JonasVE12

Are you able to feel turned on while you talk to women? Like literally feeling tingling sensations around your balls? Or do you feel shame and fear around looking into her eyes, taking her in sexually, and letting her see that you are being turned on by her? People only start to see you as sexually attractive and powerful when you start to get into your lower body. So the stomach, pelvis, perineum and legs. Lots of guys can talk from their heart, which is more innocent, but once they get into their lower body parts, they get real uncomfortable because they have some suppressed emotions they are holding on to. such as sexual shame for example. Try it next time you talk with a woman you find attractive. Focus on getting in touch with your lower body and open it to her. Connect your awareness to those areas and practice relaxing, loosening, directing energy towards it. Don't force, just bring up and allow what's already there, a little more each time. She will naturally become sexually attracted. But you have to be willing to own it and let her see it. If there comes fear and shame to the surface once you get in those body parts, you have to welcome it and use it to ground yourself further into your body. Women are just feeling what you are feeling. You don't actually need to do anything in order to attract her sexually. You just have to be in your body fully. You are a man, she is a woman. Your bodies are literally designed to be attracted to each other. It is entirely energetic and a subconscious process. You just need to unwind the emotional knots in your body that limit your natural flow of energy.

Be careful putting the label BPD on yourself. You may have emotional wounds that cause you to act in a certain way, but it is in no way permanent and the more you heal, the less symptoms you will have, and the more you will attract a healthy partner. I think BPD stems from abandonment trauma and that's exactly the reason you need to move the focus from external to internal and only start dating once you feel like your anger, shame and fear is released.

I have. She argued all the time, became aggressive often, cried all the time, always ready for a fight. She cut her arms in front of me. she let all my neighbours believe I was physically abusing her. There was a guy that lived in my appartement building trying to break into my appartement and trying to attack me because he thought I assaulted her. While in actuality, I was keeping her from jumping off our building. I even had to choke her out once because she was so hysterical, trying to grab knifes, and desperately trying to reach for the balcony to commit suicide. I can't count on 2 hands the times she tried such things. It made me feel so desperate at times. Sometimes I wish she would jump. But guess what would happen then. Everyone thought I was abusive towards her. I had been invited by police numerous times and they thought I was abusive towards her as well. Even her family. And whenever I tried to quit the relationship, she threatened to kill herself. And she would take me down with her. She lied to me that she had cancer, that she was pregnant. She was such a manipulative person. All sorts of lies and sneaky manipulation. But deep inside, she's a good person. She is emotionally scarred and that's why she does those things. I tried helping her but she wasn't willing. Eventually I lead her into believing I was gay, and transgender. So she lost attraction, cheated, bonded to another guy and finally I was free. Not really a story im going to tell my grandchilderen.

How many female friends do you have in your life? How many male friends? How are you connecting with people outside of dating? Can you approach a woman or man, maybe ask the time or directions, or have a friendly little conversation? Are people being repelled by your energy? Or pulled into you? When you go into a social environment, a bar, or something else, the gym for example, how are you connecting with people there? You can never seduce a woman if you don't start with the basics. Instead of doing 1 direct approach a day, you will grow a lot more if you would ask 10 women a day where Starbucks is. It gives you the chance to work on how you are feeling when in front of her with less pressure. Can you feel open, free and relaxed saying hi to people you cross on the street? I would have instant dates from indirect approaches all the time in the past. It's about learning to take her in, enjoying her, becoming curious about her while feeling your own body fully. This is in contrast to trying to make something happen, wanting, trying, pushing, forcing, manipulating, getting. You need to take her in. Her beauty, her emotions, and you need to let then effect you in the body. You need to connect to her presence from your body. Not your head. Simple indirect approaches learn you to do that. Don't do direct approaches until you have people light up, become curious about you, when doing simple indirect approaches.

It depends on the context of that type of thinking. It may be related to a lack of emotional embodiment. If so, It's more self-esteem than any specific thing itself. low self-esteem, which could also be described as a sense of powerlessness. Meaning that you don't feel confident in creating and manifesting your intention into the physical because you have a lot of limiting beliefs and feelings which contract your mind and body. That contraction causes you to be apathetic in relationship to your goals. And naturally, because typical to that state of feeling, there is this sort of attachment to stories, excuses, why's. In this state there is a lot of confusion, uncertainty and a sense of being stuck. It hinders you from taking action. Most of the time there is a lot of internal shame, unworthiness, fear and guilt present in the person. The mind also is very contracted within that experience and naturally you don't see solutions, opportunities and you feel powerless to create opportunities. Reality is waiting for you to discover your potential. If you want to live a certain life that maybe someone else is living as well, you can do it too. You may not have money now, but you can always create money once you start to shift your internal perspective. Usually the path to being who you want to be is not a straight path. Aim to take full responsibility of who you are becoming and what you create. Only then you start to see opportunities beyond your excuses. Having money offers a sense of containment. You can give that up and become really powerful with what you have. There is growth in that. I know people who have traveled the world without money. And let's say you want to do something, and a lack of financial resources is actually really limiting you, then that's one extra stop for you. You need to find a solution to that first and build your base. You can't have a good life if you are not willing to put all the pieces of the puzzle in the correct place. That's a goal in itself. You need to see your life as a strategic puzzle where you are the mastermind. Reality will support you and help you grow once you start to trust in your ability to create. It will reward you with great things you don't believe you deserve now.

You're doing great. Keep going.

You need to commit to facing all of your fear through stepping into tension and then changing your internal relationship to it. Letting go of attachment to self-identity inside the tension. The only way out is through. Nothing else will ever set you free other than stepping into tension and becoming courageous inside that space of resistance. Do one thing you resist each day. Or more. But gradually build it up. Take it as serious as you want. The degree to which you take it serious determines the degree to which you will be free and confident.

You know what. Just make a decision right now. Don't think about it. Do it now. Yes or no? Are you gonna do your exercises? This decision is gonna put you into the tension. And NOW the process of changing your self-image has begun.

Maybe you need to let go of the goal internally, and see how your body responds. Not manipulatively, but really letting it go for a while. If the goal is worth the pursuit, your body will naturally feel the desire again in the future. And then you might be able to move your desire from need/want to choice eventually as you gain some inner clarity. Whenever a goal is in need and want, the inner tension brings a lot of resistance against taking action. Letting the goal go can get you in a lighter feeling state where it will only come back if it has to. And now if don't feel inclined to do the work, you have a bad relationship to tension. Tension is everywhere. People that don't handle it well feel apathetic and resistant in their life with the most basic things such as waking up early, building basic habits, exercising. People who handle tension well build business, have an adventurous life etc. And that proactive nature can be developed by repeatedly stepping into that resistance. And people who handle tension well can enjoy the process more because they are not reactive and are in a lighter state of feeling. But that is developed through stepping into tension. That's the reward. But there is no reward if you want everything to be effortless. Know this. One day, you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the things you want to do. And if you can't make a simple decision to follow through with exercising, by choosing, instead of needing and wanting, you will miss out on a lot of your potential that this powerlessness is limiting you from. A decision puts you into tension. The only way out is to make lots of then. You get perspective from experience born out of each decision. The worst thing is to not make decisions. Waiting for the answer or solution will only be met with uncertainty because you are training yourself to be doubtful and uncertain. wrong decisions after they have been followed through to a result teach you what you don't want. Committed purposeful decisions for what you create is the only way to grow. And notice your excuses. If you yourself know your goal is something that needs to be worked towards, and yet you keep holding on to your stories for why you are not doing the thing, then you won't ever do it. And I think there is a lot of truth to the saying 'the way you do one thing is how you do everything' but of course I don't know you. Courage, joy, acceptance are feelings only rewarded to those who are willing to step all the tension their stories are limiting to step into. You are literally training your nervous system to step into unknown, to relax into it, to become courageous and purposeful inside the tension, and getting through on the other side. And once your nervous system has learned how it works, your capacity to enjoy it increases because you are not occupied with pushing down your stories and anxiety. Maybe observe your resistance and detach from it. Treat it like an experiment. 'For 3 months, I'm going to do my exercises every day, not because of the goal itself, but because I want to build my capacity to make decisions'. And now you are working towards the goal AND building self-trust. 2 Goals in 1. Now if you quit and become reactive and don't do what you decided to do, you know it's because you are a reactive person, and not because of your emotional orientation towards the initial goal.

You don't change your actions through consciously trying to rewire your self-image in the way you suggest it. It does not work like that. Your disciplined actions will change your self-image over time and create subconscious competence and alignment. But until then, responsibility is yours to take. It isn't the subconscious mind that is not creating the results. It is your unwillingness to take control of your mind, to override your subconscious mind and to rewire it through disciplined, committed and focussed action towards your goals. Yes, your subconscious is important, and energetically modeling your reality through these visualization/feeling practices are important and will put more of you on board with your vision, through creating more depth of feeling in relationship to the reality you wish to create. Your willingness to move into the direction of your goal can increase through the alignment you are creating in these energetic modeling practices. But never will it make the process effortless. You will always have to step into tension in order to change. Your inability to keep up with exercising, or doing the hard thing isn't because of your subconscious mind, but because you haven't detached from your subconscious, and took full responsibility for going after your goals. You have to step into tension when you want to change. The practices you suggest will never allow you to shortcut that process. You have to confront those emotional resistances, the laziness, and all of your limiting stories and thoughts. Those are actually a healthy sign that you are changing. The trap comes when you start to give into them and you quit, avoid and turn the other direction. While in actuality, if you would push through and commit more, you would naturally find your self-image changing and becoming more aligned with the actions you are taking. The first and most important thing that hinders you is the belief that your self image is hindering you in growing. It is you and only you that is hindering. Changing your self-image is like building a habit. Once the habit is established, the self-image becomes one with it and it becomes automatic. The nervous system has rewired to embody the new habit and now it is part of your subconscious. Building habits is always difficult at first, we all know that. It's part of the process. It would be way too easy if we could just construct our reality using visualization and modeling. It requires a lot of personal involvement really. That's why people find it hard to change. They think it is supposed to be effortless. It's not. In the end, once you come out of the other side and your nervous system has embodied the things you are trying to build, it becomes effortless, and now your self-image has changed. If you want to change big things in your life, first change small things until you embody that. Such as doing a daily walk of 10 minutes for at least 3 months. If you can do this, and push through your excuses each time, you build self-trust. Self-trust that is needed to change bigger things in your life. each time you succeed in pushing through, you start to get a sense of accomplishment and subconscious habit of succes and following through. Now you start to get a sense of pride and courage related to going after what you want with full conscious responsibility. And that's what you need if you want to change. You can only start to feel powerful once you start to understand and experience that you can create the reality you want through your own conscious actions, where you commit fully and don't back down once the shit hits the fan. Now you can use your visualization and energetic modeling practices in a complementary way.

Gonna be very spiritual once she starts riding your dick

Can you not see that it is your responsibility of putting this under your own control? If you're going to see yourself as this powerless, you're going to depend entirely on luck. Start to explore the possibility that you can achieve great results, and then don't be lazy to pursue what you want. You can create the life you want by choice.

The fearless man.

Depends on the degree to which you are taking responsibility in your life. If you are not yet living your ideal life, and you're not rapidly moving towards that, you might want to reconsider the things you are doing on a daily basis and assess your priorities. Your time is valuable and life isn't infinite. If you're content with your life right now, if you feel peaceful, well, you're not really distracting yourself. You're not supposed to do anything. And if you like spending your time on here rather than anything else, that's your right. Now, if you're distracting yourself as a way to be lazy, you should not tolerate that and set higher standards. Life should be a flow and you should do what you like doing in the moment, but by fulfilling your desires, you will find deeper and deeper flow states, but it requires you to stretch your mind. And if you aren't used to that, it might feel resistant. Then it easier to tune out and be lazy. You always want to have clarity first in who you are, who you want to be, the steps to take to get where you want to be, and if you have this clarity, you can perfectly take time to be in the moment and tune off from the future. This can be spending time on the forum here. But if you don't already have that clarity, you need to take responsibility for structuring your time and focus so you can have more deep contemplation, self-reflection, goal setting, goal-assessment, strategizing. Just be honest with yourself and ask the following questions. Am I truly happy with how my life is right now ? Have I already gotten what I truly desire? Am I seeing rapid progress towards my ideal life? Has my life changed much over the years? How much more time am I going to waste? If you're truly happy, you're just flowing and you have nowhere else to go and so you're not distracting.

Meditation, martial arts and going to the gym are good practices. Definitely keep doing them. But there is one key thing I'm missing. One thing that is vital in getting over this issue permanently. that thing is tension. You need to learn to rewire your nervous system in relationship to the tension you are resisting to step into. And in time, your thoughts, stories and feelings in relationship to that amount of tension is going to change as you step into it more. There is this one practice they do at 'the fearless man' which is called the tension journaling process. I'll tell you how it works. If you take this serious, it can change your life in a very short amount of time. A tension journal is a physical journal that you have, preferably a bigger one at home, and a small pocket journal that you have with you at all times. How you use it is as follows. The first 2 weeks or so, you go outside into the city with the journal and you start to imagine yourself stepping into tension. Meaning you imagine yourself having experiences you are resisting to have. This can be anything. Imagine yourself asking the time to this person, that person, that very gorgeous woman, imagine approaching a group of women, asking the time to them. Imagine yourself screaming out loud as a crazy person. Look into peoples eyes with different emotional expression. Smile at people, wave, imagine approaching a woman and telling her she is sexy. Imagine going inside a coffee shop and ask if they sell bikes. Imagine stopping a group of 10 people to tell them a joke. Imagine 1000s of things over these 2 weeks and now categorize them. You write down from 1-10, how much tension they are. 10 is high tension. 1 is low tension. The first month, you step into 1-3's daily. And you do this daily. If you do this for a month, your nervous system will learn to relax and you become more comfortable with that degree of tension. And this becomes permanent, but you have to do it daily for a longer period of time. Eventually, you work up towards higher degrees of tension, such as being direct with women. But this is a natural progression and you shouldn't even think about it now. You just have to start. Get the journal and do the first 2 weeks of noting. You also journal all the experiences you are having, the things you are learning and every night before bed, you meditate on them so you take them into your subconscious. Whenever you stepped into tension, write it down, what you felt etc. That's what the smaller pocket journal is for. You do it right after the experience. The whole goal of this process is to release your fears and shames you have. You will meet women eventually because you're becoming someone who is good with tension and that's exactly what you need to meet women. Freedom lies on the other side. You just have to be willing to take the very next step and in time, the next step will show up. Don't wait for it. Take action. And you can't take action sporadically. You have to do it daily. Otherwise you'll always keep falling to your baseline. And again, it is important to start with low tension in order to start to build a subconscious habit of succes and to enjoy it. Enjoying it is key. Those looks those women are giving you won't bother you anymore, because you're learning to become less and less reactive to other people. You're becoming a grounded man through this process.

It doesn’t scare you? Really? Imagine you being in the middle of a circle with super confident, attractive and successful women and men, and they are laughing at you. They are thinking you are a little weak pussy and laughing at you like you are nothing. They just found out you like a woman in the circle. But she thinks you are a loser and she looks at you like this weak small insignificant boy. And everybody is seeing you embarrassed, there is no where to run, the spotlight is on you, you turn red, pee your pants and you start to cry for mommy. That’s rejection. You’re being rejected. Rejection is just the mechanism that validates the truth of your own shame, and that is what you fear and resist unconsciously, whether you conceptually recognize it or not. You have to realize that shame comes from deep abandonment trauma, and it has the goal to disown parts of yourself that previously meant danger to your survival. By avoiding rejection, you avoid stepping into your disowned parts, and thus you are avoiding your potential death. You know, feeling shame is just the body feeling threatened in it’s survival as a response of stepping into certain emotional experiences that previously were rejected socially or parentally. Abandonment trauma doesn’t have to come from parental influence as well. In the past, being socially excluded from your tribe meant death as well. If in the past you were rejected for romantic or sexual desires, or certain emotional expression, you will create shame as a self-protective mechanism and each time you express these emotions or desires, you feel shame. Rejection is not just being told ‘no’. It’s other people closing off emotionally to your own emotional expression, the same dynamic as with the original trauma. And when she closes off, verbal or non-verbal, you will feel the shame emerge in yourself. Shame is the last layer of protection. Avoiding rejection avoids the shame itself and is just a top-layer protection and it is generally called apathy. Rejection holds the potential of confirmation that you’re indeed not good enough. And that’s why I say ‘Learn to love rejection’ By repeatedly stepping into rejection and grounding yourself in it, learning to generate love in your body, you start to subconsciously release your shame in the space that holds that potential of rejection (Approaching a woman for example). You start to understand the illusory nature of your shame, and as you generate more love in that space, you get positive mirroring from external reality and you start to heal. You told in your previous post that you step around the city, with an approach ratio of 1:100, and that you walk around without approaching anyone out of fear and doubt. That's avoidance of potential rejection.

You're talking from fear and doubt. That's normal in the beginning. The more you push through, the easier it becomes. Just know who you want to be and the rest is irrelevant. If all you are seeing is challenges and doubt, well, you're gonna see more of it. If your pass:approach ratio isn't serving you, well, why not change it? What needs to happen is an internal shift. Letting go of attachments to your ego. Rejection is just guidance and not personal. Learn to love and embrace it. I was so anxious to get rejected at first and it kept me from approaching women for years. Then one time at the beach, this super beautiful woman who looked so confident, I approached her and she rejected me. And I walked away with a huge smile on my face because I realized I could handle it. And from that time, I understood that rejection is something you should strive to get more of. Not less. It made me feel better about myself. Rejection grows you. Once you become unattached to being rejected, women start to show up in your life because that's how polarity works. You don't need confidence to become good with women. The only thing you need is determination. There is also nothing hindering you from moving to another country that has more potential. You just have to really want it and be willing to do the work. And comparing yourself with other people isn't really helpful either. There was this one big survey done in the US, and it concluded that on average, people are having 7,2 sexual partners in their entire life. That's 1 new sexual partner every 10 years. And if you are going to do what everyone else does, you're going to get the same results as everyone else.

@Knowledge Hoarder If a guy is really insecure and can't show intent in any situation, he might become good at online dating and manage to get some dates from there - without approaching at all. And if he gets the impression the girl is receptive to him through text, that might give him the feeling he is attractive and the date might be a succes. That's how I got my first few sexual partners. So it can happen. But to be honest, talking from personal experience, you're not getting the quality of girls you want, and you're not being real. You're going to be very reactive as well. You're basically avoiding all of your shame and fear and hoping that the girl doesn't see it and you trick her into thinking you're a confident cool guy. Which you don't feel like inside. Sometimes, at the start of the date, she will already be turned off. If she gave you some validation prior to the date, maybe you'll feel better and be more attractive, and you might have a fun date. But sooner or later, you are going to fall to your baseline emotional state and she will notice subtly how you feel about yourself. Women are very good at picking up subtle emotions. Especially if she is very feminine. It's indeed a lot better to just approach as a daily practice because you have to become raw and vulnerable. If you can commit on approaching women for 3 months, daily, you'll be a changed person at the end. There is endless amounts of women outdoors, and every approach gets you closer to who you want to be. Approaching women is the most powerful way to confront your self-esteem issues, your fears, insecurities, sexual shame and to learn to own your desires and intent without needing approval. You're basically using mass volume of people to mirror how you feel about yourself in order to become aware, and then to change how you're feeling internally as you are being triggered with your limitations, right in front of the women. Eventually, if you work through all your resistance, all your stories, women will show up naturally in your life. It's because when you are actively working on how you feel about yourself, you let go of lots of garbage, and subsequently changing how you are affecting other people emotionally. When you walk outside, you should feel like a sexy guy who looks people in the eye and instantly generates attraction everywhere he goes. Now all of your dates are a succes because you are not contracted within your fears and doubts. You can now play with the energy inside the date, and lead it to wherever you want. And I liked your comparison with sales. It is indeed very similar. You are communicating your wants and desires to other people which puts you in the tension of possibly being rejected. When our sales pitch gets rejected, it's nearly not as painful as being rejected by a woman. There is a lot more self-worth attached to how women are perceiving you and reacting to you. It goes deeper into your heart and triggers all the abandonment issues many guys are living with.

I wouldn't really focus on dating too much unless I was already good at cold approaching women. Once you get good at cold approaching women, you naturally build your ability to handle yourself on dates. If you can't cold approach, well, those emotions that hinder you from doing that are going to come to the surface on a date as well. The best thing to do to increase your succes in dating is to cold approach with the aim to get over your nervousness. Your energy is everything. It's all about who you are being in front of the women. And when you cold approach, and you're being unattractive, that's being reflected directly to you. Girls will ignore and reject you. Now you can work on changing that and results will show up eventually. If girls reject you in cold approach, generally, they will reject you on dates as well. If you are a guy who is struggling with nervousness, fear, shame and you're clueless with women, it doesn't make much sense to focus on dates. You'll fuck up your dates because your nervous system hasn't learned to relax and you're disconnected from your body. If you are not coming in contact with women frequently, one date will be a shock to your nervous system. It goes in overdrive. You become tense and escape to your head because you are too uncomfortable in your body. Now the date is just weird and you are feeling bad about it. And after the date, you keep analysing what happened, what you did wrong etc. That cycle keeps lowering your self-esteem. Becoming good at cold approaching is what needs to happen in order to become a worthy man. Think about it. You are going on a date, but you don't even have the balls to approach a woman. And you're expecting her to fuck you? It's hard work to get to a point it becomes easy, and not many are willing to put in the work. laziness will never reward you. lazy people get nowhere in life. but once you get good at it, all your dates will become more effortless and you'll flow much more. It becomes more fun. Dates are supposed to be fun, you know. Like you're in the moment, laughing, looking in each others eyes, sharing stories, taking her to cool places, sharing personal values etc. You shouldn't even try to date when you're too disconnected. The girl is coming to have a good time, and your lazy ass is going to mess up her night because you didn't grow the balls yet. You don't have to be direct when cold approaching when you're starting. You can even ask the time. As long as you keep progressing in the right direction and you learn to relax your body in front of the woman, and learn to express more parts of you to her. That's the bigger picture imo.

You're welcome and thanks

You doing those bicep curls yet?? huh? Good luck man.

I can recommend to just sit down with yourself one evening, away from your computer or phone. Take pen and paper and relax a bit. Do some breathing. Become really present and now write a list in order of importance. Write down 20 things that you want to accomplish/experience in your life. Now identify the top 5 from those 20 things, and decide to focus on those things for the coming 10 years and ignore the other 15. Getting clarity about what you want is key. It gives you an idea about what you don't want. The reason for writing it on paper is to get it out from your head into the physical. Now in your day-to-day life, you have more awareness of whether or not you are in alignment with your goals. If you're not working on your goals and wasting time, being lazy, you'll know, because you brought it out your head to paper in front of you. If you can't specify your goals well, you can be more general. Your goal could even be to make your goals more specific and you can work on that for some time with full commitment. But most know what they want. Even if it is just vaguely. Now the next step is developing your masculinity. Masculinity is all about stepping into tension, becoming pro-active with tension and focussing your mind on making stuff happen within the tension you are committing to. When you make a decision, for example to get a nice strong body, you are putting yourself in the tension through making that decision. It's a long term commitment that requires effort, discipline and focus. Once you get closer and closer to the goal, all your stories will come up for why you can not do it. Your emotional resistance is going to come up. Now it's all about moving from reactivity to proactivity. You choose inside the tension what you want. You have a workout planned. You gonna do it or not? It's your decision. Once you have your 5 goals identified, you start to make weekly commitments to progress into the direction of your goal. The goals I am personally working on are becoming a psychiatrist, becoming national champion in no-gi grappling, as well as getting my benchpress to 120kg and squat to 180kg. 3 goals. Everything I do is to progress in those things. Of course there is a time to let go and flow with other things but that comes after. The key to effortlessly achieve all your goals is to make it fun and to enjoy it. And this comes as a result of building a subconscious habit of succes which is the same as self-trust. You start first with these micro goals. daily meditation, daily walk of 20 minutes, daily brushing teeth, daily cold shower, daily healthy green juice, good sleeping schedule, etc. And when you can be consistent with these, you build self-trust as well as a sense of accomplishment and pride. Which you use to go after bigger goals. I switched goals all the time because I was running from tension. How to shift that is to identify long term what you want, and just go for it. And to use micro goals to generate momentum of self-trust. Think about it, how could you ever go out into the world to REALLY make impactful change if you can't even commit to daily meditation, cold showers, and working out? How could you ever really transform your shames and fears if you cant do simple stuff? The tension is what grows you. You have to learn to love it. Let's say the day approaches you have your workout planned, and you really don't want to go. All these thoughts are creeping up on you and trying to convince you to stay home. But you know this is your goal. Now you are right in the tension. What will you decide? Learning to transmute resistance to courage is the most valuable thing you can do in your life. And it compounds. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. And now you can achieve any goal because you learn to be proactive in tension. If you have fears, shame or apathy in other areas, you use this transmutation process there too. This all process of transmutation becomes really fun after a while. Once you get out of apathy, fear and shame, the resistance to goals is converted to joy and acceptance. Refraining from quick dopamine fixes is important as well. Learn to generate dopamine from within through loving to get after your goals and being consistent.

Those thoughts and feelings she is having towards psychedelics are very deeply conditioned into her personality, and it will probably be a huge part of her psychedelic experience, taking her on spins of more negativity. That's always possible. You generally want to feel a very safe container in order for psychedelics to be effective. I don't know the quality of mental health services in your country, but generally, you want to find a good therapist first and foremost and trust that that path can help as powerfully as a psychedelic. There are very competent therapists out there. You want to find someone with a lot of life experience, preferably someone who also does somatic therapy. You don't have to stick the first one you go to, you can try many and pick the one who resonates the most. Psychedelics can be helpful as well, but if the barrier is so high, your energy might be best spent exploring alternative approaches which are more realistic and accessible.

Women want men that can provide them a safe space. They want to feel contained by their man. Many women have developed their own ability for containment within themself. Most women can provide for themself and built their own masculine capacity in this day and age. That's the reason that more than ever, there is a want for more polarity between the 2 sexes. Women had to develop their masculinity in order to survive, but there is still this typical feminine desire to be contained by the masculine and let go of control. This containment can be emotional, financial, social, or physical. For men to be this for women, they have to be grounded, dominant, assertive, but also emotionally vulnerable, open, empathetic, listen, connect deeply to their soul. Men need to have developed both their masculine penetrative power. But also their femininity which is their capacity to feel and connect to the feeling of the woman in front of him. He needs to be intelligent, ambitious, and willing to face the tension of daily life as well as the tension required to chase his own dreams. Women also like humor, playfulness, good sex, flirting, etc. They like a man who can take them on explorations and adventures. A man who supports her to explore her own femininity, as well as her own ambitions. Women want to feel like her man is supporting her in owning all of her, in being her strongest self, exploring her ambitions and going for her dreams. A woman and a man who are connected on all these levels form a strong duo. It can be beautiful. The more developed a woman is, the less she will compromise on these things.

I had some physical confrontations as well when I grew up. I was very clueless and powerless in those situations. Lots of fear inside my body. I would always shake and freeze up. That's why I started no-gi grappling. this includes jiu jitsu (nogi), wrestling, takedowns, some muay thai and MMA. You can work towards the point that you become competent at grappling and then start competing. If you can have +500 fights in a competition context, you will notice that you can handle a lot more tension in physical confrontations. Grappling competitions are also pretty safe. It is not the same as MMA or striking. It's submission grappling. It simulates a high tension environment as good as a real fight. Your body desensitizes to fear as you become more experienced in grappling. If you can get to a really high level of grappling, a high level of wrestling that includes takedowns, as well as a moderate level of striking, you can win most fights. You just take the fight to the ground and dominate the other person. Look at khabib nurmagomedov for example. He is a classical example of what grappling mastery looks like.