago, but not really, because i was still hoping that maybe we could sort things out and get back together. Basically the thing that ended it was this: He expected me, if we wanted to get back together, to pledge my forever love to him, to really believe that nothing could ever seperate us. I told him that I could give him everyday commitment, but that I was too personally vulnerable to let go of any (logical in my opinion) thoughts that there could be issues we wouldn't be able to sort out. I had always felt very dependent on him, and to keep that sort of "distance" seemed to me the only way to work on this codependence without losing him. Long story short neither of us were open to a compromise. So now I am alone again and absolutely scared, but atleast now I think I managed to completely let go of him, no hopes or will to get back together with him. It is hard for me to believe that I will ever find someone again who makes me not feel alone, and even if I do, I am absolutely terrified of the time before that, where I am definitely alone and have no deep social connections whatsoever. My consciousness is extremely low right now. Please bear with me. I feel like before that relationship I was on a relatively good path to self-love and high consciousness. I am not saying that my ex is responsible for my "downfall", we certainly both played our parts, but just for your orientation I would say that our relationship dynamic was in a lot of ways similar to that with a narcissist. I am once again not saying he has a narcissistic personality disorder, just that some of the behaviours fit. Some of them definitely fit me as well. So... I am depressed, I have also been depressed before and during my relationship. I already booked an appointment with a therapist for next week. There's nothing guiding me in my life right now. I lost a lot of passion, I'm studying philosophy and anthropology but the contents seem meaningless to me now, but I also have no other idea of what I want to do. I would probably kill myself if I wouldn't hurt anyone by doing so. Where do I start?

Do you believe talking to someone with lower self-esteem will make you lose self-esteem yourself? Or kissing someone? Or going fishing with, or high-fiving someone? I guess it depends on whether you believe what she said about sexual energy being the energy of all creation, and sex making you exchange positive or negative energy with your partner. To me this sounds like they are describing a psychological level, rather than a spiritual one. Of course, if you sleep with someone you straightaway deem to have spiritual work to do, wounds to heal which you do not and you thus believe them to be inferior to you in some way, you are going to feel like you are in some way less, after the act. That doesn't have to be related to energy flows or whatever, it's just you feeling like you settled for less than you are worth. Additionally you could just be influenced by contact with people who have to struggle through challenges where you might be further along, but then fear ego backlash. I'm not the best at advice about this topic, as I haven't had that much casual sex so far, but to me, it can be an opportunity to seek connection, be open and vulnerable very quickly and to therefore emotionally, socially and eventually spiritually profit from this connection.

@Martin123 Thank you very much for your reply. You are absolutely right. Unfortunately we kinda split up now. I had talked to him about our issues and taken full responsibility for my controlling behaviour and the things it had caused. I emphasized that I wanted to keep trying, but also needed some volition to do so on his side. But all he could do was bask in his self-deprecation. He kept saying how awful was but couldn't say that he wanted to do better in the future. Though I understand that kind of thought and how hard it is to get out of it I couldn't take it anymore. I do want to be there for him, and I told him that, but I just don't have the emotional strength to see my issues seperate from his, especially since we have a lot of the same issues. He left quickly once he realised what was happening and we didn't leave it on good terms. I really hope he'll want to talk to me sometime soon, because I still care about him a lot and don't want him to feel alone.

Yeah I mean it's clear that he wasn't. But if we are able to establish that he wants to be honest in the future, how can I be sure then? I sometimes feel paranoid with other people, yes. I definitely have made experiences with my parents that caused me to have trust issues.