JonasVE12

Would like some more RAM as well. I am often searching in my brain for the right words, especially in conversations. What I find to work the best is to relax my body and let go of this 'needing', and then most of the time it will come to me, maybe not in the form I wanted, but it flows and it is less mechanical if I just let go of tension. I think there is usually enough capacity to think powerfully present, but inner tension can occupy a lot of that capacity. I also struggled with cognitive issues and although it hasn't completely been fixed, I do feel like it has improved a lot. And so does my capacity for conceptual thinking. You want to provide your brain the right neurochemical building blocks that aid in neuronal communication. In the end, it is your brain that is doing all of the work. So I think that is fundamentally the most important area to work on. You just want to make sure your brain is clean from toxins, metals and has the appropriate biochemical contexts in order to thrive. That is key. I do believe some of this capacity is being limited by your genetics. I'm not sure. I haven't gone to the required depth to really find out what's possible in terms of increasing my conceptual and verbal intelligence. If I listen to Jordan Peterson for example, I'm often amazed at his verbal and conceptual intelligence. The information he holds flows so cleanly out of his brain, as if all the parts responsible for this are synchronized perfectly. There have been times I took stimulants and artificially increased my conceptual reasoning ability this way. It worked amazingly well. But it makes me wonder how I can naturally rise to that point, and I feel like it is all about creating the right biochemical environment for your brain to thrive in. And there is so much you can do for that. I have applied the most fundamental stuff to normalize my brain health, and thanks to that, my thinking feels a lot sharper and a lot more clean. But there is so much other stuff to try to get my brain to optimal levels that I want to explore for that. And also, In the end, as you suggest, It all has to do a lot with your own experiences and how much data your brain holds. Someone like Jordan Peterson has decades of experience in researching and discussing politics and psychology, so he holds a lot of data. The more angles you are looking at something, the more your brain is forming interconnectivity and building holistic insight. And the more holistic insight you have, the more intuitively things will flow out of you. But yeah, I think your brains processing speed has a lot to do with the form it takes in your conscious mind. It is also important to use the right tool for the job. It is often not your ability for conceptual thinking that is leading you forward in life. many people have unrealistic expectations of what their mind can solve or how it should function. As if you would be blaming your intellectual ability for problems you are having, but just not have solved because you haven't used the ability you already have in the right way to achieve your goals. Also ask yourself if you even understand what you are trying to write about, thinking about etc. Sometimes you just need to learn more about the thing itself in order to ask the right questions, come up with the right insights and thoughts, because there is just a lack of data present for the right interconnections to form to accomplish your goal in that moment. Getting more in your body, becoming confident, releasing lower emotions can also solve many seemingly cognitive limitations.

Watch this video and look at all those maniacs trying to get the guy to buy their services and products. That dynamic exists on the internet very similarly. I don't get much 'you' in your ideas. Lack of originality. If you try to be like everyone else, you are going to offer mediocre services like everyone else and your succes is going to depend on you being lucky, like some of the guys in the video. I also get the impression that your orientation is more geared towards money rather than the value you are trying to create. I really understand and you can't always consciously control that. But you have to slowly adapt your mindset because especially today, is is more important than ever to become highly specialized in a certain field and create true value. You have to value mastery, specialized skills and knowledge and you have to be curious and excited to create in that field in order to succeed. There are endless amounts of services. Even in most specific niches. Yet I have travelled to the other side of the world, paying lots of money for specific services that were one in a million in terms of quality. Those people that offered those services talked right into my heart. Their skillset in that niche was just not comparable to other services in that niche. You just recognize mastery and you are pulled into it, subconsciously. And those people care about the thing they are offering, truly. And that is what people want to feel. Nobody cares for lazy needy and unoriginal people. There is probably daily 10 000 of people that are wondering how they can make money online with SEO, crypto, life coaching etc. At least you could give us a short description of what kind of life coaching you are trying to offer? Because how can anyone say something useful about why you are not succeeding? How are you trying to coach people? It seems from the question that you don't have much to coach and lack life experience overal. Also not trying to demotivate or anything, but you may want to increase your standards and think bigger than SEO and crypto. If you can't come up with anything more creative, you honestly don't deserve to become financially independent. But hey, if you really are interested in those things, you can make it work if you really wanted to. Maybe you are going to make a sale here and there, if you are committed, because you know, those guys on the beach are really committed. But even they are struggling. It is a huge ocean of people all screaming the same thing. Try to see the internet as a Pakistan beach and think how you could get Kurt to WANT to give you all his money. If I were one of those pakistan guys, I would learn english perfectly until I could speak fluently, dress nice, become charismatic and good at connecting with people, and tickle his adventure spirit by telling him stories of things that he can do there in that city and then take him with me to explore. Now kurt wants to give me all of his money. I think you should strive to be more like Elon musk and not like a the guys on the Pakistan beaches. I actually like the life coaching idea though. But then again, I wonder if there is depth in it, especially because you mentioned crypto, seo and affiliate marketing in the same post.

Your body is what generates emotions, and those emotions are felt in your body. When you are in this space of being with another human being, and you have a contraction in your flow of energy, between the head and rest of the body, then you won't feel much of your own emotions, nor that of the other person. When you are with another person, your emotional fields are coming together into one connected field that you both are a part of. The other persons emotions are essentially transmitting from his body and unconsciously picked up by your body. That is 'feeling empathy'. Your body is always receiving energy from people around you and recognizing and reacting to it internally. Often very automatically. Imagine you walk down the street and someone looks angry at you. Your body picks this up and there comes an automatic emotional response. The same with all other vibrations. Yet if parts of your body are contracted, your body does a poor job at receiving the input. Just like in an electric circuit, if the conductor would break, there won't come any electricity through on the other side. Those contractions are essentially knots to be unwinded so you can feel more. If you release all of your contractions in your body and you open it more and more, you will start to feel a lot more subtle stuff emanating from people, environments, objects, rooms etc. And so your capacity for empathy and feeling increases. The key is your connection with your body. How much you are in your head, disconnected from the body. And this highly correlates with your fears, shame, guilt, sadness and anger you hold in your body. Sometimes we are afraid to feel our own emotions. Sometimes we feel ashamed to feel certain emotions. There can be fear, sadness, anger that we are afraid to feel. And once we give in to those and avoid them, we become apathetic in our own body. You escape to your head, because your body is too uncomfortable to live with. If it has been like that for years, you probably forgot what it is like to feel. If you can't feel, I'm really sorry for you. It becomes all about getting into your body. Into the parts that you are keeping hidden for yourself. I can not recommend somatic therapy more. Improv theater can be amazing too. It forces you to feel more. Dancing as well, Movement work, Exercise, embodiment workshops, embodiment meditation. Getting in nature helps too. And maybe the most important thing is to expose yourself to more emotions from other people so they can wake up emotions inside you too. And one practice that I liked doing that was very impactful was turning my attention into my internal somatic experience. Into certain body parts, muscle groups, playing around with releasing tension inside the body, trying to evoke feelings from memories, generating excitement, acceptance, love, fear, courage, shame, guilt etc at will in my body. Initially it can help to play around with memories in order to bring specific emotions to the surface. Once you do this enough, you can a taste for where that typical emotion is located, how it feels, etc. And then you can bring it up at will. And the more you learn to flow between emotions inside your body, the more you release your aversion to them because you can shift them at any point. And this helps to open your body a lot. You'll naturally start to feel more and more. The best thing is to combine all of these methods.

Step into your fears. Don't try to go around. Using meditation to get over your fears is just another way to avoid your fears. Becoming a strong, calm, grounded and confident presence, internally and externally, requires you to deal with the tension you fear stepping into until you learn to embody higher states of feeling as a consequence of an inner shift in relationship to the tension you put your body in. Most people are dealing with it reactively. Even trying to avoid stepping into it, thinking meditation will solve it is reactive. Your nervous system has to adapt WHILE you are in the situation you fear. There is no other faster way. I tried so much stuff to get over my fears. Then there came I time I decided to step into my fears and after weeks of doing that consistently and proactively, I laughed at myself how I have been wasting years of my life, trying to figure it all out from my head. I released so much fear in just a couple of weeks taking action and doing embodiment work. It is a joy that keeps you moving forward in that direction because you see that this is what works. You are not avoiding anymore and your growth is being mirrored. Sometimes you have to put yourself in that container that will force you to step into tension. What is it that isn't changing? What are you fearing? What is the tension inside your body preventing you to do? Feel the tension, resistances, fears and all of those limiting feelings inside your body, and move into the world in a way that will get you closer and closer to that tension, until you are right in it. When you are stepping into the tension, now it is all about learning to ground yourself inside that space through letting go of resisting feelings, stories, images and thoughts, as well as welcoming lighter feelings in your body, such as courage, love and acceptance. Those are distinct feelings/energies you can generate at will. The more you start to feel ligher in the situations you resist, the less fear you will have as a baseline, and the more you naturally become charismatic, grounded and present. Doing this consistently will lead to permanent embodiment where your nervous system has developed the supporting structures that leads to adaptation in personality. And this is ingrained into your body at that point. Meditation to get over fear is best used in conjunction with tension based embodiment work, supplementally. Specifically to help aid in releasing the emotions, images and thoughts that get triggered while you are stepping into tension. Meditation does a poor job at rewiring neural networks responsible for those automatic emotional responses to those situations you fear. Imagine you are learning a martial art such as Jiu Jitsu. Sitting at home, going over the techniques in your mind, even drilling it in your mind. This can be helpful. Yet when you would step on the mat and try to roll, you will find that your body does not flow with all the techniques you learned in your mind. You will get smashed hard by people that have spent time on the mat. Maybe you spent 10 years going over the techniques in your mind. Yet someone who has been training inside a gym for 6 months will smash you. It is the same with everything in life. Especially with fear. You have to put your body in it and nothing else will be as impactful as that. You probably know all of this already. And most do. Yet is your life is not changing, you probably only understand it in your mind and have not yet brought the information down in your body.

Work with a coach. You sound way too heavy for pickup to ever work. Seriously. Work with someone so you can gradually feel lighter in your body. Then approaching women can work a lot better. Your goal is also not realistic at this point. You need smaller goals and then build up to the bigger goal; getting a girlfriend. If you are going out with the goal of attracting a woman, and internally, you are this heavy, you are going to keep pushing it away. And you are going to get frustrated each time. Give yourself a break and learn what really works to shift your emotions in this area. Obviously what you are doing right now isn't working. Check out this channel below. They are all about shifting your emotions in the context of dating. Exactly what you need. https://www.youtube.com/c/Thefearlessman

Sounds like apathy. When negative emotions get triggered, that intensity that gets awakened in the body often wakes us up temporary until the triggers goes away. Then our nervous system calms back down to it's original emotional state, and if that is apathy, you slip right into that previous unmotivated state. In apathy, it is difficult to feel motivated because you are disconnected from your body. You need to become conscious how you can put yourself in a certain direction where you will be forced to awaken the feelings in your body, which initially, will be negative, so you can move past apathy and as a result, you start to become curious again. And that will require you becoming your own container and not relying on feelings to take the necessary steps. Initially, you have to take action from your head if you are not motivated. Identify exactly what it is you want to feel, in what contexts, and gradually take the right steps through small consistent action on a daily basis. Eventually, you will get triggered when you confront the feelings underneath apathy, maybe feel more negative emotions which you can use as extra fuel added to your commitment. If you are taking the right steps you will eventually transmute apathy into inspiration and let go of those negative motivations. Just become really clear what it is you want to create and feel and then use commitment to take action without needing to be motivated emotionally. You have free will. Anyone can do that, even if they have apathy. You can just start to imagine things in your mind and play with your feeling in relationship to what you are imagining. Intuitively feel what your mind is imagining when you let loose, and just strive to create that environment and feeling experience in your own physical reality. A lack of motivation is never hindering you, nor is a negative emotional state. A negative motivation is super powerful. That exact problem is helping you ask this question and thus helping you create the reality you want. It is just your lack of clarity and commitment to the desires you have. Apathy goes away naturally as you put your body in tension. Tension is good for you. Step into tension that causes disappointment, anger, sadness, and now proactively create from it, instead of being reactive. There is nothing wrong with negative emotions as fuel because action always is caused by desire and this is essentially already a higher emotion. It then just depends on what you are channeling the desire into, meaning the strategy, actions, principles, practical processes and habits you are doing on a daily basis. They can either help you create more depth of feeling, more inspiration, or they keep you stuck.

On LSD, my psychological boundaries break down. Identifications loosen and I become really expansive. Fear and shame becomes almost non-existent. My heart opens, I feel the universe through my heart and it feels amazing. To get to this state naturally and lock it in, you do not mess with meditation too much. Go face what your ego is resisting on a daily basis and eventually, you will feel that LSD like freedom and joy as a natural part of your being. For example, you go to your city center while just wearing underwear. Feel the resistance and let go. People will judge you. You can then choose to become non-reactive. You let go of your body. And you just be. And you do this with EVERYTHING you resist. You resist jumping out of a plane? Do it. You resist talking to that beautiful woman? Do it. You resist singing in the metro? Do it. You resist screaming in public? Do it. Loudly. And then look around you while everyone is watching you. Then let go. Do everything you resist until you are free and liberated. Do it for years. Eventually your nervous system adapts and this becomes permanent. Also exploring movement meditation outdoors. Doing qigong for example. Osho dynamic meditation is also good. After a while of doing all these practices, your energy channels just open and energy flows through you unobstructed. Shame and fear releases. The heart opens naturally. The more I personally do these practices, the more I embody oneness because Im breaking down my boundaries energetically through embodiment practices. You do not even need LSD to become free. It can show you possibility, but to embody what you are tasting during a trip, you have to work towards it consciously in your natural day-to-day sober state. Meditation can also be good for attaining this state, but not nearly as powerful as challenging your body in physical reality by doing the challenges your ego resists. Many people meditate outside their body and do not include their somatic experience which is poor for attaining what you suggest. You want to feel into your emotional centers, or energy centers, chakras, whatever you want to call it. You want to open those centers through creating depth of feeling and letting go of resisting feelings in those centers. You can do this during meditation, but focus on the body primarily, and not the mind. Go deeper into all of you. Learn to feel deeply.

Happiness is actually a very simple thing really. It is something fundamental. It is found not by addition of things. Yes, there is a process where you do things to get there, but essentially, it is emotional transmutation that is responsible for becoming happy. Happiness increases the more you release your aversions within yourself through doing serious embodiment practices. The more you are releasing your subconscious limitations, the more you are releasing lower contractive feelings, the more you will rise towards courage, acceptance, peace and love. As you do this process, you will be able to flow with life more and more, you will be able to create and manifest what you want. You become a conduit for energy. Things effortlessly come to you because you get past yourself. Most people are not visionary enough to create it for themself unfortunately. They are stuck in their animal like consciousness that can not see more than 10 feet in front of them. People usually do not even notice their aversions because they are identified to the physical body. If you do not have any aversions, these child like qualities can exist within you and life becomes a playground full of possibility. Close your eyes and become still for a moment. Start to feel the universe through your heart and imagine all the possibilities, the things you can experience. Feel the joy and curiosity towards those things. You probably already notice aversion in your body towards some of these experiences you are imagining. Why is there aversion? How can you create an embodiment program to grow past them until everything is possible for you? Freedom is happiness.

Do you know what to do in order to change this? What have you done already? Ultimately it comes down to making a strong commitment internally and taking the right steps in the external world that will eventually set you free. Do you know the steps? Or are you confused, stuck and lost?

@Loving Radiance I had those feelings for a very long time too. I tried everything to get rid of it, but it wasn't until I began stepping into tension and being very vulnerable in the process that I started healing my wounded heart. Whenever you feel resistance in your body, try to love it and see it as something that will lead you to freedom once you confront it. Those feelings are really painful to confront, but once you do, consistently and systematically, you will heal yourself. The most powerful way to release these feelings is through a daily approach practice where you approach 5 people daily and practice opening your heart, stomach and ground the vulnerability that comes with it. You can do low tension approaches the first few weeks. The goal is to let go of reactivity in your body, become vulnerable, let feelings come up and let go of them until your heart is open naturally in that amount of tension, and you connect with people from this space openly and joyfully. You increase the tension systematically. After a while of opening your heart, confronting the feelings and stories that lie in it in relationship to a degree of tension, you are ready for higher level tension approaches. Each day you grow 1% and you become more confident gradually. It is the goal to approach women eventually while being direct. So being able to say they are sexy while staying in your body, grounded and open in the heart. A lot of healing happens through conscious letting go and pro-active vulnerability The other part is interpersonal mirroring. As you approach people and let go of resistance in your body while you do so, you will get more and more positive reactions and external reality is affirming that you are healing and giving you the mirroring that will confirm this. Eventually, those things you initially struggled with become a non-issue. When thinking about hitting that girl up for going on a date, you will become excited instead of reactive. Dates are supposed to be fun. Because you approached so many people, you just become embodied and relaxed naturally because you developed your ability to handle tension. Your nervous system has adapted and a new balance has been put. You have let go through doing all the consistent work. And the intention with this practice is to clean up how you feel about yourself, so that should always be in the back of your mind. You are approaching to trigger your stories, and let go of the reactivity in your body. And not to get girls or approval. Subconsciously, you want approval, but you have to let go of that as well. You have to deeply understand that when you go up to a girl to interact with her, it is purely to be in the moment, get in touch with how you feel, how she feels, and to become one with her. Getting out of your mind etc. If she reacts negatively, cool, that is more to release on. And do this practice with all people. Old lady at the bus stop for example. You want to become so free that you can flow with anyone, anywhere. Groups or people. You want to really let go of theory and avoidance. Put your body into tension and you will grow. And your stories will go away. If you want you can PM me, I have good videos that you can watch that explain this practice more in depth and with a lot more nuance.

Ask it to open when it feels closed and welcome all the vulnerability that comes with it. The reason it is closed when in front of other people is to protect you from feeling the emotions underneath. You may feel shame and fear when opening the heart, but in actuality, it is mislabeled vulnerability. what you are feeling you must embrace fully in order for your nervous system to let go of them. You have to practice opening your heart on a daily basis. Do a daily heart-opening practice where for the first weeks, you walk around your city and make eye contact with people from your heart, instead of your head. You also have to develop grounding in order to support the extra vulnerability. We tend to go in our head to escape vulnerability, so developing a good relationship with your legs, feet, pelvis, back is important in order for the tension to ground itself. You must become pro-active with this tension, instead of being reactive. You must actively relax into your heart and feel the universe through your heart. You will notice a lot more subtle feelings that emanate from the environment. You allow all of them to go through you into the ground beneath you, like you are a conductor for energy. Allow the energy to flow through your heart instead of holding it there and blocking it to go down. Relax all muscles around your chest to support this sense of relaxation. As well as relaxing the muscles for grounding. Eventually, you increase the tension. When done the eye contact city walk exercise for a couple of weeks daily, you up the tension. Now you stop people and have a small conversation, or ask a simple question. But not from your head. You open your heart fully. And you do this until you feel amazing from your heart. Eventually you will notice people being drawn to you when your heart becomes open. A wounded heart is only fixed by making a serious commitment to work on it. It takes some time for your nervous system to rewire.

The thing to do is to start releasing emotions that keep you in aversion towards change. And start to become inspired and turned on for who you want to become, instead of making it about who you do not want to be. The apathy is usually caused by other negative emotions you are not willing to face in your process of change. You have to work on releasing those. What and how is difficult to say because we do not know you. The truth is, change is the result of taking small consistent steps on a daily basis. It is compounding interest that gets you the big leaps over time. Change is unnoticeable if you look at it from a day to day perspective. You just want to identify what you want and take the next step. You do not have to have all planned out. You just have to know what you want, and take the next step. Each day. And your life will change over time. But do not wait for the big leaps and aha moments. The other important thing is to become your own container. Being your own container means that you hold yourself accountable. You need to build self-trust in order to change. Being your own container in practice means that you make a decision and you commit on the decision. That is how your life changes. The reason it does not change is because you are not making decisions, and following through on those decisions no matter what your subconscious tells you. You have to have a strong framing around your day. You have to do it in relationship to the goal you have. In anything you want to change in your life, you have to start with small weekly goals that will build momentum. Small goals are more easy for you to follow through on. They make taking action easier. And if you complete them, each time, you build more self-trust that builds you up to be ready for the next goal, bigger goals each time. Progressively. You want to build a subconscious habit of succes by following through. The issue is that most people want to change their life of night and do not understand the natural laws of have change works. These things can be applied in any area you want to change. Dating, business, money, relationships, health, other goals. Another concept is tension. In order to change, you have to step into tension. Most people are not growing and changing because they avoid tension. A lot of people resist emotional tension because they have embodied shame and fear in relationship to the experiences they need to have in order to grow. If you are reactive to this tension, you will want to avoid and get into apathy. When you start to work on a goal, your limiting beliefs, stories and emotions are going to come to the surface. You have to understand those things for what they truly are. Becoming detached from your subconscious patterns is important. Your ego is trying to keep you limited and wants to reinstall balance. It does not value your expansion. So it will force you in all kind of ways to keep you from taking the right action. And the more you break those barriers and push through the resistance, 100 000 of times, the more effortless your life becomes. All the magic happens when you push through your stories. So make it a life goal to keep stepping into tension and making the decisions to support that. Use the weekly goal setting process. Make decisions, face tension and commit fully. Build a strong vision, become emotionally turned on for the vision, etc. That is the basic steps. You may want to do some somatic therapy as well. If change does not happen, it often is because our body is not in tune with our desires. Resistance in the form of emotions are stored there, we have contractions in our energy flow and this is limiting expansion. So you may want to do this in parallel with the goal setting process.

You have a conscious choice to absorb those things or let it go in the moment, and you are CHOOSING the former. YOU are responsible for your own feelings. Life is always gonna throw stuff at you, and if you are gonna be reactive all the time, of course it is gonna throw more of the same stuff at you. Especially people who have a lot of anger and resentment in themself will try to test you and provoke you. You made a post about you having a lot of anger and want to get rid of it. The first step is to stop looking outside and look inside. If you see a post that is testing you, then ignore it and do not let it even go inside you. Just scroll as if it is not there. Use your body to let go. Do you feel a pull in your energy to react? Inspect that pull and let go. Breath through it. Focus on what you can control. You can not control other people, but you can control your own reaction. If you keep reacting, your nervous system is gonna build on that and remember that. It is an unconscious pattern in your nervous system of reactivity. And you are contributing to it and reinforcing it each time you become reactive. If you want to feel more peaceful, you have to rewire this by conscious effort and conscious letting go. If you can not stop being reactive, you should go live in a mountain where nobody can touch you or affect you if that is what you want. seriously, life is not always gonna treat you like a baby. I broke my ribs yesterday. So what? Work on your self-esteem, do embodiment practices, explore them and you are gonna grow, but I agree with what some people say here, spending so much time on the forums here is not gonna give you more self-love, it is keeping you in a mental activity while you want to explore different things to fix this.

as you point out, there are different levels in how much one is motivated to engage socially, and if you happen to be on the low end of the spectrum and are completely fine with this, that is good. I think the problem happens when there is a sort of misalignment between the degree to which one is motivated to engage socially, and the degree to which one is actually engaging socially. In an ideal situation, those 2 values should align well and lay close to each other. Sometimes, as you had to in your job, you have to push yourself through external factors to increase your social engagement despite not being socially motivated to that degree. Thing is that a lot of people just experience a very high motivation, and have no outlet for this. So this builds up internally and creates a lot of discord between their desires and emotions. This creates a lot of inner tension and you suffer deeply because of it. And the fact that most people see that misalignment as something that is fundamental locks them in. They hold all of this creative potential, but have no outlet for it because they become attached to belief as a way to escape this desire. They believe that they have a permanent personality, constructed by their DNA, experiences, biochemistry and all of that. I find this very unfortunate. Imagine if social engagement was a physical metal knob that you could twist to 0 - 100. As well as social motivation, but that knob is rather internally automatically adjusted. If someone were an introvert that feels like he is limited socially, and they believe that their inability to be social is because of their natural introversion. The knob is essentially stuck in one position for this person. And as time passes, he wants to turn it harder and harder, he can not contain himself any longer. But the knob just does not fucking move. He becomes frustrated and hopeless. If this person could expand consciousness enough, or be guided to, they could start to get control of the knob. The first few years he will probably dial it to the highest setting. Then if he feels fulfilled after that time, he will put it where he feels like it should be. And it will probably be somewhat lower than an extroverted person. But he has the choice now. And he will let himself be guided by his inner motivational system which has the automatic knob. And that automatic knob is connected to who you are and all your natural authentic tendencies included. But he has to undertake his hero journey to accomplish all of that.

I love daily routines and habits, too. Some structure is always necessary if you are working towards a higher goal imo. A lot of times if I do not commit to a daily structure, I tend to just decide what I am doing based on how I feel. But that is not always very productive if you have long term goals that require daily consistent effort. But along side that, I think it is also important to leave some time open for creative inspiration and spontaneity to guide you in the moment in what you do. Usually my schedule will look somewhat like this: 01:00 pm - waking up, breakfast, etc. 02:00 - 06:00 pm - spending time in nature with my dog, some grounding and body movement exercises, meeting some new people. Flowing. 06:00 - 10:00 pm - Gym, BJJ 10:00 pm - Dinner 11:00 pm - 04:00 am - studying. The first part of my day tends to be more feeling based. Towards the end is where I start to work cognitively. Works for me. Especially because my dog sleeps then. If I work during the day, he comes under the table and starts chewing on my pants constantly lol.

The ability to be socially powerful, is a habit which you can build by engaging neural plasticity in the same way that we can activate neural plasticity for quitting a heroine addiction for example. It is not different. The required systems of engagement are different for both endeavors, but the truth is that a new equilibrium can be set once we tap into the right understanding. A lack of understanding is what keeps you in homeostasis, not the body's inability to rewire. That is filling in not-knowing very unfortunately because it removes the possibility for change. That is the whole reason for why we are doing spirituality and self-development here I think, to remove beliefs, to expand ourself, to detach ourself from unjustified identifications. Of course we will identify ourself to all sorts of things that can explain why we are who we are, but it is a huge trap to be so attached to them in the sense that you belief that they are a permanent truth. Reality is so flexible, dynamic and changeable in ways that you can not know if you have not gone to the required depth needed to change. It is also not our body and genetics that limit us. It is our mind. Indeed, we can not fly if we remove the belief that we can not fly. But things such as social ability are very possible to change. There are countless examples and I have many direct experiences which can verify this. It is natural in any transformative process to feel resistance at first. Thinking that resistance is a signal of your body telling you that the resistance is caused because you are not being authentic and try to change who you naturally are is limiting you. If you can understand how psychological systems change, as well as the corresponding physiological mechanisms can help you understand mentally what is going on and prevent this attachment of inaccurate concepts. This is my perspective towards the initial discussion. And yes I agree with your definition of introversion/extroversion. There will always be aspects of who we are that are ingrained in us and natural to us, such as physical appearance. As well as introversion/extroversion tendencies, described by your definition of those concepts. But I do not think that inward orientation by itself is connected significantly to social ability. You can be as socially powerful with inward orientation as someone with outward orientation, but if you happen to have an inward orientation, and do feel like you lack those abilities, you just have to develop them. And that is definitely possible and not being limited by your inward orientation. Of course if you identify your lack of social ability to your inward orientation, you have work to do to unwind that belief.

Why do you not feel free and relaxed in your daily life? What are your struggles? You obviously have some aversions in your life, and depending on these aversions, the way you are using meditation might not be right for releasing those aversions. Meditation is always good and in my opinion, essential, but there are so many ways to use meditation. Most people are meditating out of their body and polarizing themself more from their internal world, which builds resentment. Meditation works mostly when done with consistent awareness, concentration and a strong long term intention / commitment. If your intention is not strong enough, your mind will wander easily. If I say to myself, I am going to meditate consistently with full focus and intention, I am going to subconsciously build a pattern of becoming aware more frequently. Meaning I will check in more frequently If I am still meditating correctly or if I got lost in thought stories. You have to make a strong decision to not half-ass meditation. It is not just enough to sit down for 30 minutes and then let yourself go. You need steady control. Second it is important to meditate with your consciousness in the body, instead of above the body or in front of the body. You want meditation to be a body centered experience. Aversions always exist as energetic and somatic patterns that are found it the body. And if you meditate with awareness outside the body, you will never come in contact with them. Thoughts are always the result of these contractions in energy systems in ur body. Working on the level of thoughts is insignificant. Focus on the body and thoughts will align eventually. Ability to focus is like building muscles. Get away from the belief that you have ADD. Fix your diet, spend less time with electronics and get more in touch with your body. Ground yourself more into nature etc. Get your priorities and overal long term focus in order and focus will become more accessible. Do not consume theory and information compulsively. That tends to make your mind ADD like. The more you get in touch with emotions, nature, the body, and introduce grounding and relaxation in the body, the more focused you will become. Try a daily focus practice and limit compulsive need for dopamine. Also most importantly is to realize that meditation only is only a partial practice. Healing requires a very integrated approach with lots of different tools and modalities that harmonize. The do-nothing meditation is very powerful, but you have to do it beginning with focussing on the breath to center your awareness, relax all muscles in your body, and center your consciousness in your body and then let all tension go from the body. Do not put your consciousness in the head, go deep into the body. Feel the universe through your heart, pelvis, neck, legs, hands and feet. There you can work directly with your aversions. You want to create your own feelings true conscious will. It is called energetic modeling. You can first create your reality in your mind, outside your body. But then you want to bring it into the body. You want to feel your reality that you want to create through the body as if it is real. First in the mind, yes. Then in the body. Most people only create in the mind, which is fantasy. Change happens when the body is on board. The empire state building first was an idea in the mind, outside the body. Then people brought their heart and turn on on board and manifested it in physical reality. You can manifest anything in physical reality, if you first energetically model it in your fantasy world, then the body. Practice feeling a ball or some other physical object in your hand is if it was real. Then you can use that ability to energetically model your world where you experience these aversions, and then release them there, and then manifest the reality you wish in physicality.

Usually anger is also covering up another emotion. Such as shame for example. To release the anger, you have to also work on the underlying emotion that the anger is being reactive to. I had this one girlfriend that I was teasing and she became angry. Obviously, she took the tease too serious because she was insecure about that specific thing I was teasing her over. She had a wounded heart. It was just a playful innocent tease, but the underlying shame in her heart got triggered. As this sort of mechanism to not feel the truth of that emotion in herself, because she was avoiding it, she deflected and projected the shame as anger onto me. Anger is outwardly orientated energy that is very reactive in nature. The key is to turn the anger in on itself, feel emotions underlying the anger and then feel deeper and deeper into it until you can let it go. You can do this in daily sessions of 30 minutes where you actively bring up anger in your body, feel into the body, and then release it through the breath. As well as doing this whenever you feel anger. When you feel anger, you can release this the most powerful by orientating your attention into your somatic internal field and letting accepting energy flow to those regions you feel anger in. Doing this consistently will release anger and underlying emotions. But it is important to also work on the underlying emotions separately. A normal amount of anger is also healthy. To the first step to release it is to not make anger the demon. Many people feel shame and resistance towards anger. It has been told that anger is wrong. You become shamed in society when you feel anger. The first step is to allow yourself to feel anger fully, but inwardly, and not project it outwardly.

I would encourage to go differently about it. The reason for why transformation is difficult is because of how much information we are absorbing on a daily basis. Our mind is so thick and dense with information, and the more information, the more difficult it becomes to channel the right stuff into the body. Hypnosis back in the 19s, was a lot more powerful than now. Partially because there was no internet and a lot less information that we consume. The activity of the mind was a lot less and the body was a lot more in tune. I would connect back to that sense of letting go of needing information and just searching for a good somatic therapist and trust the process intuitively. You have probably studied a lot of concepts already, and have a lot of knowledge. If you would go explore this subject through online information, that can be a trap, because the information is very much presented in a way that is not specific to you, a lot of it gets filtered out subconsciously because you feel like it does not apply to you. How would it feel to just let go of the need to understand this, and just go find a somatic therapist? In worst case, you do not resonate with it. Go to 10 different somatic therapists though and stick with the one that resonates with you the most. I do not know the quality of somatic therapists in your country, choose well.

Find a somatic therapist who understands emotional embodiment well and they can guide you to getting in touch with parts of your body that need to be integrated. You probably have heard a hundred times that emotions get stored in the body. Yet almost nobody understand how to get in touch with them and release them. A lot of body work is shallow, but if you can get deeply into somatic therapy with a conscious therapist, that is the key to energetically shifting your emotions, and slowly embodying the desired polarities. Your body is like a conduit. External experiences come into the body, and often trigger those sensitive parts that need to be healed, and then cause all sorts of distortion. After a lot of body work you will feel like experiences go into the earth, through you. Practice things going through you instead of distancing them from you. You can practice this with sounds for example. Have someone clap in front of you and use the clap to deeper and deeper let go into the now, into acceptance and peace. Eventually you can do that with emotions. But definitely find a somatic therapist, that will work best.

If you are contracted within the identification to being introverted, that will only polarize and distance yourself. In truth, when people ascribe their difficulty with social fluidity, flow and building opportunities, whether it be business, sex, friendships, to their introverted nature, that is all mostly because they have a lack of emotional embodiment, and not because they are introverted. The distinction between introversion/extroversion is very misunderstood culturally and gives rise to a lot of self-deceptive attachment of meaning. Especially because inner conflicts and attachments patterns are poorly misunderstood by the thinking rational mind. The desire for understanding exists strongly though, and not knowing is the curse very often. So contexts and concepts are created out of thin air even if they do a poor job of explaining the underlying reality. How are you constructing this context to help you avoid and victimize unconsciously? That is important to question. What is your true relationship with actual introversion? Is introversion limiting in itself? What is the bigger picture here? Do introverted and extroverted people have different social potentials? What is an introvert? What is 'natural' introversion? What is the influence of various development factors on introversion? Does emotional conditioning create inward orientation and introvert tendencies? What is the influence of emotional dissociation on social ability? Can emotional dissociation be connected to introversion? I would explore these questions. The reason you have to work hard, feel distanced from extroversion, feel identified with introversion is because you are not emotionally embodied and have not tapped into certain embodiment principles. You have not built the right physiological structures. Therefore it all feels so permanent. It just seems like this is the way you are. it is easy to avoid deeper truths and attach to these concepts. It makes it all so understandable and easy to grasp. How is the concept ADHD and inability to concentrate similar to this? Extroverted people are people who naturally have the right chemical and neurological structures built to have the traits that typify them. That comes because their lifes development process has encouraged and supported the building of these structures. Introversion in a lot of cases the result of negative conditioning and emotional dissociation, which naturally builds more engagement in cognitive structures responsible for the inward orientation, that causes the introspective tendencies and ability. The real benefit of being introverted then is just this. You have built stronger neuronal and chemical pathways that are responsible for becoming conscious, and you can use this in many powerful ways. You have spend a lot of time thinking and exploring concepts, which gives you a lot more ability to be intuitive, to think in systems, to think holistically etc. You have a heightened ability to engage in activities that require introspection. And the big bonus is that once you tap into the emotional embodiment principles, you will be able to socialize, form relationships, influence etc as powerfully as a natural extrovert does. Even more because that lack of previous embodiment has left you deprived for so long, which now, when you are fully embodied, serves as fuel for exploring the world with a lot more enthusiasm. All those activities give a lot more pleasure because you were deprived from them for so long. Those natural extroverts have seen it all. It is all very habitual for them. You will have a lot more fulfillment when engaging socially than a lot of extroverts. But embodiment is required and it something that does not come easy. Hence why you struggle.

I will use Andy cutler's detoxing protocol to experiment with detoxification and see if it improves my cognitive abilities. I will use ALA and DMSA. These are the chelating chemicals that are introduced every 3 and 4 hours respectively for 3 days which is called a round. DMSA is used to clear out extracellular Mercury, Lead, Arsenic, Cadmium and antimony. ALA chelates Mercury, Arsenic and cadmium. ALA is the main chelator that will have the most powerful effect. It's the only one that crosses the Blood brain barrier and chelates mercury out of your brain. I will post in this journal my experience so I can look back at it later and evaluate my progress. I'm doing this because after improving my diet and correcting any deficiencies and imbalances in my body, I still have some symptoms. Cleaning diet and fixing any imbalances is always the first thing one should do if they struggle with health issues. It improved my quality of life significantly, but still, I have some symptoms like ADHD, Brain fog, memory issues. It's better after fixing my diet, yes. But is it optimal? No. When I was younger, my mind was a lot lot sharper. I try to go back to that place. Learning was so easy. Now, it's more a chore when I need to put a lot of effort cognitively into learning it. Improving my health for me, is a proces of systematically experimenting with solutions and grow % by %. Always small amounts of growth that have a cummulative effect over time. Why do I suspect heavy metal toxicity? Not sure. The sentence has been thrown around a lot so I have no choice of inspecting it for myself. There is some factors though that point towards heavy metal toxicity and that is that I've eaten fish a lot. Also Tuna. It's not that I've eaten it everyday, or even every week, No. Also the biggest factor is that my mother has 4 amalgam toothfillings which she has for over 25 years. My older brother has autism, cognitive issues and ADHD. He struggled with health issues from a young age. At one point he got in a mental hospital for depression with psychotic episodes. My younger brother has also cognitive issues. It is known that mercury and heavy metals in general can get passed on to the fetus when a women with heavy metal toxicity gets pregnant. People report that the first child usually get's the biggest load of toxicity. Then the second child the second most, and the 3th child the least. It corresponds with the severity of our symptoms. So I'm willing to check it. First round: Done Chelator: ALA 12.5MG - every 3 hours Supporting supplements: Vitamine E 1000 IU/DAY Vitamine C 4000 MG/DAY Adrenal Cortex: 100 MG/DAY Zinc: 50 mg/day Magnesium 800 mg/day phosphatidylserine 600 mg/day phosphatidylcholine 1000 mg/day Date: 4 DEC 2020 - 7 DEC 2020 The round went relatively smooth. Had headache and uncomfortable feeling though. A bit restless. Nothing too significant. This round was to test my chelator dose. You start with one of the chelators and at a relatively low dose to see how you react. I did react to it, so I stay at the same dose until I have no symptoms. Most of my reactions were after the round and it does let me think I'm indeed mercury toxic as so many people have reported the same after a round. I developed an abscess in my mouth, canker sores, painful jaw, muscle pain, upper back, shoulder and neck pain. And I never have these. And surely not all at once. I read many people have the same experience when starting their rounds. And those people have had amalgams and are very sure they are mercury toxic.

Masculinity is your ability to step into tension and be grounded in tension. Look at navy seals, firemen, police men, or men who are good with women. Look how grounded they are in their body. They are in control, completely vulnerable, yet containing and penetrating the world through their level of emotional embodiment. Becoming masculine is all about developing your grounding ability in relationship to tension. Those examples above, if you visualize their energy for a bit, you can start to feel the contrast with your own internal energy and see the gap in masculine grounding ability. Walk a bit through the city, and feel your level of contraction in relationship to the world around you. How penetrative are you with your energy? How expansive are you? Is your self-expression limited? How reactive are you to your external environment and also to your internal one; the emotions and thoughts about yourself. Do you have a lot of fear, shame and apathy? Are you taking any responsibility? Are you making decisions? Are you procrastinating and lazy? What is your long term vision? Do you always want to be contained instead of being your own container? Your masculine is only going to develop through challenge and serious embodiment work. It is uncomfortable for sure. Especially if you lack solid grounding. It takes time to build that. You will need to walk a path where you are being confronted with all the uncomfortable stuff that will build you over time. Get out there, be challenged, seek challenge. Seek confrontation, spend time in nature, walk around the city without shirt and shoes, become primal again. Do martial arts, build a masculine physique, stop masturbating and half-assing things. Go to men retreats such as awakened masculinity. Face your social fears, face social rejection, confront your emotions, start to build a conscious relationship with your body where you release tension systematically, start to model your reality energetically and then bring it down into the physical body, spend time with other men, get good at game and socialization. Are you taking responsibility in fixing your diet, doing your routines, sticking with right habits, focussing on money stuff, doing daily chores? Are you sticking to a right sleeping schedule? Are you focussing on a deeper purpose in terms of career? So much stuff you can do man, but the key is: Face tension, gain experience, get out there, stop jacking off, and commit fully. Embodiment is what you are after and it comes after a lot of experience in the physical world where you are confronting emotions, both internal from childhood such as fear and shame for example, but also emotions that external reality pushes onto you where you have to be able to contain them and ground them, such as being physically confronted by dominant aggressive males for example. If you want a feminine women, you need to be able to contain her. Your energy needs to feel solid, where the flow of your consciousness is going down into the earth, because you feel stable and powerful, ready for anything. This is all the result of a lot of experience. A feminine woman has the deepest desire to be contained in a relationship, to feel safe to express her feminine energy. Make it your life purpose to connect to this masculine energy, and once you do, you can drop this intention because you are embodied. This karma is then gone away from your identity and you make place for other purpose. Some practices to start: Join a gym, build strength Eat healthy Do Martial arts, jiu jitsu, muay thai, mma, .... Wake up early, take a cold shower Walk in nature barefoot, expose your body to the world, leave t shirt home Social exposure: Become comfortable facing rejection. Face rejection and let go of attachment to validation. Letting go / releasing practices: Hypnosis, meditation, body awareness, sedona/lester levenson/ hawkins Approach women Do oshos dynamic meditation early in the morning in a public park. Find a community of like minded men: The Fearless man on youtube for example. Go to workshops and retreats for men: Awakened masculinity, fearless man workshops, .... Psychedelics: Letting go of your self-identity Full body awareness when outdoors: relaxation and belly breathing Look people in the eyes when you walk down the street, feel the tension. Penetrate people with your energy. No half-assing These things have the aim to release feelings that are currently blocking your natural flow of masculine energy. When done as daily routines, with full commitment, these things will adapt your nervous system over the months and years and there comes a point of permanent embodiment where these shifts in feeling that result from the practices, form a natural part of your identity. Things are effortless and expansive then. You have total freedom. You can then start to let go of some of the practices if you wish. You have a lot more dynamic range in the things you can do because you are not contracted by blockages any more. Your feminine and masculine become more synergistic and harmonize, and you can bounce between them whenever you wish to. And the most important thing... Stop compulsive consumption of theory. And let go of needing to change over night. Change never happens as a result of one thing you do. It is compounded effect over time that is what changes you, just as building muscles will change the body. Tension and resistance will change your masculine embodiment level. And it is a proces that works over time. 1% each day. Take action and let go of needing to understand everything, needing to find the big answer, the next book that contains all the answers etc. Do the practices that are causing you to feel resistance, and do them rigorously with a david goggins mentality.

Deep down you already know you have to let go of her. See, you want to grow your masculine and the way to do this is to step into tension and become good at handling this tension. The first kind of tension you gotta step into is the need of your girlfriends approval. You do not need to let her go in a physical sense, but you need to let go of needing her. If you want to grow your masculine, you have to accept that you may lose her. That is tension. The reason for why you are lacking in this area is because you are avoiding tension. That is the exact core reason for why you are stuck now. Avoiding this will just keep the nice guy in you intact. You might feel okay emotionally in the relationship, but deep down, you know there is a deeper purpose for you and that is to become a strong powerful grounded man. To fix your problems, there is one word that you should really explore more, and that is 'tension' or 'resistance' as you said it. The masculine grows by stepping into emotional resistance, becoming comfortable being uncomfortable and doing this on a consistent basis. If you have social fear, then step into social tension. You can easily develop an approaching practice where you daily approach 5 women or men with the intention of getting to know them. You approach them directly and learn to ground your fears. This done consistently over months will grow you. But the longer you keep avoiding this part of yourself, the more you will miss out.

Spirituality is confronting and uncomfortable many times, especially in those transition phases where you are just beginning to learn about it and explore. The more you resist and try to understand this type of state/experience, the more confused you will be. Try to just flow and let go of needing to get somewhere. Answers will come when time is ready. In the meantime, it can help to get out of your head and do some more embodiment practices. Get into your body more, get more in touch with feeling aspect of reality, do things you enjoy, explore physical reality and stimulate your senses. Go to the beach, go on vacation for a while to a warm country and let go of trying to understand reality. You need some time to get back into your body and ground yourself. You need balance. Your state and feeling now is all temporary and relative to how much your are letting go and flow with life. Let go of thinking and just be. Your path and meaning will come after you understand how to flow more.