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@Aaron p yeah idk about that man lol, I’ll have to give it some time. I get really fucking miserable sometimes when I confront some of this stuff. But I’m definitely open to it when I feel I’m ready.

@Leo Gura I had another experience like this and I wasn’t even on drugs. The second I got out of high school and I asked myself what the fuck I am gonna do, I all in one moment realized that A) I’m gonna die, and B) that the world is a lot different and bigger than my small little high school reality. I freaked the absolute fuck out and was shivering and all that shit. Couldn’t sleep for days and lost like 15 pounds. I’m used to it now but when your world is so small and so limited and it gets forcefully ripped open like that, it really is quite a shock.

So after having this huge motivation to figure out reality and truth and all that good stuff, I feel like I’ve sort of hit a point where I don’t need to keep pursuing it as intensely. I was motivated by fear and I don’t feel as scared anymore. Now I’m just taking life one day at a time but it doesn’t feel like it’s going anywhere. It’s boring, normal, and stale. I still find little instances of joy here and there but I have a general sense that something is missing. I don’t know what it is or how to find it but I guess I’m thinking maybe someone here knows what’s going on.

@WelcometoReality I’m not entirely sure what an awakening would feel like. I’ve had some shocking realizations though. I’ve watched most of Leo’s videos made since like 2018

@Nahm how would I be able to tell?

@Meta-Man yeah I’m willing to experiment with it more I guess, I’m just worried about it because when I did it I felt like I was going insane. Nothing felt normal or ok and it scared me. My family has some sort of genetic inclination for schizophrenia and psychedelics are known to be catalysts for that. I really don’t want to go through something like that and so you can see my hesitation. I think I’ll slowly work my way back up. Maybe I’ll try mushrooms again soon.

@Consilience that was great, I appreciate the advice man. I’ll definitely keep what you have said in mind and will try some stuff out. Thank you

@Meta-Man yeah I did acid once. I don’t like visuals though. I cherish the stability of my environment and acid really fucks with that. I also went through some delusional thinking that caused a sort of panic attack, it was really bad and I don’t think I’ll be doing it again.

@Consilience I don’t ever do crisscross sit down meditation but every night before I go to bed I sit in silence for a bit. my attention span is fine, it’s more a matter of interest. I do not work out my diet is not amazing but I don’t have the money or desire to perfectly craft my diet I sleep 7 hours a night I never spend time in nature I have strong friendships, but nothing I would consider powerful I jerk off like once or twice a day happiness to me is contentment, satisfaction, optimism, understanding, and growth.

I’m not sure whether I can definitively know if other people have an inner experience. I understand that fundamentally there is no inner experience and that it’s all part of consciousness, but I guess I still don’t understand how I should think about other people. Do they also have a perspective or not? What are the implications?

@Inliytened1 I liked the video, thank you, calmed down some anxiety I had. Solipsism is a scary belief to hold.

Do people that have bad things happen to them sort of “have it coming”? Like if someone seemingly randomly gets cancer, did they “deserve” it? Is it for something? I’m trying to find a justification for the existence of suffering given that the universe is absolute love.

All of my friends are busy, I have little to no online friends and most other people seem unappealing to interact with. I don’t really understand why, but I feel bored and confused. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m kind of just existing. It’s not necessarily bad, it just feels kind of bland and pointless. I don’t know what to think or how to move forward. I guess just wait for something interesting to happen?

I also get this sense of of a lack of context. I’m not involved in anything. I’m just kind of in an environment with no connections and things happening. Just standing here watching the world go by.

So yesterday I watched Love Death and Robots and the episode San Junipero of Black Mirror (which is a show that has the same unrelated episode like theme similar to love death and robots). After all of these episodes, I started getting this weird psychosis and reality felt like I could just peel it away, or as if I was going to just pop out of existence at any moment. This is with no drugs whatsoever involved. I felt like I had taken a psychedelic when I had not. I then went home (I was with friends) and could not fall asleep until like 5 am (Was midnight when I left). I was so tired but could not sleep because of how anxious I was. Finally at 5 am I puked my guts out and was able to calm down. Is this reaction fuckin normal.. like what? It was fucking awful.

So, someone slowly manipulated me into giving them 700 dollars even though I told them I was in a financially vulnerable spot. I was helping him because he really needed it at the time and supposedly was dealing with home domestic problems. I never straight up gave him cash but I would occasionally buy him food, a cig here and there, and that kind of stuff. He said he was going to pay me back and then finally ended up ghosting me. He was so friendly, sincere sounding and genuine. I’ve never been scummed so hard in my life and have developed trust issues with many people in my life. I’m only 19 and have debt on top of this. I was just trying to be nice. I don’t know whether to be mad, or understanding that he probably wanted to get away from home and the only way he could do it was by stealing from me. Overall, I’m just kind of left contemplating this and don’t know how to react.

@LfcCharlie4 Yeah bro, definitely gonna take some time to cool off and just let the feelings pass. I’ve become a stronger person, and in some kind of way, value this experience.

@Leo Gura I definitely feel like a stronger person after this. Less naive and more realistic. I’m used to everyone being kind and trustworthy to a reasonable extent. I now realize I’ve been living under a rock.

@Leo Gura so why survive if survival is miserable?

I want to know, when you die, does your life come full circle? Will it have been worth riding out? What will I think? Do all people eventually reach the same conclusion about it? Is that conclusion a pleasant one? Will it all be okay?

@Inliytened1 I mean I just know that there are some people that absolutely hate cancer, and have died hating it. Everyone at some point in their life has classified their situation as “miserable”, or at least I and many others have. I can confidently say that there was a point in my life where I was living in pretty much hell, and I want to know why something like that could exist. I could have easily done without it, and didn’t learn much other than the world can be a pretty shit place.

@Inliytened1 I mean, when I stub my toe, it’s pretty miserable, regardless of whether it’s in my mind or not, idk what you are saying.

So does that mean that all realities exist? Including the really miserable ones? @Leo Gura Obviously from the perspective of the ego but.. contrary to what many people seem to assume, the perspective of the ego is really the only important part while the ego is alive.

@Leo Gura 1. True 2. Why?

Idk, I don’t understand why life has to be that shitty for that many people, they never asked to be born, why does the universe give some random guy with a full life ahead of him cancer at 26? Just seems so stupid. (and I know that this post seems somewhat unrelated to what we were talking about, but one of the biggest bones I have to pick with the universe is how it can mercilessly bend people over with no reparations. It just seems like bullshit.) @Leo Gura