JonasVE12

I’d work on releasing all the energy blocks from your system and also engage in activities that afirm your brain that it’s okay to be you. That it’s okay to fail. There’s improv classes designed for people with social anxiety. Go out to the park, scream, move your body like an animal. When we experience situations in our past where we felt like we weren’t acting appropriate to a certain context and felt negative emotions because of that, we condition ourselves to shut down that part that we felt like was not okay. So we are left with a lot of inhibitions that prevent us to be able to be fully out there and be authentic and connect with people authentically. If a past experience teached you that it was not okay to be yourself at that time. Your expressiveness suffers and that will Influence your talking/voice habits. For example you begin to talk soft, dont articulate, stutter, .. So if you go out and scream while moving your body like an animal, you’ll break through a lot of tension that you hold. I guess it’s a good idea to first engage in activities that give you more confidence in social situations and then do activities you like. You’ll also enjoy them much more because you’ll be actually fully engaging in the activities instead of being stuck in your head worrying about the social setting. I get that it feels really isolating. You’re living in your head while you really want to connect, but you cant seem to get out of the mental prison. You become really introverted. Someone who only thinks, and then you got only thoughts to relate to, kind of dissociating feeling. If you think about doing that improv, and you’re already anticipating the anxiety, that’s okay. Start lower. Take small steps. I too felt like that was overwhelming at first when I wanted to do improv, but when I went to work and talked to a lot of people, I felt energized and felt like I would be really confident doing the improv at that time. But that was some situational confidence that was caused by the rush I got off the social interactions from that day. Next day improv scared me again. I’m saying that if you want to reduce the anticipation anxiety, you’ll need some foundation. Try to take initiative, say hello to people, have small conversations, ask for directions, ask how the cashiers day was, at work or whatever, just say something. Try to build a habit of taking initiative. If you dont build a habit of it, your inhibitions will probably return. If you build the habit, eventually, you don’t experience the anxiety anymore. I had severe social anxiety as well. When I was looking for a job, some sales company called me (door to door sales) and asked me if I was still looking for a job, I came to the interview being in my head really much. There were lots of candidats and was quite an overwhelming social setting. Suprisingly I managed to get the job, because somehow I behaved kind of like a social Guy, and I don’t know how I did that, but anyways The first door where I had to pitch, I felt my heart in my chest and I stuttered really badly. After 30 doors, I was confident as fuck and said my pitch fluently, and could small talk really well, counter objections effortlessly, I don’t know how because I had a lot of inhibitions and I felt like my creativity and spontaneity got unlocked. I remember me being really creative and funny when younger and found it to be really inhibited after puberty. I guess I want to say that the first steps are the most difficult. Getting out of your comfortzone -) anxiety zone -) growth zone. After you take the first steps, and make some progress, you’ll feel like the paradigm through how you experience social relations will transform completely. Also dont underestimate the power of taking iniative. It’s really the small things like talking to random people that make a huge difference. I’m suggesting to go out of your way a bit and do things specifically to work on this. After you done that, maybe new doors open for you. Not having inhibitions really allows you to be free and creative to do with your life what you want. Also relates to life purpose. People with social anxiety almost always have false beliefs about their potential. They don’t consider it possible for them to have a really magnetic personality. It is. There are no limits. People are drawn emotionally to your energy. Insecure, inauthentic energy repels people. Being authentic, energetic, optimistic, funny, spontanious attracts people. Most people’s life is mediocre and really thrive of stimulation as they dont get a lot. People will want to be around you then, they’ll be drawn to your personality. I witnessed it myself. This gives more opportunity to connect with people on deeper levels than just emotional. It gives opportunity to more intellectual connection, spiritual. also more opportunity for intimacy. all the good stuff

Maybe send her a text when she’s back? I don’t know. But if she is still interested, she’ll come to you. I think you have not internalised women psychology enough, because if you would have, you most likely wouldn’t have shown your neediness. For me it all became intuïtive after I read about all the theory and gone out practicing. Now I can meet girls anywhere and have fun with them. It’s a skill that brings a lot of fun experiences and emotions. Definitely worth persuing. I would read the book on leo’s Booklist if I were in your position. Anyways good luck brother!

You’re right. I’m spitting my game ideology at you blindely without reading your question attentively, It looked like you wanted to change your career because you are desperate, and think this will somehow help your situation. Often people try to change external things in order to fulfill some goal like getting a girlfriend, they change their life situation and think somehow this will magically make them attractive and gets them girls, but they find themself being in the same position. It's about conciously working on this skill and creating a vision that generates opportunities. I’m used to people in my environment sucking with girls, that really needed this and have made really good progress. I notice a lot of people not have the ability to create a great vision, but I should look more to the context, indeed. Anyways, good luck!

It’s a question based on the impression I get from your question. If you want to change your career so you can have more opportunities with women, then It’s plausible to conclude that you don’t have much options at this time. You say it yourself that you are too busy with work. What are your priorities? Women or work? If you can set it up so you have both, Nice. But is this realistic? Are there posibilities for you to get a job somewhere as a programmer that has lots of women around? Research this. But as this is a field that women are often not interested in, it would be difficult I think. Also, what you gonna do? Chat up every woman at your work and if you run out of women, you gonna change again? it would be much more realistic to create free time and do activities that you enjoy that include women. you could also do cold approach pick-up. This way you’ll never run out of possibilities.

Well yeah, if your insecurity is causing you to overthink and be nervous, then your energy is ungrounded and you’re in your head. Your mind influences your body. Do you meditate? also, just realise deep down that it really doesn’t matter. You’re anticipating the future which doesn’t exist. Really try to feel into your body and visualise your energy moving into the ground when you’re nervous. Indeed buy condoms that fit, and even practice putting in on efficiently so you dont get nervous when with a girl if you’re putting it on and you struggle

So, you want to change your career so you are around more women you can interact with and possibly get attraction with. the thing is, do you even know how to get attraction? Because it does look like you don’t have options. Is this because lack of opportunity, or lack of skill? It is probably both. But if you work on your attraction skills, you will be able to meet women anywhere and get them interested in you. Don’t think that if you change your job, and are around more women, you will have succes. This struggle is probably on your mind a lot. Everyone wants to have fun dating people, right? You need a gameplan. Go look at women psychology, and look at what kind of behaviour triggers attraction in women and practice in real life situations. Go talk to women on the street. Don’t be too serious. Just Joke around. If you go up to a girl and say “daddy is here” and look at her with a playful smile is beter than nervously go up to her and say “hey, my name is bob. I’m a programmer”. Research Research Research Practice Practice Practice

Breath, and don’t worry about it. It’s no big deal. Have foreplay. the foreplay is important because nerves will be calmed down for when you stick it in. Just relax, feel into your body, and then fuck the shit out of her.

Showing neediness over a girl signals low value. It makes her feel you don’t have much going on in your life. It shows that you don’t have many options. If you’re needy, because you actually don’t have many options, don’t show it. That’s an attraction killer. Always frame things in a strategic way that demonstrates that you are cool with the situation. Not that you can’t let her know that you find it unfortunate, but again, it’s all about framing it in a high value manner. Girls want to be the one chasing the guy. How else can she value something she didn’t have to work for and could just get everywhere? Low value: girl: I’m so sorry, I can’t meet up today, am too busy.. guy: But you said we were going to hang out today?? Come on, please??? We’re not going to see eachother for 6 weeks... girl: (*uhhgg*) sorry! But I like you and we are going to hang out when we are back! No worries.. (Doesn’t want to be direct about the fact that attraction died, So had the idea in her head that when she doesn’t reply, you’ll get the message) High value: girl: I’m so sorry, I can’t meet up today, am too busy.. Guy: That’s unfortunate, but it’s cool, I’m gonna grab a beer with my buddies and go out tonight, have Some fun. Have fun on vacation It’s not about manipulation. You don’t have to lie. It’s just an example. But you see, it’s about framing things a certain way that gives a certain impression about your life, intentions, options, ..

It’s a disadvantage on the level of passive attraction. Most girls prefer men, taller than themself. So, if you’re taller, you’re one point ahead. What is more important, is the level of attraction that comes from the emotions you give her by the way you interact with her. If indeed, as said by @Dwarniel, it affects your self-image. Then it will affect the way you act and get perceived. You’ll operate from a place of contraction because of your insecurity. Women are attracted to masculine energy. (Depends on the woman, but most are) Your confidence, an important aspect of masculinity, will suffer from the insecurity of your height, so it will make you appear less masculine. Women are intuitively really strong in picking up how you feel about yourself. Physical appearance is not the determining factor in attraction. But it definitely matters. But not significantly.

Thank you for your comment, but as I said, This fetishes get in the way of me having fulfilling sexual relationships with women I am attracted to. Because of some childhood trauma, I am now not able to enjoy sex. If I have an opportunity to fix this, I’m not going to accept it. I even developed porn induced fetishes, always more and more nasty things, even homosexual fantasies, While I’m straight. The fetish caused by trauma, led to other fantasies and fetishes, in the same categorie. Now I’m not able to get arroused from normal sex. I’ll be doing emotional releasing and abstaining from porn and masturbation. I will also block out fantasies and thoughts about my fetishes. Also, I will try and only climax focussing on the present moment during sex. This way, I hope I desensitize my fetishes, and get to a point where I don’t prefer fetishes over vanilla sex.

What is your goal tho? Get a girlfriend? Have sexual experiences? The thing with learning how to approach women and get them attracted is that most people don't have a system. They are just randomly trying stuff out without knowing about the psychology of women, and attraction. And they settle for the first girl they get attraction with. In order to really get a good understanding of what you want in a girl, you'll need to have abundance. You'll need to experience a lot of just dating first. How to go about this? Learn the theory first. Learn what women want. How they get attracted. How they stay around after they are attracted (connection). If you settle with the first girl you get attraction with, the first 3 months, the relationship will all be new and fresh, but after everything becomes routine, she'll get bored of you, and then there you are again, with bad game, and no opportunities, because your game wasn't really that good if you just started out and settled with the first girl. That's what usually happens. Even if that girl and you are really happy with eachother, your brain will get used to her, and you won't be that attracted to her anymore after a while. Reason most people stay in their marriage or long term relationship where the attraction isn't there anymore, is because of comfort. If you really attach meaning to intimacy with a women. It's important to consiously learn about this stuff. Just like you do with everything else in your life. Most people don't have a clue about how a woman works. Attraction isn't something logical. It doesn't require you to have certain physical traits, or money. It's about what emotions she gets from you. A women might say "I like guys who are really sweet, and bring me flowers, and are funny, ..." But in fact, women don't know what they want. It all happens on an emotional level. They often logically dont understand why they feel attracted to someone. That's why you shouldn't take advice from girls on dating. Women want to be polarised, So you'll have to find out how to be masculine. A lot of males core masclunity has been conditioned out of them. They come a cross as betamales looking for approval. Why do you think women always go for the 'bad guys'. They pocess masculine energy. Girls want to feel all girly and gigly with guys. That's there femininity expressing itself. But being masculine is not enough. You'll have to flirt. Trigger their emotions, Let them feel like they need to work for you. Like you are the cool person and you are choosing HER, not the other way around. Also, How can they trust you? You'll have to work on connection. Not only attraction. If you master all of these elements, then you can have fulfulling relationships. Then, after you become good with women and know how they work, and know how to interact with them to get attraction, you can settle with a girl. Then you also know how to keep her intersted and attracted. You'll have to keep flirting with her, keep triggering her emotions. As long as she gets emotions from you, then she'll stay around. 'Love' is egoistical. It's never about the other person, it's about yourself. It's what value you get from being with them. All girls are different tho, but it describes the general principles of attraction and relationships

Thank you for your replies. My fetish is submission. It sucks. I made a commitment to get better with girls and socializing, and this was also my life purpose. Letting people grow in their social potential. But the fact that I can’t get intense sexual attraction towards females, only when my fetish is involved, really makes me overthink all of this. If I’m not actually sexually attracted to the oppositie sex, then why would I try to become better with girls? Most part of highschool, I lived inside my head, a victim of social conditioning. I saw people around me having fun meeting people. And I was hungry for that. So I started taking all of this serious and got a vision for my life. I really consider myself a visionary, day in day out, I wake up working on my vision. I didnt feel lost like before, I felt exitement en passion. Now I put my awareness on the fact that regular sex is not as enjoyable for me, Made me overthink my whole vision and life purpose. I think conneting in a concious way with other people that is fun, especially the sex you are romantically and sexually interested in, is really fulfilling and brings a lot of positive emotions. Its not about connecting intellectualy per se, but emotionally. But it might not be that fulfilling for me in the end as I’m not strongly attracted to them. Romantically yes. Sexually moderately. Girls are attracted to dominant energy. I am a dominant guy. My core sexual energy is really masculine. But my fetish clouds that. God damm. Thank you. I will do this. Also, I have heard Leo talk about nootropics that increase neuroplasticity. Would this help? Also, I’m 18. Would this be a beneficial factor for me, because my brain is still really neuroplastic?

It’s just not practical. I only experience intense arousal when the fetish is involved. Regular sex can’t get me to climax. I’m never there in the present moment. Always fantasizing about some weird pervert stuff. I dont judge it. It just feels like I’m a victim of childhood conditioning, and now I’m not able to have fulfilling sexual experiences. I never ever in my life orgasmed to ‘normal things’. It always had to be some disturbing thought. Just the fact that I can not do anything about this, because its just wired into me. I feel like I can overcome anything. Achieve any goal I set my mind to. But not this. Completely powerless. And that’s what gives me distress.

No, it doesn't.

Take cold showers in the morning (look at Wim hof method). Excercise, meditate, eat properly. These things will boost your energy. also, set goals, if you are apathic in your life, only striving to fulfill your basic needs, then why would you be energised? You have to wake up feeling excited, working on your goals, and ambitions. This is what will give you mental energy. How is your social life? socializing gives me energy Go really deep into this self-actualization and get a vision for your life.

Elliot on bioenergetics for releasing emotional blockages to become less inhibited, more social confidence

One thing that always has been a struggle for me is forming sentences and speaking fluently. It always takes a while to come up with the right words when trying to form a sentence. It doesn't come easy to me. What would help with increasing vocabulary, and speaking more fluently, forming more complex sentences more easily. I'd say reading books, but most books are not in my native language, atleast not the books on leo's list. any advice?

I have been bad at socializing for the biggest part of my life. Not too long ago I decided to push my comfortzone. Done some pick-up and my social skills improved a ton. I recognize that social succes plays a big role in most people's happiness. Growing up being really introverted, someone who's always in his head over-analyzing, not having that much friends and social succes, gave me a really longlasting motivation to improve my social skills. At this point, im 18, going to study psychology, I'm doing improvisation theater. Also joining a toastmasters club. Meditating, doing meditation retreats, psychedelics, developing body-awareness, doing yoga, holotropic breathing workshop, traumahealing, reading all books on leo's booklist. Doing consiousness-work, Vocal improvement, More charisma ,radical honesty, creative visualisation, going to the gym. undergoing plastic surgery to get rid of insecurity of appearance. I don't know why this keeps bothering me, it's like it has been pierced into my shadow, and it keeps chasing me. More meditation will probably help, but also, I'm a perfectionist, and I care about how I look, for myself. Although my perception of my appearance has become a lot better, and I accept myself more, I'm still not happy, and think it's good to improve. my endgoal is to have mastered the art of socializing, seduction, connecting with others. That's the vision I have for other people who come from a position similar to mine. Not getting succes with women, or having much of a social life. Or anyone who's wanting to have more social freedom. Upping your social status will transfer to a lot of other aspects in life, such as business, networking, having fun. It will really bring you more joy if you come from a place of lack in this area. This all relates to my life purpose. I know in the USA, they have real social dynamics for this kind of stuff. But in Europe, I think there is lack of this kind of self-help companies, who help people grow to their social potential. Now, I'm looking for some advice, insights in how to go about this. I'm going to study for 5 years, but I'm worried that there will already be someone else really visionary dominating this market before I graduate. The reason i'm going to study psychology, is because if I fail, I can still fall back on this. And the scientific perspective on the human psyche also interests me. and it creates more opportunities to join some other self-help organisation, I can possibly colaborate with if my life purpose doesn't work out. Sure I can come up with a lot of knowledge, but people will be view you more credible if you have done higher education. What u guys think of my life purpose?

because of the brain being more neuroplastic at a younger age, is it easier to get benefits from for example doing creative visualization, meditation, than when you do it at a later age where the brain isn't as neuroplastic as before? Just curious

Investigate in why you are addicted to porn. Are you using porn as an escape? If you have nothing going for you, you're lonely, you're struggling, you dont have any sexual partners, It's easy to go watch porn to distract yourself. And so it becomes an addiction. I'd say, get a longterm vision for bettering your life. It seems like the addiction is just a surface level problem, but the deeper issue is that you're just struggling your way through life, so you use it as an escape. Meditation will definitely help you improve the quality of your life, also helping to reduce your impulses to jerk off to porn. You could do a retreat right away, but i'd say it's more important to gradually build in more healthy habits, and removing the bad ones. You don't have to go to a special location to meditate. It's available to you here and now. It helps to not be distracted tho. Go watch Leo's videos on meditation if you want to know more about it.

Just wondering if it has meditative benefits to it because of the concentration on the sound when you improvise Does it mostly depend on how mindful you are when playing? on how much focus you put on the notes you're playing?

But does it not have similar benefits to concentration meditation when you put all of your attention on the notes?

Lesson 4: concentration How do I concentrate on bhrumadhya? I can't focus my gaze upwards for longer than 10 seconds, It's tiring for my eyes. Also, as the instructions say, I need to imagine looking from my neck to the point between my eyebrows How do I 'imagine' looking from my neck to the point between my eyebrows? When I close my eyes, It's one big puzzle for me to imagine looking from my neck to the point between my eyebrows. Maybe my perfectionism is overcomplicating things.

Since 2 years, I have the drive to become a doctor. my motivation is coming from the fact that I see myself enjoying the work of a doctor, more than of any other profession I can currently think of. Also the fact that I will feel important because I realised 'big things' in the eye of society. In this journey, I realised that having a certain goal in order to complete that emptiness of not feeling important is not an authentic motivation. Is the first one a good motivation? I don't know. I dont think it's my life purpose tho. But I'm 18, and need to make a choice. Going to college or go work. Sitting at home waiting till I magically find my life purpose isn't an option for me. What else could be my life purpose? I like to have fun. to be social. to pick up girls. I have an interest in subcommunication, and how it relates to how you are being preceived. Public-speaking sounds really fun. or playing music instruments. I like to create. I would want to buy the course. But don't have any money, and currently not in a position to be able to get a job. anyone got a good perspective on my situation?