JessicaKatherine

@LoseYourvelf Thank you, friend! I’ll find better use for my black beans. 🤔😌

@ryandesreu Thank you! Great job on going through your cycle too with addiction. my enlightenment experience came when I finally had an ego death from being in emotional pain. I was collecting a lot of painful stories at the time and was trying to do mental escapism by trying to figure out what enlightenment really was. once I realized all in one moment that I’m not the body or the mind the dark night began for me. (Shadow work.) I created enough of a gap between my identities to start to get grounded in real self improvement I began to prune and chip away from a new perspective for years. I used to think I was already yellow when embodying orange/green but I had doubts what that meant. Now I see that I stretch through every stage and have now started actually embodying yellow in my being and daily life and interactions and thinking. I feel more integrated and less caring about progress and now I care about putting all my pieces together.

So recently after navigating stage green and microdosing on shrooms from 2020 onward consistently, I began seeing a therapist to continue my healing journey. (The shrooms brought me here.) I say light the cannons as I can measurably say I have reached the beginning of stage yellow. How do I know you ask? Easy. My base survival needs have been met for so long that I’ve been able to stay home mostly for the last year and a half and study. I’ve sobered up from my mostly problematic addictions such as sugar, pain, alcohol, cigarettes, T.V. Now that I am looking for new answers and to soothe the anxiety I’ve been patching for years because I’ve reached new levels of sobriety, I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist to continue my journey which made me self reflect on spiral dynamics. When I was stage orange and found Leo’s videos (“what is enlightenment” I searched in attempts to ascend my pain at the time) it shot me into turquoise for a moment (minutes) and then it landed me into green where I then tried shrooms and acid for a few years. Here’s a ruler for my development: AGE 13 and under. I was in PURPLE I just loved my family it was relaxed perspective. AGE: 14-17 stage red. I was raised by functioning alcoholics. Survival mode. Love seeking. Power seeking. Self fulfillment. Finding needs being met on all levels. AGE: 18-21 stage BLUE. I was a “born again Christian” and studying Buddhism when I moved out. Answer seeking from an outside source. I needed to find faith to make up for my lifestyle. It saved me from depression at the time. AGE :22-25 STAGE ORANGE I started my career and become comfortable with embodying consumerism and going up the corporate latter. Shopping addiction. AGE 26-31 STAGE GREEN since I had my enlightenment experience in 2018 it shot me into turquoise for a few minutes and then back down to green then I embodied green while I navigated shrooms and tripping and my social group. Purged a lot. AGE TURNING 32 STAGE YELLOW beginning. I began to value help through therapy and leveraging the education and experience I can gain through that. I can measure my place on the spiral where as before everything seemed mystical. I am obsessed with studying spiral dynamics again because I couldn’t understand it before at stage orange/ green and I do understand now. I am integrating everything now where as before I was always struggling with my shadow ever since my enlightenment experience. I can clearly see my measures on multiple scales. I feel like giving back. I am creative. I started taking my art business seriously. I want to say thank you Leo if you’re reading this for the leverage of your work. It’s gotten me where I am at and there’s nothing like it out there.You changed my Childrens lives because I changed myself because you stayed true to yourself. You're a wildfire in the cusp of the human shadow, pushing us into the light, casting our hearts into our eyes so we can see. Thank you. Hoorah!

Society at large doesn’t teach men how to be men, it teaches them how to NOT be women. Society at large teaches men to reject the softness in themselves. Not in a warrior way like they are trying for. In a suppression sort of way. Like fitting themself into a box of two emotions: Anger or pleasure. From there they project their hardness onto women. This black and white state of being. This is a completely biased opinion being a women living in a man’s world. I take responsibility for my distain in this article and I don’t speak for all men and women. Imagine a world where women had control of all politics and churches. Where God is only a woman. Every minister a woman. Men weren’t aloud places of religious authority. Where we’ve never had a man president and men are just able to vote now. Men are just now given access to money and there’s a lot of suppression still from women in public. Men are charged higher “blue” taxes because they don’t have a menstruation cycle. Women left and right constantly telling men how to dress and act in an already biased world saying to men how women aren’t all bad and everything is fine the way it is. 🌎 Society doesn’t treat me like a person, it treats me like how it views it’s women. I’m a person. I’ve tapped into female rage after tripping a lot this year on mushrooms. The mushrooms ironically are also healing the discomfort inside of me too. I haven’t come out the other side yet. Over all I can say that I became more feminine when I stopped listening to men on how to be a woman and listened to my heart instead. I used to be a people pleaser and it was usually the men around me I was trying to please because I looked up to men. I’m going to use this angry phase to learn healthy ways to protect my feminine energy. I guess I’m giving myself the permission I wasn’t given as a women in today’s society to focus on softness instead of “the grind” or dating or whatever it is that society has women distracted with. It’s refreshing. (I know that men and women are all like children at the end of the day and that this is biased based on my current angry mindset. I’m not attacking as much as I am deflecting my hurt feelings. Venting here is part of my healing journey.) End rant thank you for reading. 📖

@meta_male Appearance plays a big role if you’re looking for a partner. If you’re treating people like people it shouldn’t matter. He literally thought she assumed she was better because she does her makeup and I promise you there was more to that conversation because women don’t think that way. If I say “all handsome men are players” it plays into the same stigma because then I’ll approach them like they are and see nothing else. I wouldn’t be able to see that they worked harder than other men, I’d only see that I judge them for the end result. If he keeps making those incorrect assumptions he’s going to push away every woman he meets just like he did.

@bebotalk Women just don’t think that way. I couldn’t imagine thinking “I look prettier than that man” like there’s a competition. Men don’t look like women and I don’t measure men that way. I judge a man based on how I feel around him not on appearances so it doesn’t make any sense. You probably just had a bad conversation with someone you found conventionally attractive. That’s all.

@flowboy Also I enjoyed reading, thank you for posting!

@flowboy commenting on #1 the stress element. I’ve been tested for ADHD. In my opinion how you said “doesn’t know peace”. I know peace when I am accomplishing multiple things at once because there’s a measurable scale of things to do in an allotted time and it’s good for my self esteem. Stopping the flow is describable as there’s an important job to finish that you can quickly solve easily and someone tells you stop and watch your feet instead. You’re going to get nervous then. There’s too much energy and desire to accomplish the task at hand. Mentally I feel great when I am in my ADHD flow. It might appear I have to stay busy but it’s a nice way to stay present. I am calm in those times it’s soothing in that I’m suddenly not being overly stimulated by everything else. Busy=calm. Using up the surging energy that I am feeling. You might be picking up on emotional dis regulation which can overlap someone with ADHD who appears to be “doing too much.” ADHD is common in people with childhood trauma as mentioned so in the past I was projecting my demons while I was achieving things and I then felt overwhelmed and my tasks sometimes didn’t make sense. Working through some trauma has notably reduced my ADHD symptoms over the years so I do know in some cases it can be healed or lessened over time. I still have the same desire to stack tasks daily. Coffee is calming. I don’t take medication. I still zone out which is fine. Now it feels more like a superpower on my best days. Hope this helps

@bebotalk Don’t mentally compete with women we don’t view self importance the way men do. Compete with men if you’re using those kinds of mental measuring scales.

@Zedman Thank you for the video resource!

@Cocolove I’m doing it because *If someone tells me to worry about something I won’t be able to. *It feels and seems biologically obvious. *It feels wise to plan ahead *The current system we all live off of has shown over time to be unsustainable so it’s unquestionable to return to something more biologically harmonious. Also good luck with your community farming plans if any still! I hope your farm land has been thriving.

@ndm678 I agree on that it’s difficult to establish a good mix of readily willing and available people. At least not quickly. I ended up venturing more into homesteading following finding connections in a like minded group (FFHAMS) and surprisingly a lot of people in my community felt the same way about practicing more self substantial living. Thank you for the resources!

@Cocolove Thank you for the resources!

@Yimpa Thank you! 🙌🏼

Like anyone, my life, as well as my psychology, has been up and down. Now that I have grounded my relationships with others, created more foundational connections with friends and family, and have been working on myself, it’s proving to be extremely triggering. Although I’ve never come further in my emotional being, I feel it solidified sense of boundaries that come with a measurable level of pessimism.