JessicaKatherine

@LoseYourvelf Thank you, friend! I’ll find better use for my black beans. 🤔😌

So recently after navigating stage green and microdosing on shrooms from 2020 onward consistently, I began seeing a therapist to continue my healing journey. (The shrooms brought me here.) I say light the cannons as I can measurably say I have reached the beginning of stage yellow. How do I know you ask? Easy. My base survival needs have been met for so long that I’ve been able to stay home mostly for the last year and a half and study. I’ve sobered up from my mostly problematic addictions such as sugar, pain, alcohol, cigarettes, T.V. Now that I am looking for new answers and to soothe the anxiety I’ve been patching for years because I’ve reached new levels of sobriety, I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist to continue my journey which made me self reflect on spiral dynamics. When I was stage orange and found Leo’s videos (“what is enlightenment” I searched in attempts to ascend my pain at the time) it shot me into turquoise for a moment (minutes) and then it landed me into green where I then tried shrooms and acid for a few years. Here’s a ruler for my development: AGE 13 and under. I was in PURPLE I just loved my family it was relaxed perspective. AGE: 14-17 stage red. I was raised by functioning alcoholics. Survival mode. Love seeking. Power seeking. Self fulfillment. Finding needs being met on all levels. AGE: 18-21 stage BLUE. I was a “born again Christian” and studying Buddhism when I moved out. Answer seeking from an outside source. I needed to find faith to make up for my lifestyle. It saved me from depression at the time. AGE :22-25 STAGE ORANGE I started my career and become comfortable with embodying consumerism and going up the corporate latter. Shopping addiction. AGE 26-31 STAGE GREEN since I had my enlightenment experience in 2018 it shot me into turquoise for a few minutes and then back down to green then I embodied green while I navigated shrooms and tripping and my social group. Purged a lot. AGE TURNING 32 STAGE YELLOW beginning. I began to value help through therapy and leveraging the education and experience I can gain through that. I can measure my place on the spiral where as before everything seemed mystical. I am obsessed with studying spiral dynamics again because I couldn’t understand it before at stage orange/ green and I do understand now. I am integrating everything now where as before I was always struggling with my shadow ever since my enlightenment experience. I can clearly see my measures on multiple scales. I feel like giving back. I am creative. I started taking my art business seriously. I want to say thank you Leo if you’re reading this for the leverage of your work. It’s gotten me where I am at and there’s nothing like it out there.You changed my Childrens lives because I changed myself because you stayed true to yourself. You're a wildfire in the cusp of the human shadow, pushing us into the light, casting our hearts into our eyes so we can see. Thank you. Hoorah!

@ryandesreu Thank you! Great job on going through your cycle too with addiction. my enlightenment experience came when I finally had an ego death from being in emotional pain. I was collecting a lot of painful stories at the time and was trying to do mental escapism by trying to figure out what enlightenment really was. once I realized all in one moment that I’m not the body or the mind the dark night began for me. (Shadow work.) I created enough of a gap between my identities to start to get grounded in real self improvement I began to prune and chip away from a new perspective for years. I used to think I was already yellow when embodying orange/green but I had doubts what that meant. Now I see that I stretch through every stage and have now started actually embodying yellow in my being and daily life and interactions and thinking. I feel more integrated and less caring about progress and now I care about putting all my pieces together.

Society at large doesn’t teach men how to be men, it teaches them how to NOT be women. Society at large teaches men to reject the softness in themselves. Not in a warrior way like they are trying for. In a suppression sort of way. Like fitting themself into a box of two emotions: Anger or pleasure. From there they project their hardness onto women. This black and white state of being. This is a completely biased opinion being a women living in a man’s world. I take responsibility for my distain in this article and I don’t speak for all men and women. Imagine a world where women had control of all politics and churches. Where God is only a woman. Every minister a woman. Men weren’t aloud places of religious authority. Where we’ve never had a man president and men are just able to vote now. Men are just now given access to money and there’s a lot of suppression still from women in public. Men are charged higher “blue” taxes because they don’t have a menstruation cycle. Women left and right constantly telling men how to dress and act in an already biased world saying to men how women aren’t all bad and everything is fine the way it is. 🌎 Society doesn’t treat me like a person, it treats me like how it views it’s women. I’m a person. I’ve tapped into female rage after tripping a lot this year on mushrooms. The mushrooms ironically are also healing the discomfort inside of me too. I haven’t come out the other side yet. Over all I can say that I became more feminine when I stopped listening to men on how to be a woman and listened to my heart instead. I used to be a people pleaser and it was usually the men around me I was trying to please because I looked up to men. I’m going to use this angry phase to learn healthy ways to protect my feminine energy. I guess I’m giving myself the permission I wasn’t given as a women in today’s society to focus on softness instead of “the grind” or dating or whatever it is that society has women distracted with. It’s refreshing. (I know that men and women are all like children at the end of the day and that this is biased based on my current angry mindset. I’m not attacking as much as I am deflecting my hurt feelings. Venting here is part of my healing journey.) End rant thank you for reading. 📖

@meta_male Appearance plays a big role if you’re looking for a partner. If you’re treating people like people it shouldn’t matter. He literally thought she assumed she was better because she does her makeup and I promise you there was more to that conversation because women don’t think that way. If I say “all handsome men are players” it plays into the same stigma because then I’ll approach them like they are and see nothing else. I wouldn’t be able to see that they worked harder than other men, I’d only see that I judge them for the end result. If he keeps making those incorrect assumptions he’s going to push away every woman he meets just like he did.

@bebotalk Women just don’t think that way. I couldn’t imagine thinking “I look prettier than that man” like there’s a competition. Men don’t look like women and I don’t measure men that way. I judge a man based on how I feel around him not on appearances so it doesn’t make any sense. You probably just had a bad conversation with someone you found conventionally attractive. That’s all.

@flowboy Also I enjoyed reading, thank you for posting!

@flowboy commenting on #1 the stress element. I’ve been tested for ADHD. In my opinion how you said “doesn’t know peace”. I know peace when I am accomplishing multiple things at once because there’s a measurable scale of things to do in an allotted time and it’s good for my self esteem. Stopping the flow is describable as there’s an important job to finish that you can quickly solve easily and someone tells you stop and watch your feet instead. You’re going to get nervous then. There’s too much energy and desire to accomplish the task at hand. Mentally I feel great when I am in my ADHD flow. It might appear I have to stay busy but it’s a nice way to stay present. I am calm in those times it’s soothing in that I’m suddenly not being overly stimulated by everything else. Busy=calm. Using up the surging energy that I am feeling. You might be picking up on emotional dis regulation which can overlap someone with ADHD who appears to be “doing too much.” ADHD is common in people with childhood trauma as mentioned so in the past I was projecting my demons while I was achieving things and I then felt overwhelmed and my tasks sometimes didn’t make sense. Working through some trauma has notably reduced my ADHD symptoms over the years so I do know in some cases it can be healed or lessened over time. I still have the same desire to stack tasks daily. Coffee is calming. I don’t take medication. I still zone out which is fine. Now it feels more like a superpower on my best days. Hope this helps

@bebotalk Don’t mentally compete with women we don’t view self importance the way men do. Compete with men if you’re using those kinds of mental measuring scales.

@Zedman Thank you for the video resource!

So I’ve been recently moved to help create a forest farm. God (our higher self) connected me with a community of others who are going to begin a forest farm anti fragile community. We’re on phase one. We’re scheduling meetings and doing research now. I am curious if anyone else has been called to this direction and if so, can we begin to collaborate/share ideas? (I felt this would be a productive place to reach out to and see if anyone else feels called to this) Thanks!

@Cocolove I’m doing it because *If someone tells me to worry about something I won’t be able to. *It feels and seems biologically obvious. *It feels wise to plan ahead *The current system we all live off of has shown over time to be unsustainable so it’s unquestionable to return to something more biologically harmonious. Also good luck with your community farming plans if any still! I hope your farm land has been thriving.

@ndm678 I agree on that it’s difficult to establish a good mix of readily willing and available people. At least not quickly. I ended up venturing more into homesteading following finding connections in a like minded group (FFHAMS) and surprisingly a lot of people in my community felt the same way about practicing more self substantial living. Thank you for the resources!

@Cocolove Thank you for the resources!

@Yimpa Thank you! 🙌🏼

Like anyone, my life, as well as my psychology, has been up and down. Now that I have grounded my relationships with others, created more foundational connections with friends and family, and have been working on myself, it’s proving to be extremely triggering. Although I’ve never come further in my emotional being, I feel it solidified sense of boundaries that come with a measurable level of pessimism.

I have a funny time back tracking and re reading some of the things I’ve posted here so I’m wondering where I am heading with this. Recently I feel like we’re being contacted, or I am specifically (and multiple people based on the type of engagement) by inter-dimensional friends? “Channeled” sensations and imagined contact even though I am not a psychic or channeler (I believe we all to a degree do these sorts of things biologically) and I’m not an alien chaser. I do microdose on shrooms regularly and had no abnormal experiences during those times. Is this something that is a fleeting symptom of people chasing self awareness or I’m wondering if there is anything to it. When I am not feeling the sensation of contact as strongly I really deny the feeling of having experienced it because the imagination is limitless.

@Leo Gura Good advice, thank you! Since I had posted last summer I ended up veering away from a group setting and learned more homesteading my friend and I. I learned I was looking for security in not feeling so dependent on a “system” I couldn’t control. I’m venturing into business and invested into my education for now and finding more balance in that direction this year.

I have to admit as a woman I wasn’t quite sure what Leo would come up with for pick up from the male perspective, so I decided to start the series. Even as a female I’ve learned a lot and honestly have begun to understand pick up from a broader perspective. It helped me expand on things like how much really goes into pick-up among other things. I think that Leo is doing a wonderful contribution to the dating scene, and he is doing a wonderful job in paving the way for the success of men on this topic. I love the fact that Leo Keeps everything on a tangible and ethical path as well as a conscious one. Although I am not a man I honestly really did learn a lot and could frame some of this information into a feminine perspective as well. If you’re reading this, Thanks Leo!

So it took me years coming from childhood trauma like the rest of us at large. When I began to heal I recognize that human healing leads you to a heightened state of “being” (living) when it’s purified. (Compassion, peacefulness, healing, understanding to name a few traits.) *“non” purification comes from a state of learned behavior based off of confusion or pain (non-self regardless, of True self. Fine.) but regardless of circumstances when you learn authentic behavior to your specific life (which even Leo can’t predict) it gives you a body/mind/energy orgasm. Consistently. Something that feels really exciting, motivated, clear, “fast”, grounded (“sure”/healthy), and progressive to your current circumstances. for example: Leo has a “ Life Orgasm” when he reaches heightened states of reality and find’s fulfillment in recording/documenting and articulating his reality to share because he understand the importance and addiction of doing what God requires (you too!). My “Life Orgasm” is when I paint my commission artwork. It feels like I am contributing to everything (society and myself) and the craving pushes away old or dying addictions. (I know paint on a canvas doesn’t change lives but it can touch some people) I “feel” really excited, I “think” more clearly on topics that keep me grounded The frame here is basically to remind myself that everyone is born into a different purpose, follow the “Life Orgasm.” It’s not even a “body orgasm” as much as it’s just what God Wants by definition. A “Life Orgasm”. (Not to be confused with toxic positivity.) Lesson: if it feels exhausting it is. Yourself and others. If it gives you energy you’re where you’re supposed to be at this Time. (You’re always where you are supposed to be but sometimes that manifests as a “strongly” feeling experience.)

@Zion there is such thing psychologically, when dealing with men and women. when you make the feminine energy feel uncomfortable and masculine, instead of protected and comfortable, that’s toxic masculinity. when you can get other men to compete with you outside of circumstances and women to fear you that’s toxic masculinity. As a woman I bring positive feminine energy when a man is confident and has him self together, I’ll surrender because men are smart and strong so if you don’t have your life together you can’t help me with mine. (As a woman perspective). When a woman has her life together financially physically and emotionally it is the same thing of a different flavor. She will show it in a softer and open way where as a man will show it as a forward and embracing motion towards life. So positive vs masculine energy manifests in different traits. Some are human behaviors some are male and female behaviors. So making categories after you researched the differences between masculine and feminine energy and you’ll get your answers. stop trying to make your girlfriends into your man friends and you’ll see the difference. Hope this helps.

@Leo Gura Leo, Thank You.

A long while ago I posted about how I kept circulating back to my marijuana addiction and drinking. It was whip lash. From the moment I affirmed that I was done smoking to the time I actually quit, it took four years. I kept giving myself permission to circle back and then got lost in the sauce. I’m finally free of cravings, consistency with pot and alcohol, and neediness. I feel well. I feel stable, no highs or lows. I’m not not replacing cravings with drinking problems anymore. Even the drinking cravings have washed away. I’m not thinking about it and I am not hurting when I see or itching when I hear triggers. I just want to testify that it’s possible to be “normal”. Also I’m not solid at giving advice on how to quit, I would sound like toxic positivity and say “awakening, healing, and self love and understanding.” Maybe I got blessed, maybe my body chemistry was right and the awareness was applied at just the right angle but, the suffering was very real, the low self esteem was very real, and the cling was very real for me and the healing has taken its place. It’s not that it went away and then I healed. It’s that I took the long road through healing and it started to fall away organically with the right intentions and the healing continued to gain real depth even after. It has been months now and I didn’t want to post about it too quickly, I’ve been on a journey inward in the mean time and didn’t know what I was going to say about it. I know it’s finished because I can feel that not only is it gone, but I don’t want it. Nothing about me feels like I am interested in forming a habit. I’ve gained new purposes and a much better personally. People seem to be attracted to me where as before I felt like it was hard to be genuine if the interactions went on for too long because I was hiding myself or not being True to myself or the fact that I suffered low self esteem and couldn’t navigate my conversations or bond appropriately with others. I gained more personality and self worth than I had. I have a great sense of community and I am sharpening my skills and assets in all new ways. The sun is brighter. There’s hope.

@Kuba Powiertowski You are in a temporary state of surrender. You’ve made the gap between what you are and what you aren’t. You’ve stopped struggling against yourself because you have had an awareness of the mind/body. This feels like inner peace initially. It’s a slice of Truth. The hard work starts when your subconscious begins to bring up everything that you’ve accumulated and you will enter the dark night of the soul at this point so that you may heal what’s hiding beneath the surface. The real work starts. Maintain your sense of Love and it will guide you through. It’s going to go full circle for a couple of years. Everyone is different but it can be seen over and over again as a trail marker for those who are beginning the path. Also, you are God, nothing else exists. You are conscious of your humanity right now. See where consciousness takes you. It’s going to be a great and wild ride. Drink lots of water, practice gratitude, be gentle to yourself and follow your Heart. Best of wishes friend. Seek your life purpose and go save the planet.

@Preety_India I've been feeling deeply sympathetic as well and also confused and hurt. I'm feeling generally more open because the way that things have been for our communities right now whereas before I don't suppose I've been paying this much attention to the whole and feel like it is natural to stay open in your grief and allow change to take place. I hope you have been well, overall!