JonasVE12

Ultimately you desire clarity. But you won't find it with more seeking and future thinking, or endless self-reflection in thought. Your life is how it is. It may be a certain way, and you may wish it would be different. But can you be content anyways? Can you silence your forever seeking mind and just be still? Can you let go of all your goals and desires for a month? Can you then begin to learn to enjoy the sensations in your body when you still your mind? Can you literally just sit in a chair for a couple hours without the need to do anything and just observe? Can you spend some time in nature and let go of technology for that time? Maybe you can even enjoy doing nothing after some time. Just keep letting go and observing. It's when you learn to enjoy silence that you understand that you don't need anything else to fulfill you. And so compulsive seeking ends. When you live with a stilled and centered mind, the present moment is already enough and it will feel whole to you. You'll feel a sense of warm comfort and serenity. And above all, you just feel clarity. Not in thinking. But in feeling. Any goal worth pursuing will come back up in your consciousness. From presence, you are in alignment with the feeling of creation. Creation will be discovered through the now and is all about the now. And so there is no 'willpower'. You just flow with what you are creating because you are not in resistance to the now. And if there are challenges, you will easily transcend them because when you are really present, you naturally have access to higher intelligence and you can shape the moment in so many creative ways to overcome what you need to overcome. The answers are already here. The question is just, how can you get rid of that fog your thinking mind is creating. Slow down your racing mind and you'll channel everything you need to know to be who you want to be and create what you want to create.

Depends on why you want to do it. For some fun? Sure, if you like that. It can be interesting definitely. I've only done 200UG trips in social settings and for me it was the only time that psychedelics became useful and meaningful. I wasn't doing it for fun per se. my intent was always to transcend fear and shame. And man, it was incredible. I have no words for it. I had done LSD lots of times before, but never got anything useful out of it. Only a lot of confusion. When I went out in public on LSD, I understood everything I wanted to understand in this life. But yeah, healing vs fun. Different frame.

Ultimately it's just projection from your subconscious mind, and it is mirroring how you feel about yourself. I'd inspect self-esteem issues. When you haven't felt recognized or loved by the people external to you, it's normal to have this sort of defense mechanism that is about attacking the outside world in order to get a illusory sense of power and self-esteem in yourself, which is an automatic reaction to not getting it from other people. Being valued and loved by others is vital in happiness. But once you tap into the more universal vibration of love that goes beyond the individual, you don't need that external love anymore. But it also requires being established in that vibration as a natural state of being. To get there, it is always good to do regular meditation, more than an hour a day. Some long determination sitting. As well as focussing on purification of the body. Cultivating presence is the key. And from presence, love arises. And it is a steady flow/stream that is uninterrupted. And it is both internal and external. You'll feel more one with people, and in that space, curiosity and openness can arise, instead of defensiveness as is now. It's all found in presence and stillness of the mind, and purification of the body. It's all connected.

There isn't much 'doing' in this. Rather think about doing less. It's all about feeling into your body, feeling your turn-on energy and letting her feel that as well. When you look at her, allow yourself to sink into her eyes a bit. Take her in. Feel turned on for her. Don't think about it. Just notice what you are already feeling. Some shame, guilt and fear may come up. Now you work through that. Also express directly what you're feeling and thinking about to her. Express sexual intent verbally as well. If you have a problem being direct with your feeling/energy, you can use verbals to guide you into the tension. And now limiting beliefs and negative feelings will come up again. Process them. Always keep in back of your mind to connect to your lower body deeply. When you're communicating with her, just in the back of your mind, put like 30% of your attention on your own body. Especially the spine, legs, feet, outside of the body, the pelvis, stomach. Relax into those. Those will ground any nervousness and reactivity when being in sexual tension. It's mostly when you tense up these body parts that you raise up into your head and you become ungrounded and reactively expressive. The lower body parts and the spine/back are the masculine. When you are deeply connected and relaxed into those body parts, playing with sexual tension is easy. It sounds like your feminine is well developed, which is amazing. You just need more tension skills and grounding. And that you do through connecting with the body more and more while being under tension - such as being direct with a woman. Look at Russel Brand. His feminine is also well developed, but he is grounded under tension. He knows how to look people in the eye with sexual intent and feeling. He transmits that unapologetically and that's why he is attractive. Ultimately you need to become comfortable with your sexual desire and express it unapologetically. A nice practice to start this is to just start approaching women in public and be unapologetically direct with them. That's tension and now you are learning to become grounded in it. Also, a nice practice to do as well is to observe other men in public and notice where their energy is located. Some men are up in their head, anxious and nervous. Some are apathetic. Some are confident and grounded. Some are prideful. Some angry. Some are grounded but not feeling much emotion. Feel all those subtle differences. Especially look for men that feel masculine to you. Replicate that energy within yourself. Police men, firemen, navy seals are examples of such men. They are usually very grounded and good with tension. See if you can feel into such people.

That feels like strong apathy. Realize this. Thinking will never resolve any of your issues. Only feeling and action will. And if you aren't clear on what type of action you need to take, then start here. Just spend one week in nature, don't do anything else, don't bring a computer, phone or any distraction. Just sit with yourself and take a notepad with you. Start to find out what you want out of life. But don't force it. During your time alone, maybe also go to the city a few times and just walk around and practice feeling your heart. Practice feeling joy and relaxation. Look around. Observe people. Notice how they are feeling. Notice how they make you feel. This process will get you out of your head and into your body. There will come up tension and frustration probably and a bunch of other feelings. Can you sit with all of that? Can you release and get to a place of relaxation? Can you allow yourself to enjoy the moment as it is, a little bit more each day? Can you become more fluid in feeling and imagination? From reading this post, it feels like you have a strong want and also strong frustration related to the want. You most likely have a bunch of limiting beliefs and stories about yourself. There is the notion of 'I can't' t when talking about how you want freedom. So slowly, without forcing, when you start to relax a bit more after you've been there a few days, you can start to imagine what your ideal life looks like. Because you spent some time away from distraction, automatically you will sink in your body and your body will guide you to insight about what you want. You need to get out of the mind for inspiration to come. Nature is perfect for this. There is something magical about it's effect on your mind and body. You'll feel curiosity to different ideas after a while. You can proactively generate different ideals in your mind and practice feeling in response to those ideas. When you find out your ideal life and you have felt the excitement that comes with that imagined ideal, now you can start to do goal-setting in order to get that life. But the reason you are in apathy is because you have limiting stories and beliefs about yourself. Now the goal is used to change your self-esteem. Because the core of apathy is self-esteem. Thinking about your ideal life, you probably feel resistance as well. Distance yourself from it and just feel as if you already would have the ideal image. The key is also that you can never change your life if you can't exactly envision what you want. There needs to be a set object of focus: Your goal, which by using your frontal lobe, selectively focusses your attention of taking action on that goal. Imagine if the world is empty. And you say 'I want to focus on something'. How can you focus on something if the world is empty? In the same way, how can you change your life if you don't have clarity in what exactly you want? So the first step is to work on that. You could say 'I just want freedom', 'I want to feel joy and excitement'. But what are the experiences that will allow you to feel that? There is not just one? For me, riding a motorcycle at high speeds in beautiful landscapes gives me thrill, joy and freedom. But also meeting strangers, making friends, dating women is exciting. So what are all those experiences you would have right now if you would be fully free? Once you know all of that, you can work on releasing resistance to those goals and taking action. But again, without clarity, you will always be wanting and thinking about having a better life. But nothing will come from it.

There is something called succes orientation. It's focussing on the small successes and small wins, rather than the things you perceive as wrong/failure. When you focus on failure, you will get more failure. When you focus on succes, you will get more succes. If you are going to see yourself as a failure simply because you haven't achieved your ideal scene yet, then that's a problem, because then you'll always feel like a failure unless things things go exactly the way you want them to go. And all those thoughts and feelings of self-judgement and self-hatred are the result of focussing on those perceived failures. Change your criteria for succes. For example, if you fear giving her a compliment or you feel nervous looking her in the eye for too long, can you let that fear go, and do it anyways? Or if you can't do that, can you tell her that? Can you own it? The key is just to go on more dates and to release some of your judgement and self-hatred a little bit at a time. A little bit each date. Each date will go better. With each date, see if you can focus your mind on the succes, and the feeling of that succes in your body. That will compound over time. Can you feel proud and courageous because you got a date, and you dared going on the date? Can you feel hopeful towards your future, because you know that each date will grow you more to the person you want to become? If you feel shy, nervous and insecure during the date, can you maybe own that and even tell her that? How much courage and acceptance will that bring you? That would be a huge succes. Can you even start to love yourself when you feel unworthy? Can you also stop judging that you judge yourself? Can you let go of judgement towards judgement? If you can't let go, can you accept that you are doing that? Can you stop making all of it wrong and just be? This is all a sort of meditation. You release your negative energy in your body and mind, and you transmute it to self-love. And that will ultimately get you out of your head and into your body. It will translate to having more confidence and presence with the woman in front of you. You just need to focus on small successes. And trust me, if you focus your energy on succes, that will compound a little bit each time. And over time, it will manifest outside yourself. And women will mirror your increases sense of power and succes. Because ultimately, it requires personal power to stop focussing on what's wrong, and instead focus on everything that's right. Lots of men can't even get a date. So you are already doing super well.

Fart and poop your pants in public until you don't care anymore. Maybe get a fart cushion and start there. Use it to trigger your repressed feelings and release them on the spot. Just start 'farting' in front of other people and you'll naturally start to heal. Then maybe progress to pooping your pants if you are ready. I did something similar for my toilet anxiety. I was always afraid I would pee my pants in public so I started to throw water on my pants when I went outside and released what came up. And then I progressed to actually peeing my pants. Going through the actual experience of peeing my pants in front of other people, but from a place of proactivity, naturally released the resistance to the experience of peeing my pants. I could relax into it and let go of the resistance. And so my anxiety disappeared because subconsciously, I knew I could handle it. The problem is that you think you can't handle it. And so therefore you resist it. If however you would allow yourself to go through the experience of the thing you resist, you would be amazed at how much more emotional discomfort you can handle and you would realize your own power of turning discomfort into acceptance. You just need to become proactive instead of reactive. And that means stopping avoiding and stepping into the tension of that resistance.

When you sit still and you don't do anything for a while, automatically your uncomfortable feelings are going to come up. Because when you are sitting still and not doing anything, you are going to sink deeper into your body. And when you feel your body more, you are going to feel all the stuff that is inside your body. If you have negative feelings, those will come up. And so you are probably using all that stuff just to avoid the uncomfortable feelings. Try to commit to a month of just being with yourself. Leave your laptop and phone off. Only check it for stuff that's necessary. Don't do anything other than just being. quit the 'doing' for that month. Your emotional baggage will come up. At first, your mind will generate thousands of thoughts telling you to distract and 'do'. And your body will feel painful and it will have this strong pull/urge to do anything other than to be. The first 2 weeks are the hardest. If you can overcome any urge you have and still commit to the whole month, you'll find that after those 2 initial weeks it all becomes easy and you'll be much happier. You'll become so much more present. Just try it and see for yourself how good it feels. Achieving goals is so much easier at this point.

It is an enlightenment experience. It is not enlightenment yet. You have to close that gap now with the insights you gained from those experiences. It's the path from an enlightenment experience all the way to liberation that you now need to walk. So feel all that resistance you have again. Resistance to certain experiences, ways of expressing, and moving into the physical world. Feel into that resistance and step into it and while stepping into it, let the resistance go and replace it with love and peace. Do that thousands of times with each bit of resistance you feel until there is no more left and you can basically step outside naked in your city without feeling resistance. (Not that you should do that). All those patterns of feeling and thinking are stored in your subconscious mind / nervous system. You need to rewire that. That's how you embody those higher emotional states of freedom and love. An enlightenment experience transmutes your emotional state all the way to peace because you temporarily expand outside your egoic consciousness. Your system will rebalance to homeostase and that's when the work begins. So now, feel any experience you have fear/apathy/grief around and transmute it to courage/acceptance/love/peace. Thousands and thousands of times. And your self-esteem will slowly adapt and you'll get to a point you feel naturally peace/love such as you felt in your enlightenment experience.

Try to do the urine test that Leo talked about in his video about heavy metals on his youtube channel and go from there. If you cannot get tested, well, you can get started with the protocol and just see if you are feeling better after 20-50 rounds. It won't hurt you to experiment. Anyway, it's usually not just one thing. It's all these little things that are out of balance within your mind and body and every little thing that's out of balance will contribute to the issue a small percentage. Do most you can to purify your mind and body on all different levels and what you'll find with each thing you improve, you'll also improve your issues bit by bit. It's little percents that compound over time. Some things will improve you a higher percentage than others. Diet might only improve you 20% and heavy metal detox might improve you 60%. Who knows? It might be the other way around as well. Everything you do that's good for the body will ultimately be helpful in healing your issues. I'd say to just go for it and see if this improves your issue. Indecisiveness is the worst. But do improve in other areas of health as well. Go for a holistic approach. Good luck.

You need to rewire your nervous system consciously. It's through processing your feelings in the face of tension that this gets accomplished. Tension is basically the experiences that you resist and therefore avoid. The only real solution to getting rid of this issue is to become fully vulnerable to all your feelings within tension. It's opening your heart to other people repeatedly and dealing with the vulnerability that comes up. It's fully stopping avoiding what you feel. It's feeling it fully and then letting it go. It's also letting others see it, feel it, and not hide it from anyone. You need to get to a point of full acceptance of who you are, love who you are and then from that feeling of being at home with yourself that you do goal setting and make a strong decision to step into tension daily. Then you get triggered. And now all the fear and shame come up right in front of other people. Now you cultivate presence within the tension of being in front of other people and you relax into it fully. Your body's automatic response is closing down and shutting off. Now, in order to avoid the tension of being seen, you have these ticks. But that's only because you are avoiding vulnerability and becoming reactive to the vulnerability. Try to open your heart within the tension and instead of becoming reactive to all the shame and fear that comes up when you do in fact open your heart, you become proactive with it. You generate courage to feel what ever you feel, and then you generate acceptance and love for whatever you feel. A little bit more each time. A little more each day. Every single day for at least a year. The only thing that will fix this is 1) A strong decision that allows you to become your own container. It's through clear goal-setting that you commit on stepping into tension daily. You give yourself daily/weekly/monthly goals that will guide you to get triggered. You need to start at the level of tension you are okay with. Maybe it is asking the time, or saying hello to people you pass on the street, or maybe just smiling or having eye contact. See whatever you are comfortable with and start doing that daily. Let yourself be seen. Feel interactively with your imagination what you avoid/resist, and then work on stepping into those things. 2) When you do step into those experiences, see if you can become vulnerable, welcoming and allowing of your internal body sensations. This whole issue shifts when you come to the point of becoming non-reactive to those sensations. So see if you can learn to love vulnerability instead of being scared of it. That's where all the growth is. 3) Everything else is avoidance. Make this practice 95% of your treatment plan and you'll grow through this. Do meditate, do eat healthy, do visit a therapist, but don't use it to keep avoiding facing the tension and vulnerability. Every path that heals you from this involves tension and vulnerability. What matters is that you choose the direct path. Indirect paths like meditation and psychedelics are only complementary. We often direct our attention to the paths that are indirect because it lets us avoid vulnerability. It's distraction. It's another protection mechanism that has the goal to avoid feeling the repressed feelings of shame and fear. Shame is very uncomfortable emotion to feel so we do everything to not feel it. When we try to get rid of social anxiety and shame, we try to not feel our shame and fear the most we can. We think there is another way to fix it. But it's only when we can feel it fully and not making it wrong, even loving it fully, that you process it. And that happens right in front of other people. In the face of tension. You can process some of your feelings in meditation, in psychedelic experiences, but the bulk is processed through vulnerability and tension. We need to get triggered first. And then change our relationship within the experience of being triggered. Are you really being triggered when sitting alone in your room? Or in front of the therapist? Think about it this way. If you now imagine doing some social exercises, like chatting up groups of men/women and joke with them, how much tension and vulnerability do you now feel thinking about going outside now and doing that? It's in this direction that you have to look. It's those feelings of resistance that you need to change your relationship to. And how you do that is by starting at the level you are comfortable with. Such as asking the time and then doing that thousands of times so you release fear/shame from that level of tension. And then you increase it after it has become easy. Trust me. Commit on a month of stepping into tension - Asking directions to 20 people/groups each day. See if you can love yourself a little bit more each time. See if you can become more relaxed and present each time you ask directions. Come back and update at the end of the month and see how much more relaxed you feel with that level of tension. Also note that you may feel worse before you feel better. All your shame/fear/anger/sadness/guilt/apathy will come up. But that's a sign that you are growing of course. You must just become proactive with it and it will process.

It's the second day in a row that when I eat raw honey (around 150g) that I start having chest pain. Super painful. And it lasts around 30 minutes. This time it spread to the abdomen just at the end. Anyone had something like this?

@Pav You are super close man. You’re never stuck. It feels like you are stuck. But you are always moving. Your heart is always beating. Your breath continues even when you are unaware of it. Nothing stays stuck. It is just one state of consciousness that repeats itself until you intervene. The stuckness is just perspective and it is guiding you to become more courageous and more allowing of your own emotions. Some people stay stuck for decades. Most stay stuck for their entire life. Most don’t even realize they are stuck. But you can move out of stuckness in just 5 minutes if you surrender. You can now consciously transmute some of that apathy into courage and then even beyond that, into love. But then, is your goal to get past stuckness for good? To be in love/joy permanently? What is the goal? Where do you want to feel more love/joy? What area of your life isn’t allowing you to feel joy/love permanently? For example, you can now transmute into love and feel joy. But all your patterns / attachments won’t be released through transmuting only once. There needs to be done goal-setting where you apply these transmutation principles in the face of tension. That’s where you will move past more macro-level stuckness (through goal setting). You can feel stuck in many ways, you know. For example macro, is the distance between the now experience and the ideal experience you have in your imagination. The key to move past that level is to learn to transmute feeling stuckness now. If you can learn to transmute that stuckness now, you will easily move past stuckness automatically with bigger goals. If you are a virgin and your goal is to fuck 1000 women but you don’t know how to seduce a woman. That’s stuckness. His stuckness is there for as long as he hasn’t fucked 1000 women. Yet, he will move rapidly towards having that goal if he learns to, in this present moment, transmute his feeling/vibrational state to higher vibration that results in the now experience of having confidence and freedom. Maybe he flirts with one woman and she gives him positive attention. That’s already moving some of that stuckness into momentum. So the key is to move some of your lower emotions into higher emotions. A little bit at a time. I’ll explain later. From what it looks like, you have an inner conflict where you are avoiding feeling your lower emotions (the lower vibration you talked about) and therefore you are using lust/anger/pride as a way to get the higher experience/feeling you want. But it’s only a push on the present moment, it’s your misalignment and attachment to future. Your mind is completely projected into the future as a way to avoid your lower feelings, but still with the intention to achieve your goal. Therefore it uses the mind. Because the body has the resistance which you avoid by escaping to the mind. It’s the mind compensating. You are pushing out of your lower emotions with force, using the mind. You have to ask yourself the following when you feel stuck. Where are you not becoming vulnerable and being allowing/welcoming to those lower vibration sensations? Where are you unconsciously closing doors? There are so many doors you can open that will transmute you to freedom. Yet, you have to become proactive with your resistance. And when you are in apathy/avoidance/stuckness, you will be hiding yourself from those doors. You need to gain the courage to open the door and to walk through it. And then the next door. And the next. Until there are no doors anymore. The closed doors represent the experiences that confront you with the resistance you’re not willing to become vulnerable to and therefore avoiding. The stuckness is just the strong lust/want with the apathy (resistance to feeling the lower feelings). When you are within it, it seems like a huge obstacle. It’s like a mountain you see in front of you and you feel incapable of climbing it. Even more so, you feel like you have to climb it. You think that when you get on top of the mountain, you will find a pot of gold. While the gold is just behind the doors. You just have to open the door. Open some of your doors in your own house. It’s not difficult. Its your mind/body which make it seem so difficult. If you surrender to how you are feeling, and you work on transmuting that shame/fear through stepping into low amounts of tension (opening doors), you will slowly feel lighter. That anchoring into love, peace, courage, authenticity, freedom, is a process of stepping into tension and transmuting the lower feelings inside the tension, into higher feelings. A little bit at a time. A little each day. You welcome lighter feelings slowly. And that’s where you are releasing the attachment to your lower emotions. You do that until all attachment are released and you are free. The thing is, you can never get to love/freedom/joy if you don’t learn to allow your lower vibrations and to feel them fully in the face of tension. You don’t release lower vibrations through just letting them go like that. Poof. You channel them. You channel them into courage and acceptance. Energy doesn’t go away. It moves. It contracts or expands into different states. You need to direct it consciously. Fear -> courage, Shame -> acceptance. We like to think that we can become free at home, through thinking and wanting. But it’s only when we step outside and confront those stories directly through tension that we become free. We just have to become proactive with the lower feelings. Not reactive. If you are reactive, you are going to escape to the mind, and use anger, lust, pride in order to still get your goal, but without feeling your lower emotions. Let’s say you want complete freedom with people all the time. No boundaries. No anxiety, insecurity, nervousness and shame. What we often try to get out of that is that we start feeling the want for more confidence, freedom and all of that, and after we recognize that desire, then we will start trying to find a way to have that what we desire. But we feel the fear and shame, and we become reactive to it. Now we start to resist the fear and shame, and we shift into apathy/stuckness/avoidance. Then anger/lust/pride is the mind inside that apathy that is desperately wanting to move the experience into being, yet has no clarity and power. It’s super reactive and avoidant. When you can recognize in that moment, in the moment that you are stuck, that you need to work on welcoming courage/acceptance/love in small amounts, in relation to stepping into low amounts of tension, that you will slowly move out of stuckness by yourself. But it requires daily work. Only then your subconscious has the power to completely shift. Consistency is key. And you become proactive, comfortable and completely vulnerable with your emotions. It will feel super raw, naked and vulnerable. Learn to love that because in loving that, all the freedom is. So I have a challenge for you to work on this. Only do it if you can do it from courage. If you are pushing through this challenge, that’s something to let go as well. Pushing is avoiding vulnerability. Courage is decision and allowing. When you shift from anger to courage to step into tension, it feels more like you are surfing and riding the wave. Anger/pride/lust is like the surfer desperately trying to catch the wave and then always missing it. He’ll end up frustrated and quits. So see if you can become relaxed with this challenge. A little bit of push in the beginning is fine. As long as you can let that go during the challenge. For 3 months: Daily - Approach 15 men/women/groups and ask them directions. For 1 month: Daily - Say Hi to every stranger you pass in a semi-busy street, not skipping anyone. Be fully expressive. Next months: Keep stepping into tension daily. Increase the amount of tension progressively. Until you are fully free and anchored into the higher emotions. During these exercises, you can learn to transmute those lower emotions into love experientially. That's the key because you don't learn this stuff in your head. It's all experiential work. When you are feeling love, it is easy to do these exercises. But it is when feeling fear/shame and then doing the exercise, being proactive with your feelings, welcoming more courage, acceptance, love that you will become conscious of how this process works. You will get an intuition for it and it become second nature. Then you get a point you can easily shift your emotions in minutes/seconds. Until you don’t even have negative emotions anymore. That’s imperturbability. Definitely meditate as well because it makes it all so much more effortless.

@Optimized Life Nice that you had that experience. Now you know that it’s all about your energy, and how you are feeling inside, that determines wether women are attracted to you or not. So that’s really nice. Yes, you can have that ‘magnetic field’ or ‘aura’ at all times. It is not easy work and indeed not one thing you do. I regularly do the following just because I like to play around with energy and feeling, and seeing how it reflects back in the world. You may find this useful to experiment with. First, I walk around with a closed heart. I pull up my energy into my head (which automatically happens when you are nervous and anxious), and then I make eye contact with everyone that passes. I say ‘Hi’ from that place as well. And what I notice is that they look away, they shrink, they are shocked by my presence. Then, second, I get into my body, I relax, I open my heart, I ground myself, I embody the feeling centers in the back of the body to create containment and security, and after I connected to the back of my body (my containment), I open the front of my body (feeling), primarily at the heart. This allows me to be touched by other people emotionally, I let them in and I connect to them from a heart-centered space. I consciously bring up joy and love in the heart as well and let them feel that. Now almost everyone connects to my eyes. They start smiling, lighting up and even approaching me. Even people across the street start looking. Because I’m radiating love super powerfully in the environment and people get pulled into that. Then third, I drop into the lower body and stomach. I feel 20% love in the heart, but I’m mostly bringing up energy in the pelvis and the inside of the upper legs (thighs) and the stomach. And now I’m walking from the connection to the lower body. I bring up a lot of intensity there and it charges me up. It gives me a super powerful penetrative presence. It is not sexual per se. It is more turn on / creating / penetrative energy. But it can be expressed sexually. And now when I come across women and men, they can’t almost not look. They just feel that energy. And I express it unapologetically through my gaze. I project that intensity into them. But I stay in my own body, connected to my grounding. And I am slightly doing it from heart-centeredness as well. It is balanced, grounded but very penetrative. I’d say, the most important thing here is that you become fully free and one with your external environment. Instead of operating from self-contracted consciousness, your consciousness should be expanded into more non-dual consciousness. Meaning that you literally feel one with everyone. There is no fear, shame and limiting sensations that contract you and hinder your full expression. You need to get to a point where you can exchange energy and feeling with other people without a sense of separation preventing you to be fully expansive. Your body needs to become super light, yet very grounded. You need to become super present in your own body for this. The mind needs to be stilled. You can best experiment with Kriya yoga, or other types of yoga that work with your energy-body. I also recommend concentration meditation, as well as do nothing meditation, as well as osho dynamic meditation. Daily. Eventually, your mind and body will become anchored into the now. Your increased presence will become the gateway to increased feeling and feeling-connection to other people. https://open.spotify.com/track/7A5hC3tPAwJM6S0ztlCzLw?si=5e1703dc28984f3a Do some walks in your city with music like this. Surrender into the body and become one with the music. Let it really touch you. Look at everything around you, the people, the scenery and let the music guide you to feel more of the essence of it all. I also recommend a simple practice where you can experiment with some of these principles. Daily, put aside 2 hours where you will go outside into a semi busy street to say ‘Hi!’ to everyone that passes. Put 70% of focus on your own body, and let your consciousness flow from those internal centers. Express from them. Express from the heart, the stomach, the pelvis. You will get different reactions depending from where you express. If you have a lot of apathy, anxiety, nervousness, fear, shame, and all of that, then you will probably express from the head. And people will pull away. They will reject you. If you are pushing on people from lust, anger and pride, then the world will push back on you. For example, back when I had this super strong lust to get to freedom, I went outside to give people high-fives. I was pushing on people from lust/anger. I HAD to become fucking free, And I fucking HAD to give everyone high-fives. And then one guy who had a lot of anger himself wanted to fight me because he thought I was provoking him. It was our anger that connected. Now in this exercise, you can learn to ground all of that rejection and become non-attached to how people perceive you. And there is a lot of liberation in that. You simply stop caring and become one. And then when you shift to non-attachment when doing the ‘Hi!’ Exercise, you will feel that shift in your body. Your feeling centers turn on and you start to express from there. And then people start to say hi back. They smile, light up and they want to talk to you. If you can do this exercise daily for a month, you’ll grow leaps and bounds. You’ll become non-attached not only when saying hi, but in every other way that involves expressing your emotions in front of other people and to other people. You become grounded in your self-love and self-validation. This enables you to transmit feeling out of authentic inspiration. You don’t look for permission and validation to be who you are. And the more you become grounded in this non attachment, the more people will become pulled into you. It will change everything. It really heals your energy body because you don’t need the permission of the outside world for your consciousness to express fully. Your become fully expansive with your energy. Your aura/magnetic field/bubble includes the whole universe. There is no bubble anymore. You just surrender those boundaries you had. You flow without boundaries and man, that’s where you will truly feel alive and connected with people. And women will show up naturally when you have this freedom. You don’t need to push and force anything anymore. You can even practice this ‘Hi’ exercise with women, but instead of saying ‘Hi’, you just approach them, ask them directions and you do it from feeling. You ask it from connection through the heart, pelvis, grounding, stomach and you will notice that their response will reflect your level of embodiment. When I ask a woman for directions when I feel embodied within my own grounding and turn-on, as well as when I have a completely open heart. They will often lean into me and get curious right from the start, and give these sexual gazes. And then finally you can do direct approaching with the hottest women and practice becoming non-attached. You just do it so many times, and you make it all about how you feel in front of her, releasing any attachments. Just becoming more and more grounded, more and more feeling. And naturally as you do that enough, you have absolute freedom with them and they show up naturally in your life. Through getting out from self-contracted consciousness and expanding into non-dual consciousness, your sense of peace, joy, openness, confidence and all of that comes from within. Nothing externally will then influence that. You generate all of it from your own body. You can get to the point with this work that when you get rejected, you feel more confident, more alive, more joy, more love. You simply ground it. Rejection is just the self-contracted consciousness needing external permission to feel whole/one. And when it doesn’t get it, it will become more contracted. When you get beyond that, your relation to ‘rejection’ completely shifts. Imagine if you could walk down the street and could just bring up bliss and ecstasy in your body just through your intention. Imagine if you would be able to walk being turned on and open naturally. Not needing anything to feel that way. Just being that naturally. You would enjoy rejection just as much as validation. You would sit inside the club, be present in your body, feel the music and even if you wouldn’t talk to anyone that night, you would still feel amazing. And when you can feel that way all by yourself, women will come up to you all the time. Or if you would be sitting on a bench at the beach, and you just feel joy and love in your heart, as well as feeling this grounded peace. You look at the people that pass by, you nod, smile, maybe say hi, and your inviting presence will cause these reactions in those people where they will often just talk to you because your energy makes them curious. There is just no rejection when you are this peaceful and joyful by yourself. You just need to bring that same level of feeling and non-attachment to approaching, meeting and connecting with women. And that is a process. You surrender all those negative feelings and stories, and eventually you become free from all of it. Now your ‘energetic field’ or ‘aura’ is just the consequence of your own effortless feeling and expression of that feeling. You don’t need any external thing to turn that feeling on within yourself. You simply are feeling and energy.

Okay, thanks guys. I'll just cut down on the honey and see if it still occurs. Or maybe switching to another kind of honey. @mmKay Hmm, yes, possibly that. Super odd. I never had any allergic reaction to anything. Or atleast nothing that I could consciously notice. I always hated bees and wasps though. Should probably go outside and try to love them more.

@Yarco I don't think it's that. I've had heartburn before but this is different. It's primary in the chest, around the heart. It is like a very sharp pain pulsating. I had to lay down in my bed and breath through it. So I guess it's something else. @puporing Isn't sugar good for us? I mean, raw honey is supposed to be very healthy, right? I've been eating it because Sadhguru gave off good vibes talking about honey. So I thought, let's give it a try. Apart from the reaction, I definitely felt more alert and energized. And he doesn't seem to be talking about low quantities of honey. The more the better, he hints. I'm all open for experimentation and listening to my body more to feel what is right to eat. I've heard the saying 'Don't eat too much sugar.' already a lot, and it seems acceptable to me, yet I'm not sure where it comes from. I'm curious why you think sugar in too high amounts is bad? @Leo Gura Hmm, that could very well be the case. Is there any way to know for sure? May it not also be a sign of detoxification? I usually drink it on an empty stomach with warm water. I heard sadhguru talk about how powerful it is in detoxifying the body, and so maybe it is just some classical detox signs. Though it feels like having a mini heart attack.

When the woman with the other guy passed, God is literally SHOWING you, RIGHT IN YOUR FACE that you need to change your internal landscape. HE IS THAT SMART. RIGHT IN YOUR FUCKING FACE. LOL. He is doing you a favor. He is reaching out his hand for you.

I have been there. Deeper than you'd think. But so what? It's okay to be in that pain, but should my reply be about that? Should we all just say 'I'm so sorry, I know it hurts but you're gonna be fine. You're a good boy and someone is going to love you sooner or later! Come here so I can give you a hug' What's beyond the pain? Have you guys ever looked for the experiences beyond the pain and actually contemplated deeply how to get past this problem? My post didn't give any practical steps? What do you need? What do you want? This issue isn't going to fix itself spontaneously by me or anyone else giving you a 10-step process where you just mechanically go through the steps. Neither is going to a coach going to fix you. You're only going to get past this problem by stopping to need someone to hold your hand and to go face your pains heads on, not from anger, but from courage and acceptance. If you can't transcend your own pain and unhappiness now, and project into the future, your ideal self, align the now with that projection, then you're simply going to stay stuck. How long are you going to wait to become truly happy? How long are you going to work on your business? What do you actually want? Do you want happiness or do you think you want happiness? You need to let go of everything in order to be happy and then your life will come to you with ease. This process is not about practical steps at this early stage. That can come in eventually, but in this stage, it should be about getting clarity and getting an intuition for what is necessary to change. How you heal this part of your psyche is to go out there, to talk to women in real life, to let yourself get triggered, just like what happened with OP in this circumstance. And then you're going to release on all the emotions that come up. That's interactive psychotherapy. It's not at home that you're going to heal. It's through releasing all your aversions and attachments WHILE in the face of real women. Because that's where OP's attachment issues reside. It's through remapping the patterns in his nervous system and mind that you heal your heart naturally. And that growth is instantly being mirrored by real women in real time (when you do this interactively when approaching women). And that is super essential in growing this area. It's all interactive. You can do some of this remapping at home, partly. But 90% is going to come through connecting with real women, through approaching them, and then while doing that, you're going to REMAP. The thing is. OP hasn't replied on my post, so I'm not going to give more practical steps. He simply is not ready to face this part of his life and in avoidance. His mind is oriented elsewhere. He hinted that he will need a coach. What will the coach suggest? Will he say to stay at home and meditate? Why do you think I care to make such a long post to OP? Because the struggle I had in this area was my deepest pain in my life for the longest time. The kind of resistance I had towards meeting other people was making me miserable. I had no one. I was lonely as fuck. I couldn't get out there because my body would freeze with fear and shame. If someone talked to me, I would almost run away and shit my pants. The only thing that fixed it for me, was approaching women and people. And then making it all about how I felt in the face of meeting them, letting go of all my attachments. It's not about going out there and instantly making good connections with people. It's about going up to people and growing each time, becoming free from outcome, becoming relaxed, becoming at ease with yourself, becoming giving and peaceful, becoming grounded, loving, open, sexual, present. And that's a process. You can even ask for god damm directions to starbucks at the beginning stages. And that's also super impactful if you do that daily 10 times or more, for lets say a month. Or just saying hi to everyone on the street and practicing becoming comfortable being rejected when people don't say HI back. It's all about becoming comfortable with your own vulnerability and becoming grounded in that. Each time you work on getting little improvements in the way you show up, in the way you relate to yourself when showing up, etc..... I'm not talking about picking up women, lol. I'm talking about liberating yourself from your emotions through interactive psychotherapy with real women. Through approaching them and letting yourself be triggered. It's about becoming happy. It's about creating a strong sense of self. Letting go of your baggage. And do you think that's all done from the comfort of your own house? You just sit in your room, in your meditation pose, you ask yourself to bring up all your emotions and boom, now God asks you 'Do you want to let it go and live a happy life?' And then you say 'Yes'. Lol, it doesn't work like that. Simply look at what happened now in this situation with OP, where he got triggered by this woman. Are you seeing opportunity to release and become more whole? Are you seeing the opportunity to create a stronger sense of self through releasing internally the attachments that come up? Are you seeing opportunity to remap? Or are you simply being reactive to the pain and wanting to avoid further? Or are you already looking for the experience beyond the pain and thus releasing past it? Growing from it? You can literally go outside right now and approach real women and become your own container. You take charge of who you want to become. You stop being reactive and sitting in your pain all day long. Yes, you become comfortable with your pain. But that's not going to change the rest. And what does this say about you? Maybe you are just feeling powerless in going out and facing your struggles heads on. And you spend your time writing an opposing comment to me. Why? You are avoiding the recognition that you are avoiding as well? How would you feel right now going outside, approaching a woman and telling her she is beautiful? What stories, feelings do come up now? If you could release all those from the comfort of your own home, why haven't you? And about the business stuff. That sounds nice what you say, but your business is always going to be operating as a reflection of your own internal contraction. If you expand internally, your business is going to align to that and it's going to be way more YOU. If this sounds arrogant and all of that, I'd reflect on why that is so. I've come from very deep in this area. I can read from your posts exactly the reason for why you are stuck in this area. And I'm not going to hide it from you. Your whole reply might be a way to reinforce your identification with your own coping strategies. That's just what the ego does. How long are you all going to wait to become happy? When are you actually going to become committed on healing this? For how long does your business need to be a way to avoid? Can't you see it?

It's not about the words. It's about the feeling underneath. So intuitively feel which wording feels better and go with those.

@Thought Art What if healing this issue is the catalyst you need to grow your business? What I notice is that when I am caught up in fulfilling my own desires, I lack the authenticity, diligence and clarity to add true value to people. It felt almost fake, in a sense, to help people while I wasn't really fulfilled. The business I did in the past was all about me. There was no personal energy behind it. It's mostly through getting out on the other side where you is no longer a concern that it all shifts. You are happy, fulfilled and at peace. And now the orientation really shifts to spreading that peace and love with others. And people can feel that. When you resolve your own limitations, that automatically gives you more wisdom and understanding to really connect to people on a deeper level. You also have a lot more clarity about what your actual role is, what your business represents, and it becomes something much more personal. I read that you do Qigong. I'm already imagining how beneficial qigong could be in your own issues, and how you could make a business out of this in relation to helping people dealing with your own struggle. Even though now in your mind, you have an attachment that say's 'I close my attention towards this love struggle because my business is more fundamental', you could still expand your attention a little bit and work on the issue now. Your mind will always come up with good sounding excuses in order to avoid. You will find the best of excuses to keep identifying with your avoiding strategies. You might even now defend your own excuse in order to not give it up. It feels threatening. The thing is. Your repressed feelings got triggered by luck. You may feel undeserving internally, and you have been deprived from this incredible feeling feminine energy and beauty. And so now you try to attach yourself to it because you don't want to lose the beauty. You feel like it's your only chance in a way. What you can do to really grow here is to not rely on chance to be triggered and to become a leader in your own love life. There are millions of these women outside when you walk down the street. Learn to approach them without needing any container. Wherever. Learn to become peaceful, grounded and heart-centered when doing the approaches. Learn to let go of fear, shame and guilt. In one hour, you can do many approaches. You also don't have to be direct at first. You can just ask the time, but work on how you're feeling when you are in front of her. Feeling more grounded and peaceful each time. And work up until you feel a sense of oneness with them and you are permanently embodied in your own groundedness. You will notice that if you make this approach about your own internal growth, that it will be super rewarding and very healing. Approaching women is doing that shadow work interactively with real women. Now in that moment you make changes in how you feel in your body. You learn to become less reactive and attached. More open. Grounded. You become grounded-vulnerable instead of reactive needy-vulnerable. When you come at the point that your heart opens, and when you really stay connected to your whole body, women will open up to you like magic. When you release all those patterns of reactivity you have now, they will start to be pulled into you and you will experience this feminine beauty and love all the time. You'll have more girlfriends than you can handle. First you focus on being fully embodied while approaching. You don't focus on dates. You just focus on having a joyful, connected and man-women conversation. Dates will follow automatically when you get there. And now you focus on becoming embodied in dates as well. But you'll not rely on chance anymore. You won't have to become needy to get her on a date. Your new level of feeling embodiment when approaching women will lead to so many dates. You can have dates whenever you want. Approaching women is super powerful in fixing all of this, man. How much resistance do you feel thinking about approaching random attractive women you see on the street right now? Are you fully confident or do you feel reactive? Do you see why this is so powerful? It's when you become proactive inside this resistance that you will heal. Your mind will always tell you it's not the time. Make a commitment to approach 10 000 women. Don't let your mind say 'I'll do it when....' You can literally take control of your mind right now, generate love and liberation inside your fear and then do what you have to do and celebrate every moment. Can you put your hand up in the air now after reading? Can you lift your 2 feet up? Can you move 1 meter to your door? Can you step outside your building now? Can you go up to her? You can! Do it now man! Come on Infuse your consciousness now all the courage you can gather. Infuse your thought process with powerful energy. You can change all of this now. You can liberate yourself now. Will you do it is the question.

Shame is more an emotion, it doesn't say much about the exact underlying feeling. There's the distinction between emotion and feeling. Emotion is an abstraction or categorization of a set of feelings/sensations that have a certain quality to it. Feelings within a certain vibrational range have a typical quality to it that we call shame. But this incapsulates many different subtle feelings. Such as not being good enough, unwanted, unloved, insecure, rejected, left out, embarrassment, wrong, ugly, and many more. When I say that you feel a sense of shame, it points at a more specific underlying feeling. Which in your case it may be some of the above examples. You can. It's just because your nervous system is wired to instantly react with anger as a defense mechanism and so you have to become conscious of whenever this is happening so you can redirect your consciousness to make healthier choices, to turn the anger in on the shame underneath for example. 'The power of now' and 'the power of now in practice' has wonderful chapters on this subject. It's really about retraining your awareness to become proactive instead of reactive. Although you have this intention to become aware, the next time you become angry, you may lose yourself in it completely and forget about all of this, but the stronger this intention to become aware becomes, the more you will become aware over time. You just need intention and your subconscious will bring it out when it needs to. Each time, you become a little bit more proactive. And then there is this pivotal point where you have retrained your consciousness to turn inward instead of outward and it is effortless. And that's where you transmute anger because it's not about reactivity anymore. It's about seeing what's hidden underneath. Healing anger really is about healing your shame. And it is also not about controlling what you think. It is letting yourself think whatever you are thinking, not trying to control anything. It's letting yourself relax with whatever is inside your body and mind, and riding the wave. You don't hyper-focus. You simply let things be and you fully accept the sensations. It's also not good to want to get rid of your uncomfortable feelings as soon as possible. Liberating yourself from them is to release attachment/aversion towards the feelings. It's having the feeling and being completely in vibrational alignment with the sensations. You can literally treat it like a game. It's like this. 'I notice I'm angry'.... 'Wow, this feels intense....' 'I feel so powerful and alive'...... 'Grrrrrrrrrrr' You literally stay with the sensation of intensity within your body. You feel it's subtle qualities and you find a sense of enjoyment within that feeling. You can do that. But you can't make the anger wrong. Making anger wrong is what will keep anger alive. We have been guilted into believing anger is wrong. And we subconsciously try to repress and avoid it whenever we feel this way. Try to see anger as something healthy and something that can help you become a lot more powerful. I have a suggestion for you. It may help you. So above, I said that awareness is something that deepens the stronger your intention becomes. Without intention, the way you react will always be the result of the way you have been conditioned to react - It's your nervous system's automatic response. Your subconscious mind is completely taking over at that point. So the suggestion is to keep bringing the intention up in your conscious mind to become aware and to turn anger in on itself whenever it manifests. For example when someone insults you. I have a journal for example, and everyday, I write in it my intention for this day. For this week. For this month. For this year. For the coming 5 years. And for the coming 20 years. And I keep adding to it everyday. You could get such a journal and start to journal your intention to become more aware within anger. And as I said, you may not be aware the first time. But the more you journal, the more powerful your intention becomes, the more you will get these glimpses of awareness within the anger. It will seem very powerful and enlightening when it happens. You'll be in the midst of anger and then get this recognition of your own power and the freedom that lies within the power. It's THERE where you have proactivity. It's a sense of choice. NOW, you have control over the anger. By generating stillness within it. By not being in aversion towards the anger, instead seeing how it can teach you and how you can use it to go inwards. Now you can reveal the shame underneath and shine light on it. Now you can transmute/release shame. You're already doing that by this process but it goes a lot deeper as well. But this is such a good start. But yeah. Please be with your anger. It's just an intense feeling in your body. It can't hurt you. It's just intense. You can really handle it. And it feels so fucking good to feel anger and be able to just sit with that anger. So good. You can even transmute anger to pure ecstasy and bliss. Yes, above I wrote a suggestion so you actually have some benefit of what people write here to you. Because I really understand how difficult it is in the midst of being in it. You won't change instantly just because you get what we say here. You have to make the internal changes and that's when this will click more in your own experience. I really recommend the journal processing. It's super powerful. Every day and night, you can journal your intention to become aware of your anger. Writing down all experiences that made you angry. Write down the experiences in the future that would make you feel angry and really make it an interactive process within your imagination. You could also already practice at the same time you are journaling. You can evoke memories that have the associated vibration of anger to it. And if you can really connect to that memory and get into vibrational alignment with it, and you really energetically model it as if it is now, then you can learn to transmute anger to love while just sitting in your bed, with your journal. And then it is super simple to bring that awareness to your day to day life. It probably is shame. Remember that shame is just an emotion. It is the same like fear. Fear has different subtle feelings to it such as tightness, nervousness, cautious, frightened, blocked, doubt, worry, etc.... Yes exactly. What you say here resonates for me very much because I've acted out a lot out of anger and there was always regret. I've been in jail because I acted aggressively towards police. I've stabbed someone in his head and legs and almost killed that person. And then another time, someone had punched me on my head out of nowhere when I was walking down the street and I took my knife out with the intention to stab him. So I know anger all too well. It's devastating. But only when you are reactive. When you become proactive within it, it's really wisdom, love and a more calm power. Now I see the joy in it. Like wtf. Lol. Being angry and needing to stab someone. That's super reactive. Maybe the guy who punched me just wanted a hug because he feels so alone. And then I come wanting to stab him... But yeah, the core lesson is that it was reactivity towards my sense of weakness. He punched me. I felt weak. And my want to stab him was my need to compensate for this internal sense of weakness (shame). It's denial. So the key here is to use anger to see a lot deeper, to what's REALLY going on. Anyways, good luck and enjoy being

@Tobias L Hey man, isn't the relationship just a mirror for how you feel about yourself? How deserving do you feel of women in general? If you walk around the city, and you see women passing by, would you be at ease going up to them and introducing yourself? Or would that be difficult and trigger a sense of unworthiness? Maybe the anger and slight hatred towards her is just projecting that sense of powerlessness onto her? How you are feeling now isn't really showing that you truly love her. It seems more like you are 'trying' to love her and manipulating yourself into loving her. And maybe that is because you feel a lack of self-esteem overall which makes you feel incapable of meeting another woman, or it feels difficult/effort, and so that is what keeps you codependent to her. You may avoid a sense of loneliness. Maybe you need some time for yourself to process how you really feel, to just be alone with your emotions and then things will become more clear. In such a state, a relationship is a distraction so you don't have to feel other repressed feelings. The attachment to her is a false sense of security. It is comforting but it keeping you away from finding your internal sense of peace and power. How would it feel to let her go? It doesn't seem like you are enjoying her truly. But along that, maybe it feels more comfortable being with her rather than being alone? How would you feel alone? And how might your girlfriend compensate for this? You know, that inability to love and open your heart is only the consequence of having a closed heart towards yourself. I bet you have a lot of repressed emotions of shame and fear that you haven't yet fully processed. Your life, including your relationships, are just a reflection of your own level of emotional embodiment. Even though breaking up with her may bring intense fear, it is where you grow the most. You can be fully happy in a relationship. It can be effortless. But it requires you to be able to handle your own emotions and to gain the courage to face them without avoidance. So going through the pain of breaking up, being alone for a while, is part of that process of healing your emotions. Especially during a breakup is where you can find a lot of inner peace. All that pain can be transmuted into love and contribute to a stronger self-esteem. it's also not fair for her. She deserves someone who truly chooses her. And she may have to process her own stuff, because being with you may also be a way of coping with some of her own baggage. Aim for a woman who you love effortlessly. A woman who you have an intense passion for. It can happen, but you need to build a high level of self-esteem for that. You need to process all of your shame and fear you have in yourself. And that is when you will have more happiness in your relationships, because internally, you are becoming fulfilled. I think your issue is a lot deeper than just having anger in your relationship. I think there is some deeper blockages that contract you and cause you to be in a situation you are in now. It is then just key to get out of the relationship and to get clarity of what's going on in your own mind. It's always good to make a commitment that you aren't going to enter any relationship unless it's from a place of freedom and power.

Anger is a reactive feeling in response to another lower emotion that gets triggered. Seems to be shame from what you're saying here. A sense of not being good enough. And then when a situation, or the spontaneous remembering of the situation triggers that feeling of shame, the anger is the reactivity to that underlying feeling. It's more painful to look internally and feel the feeling of not being good enough than to look externally and deny the feeling. The thing is, anger is not a wrong emotion. It is as healthy as any other emotion. But there is also 2 different orientations that you can have towards the anger. Proactive or reactive. Reactive is unhealthy. Proactive is healthy. When you are reactive, either you push the anger down and become guilty and shameful in response to feeling anger, which contributes to building a reservoir of repressed anger which when you can't hold it anymore, it explodes with overwhelming intensity. Or, if you don't push the anger down, you become so reactive that you lose control to it and that it overpowers you and you get into this intense spin of rage, both in thinking and feeling. When you are proactive with anger, you don't lose control to it. You feel it fully. You feel it's intensity and instead of using the intensity to attack the world, you turn the anger in on itself, revealing the emotion underneath the anger, eg the shame. Then you process that emotion underneath through awareness. You just stay with it, you welcome it, you detach yourself from the content and you transmute it all the way to love. You literally feel your heart opening to whatever feeling is underneath the anger. You welcome those sensations fully and you feel a sense of power in welcoming those sensations of shame. When you do this, you are going up in courage, and then you are already going to get out of anger, because courage is a higher vibration than anger. It is courage which is needed to reveal the shame underneath, and feeling that you can handle that shame. And then you go from courage all the way to acceptance and love if you learn to sit with the insecurity and generate love to overpower it. And also, if someone is acting disrespectfully towards you, try to breath into your body, feeling any sense of reactivity. Then try to feel that sense of courage to see that however that person is treating you, doesn't say anything about you. Your nervous system will probably already react because that sense of shame is being triggered and then anger is using that to distract yourself from it. But what you can do now is stay with that reactivity and become proactive within it. Look at the person, feel love towards him and forgive him. Feel your sense of power in doing that. And then from that sense of love and power, you can react. You can either walk away or put him in his place. But doing it from proactivity is the way to do it, not reactivity.

'I need to' and 'I have to' are feelings in your body. They are always going to feel like you're pushing through the now, because you don't have a good feeling connection to the thing in front of you that lets you relax into it and become one with it. You don't see it as meaningful and you don't enjoy it. Even though the thing itself doesn't connect to you feeling-wise, you can still use the tension of not wanting to, and use that to master your own mind, your emotions and your ability to be pro-active with uncomfortable feelings. You could treat this meditatively. When you feel resistance because you really don't want to, can you maybe let some of those uncomfortable feelings go and surrender to your studying? Maybe you can even start to enjoy studying and see the benefit in learning to relax in something just because you want to learn how to be good at handling discomfort. That gives some meaning to something that you perceived as meaningless before. At the same time you want to find something long-term that you can work towards so you can become fully aligned to your values. Your whole life shouldn't be about 'surrendering uncomfortable feelings'. Find a way to grow out of needing to do that so your whole day is a flow-state where you have feelings of 'I want to' instead of 'I have to'. But that's a process and everyone is working at that.

Oh man! I used to have that all the time. I would blush and feel a sense of shame when those came up. And then I would want to push them down as soon as I could so I didn't have to feel those sensations. You have to go into those memories and feel those emotions fully, and transmute them to love. The more you bring up that memory (by itself spontaneously, or consciously), and you transmute your feelings within the experience of the memory, then the more you will feel lighter in relation to that memory. You keep doing it and eventually all those memories feel lighter. That's just you processing your emotions bit by bit. For example I would have these images of my first kiss come up a lot. It was super awkward. I was so nervous. And I felt ashamed because I was so nervous and shy. And then for years I remember thinking about that experience and my body would tighten up and I would become embarrassed. I then pushed it down and repressed the memory. Those memories actually are a really good way to process how you feel about yourself. You can go back to any memory, visualize and feel as if it is now and then play around in it, seeing if you can take it not so personal. If you can let it go, feel a sense of laughter and groundedness. And ultimately feeling a sense of love and peace because it is all about being present with this moment. Any emotion attached to future or past, you can transmute by feeling love for yourself, now.