JonasVE12

Dude, you are just in apathy. It is so obvious. Your heavy thinking is a strategy of your subconscious mind to reclaim that connection to that natural intuition and flow that you naturally possess when you connect with the body more. you remove all that repressed energy from your consciousness that is hindering that natural connection and then life flows through you naturally when you let go of the internal blocks. Wisdom, intuition, meaning all is so effortless when you connect with your inner world more deeply, and not on the level of thoughts, but feeling. This kind of contemplation isn't curiosity, it is apathy. How is your relationship with the world? What experiences do you want to have in your life? How is your experience with women, dating? Do you have any friends or any social life at all? How much fear, shame and guilt do you have? What else do you want to achieve but feel distanced from? Play around outside of your body in your imagination and feel what it is like to have joy and freedom, and then relate that to now. Inside your imagination is what your goal is. There is clarity. Then the now is always framed in relation to your imagination. To your deep desires. If you push down your desire and lust because that triggers other painful emotion, and then you are repressing the desire itself, then you will move down to apathy, be lost, have no clarity, no meaning, and the mind becomes super heavy with thought. But it is all nonsense. Resolve your repressed energy and you will naturally find all the answers to your questions. This is so so obvious. It's all interconnected man.

He likes you. He wants you. Probably a lot longer than you'd think. If you're talking for a year and suddenly he confesses all that stuff and he goes into extremes like asking you to marry etc, but before, you had no clue that he had any romantic/sexual interest in you, that's classical nice guy stuff. They try to be your friend, try to show you what a great guy they are without ever being direct and showing interest, and then they hope that one day, you will fall for him. Probably couldn't hold it anymore and just confessed everything. You can do nothing else other than being honest. You just have to tell him and bite the bullet. Otherwise it is just manipulation and codependency. It's his responsibility to deal with your honest feelings. Do you really want a friend who manipulates you and is dishonest with his feelings? Tell him what you feel and see if he still wants to be your friend and then you'll know.

Become aware of your relationship with the outside world including other people. Is there any fear and shame when interacting with them? Are you held back emotionally in some way? Can you easily make new friends, meet girls and all of that? Or is there limiting stories and beliefs, negative feelings that is hindering you? Just walk around your city, and notice in relation to the environment how free you are. Imagine doing different things, talking to people etc and notice where your body is saying 'no, you can't'. Those are the feelings you need to release through embodiment practices. And then naturally you will be more in your body. And then humor and joy flows from the body once your consciousness is flowing from your body unobstructed. That seriousness is just there because apathy makes it so your body is tight and held back from that spontaneous free expression. Once you resolve the feelings (fear, shame, guilt) that is driving the apathy, you'll become less serious.

Definitely apathy. And that's caused by disconnection with the feeling inside the body. Seriousness is when your mind-body connection is poor and your consciousness is mostly located up in your head, into thinking. And so you don't learn to not be serious or you don't learn about humor. See how that's getting you more in your head? That's typical for apathy. You get more into your body through doing embodiment practices, you process your emotions that is driving apathy. There is always repressed emotions that is the reason you are serious and apathetic. If you release those emotions, naturally your body will come alive, feel joyful and you will filter reality through the feelings in your body rather than your thinking.

If her consciousness is anchored into her body, and she hasn't tightened and disowned certain parts of her body because of trauma, then she is open to receive emotions with clarity from the environment. Feeling is a form of energetic expression and the expression of your own feeling isn't confined within the boundaries of your physical body. Consciousness flows without boundaries. Humans subconsciously pickup energy from the environment because the nature of consciousness is interconnection. Your subtle body which is the internal energetic field is connected to your physical body, and within the physical body their is DNA and all that stuff which directs how your physical body reacts to the energy input from the environment. A human who radiates masculine energy will speak directly to that wiring of the female body. You know, emotions express from parts of the body. The more your consciousness expresses itself through the parts of your body that correspond to the masculine essence, the more a woman will be attracted. How energy interacts with each other is because of the structure of the physical. And with human connection, that's all evolution that lead to those patterns. When you get approval, you connect to parts in your body that you previously repressed out of fear and shame. And so when she gives you approval, you temporary express from those parts of the body. You temporary transcend your shame and fear and you feel powerful. That sense of powerfulness is just this temporary aliveness within the parts of your body. Your consciousness flows without obstructions through those internal centers. And then with that temporary feeling embodiment, you walk through the street and you look people in the eye confidently, you open your heart, you unapologetically penetrate them with sexual energy, you feel grounded, solid and just powerful. Woman don't know you. They have no previous connection with you. They only now see your powerful aura. And then when your consciousness disconnects from those parts of the body, then you shrink into your baseline bubble and she won't be attracted to. The thing is that you can have a powerful aura all the time if you learn to expand your internal energy field to include those feeling states you experienced.

A recent one is that I was hiking high up the mountains and took LSD when I was deep into the woods, high up. At first the mood was kind of peaceful. It was still light outside but slowly getting dark. And then out of nothing, everything turned so dark and it started storming. Lightning was striking near me repeatedly . It was raining heavily and the mood was becoming really dark, mysterious and very chaotic. Especially because the LSD was kicking in hard and as the lightning was striking near me the whole time. I felt it could hit me at any moment. The sound of the thunder was also super loud and scary. I felt some anxiety coming up but I could ground it out and accept the moment. I felt a lot of adrenaline and excitement. I also wasn't wearing many clothes. No shoes, no shirt. The darkness combined with the sound of thunder and the lightning, the rain, it was very intense. I was also tripping hard. the whole scenery made me somewhat nervous but then I just sat down in the midst of that moment and took everything in and stopped stressing. Then I felt more oneness with everything that was happening instead of caring about my survival. I could accept that lightning could hit me. I stopped worrying about it and started focussing on the subtle qualities of the storm. I felt joyful with all the rain falling on my body. Like a shower that was helping me relax. I began feeling the resonance of the lightning. The power it has. It energized me. I felt really one with nature during this experience. Even though it was scary at first, I could sense the beauty and perfection in the chaos I find myself in when I just slowed down and took it in. I I couldn't easily escape because it was probably at least 2 hours to get back down.

This promotes pride which is about win/lose, good/bad, superior/inferior. You could go beyond that, and that's freedom. And freedom is power. It's not having aversion/attachment to how people perceive you. If you release on the aversion, you automatically become more grounded. And that's what people respect. Pride is only necessary to compensate for fear and shame. If you release on the fear and shame, you would go beyond pride. Having the need to defend yourself is only necessary if you are insecure underneath. And people know that. People subconsciously test each other in order to assess strength. Reactivity is always weakness. This situation let me think of something similar. My college was once mocking me because I was going to travel the world, and he was making fun of me in various ways, and man, I laughed my ass off. Then later we got some beers together and he kept mocking me the coming weeks over and over again. I kept finding it funny, but later I just said 'shut the fuck up' semi seriously and he stopped. Being able to laugh at yourself and taking yourself not so seriously is key.

It is because you are ungrounded. Go outside and go up to a tree. Scream at it. Throw some kicks and punches at it and see how it responds. Your reaction is basically projecting your reactivity to your sense of unworthiness onto him. There is a sense of powerlessness you have inside yourself and other people are triggering that. Instead of making it about him, make it fully about you. When he says that, feel what your body does. Feel where your body is becoming reactive and ground out that energy through letting it go from your body. You do this by relaxing. Have a friend stand in front of you and let him push your chest, or insult you. Can you ground out all that reactivity that comes up? Can you stay fully present with your friend and even enjoy that sense of testing/provoking you? Or do you go to your head? Feel your back, your legs, your feet, your stomach. Feel the sides as well. Feel that sense of containment and grounding you have. It can be fun. When people test your boundaries, you can turn the tables through being proactive with that tension. You could have responded 'Maybe you can go with me, I thought you liked prostitutes?' And then laugh it off together. But you are responding based off your insecurities and your sense of self is identified to how people respond to you. And how he responds isn't per se negative. It's just perceived in a way that confirms your sense of unworthiness.

Love this question. Being able to live life as expansive as possible is the biggest thing for me. Being able to choose my experience. To be living a fully spontaneous life. To be in control completely but also completely unattached to anything. Just flowing with life, letting your bliss guide you into the unknown without ever being attached to past and future. Just living in the now and letting inspiration come out of the body without any resistance telling you 'No, you can't'. It's laying with your girlfriend in bed, sharing joyful moments together, and then just super impulsively saying 'Let's go to the airport right now and just hop on a plane to a random country', and then just doing it... And only coming back whenever you want to. Maybe not coming back at all. And then sharing that with other people. Being in other peoples presence and guiding them to more peace is super rewarding. I'm not fully there, but my path to it is clear and I just know that every year, my life is only getting better. Every day I go on walks for a couple of hours, and it feels so blissful. I feel this ecstatic energy running down my body. When I come across people, I just open my heart to them, smile, sometimes stopping for a conversation. That's super huge because I was always very contracted socially. If you want to get to freedom, you have to fulfill the deepest desires you have in your life. These lusts connected to your deeper karma. Sometimes we suppress them and avoid them. But the key to freedom is to move all of your desires into being because that's where you gain your power to move beyond your personal desires and to live from a sense of flow and spontaneity. It's where all your contractions are and the goal in life is to transcend all those limitations and to embody your full potential. Freedom is Imperturbability. That's what liberation means for me. And then enlightenment is just the clarity of the deeper nature of everything. And that's the other side of the coin. Freedom is also understanding and intuition. Just knowing what's up without needing to analyze too much. You know you are free when everything is just so effortless.

And also, probably, in the rest of your life you have a bad relationship to courage as well. So you your subconscious all together doesn't really have any history of success in transmuting fear into courage, and so now it's also not natural to you. The thing is, the more you learn to become comfortable with fear, and the more you have these successes of getting out on the other side into acceptance, the easier it becomes. Eventually fear is fun. You don't even have fear anymore if you learn how to transmute. It's more excitement than anything else.

Yes, exactly It's your reactivity to the fear which lets it persist. Welcoming your fear happens through tapping into the vibration of courage, and that's essentially already getting you out of fear. It's a higher feeling. And then you can transmute courage into acceptance. Try to tap into those feelings now. Remember a time you felt courageous and acted despite of fear. And then a time that you could just accept something. The reason your fear persists is because you are cut off from the sensations of the fear because you're not willing to feel it fully. You are reactive to your fear. So you get into your mind, and then you become apathetic to your fear. Now you are not even in fear anymore and so you can't get out of fear from apathy. You need to step into the fear in order to transmute it into courage and the into acceptance. Otherwise you're gonna be sitting there looking at your fear forever while sitting in apathy and then wondering why it doesn't go away. An MMA fighter when he does his first fight, he sees that his fear is normal. He doesn't become reactive to it. He learns to sit with it and he uses the intensity of it to become more present. He uses courage to generate a pro-active relationship to his fear. And eventually inside the ring, he lets go of the fear and courage completely and he is in acceptance fully. He's fully present.

@sleep How would you feel screaming as loud as you can in public? Do you shrink and become tight? Does your body even allow it or do you feel an intense contraction? @michaelcycle00 That's just one of lots of my spiritual powers. I've got many more . Just kidding, it's not as spectacular as it sounds. It's just intuitively feeling someone else's emotions through their voice. You can feel from which parts of their body they are communicating, from where their energy is flowing, and where it is stuck. Every kind of blockage has a different feeling to it. For example, have you ever noticed someone speaking when they are depressed and apathetic, and then in contrast, have you ever noticed someone talking with a lot of excitement? Almost anyone can feel the difference between those 2. Yet, there is a lot more emotions than you can feel that are a lot more subtle.

@sleep Yeah, I understand. If it does not resonate, just discard it I mean something slightly different though. It's very subtle and also difficult to explain through writing. If you want you can post a voice message here or send it to me in PM and I can kind of feel what's going on inside you, and I can locate energy blockages / tightness through your voice. So if you want, feel free.

Read the work of Dr Robert Glover on the nice guy syndrome. Sounds like a typical case of that. His book 'No more mr nice guy' is a good beginning. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjHrowRGCMs

If you could go outside and scream super loudly without hurting your voice, and then doing that everyday for a month, that will naturally release a lot of this tension around your throat area which will result in more effortless projection of your voice. What also helped me was doing Osho's dynamic meditations outside because that released a ton of shame and fear around being seen expressing through movement, voice and emotion. That needs to be a consistent practice as well. I think 90% of projecting your voice is about releasing physical, energetic and psychological barriers that let you feel small, shameful and fearful. And you have to make sure that when you talk to someone, that you are really present in your body, you talk into them, and not unconsciously tightening the throat, heart, legs and stomach. You mentioned mental blockages and social anxiety, and so naturally when you have those, that builds up tension inside your body, contracts your muscles, and eventually you don't even notice all the micro-tightness you have in your body. It's very unconscious. Some deep tissue massages will definitely help. Doing some social challenges outside your comfort zone are also a nice way to build more confidence and naturally become more expansive with your energy. Really 90% of your voice is energy. If you feel small, your voice will reflect this. If you feel powerful and confident, that will change your voice instantly. I know people with a more soft naturally quiet voice, but internally they are peaceful and confident that when they speak, it's with full presence and clarity. They are not tightening the body and the voice flows from their lower body where it generates it's power. Especially if the stomach is contracted, your voice will sound weak. Learning technique comes on top of this in my opinion. I find that if you focus too much on thinking about techniques, trying to do everything with right technique and all of that, you're really missing what it's about. Though if you can integrate those and eventually let the thinking about the technique go, that's cool and will definitely be helpful to your voice. But yeah, it's also an issue if you're just thinking about techniques instead of doing the deeper work. I would suggest the social anxiety and mental blockages are a bigger issue, no? The voice is really just a symptom of the mental stuff. Not saying you don't have a naturally quiet voice but that doesn't mean you can't use it powerfully.

This chaotic thinking is the reactivity to your own emotions of fear and shame in relationship to meeting and dating women. You're not handling your emotions proactively and you are escaping to your head and obsessing over banale things. Just breath. Stay in your body and be present when you show up. That's all you need. The rest is non-sense and overthinking. Nice places are cool, but if you are gonna be so reactive, man, you have much more to worry about than where you are taking her. You are thinking about building a roof while you haven't contacted an architect first. Focus on relaxing and letting things flow. Women like spontaneity. Being able to step into the unknown and handling that well makes you so much more attractive. Compulsively planning everything up front just ruins all the fun.

Beauty needs a witness. The feminine is a reflection of beauty. When beauty has no witness, it dies. Being seen and witnessed is what gives the feminine it's energy. It's a natural desire for the feminine to feel lighter and more alive when it gets noticed. All the subtle gestures with the hair, the effort into your make up into perfection, the perfectly chosen colors and clothes that just flow together, why would you all do that if there was no one else to notice you? So don't feel bad to enjoy this. It is your nature. However in this case it sounds like there is some deeper repressed emotions attached to the lusting.

Some good comfortable noise cancelling headphones could be a good option as well.

You're creating all that chaos in your own mind. You're looping because you are stuck inside a certain emotional vibration. There's emotional blockages you have that cause you to be this contracted in your mind, and your reality reflects this. In your mind, your problems seem so huge. As if there will never come an end to it. Sometimes people are in these kinds of spins for years or even decades. I had a lot of such spins as well. They are actually very simple to resolve if you gain more awareness. I know the word 'simple' will sounds very heavy to you, because how could life ever be simple, right? It's just an inherent characteristic of being stuck in a spin. You feel like you are broken so essentially everything is an escape from that broken feeling, and that never works. You need to learn to transmute your lower emotions of shame, fear, apathy and grief. And if you have no clue how to do that after exploring how to do it, then you need to seek out some embodiment teachers that you can work with very closely. If you've been spinning around in such thoughts and feelings for a long time, then you should really work with someone and put yourself inside a container that will force you to gain new perspective. Sometimes you need to trust that when you put yourself in a certain new experience, it will help you to feel lighter and gain perspective, and as a result, change your life. Emotional embodiment is about learning to feel your emotions, and transmute emotions so you can shift your reality from within, through feeling. It's about embodying your higher emotions that you already have access to, but just need to find a way to connect to through breaking down your internal barriers and protective mechanisms. Those higher emotions you learn to feel and live are courage, love, acceptance and peace. Emotional embodiment is also about learning to feel your lower emotions, your stories and beliefs about yourself and your relationship to the world. And learning to transmute them all the way up the scale so you let them go. Emotional embodiment is really about learning to transmute energy. Transmutation is about shifting internal processes. You literally shift all that energy that goes towards being in this spin of overthinking, to feeling the courage to create your life with ease, to confront your fears of people and the shames you have. Change happens automatically when you start to feel different from within. So find a way to connect to feelings. It takes time to learn to do that. Your inability to connect with other people is probably also a big factor for why you are in a spin. I would place that on the top of your list for things to release on. If you could show up to other people from a place of self-love and power, then you will already gain a lot of presence in your life, because you learn to enjoy to connect with people in a way that is effortless and light. Without any thinking. So that ability will already let you feel lighter. Then that ability can transfer to more expansion in terms of job opportunities because you just feel more powerful and free. And that comes with lots of enjoyment. Ultimately it comes down to having a desire to change that's stronger than your attachment to how you are right now.

Notice how you are making the anger wrong and in a sense trying to disown it. Let your anger be there in your body, feel the intensity of it and welcome it fully without making it wrong. It's just an energy inside your body. Anger is an outwardly oriented energy, while when you experience anger, you can turn the anger in on itself. You change the orientation of anger. In a sense, you are turning the anger in on itself to see what's underneath the anger, maybe some shame, fear or grief. Notice that you can handle looking at it. When you use that anger to look inward, you welcome courage and by definition, you are going to get out of anger. You need to learn to transmute anger to courage, and you do this by looking at the emotions underneath the anger. Whenever you get angry, there is always an opportunity to feel and release lower emotions that are being poked at. And when you do self-harm when becoming angry, that's just because you are reactive to the anger. Try sitting with the intensity. You can handle it. Just try it, it's just a sensation. Stop projecting it outward and use it to go inside.

I had been in apathy for a long time and what got me out of it was learning to feel my body from within, and to release repressed energies that came up when sitting with the body long enough. All what apathy really is is the unconscious repression of energy. There is usually a lot of limiting beliefs and stories you have about yourself and so you feel a sense of powerlessness. Have you experienced emotions of fear, grief or shame in your life? Usually the apathy is defending you from feeling those. I can recommend to just let go of everything for a while, and to go sit on a bench in a nice park for a month or more, and then learning to welcome what is. What will happen initially is that there will be a lot of confusion inside your mind, especially in apathy, but after learning to observe all of that without becoming too reactive, you will have these moments where you are going to sink into your body and feel energies inside of you that you have been repressing. This can be fear, anger, shame, sadness, really any lower emotion. Then when sitting with those for long enough, you will go into lighter states of feeling. And each time you are able to welcome your experience, the heaviness and confusion of it, the more you will have releases and gradually you will begin to feel lighter. You also learn to feel contractions inside your body, and to move your energy towards those contractions in order to release them. What really get me out of apathy was making these 3 hour walks through the city, taking my headphones with me, sometimes meditating on benches during the walk, sometimes playing music and feeling my heart open to the environment, to the objects around me, the people, the sounds. I slowly began to feel these warm sensations in my body. I could sense beauty in the environment. And then after doing the walks for a couple of weeks, I began feeling this energy radiating from my lower body, my legs, stomach and sexual organs. There was this distinct feeling of courage, desire and just this pull of energy to create and confront my lower emotions. I felt so good just walking around my city that I didn't want to go home. It felt so amazing to feel, especially because I was so numb. I never understood 'feeling'. Some therapist I went to in the past asked me 'How do you feel, do you feel good?' I responded 'What do you mean? Isn't feeling good just serotonine and dopamine in your brain?' Eventually, you start to feel energy of objects, people, environments and you literally feel that it affects you in the body. Especially people have an intense energy field that you can learn to feel in your body. When you become good at feeling your own body through this process, you start to feel the emotions of other people. Such as anger, sadness, fear and A LOT of apathy. But also a lot of lighter feelings. Or you feel your turn on when you walk past a beautiful woman, and you notice how she feels to you in your body. After I began feeling that courageous energy down my body, I started to seek out tension in the environment that forced me to feel repressed emotions such as fear and shame. I began to use this energy to confront my deeper emotions. And that's when I started to get out of apathy fully. You always need to release to welcome more lighter feelings. But you have to go through your other higher repressed stuff. The emotional scale used in the books by David Hawkins is a good reference scale. Through doing these walks you will get an intuitive understanding of all the different energies that exist on the scale. All the way from apathy to freedom. Also, you need to put your focus 80% on your body. You need to consciously focus on the body. And after a while, you become one with it. This process works through small consistent releases. You don't need to understand the process intellectually, you just need to go on walks and learn to feel your body. Walk slowly, feel all that enjoyment inside your body when you walk. Walk with feeling. And if you are confused during the first weeks or so, welcome all of that feeling confused. It's about learning to welcome, and let go. This process is really powerful. You may ask how it relates to your situation and how it helps you finding deeper enjoyment. It's really simple, once you learn to feel during your walks, your consciousness begins to operate from a feeling-energy based center, and if you can transmute your lower emotions through vulnerability within the walks, then your mind will expand beyond those limitations and you will effortlessly enjoy life and create whatever you want.

Take it before you go on the plane.

Seeing isn't gonna get you anywhere

That's one of the reasons you are spinning. Welcome the trying to figure it out if you're doing it right. And then ask yourself if you can let it go a little bit at a time until that energy of trying is removed from your consciousness. Those energetic releases happen when you get passed all the stuck energies between your heart and forehead. Relax your forehead and all other facial muscles as well. Also drop the 'doing' in the meditation. It activates thinking. When you sit down, you want to let go of any needing, trying, shoulding, doing. When you have this intention prior to the meditation, your subconscious will activate thinking in order to achieve the goal you are setting prior to the meditation. You want the meditation to come to you, instead of doing the meditation. It sounds funny, but it's an energy thing. The only thing you want to do prior to meditation is letting go of any intention other than to welcome what is. Basically, you want to stop trying to get releases as well. And also, trying to stop trying, is also trying. Trying is an energy, is a contraction inside your mind. It's like when you're squeezing a ball with your hand, you learn to relax your hand in order to let the ball expand. The relaxation causes the ball to expand. So you need to learn to relax your mind. All the trying in your meditation is the same as squeezing the ball harder. The same relaxation needs to happen within your mind and naturally with each relaxation and letting go of forcing, trying, doing - you will sink into your body and reveal more depth of feeling. The relaxation itself is a release. Sometimes it takes some weeks of welcoming your spins in order for them to let go. Each time a little bit more. And each time you are welcoming what is, including the spins, you sink into your body a little deeper. And there will come a time you sink into the parts of your body that hold your deepest contractions. But you need to work on relaxing the upper tension first, mainly in your head, because that will prevent you to go down into your body.

Your thoughts and feelings are typical for when you are down in apathy, grief and fear. It seems like you are mostly down in apathy though. It's the most difficult feeling to release from all feelings because it's basically numbness. Nothing seems to work down in apathy. It seems as if you are broken. As if it's never gonna work out for you. As if you are not loved and all of that. The thing which is gonna get you out of that is an emotional embodiment program where you are learning to feel and shift your feelings internally. I hope you understand that 'Hated by all females' is just a feeling. It's not you. You have to see beyond it. You have to understand the emotional scale, where you are located on it, and all the characteristics of the different feelings. If you think your feelings are your reality, and you can't see beyond it, then you won't grow. Your whole external reality is just revolved around your degree of emotional embodiment. And there exist very good programs that can help you shift your emotions. The reality is that you will not attract women when you are down in apathy, grief and fear. Take for example MDMA. It's a very artificial way to be temporary very emotionally embodied higher up the emotional scale. in MDMA you are mostly up in courage, peace, love and freedom. Back when I was in apathy, and I took MDMA, I could clearly see that women were attracted to me, and they didn't know I was on MDMA. So it wasn't me, but my internal energy that was what was determining wether women loved me or not. I know very well now that it is possible to get out of apathy and the other lower emotions, but if you are really identified to 'I can't', then you need to seek out a container that will help you shift those emotions. Your emotions dedicate your reality. So learn to understand how it all works and master it. Seek out energetic, emotional and movement embodiment teachers. And don't seek out analytical teachings. Experiential proces is what you need in order for your body to absorb it. In apathy, you really need to learn to FEEL your courage, acceptance, fear, vulnerability and all of that. So Experiential programs are KEY.