JonasVE12

I have done so much experimentation and exploration already and I don't seem to find something I'm really fully passionate about. In the past, I have orientated myself towards becoming a doctor, psychologist, Visual Effects artist, Online businesses, different jobs, and possibly 10 more ideas that I persued to a degree, but I could not find any long lasting passion in it. It's mostly because I do these things with the vision of achieving a certain freedom & result. Having a purpose and living with passion is important, I feel, but currently I'm not orientated towards that one thing that I can call 'A life purpose'. It seems the most important purpose I have is achieving freedom. Not being held back by money, logistics, ... I would love to expand & experience more of life. Taking it in. Traveling & bonding. It seems I'm more orientated towards this. Most see life purpose as something that equals creation to some degree, but I don't neccessarly feel that way. I have pushed on myself the notion or idea that I need to have some specific and tangible life purpose that I need to be involved in. For me, it's just freedom, simply. Of course in the future, meaning and priorities can shift and new phases can start, where I feel there's something that is worth creating that I can call 'life purpose'. It would be giving back to people and sharing value. Flipping the dynamics from 'taking' to 'giving'. These days, I'm busy learning about cryptocurrency and investing in it. It's working out well and already making more money than I've earned in my entire life. I'm also recently involved in a network that's helping me figuring out ways to make passive income by investing in real estate. So many opportunities here in my country with this. I could easily create a 3k/month cash-flow with 200K. I hope I can rotate these investing profits into real estate and get to this place of financial freedom & start to explore more of the world. Maybe then, in some years, deeper meaning can come. I just stopped chasing idea after idea without being ready for it.

Dry selfies won't cut it. Gotta go out of your way to create amazing pictures that captivate her attention and makes her curious enough to swipe right. The whole point is to differentiate yourself from everyone else. Selfies, even as an attractive guy is not good enough. You want to show her you have something going on in your life.

He still has good video's online on his channel, so that should do it. But if you search around, you'll see people have uploaded his old video's and you can download them. And I hear you, but realise that you only feel that way because your social anxiety acts like a self reinforcing mental imprisonment that blocks your creativity, inspiration, and spontanity. It's perfectionism that comes out of the assumption that you are not interesting or fun enough as you are right now. The truth is that you just have to learn how to crawl before you can walk and run. Baby-steps. Dont go out there with the intention of getting good conversations. These will come naturally as you have build your momentum and have loosened up. You will have to develop a more positive self-image by building the courage to actually face your fears and talk to people. Just start by loosening up your body when you walk in public for a week, then progress by combining this with asking the time for a week, smiling to strangers, small things. Your subconscious will adapt to these experiences and things that seemed impossible will now flow more naturally and these blockages will go away. Your spontanity, emotions, body relaxation, freedom in expression will all come back gradually as you do these things. And I say come 'back'. You may feel you were like this your whole life. But do you think that as a little child you were this contracted? You were free, expressive, playful, spontanious and didn't hold yourself back. Life is hard and this is the result of it but don't think it's permanent. You have lost contrast. If you hold yourself back because you don't have anything to say, I understand, but understand that this is just because of lack of experience and self-limiting beliefs that put a limitation on your ability to just improvise on the spot. You have no idea how much bandwidth it takes for your brain to constantly be in this fearful mode. Just do this tomorrow if you dare: Go outside for 4 hours and ask the time 50 times to 50 different people. First single people, then duo's, then groups of 3. Just be proactive with something that involves talking to other people. Also note the mind making excuses to do it another time, to start next week, next week, next year, or to first achieve a certain thing in order to be able to do it. Just do it soon or you'll regret it. The fact that you write this topic means that it matters to you and it is on your mind. To build deeper meaning and go to a higher frequency, you have to purify yourself and remove all your blockages. And if you really can't take action: you can even start with OMEGLE. You can talk with random strangers on webcams and you can build on it and then move to real life interactions. Practice self-love as well. This is important. If you fuck up, laugh in yourself and realise no one cares. If you feel awkward, only you care, no one else. If you would scream from the top of your lunghs in public, everyone would look for a couple of seconds, but after 5 seconds, everyone will go back to their own thinking and no one will care.

Many here have had it here including myself and there is no other solution than to build the courage to go out there and learn how to relate to people. Just start small. Smile at strangers, relax your body in the proces, ask directions, ask time and soon you'll find yourself couragous enough to give a compliment and this gets the ball roling. Watch some Owen cook video's on youtube for a week and then force yourself to take action and stop reading books till you have taken action. If you are paralised in your comfortzone and can't take action, you have to manipulate your environment in a way that you automatically have to be more expressive. I've done a sales job for example which had me go to strangers houses and try to convince them to buy products. I had severe social anxiety, but after 30 doors, man, I was a changed person. It just takes the initial courage to give yourself such a spike in confidence and boost in self image that it takes you on a upward spiral, giving you momentum and you have to build on it till it becomes your authentic self. You have to make it a priority though and stop distracting yourself with other stuff until you get it fixed. Social anxiety will hold you back in ALL areas of your life.

The problem of you starts with the inability to ground yourself in tension and it makes you disconnected from your body. Your goal should be to become more grounded in your body and so the techniques you will adopt need to include the body preferably. Inspect and observe your relationship to tension in your day to day life. How do you relate to it? How do you react? What situations evoke it? Do you distract yourself from it? Do you become nervous? Are you in your head? Really take the time to observe and become clear on what/when/where and then don't rely on these techniques like meditation, psychedelics or breathwork to fix your tension problem. They are a must and they will help, but you only suggest them because you want to distract yourself from the real solution that you are scared of. That's growing the courage to face the tension that you feel you can't handle. That's your exact problem. If you want to generate a more masculine presence and groundedness, then you gotta bite the bullet and gradually face your fears heads-on. But don't overwhelm yourself as well and start small. Eventually layers of conditioning will start to break down and you become more expressive, have less self-doubt and you become more free in your body. Your voice starts to become more powerful and loose. You'll also become less absorbed by your internal world and your behavior flows more natural from your inspiration that you can now also drawn more from your external environment. All these blockages will gradually go away, but not if you stay in your comfortzone. The key is also to make this a priority in your life and focus on it for a prolonged time without too much distractions. You can't half ass it because you'll stay like this forever. I suggest starting with Leo's video on body awareness and especiailly do the techniques in difficult situations that tend to make you disconnected from your body.

I've been in the same situation as well. I can relate. Over the past years I've started 4 different collega degrees and always dropped out. I had different jobs as well before going to college. I always quit those jobs because they were too exhausting to do. I didn't have passion for these. The thing is... You are aware and by posting this question, you are already on your way to realizing what you want to do. Life is about finding your authentic life purpose and embodying your highest values. At age 24, you are still young. Some people live their whole life not realizing their full potential. Not even 5% because they aren't even aware that they could do better. You are half way there. Leo's life purpose course sounds like a good investment for you. It comes down to contemplation. I think most of us know what we want to do deep down but distract ourselves because of internal blocks. Self limiting beliefs and fear. If you contemplate on this; deep down, are there specific things you desire to do? What would your perfect life look like in your imagination? Also, this passion and life purpose thing does not come overnight. For many people, it's a slow proces that requires years of deconditioning, experimentation, contemplation and frustration. Also don't fear closing a chapter that does not serve you anymore. If you don't like CS stuff, then accept that and don't be too identified to it because you've invested so much time in it. You'll waste much more time by holding on to things that you hate doing. I could recommend taking some weeks off and taking the time to relax, get away from your normal day-to-day thinking routine. Hava a vacation maybe if you can. A nice place with the sun shining bright. Creativity and insights arise in moments your mind is more fluid and not stuck in regular day to day thinking. Maybe you'll come back with a new outlook.

@LastThursday Good tips! As a non native speaker, I find them very useful, easy applicable and flexible

@Flowerfaeiry Sure. The distinction just lies in whether or not there is actual physical attraction present to the gender that he is resisting. If not, then it may be OCD.

@Preety_India Depends on if he came or not, doesn't it? If he didn't, it's quite clear why not to me. Sexuality is completely dynamic however and he can be straight if he likes, but not without first resolving things in himself. I struggled with autogynephilia myself and this is issue is so clear to me. Moving towards natural heterosexuality is a proces. If you can't be honest with yourself then you are stuck.

It's an issue that often arises when one is not attuned to that which he really enjoys doing in the present moment. Seek to get fulfillment in what is in front of you and if you can't, maye re-orient yourself to something where it is the case. If you have a goal in mind, something you would like to achieve in the future, and you find yourself easily distracted in the proces of achieving it, contemplate if it is really worth it to spend your time chasing this goal. We live our live in the present moment and life is too short to engage in the chasing of ideals that we think will make us happy, but are just a projection of our internal sense of lack in the present. Many people hold so high standards for themselves and have all these great aspirations and ambitions but they lack authenticity so of course this will manifest as a wall between you and the ability to progress in the achievement of these aspirations. Not saying this is the case, but you may want to contemplate this. For me this was the case personally. What also often is the case is that certain people with issue just have a hyper creative mind that makes it difficult to stay focused on linear progress which is required when one is working to achieve some goal. Some people have difficulty working linearly because their mind is just very creative. Then it just comes down to finding something that is more in allignment with the workings of your mind. But also remind that you can train your mind to work in a more linear way. Your ability to work linearly and focused correlates heavily with the degree to which you are present as well as the purification level of your mind. Maybe think about doing some presence work like kriya yoga which is very powerful for this. As well as meditation, Fixing diet, becoming conscious of your emotions, thoughts, desires. Some people also benefit from medication such as rilatine and modafinil to get a boost in motivation and focus. Here you need to be wise and not become dependant on it. The supplementation regimen needs be sustainable and allow for off-days. For some people it can be used long-term without negative side-effects but you have to find a balance. Also note that daydreaming can also be an aspect of dissociation. it is very common when one has experienced a lot of stress during childhood. It is a survival mechanism. It can develop for many different reasons that often have a foundation in childhood. For example heavy traumatic experiences such as bullying and social exclusion. Lack of love during parent-child relationship. It is said that much of ADHD has it's origins here. Normal brain development is definitely hindered when placed inside above unhealthy childhood dynamics, affecting the regions of the brain responsible for attention & motivation. Of course daydreaming can be looked at in many different contexts and to be honest, probably everyone does this from time to time. When it really hinders you and holds you back from your potential, you need to inspect it with great attention and look for a solution.

Round 13: Done Chelator: DMSA Dose: 25 MG Date: 26 FEB - 1 MAR 2021 Supporting supplements: I did initially shy away from supplementing with omega 3 as it is often contaminated with mercury. After some reflection, I realised that my fat profile was the only thing that I did not address well enough. I did decrease sources of omega 6 and handled that, but didn't quite address my omega 3 deficiency. I found possibly one of the best brands in terms of purity and quality so I'm integrating that into my supplementation regimen. It is called nordic naturals. A bit expensive. Probably will look for an alternative in the future but for now it will do. It has 1075 Omega 3's per capsule (562 EPA + 438 DHA + 75 Other omega 3's) and the cost is around 90 USD for a bottle of 120 caps. https://www.nordicnaturals.com/. Also combining this with Flaxseeds. notes: Started to get canker sores again in my mouth. For the rest, cognitively, I feel a bit sharper overal in comparison to 3 months ago. Still, focus and motivation are not good. I've been taking ritalin and trying to find a way to establish some routine where I can use medication to focus and still have off days so I don't become dependant. Going to incorporate modafinil into this routine as well and maybe going to try microdosing psychedelics. For the rest I started doing kriya yoga and going to see if this helps my ADHD. I did meditation daily in the past for a year and had a lot more peace of mind then. Became lazy and quit though. Your mind really needs to be taimed and trained in order to have more equinamity. Presence is not some standard or free gift to some lucky souls. I realised awakening can help you realise everything for what it is, but it does not garuantee instant transformation. Transformation is what happens when one integrates these realisations, trains one's mind to be present, and purifies all aspects of yourself where you and reality touch. This is where real liberation happens. Not all human problems dissapear when realising the truth of your existance. The mind needs to be purified as well as the body and it takes time. The more you purify yourself, the more attuned you become to this, the higher frequency you can embody and it all starts by embracing your human existance and not denying it.

Round 12: Done Chelator: DMSA Dose: 25 MG Date: 19 FEB - 22 FEB 2021 Supporting supplements: Same supplements notes: People in Andy cutler community call this phase that I'm entering 'The Dump' where the concentration of heavy metals outside your cells is supposedly lower than the concentration inside the cells. In order to maintain homeostatis, the body will slowly 'dump' or extract the metals from inside the cells to outside the cells, creating all sorts of nasty symptoms. It is a sign of progress.

Round 11: Done Chelator: DMSA Dose: 25 MG Date: 12 FEB - 15 FEB 2021 Supporting supplements: My supplementation has slightly changed. Vitamine C absorbic acid has been giving me heartburn so I'm going to switch to a buffered form of vitamin c: vitamine c sodium ascorbate. I'm also now using only the core 4 of the protocol which are vitamin c, vitamin E, Magnesium and zinc, as well as adrenal Cortex for adrenal support. notes: Writing this 3 weeks post round but writing it in the present time as if it was 3 weeks ago. Feeling significantly worse than I've ever felt. I've quit my study in VFX. Things are a bit vague. Difficult to see clarity in my purpose. Thinking about starting my meditation/yoga habits again and keep up with it and shut up my excuses. I also ran out of ALA so now using DMSA. The symptoms are similar although I'm not experiencing fatigue, frustration and headaches when on/off round.

@Username Please ask this sort of information in the Andy Cutler Chelation facebook group. Many people in that group have lots of experience with this topic and can answer your questions better than anyone here can. Be careful removing those fillings with a regular dentist as they don't know neccessarly know how to do this safely. If dont incorrectly, it can leech mercury inside your system. It can be very dangerous. Many people who have had there amalgams removed by a regular dentist got set back years and had all sorts of side effects. Don't risk it.

@allislove I agree with you, but let's also not forget that in the apparant idenfication to the movie charachter, healthy ego structure matters, because even when you realise that you are the movie & screen & charachter, change is not an automatic consequence. Unhealthy ego's have certain tendencies of mind that is difficult to purify without the right path and it does not involve letting go of identification as a priority, rather development should be following that leads to a healthy ego, and then spirituality and presence can only be cummulative to someone's potential.

I think he just holds heterosexual standards which is okay and perfectly authentic, but struggles to allign his actual physical attractions with his emotional desires.

@m0hsen I do enjoy periods of meditation, yes. But I couldn't do it permanently and enjoy it and not experience boredom. See, If I would do nothing for longer periods, let's say meditate on my bed, my back will start to hurt eventually, I will experience hunger, thirst, sleepiness, boredom, and if I do it long enough, I will even have sexual feelings. From these consequences, hunger, thirst, sleepiness are feelings that are associated with the physical body. Biological tendencies which are no escaping from. It does not matter that you are not identified to your ego, they still arise in the experience of your individual self. Now, boredom, is just the same. It is a feeling that has the potential to arise in anyone, no matter your identification. It is your feeling if it arises in your mind, no matter the realisation it is not really yours. That you are above the feeling. But as you say, you can learn to enjoy the present moment and be completely fine, as you have. But this depends on your personality and training of your mind. You will still have a personality after you awaken and are present all the time. Not everyone wants to authentically be doing nothing for their whole existance and be happy doing it, even if he is fully liberated. If you think about moving to a cave somewhere high up in the mountains, going there living for your whole existance, would you not become bored? Or would it be so authentic to your personality that you can enjoy it 100%? I think boredom is just there because humans have the need to experience different emotions/feelings/experiences that when you lack them, you start to create resistance to the non experience of them. You can transend the identification to your mind, but not the mind itself. But anways, I'm glad that you don't experience boredom at all. I still have it from time to time. Not neccessarly that I suffer from it. What matters for me is that I'm working on my vision that eventually lead to more exciting opportunities for me. It's all about potential and getting the fullest out of life.

Do you personally experience boredom? Do you have the experience of being Eckhart tolle? Imagine that Eckhart tolle doesn't have anything to do during his days. Would he really be comfortable sitting on a balcony all day staring at some plants for weeks, months, years? Would that really be realistic to not experience boredom in this situation? We can't assume that a 'liberated' or 'enlightened' being is present 24/7. This is almost impossible. We are still connected to ourselves on a human level where we have certain tendencies that prevent us from being in a blissful/peaceful state when you are not alligned with yourself as an individual. It requires training of one's mind to still it so it is more in a present state more often and for longer periods, so periods of doing nothing does not bother you so much. Awakening is just de-identifying with the content, but not stopping the arrising of thoughts and transcending the the mechanics of our mind. Maybe Eckhart tolle is never bored? Who knows, but that has probably more to do with him being alligned with himself. talking about liberation is also very context specific and there are so many nuances to be made. Yes, okay, if you say when one is fully present 100% - he is liberated. But can one really be 100% liberated all the time considering how our mind works? These beings just deal differently with boredom than the people who are identified to their egoic consciousness. They suffer less.

Boredom just means you don't have interesting shit to do. If that enlightened being is on his purpose, waking up everyday excited, fully alligned with himself, then who knows, he will never be bored? Boredom is not a consequence of lack of consciousness. You can be fully self realized but not present. It's more the degree to which you are present that correlates with the amount of boredom you feel. As well as how alligned you are with yourself. knowing and embodying absolute Truth is just that. You will always be your human little self and boredom is a part of that experience of what it means to be human. Don't see everything through the non duality lens, it's confusing

I would easily feel angry and explosive in certain situations, but learned to become conscious of my body and relax into the emotions - feelings in your body. Instead of supressing it or explosively and impulsively expressing it, you let it be there, and relax into it. Then it fades. Key for me was following the breath deep inside the body, relaxing all my muscles and realizing it's all Love. When you do this more and more, eventually you transcend anger and it no longer manifests.

A vision is always an idea of a destination that you would like to get to. Maybe you need to zoom in a bit into the vision you create and see what micro steps you need to take to get there? For example, you have a vision that you are going to be a very wise investor who know's everything about investing and how to make money. But when you have no experience, you don't know anything about how to get to that place. You start with researching what investing is about and what subfields are relevant to it. Then you start to practically get involved in them. Maybe getting a udemy course and start working on that, making notes, and trying to understand the concepts until you can connect it to other subfields of investing and slowly gain a big picture overview allowing you to be very insightful and make wise investing decisions. Maybe you can not direct your focus and excitement because you haven't contemplated the steps to get there enough? For me personally, I was always a result-orientated person with lots of juicy visions, but never had the motivation to work on it because I could not enjoy the proces. I did like the place it would get me, but never had passion for what was required to achieve it. Of course, It was frustrating because I would become very excited for this new amazing vision, but had 0 passion for the proces, so I couldn't put myself to work. My mind was very chaotic then of course. If this applies to you, I'd say, prioritize a vision that lets you be excited about what you are doing. And sometimes you just gotta force yourself if the vision is essential to your happiness. Some people's mind just works more linear than others. Creativity can be paralysing. May also be lack of dopamine which is supposed to make you feel motivated to actually do things. I have adhd and felt the same way (maybe I was just chronically bored by the badly chosen visions). This was/is a major problem for me.

Affirmations work, but the example you mentioned is something complex where you can't rely only on affirmations to get to that state of fulfillment and happiness. It only works to the extend that you not achieving happiness has to do with negative beliefs and mind. But we humans are complex. We have different desires that need to be fulfilled in order to feel at ease. When you are living on the street, homeless, deprived of social interaction, connection and intimacy, you don't have goals and passion, you only have yourself, It is difficult to be happy in this situation. Many so called spiritual people will tell you that even in those circumstances, you can be completely happy and it all has to do with the thinking mind that has a tendency to escape from the present moment, creating suffering. That's not completely true. Of course the mind is responsible for a lot of suffering that can simply stop by meditating and getting to the present moment. But we should not forget that it is our nature to want to fulfill certain desires. We are human. Affirmations can be used as a tool, but never as a replacement for other self help modalities. It should be combined with healthy eating, meditation, working on your life purpose, social interaction, bonding, intimacy and exercise. These are the key aspects that make up happiness. They also work better when you use them for specific things. Your goal, for example, is achieving happiness. Identifying the things/beliefs holding you back from it and then using affirmations to help you replace that belief with a more empowering one is a better approach imo. But also, just repeating 'I feel happy' on a bad day will also do wonders for your mood.

Look in front of you, and realise that THIS is the actual nothingness you are talking about. That eternal witness you are reffering to is synonymous with nothingness and beingness. Formless and form collaps into infinity. Truth/falsehood is just your mind labeling. See Truth in everything.

Hey man, you have made multiple topics and are asking others for input, but I think what you need to do is turn inwards and inspect your desires with honesty. What is your body telling you? What is your mind telling you? I think your body and mind are in clash with each other. You mentioned that you resist gay stuff which means that your body actually desires it, but you resist it in your mind. You need to realise that no one needs to accept anything. It's not when your body is telling you something, that it is per definition the most authentic thing to follow and surrender your life to it. You don't have to be gay, if you don't want to. You can change your physical attractions. You wouldn't make all these threads about girls if you didn't authentically desire to connect and have intimacy with them. It is what you emotionally desire and that desire is as authentic as it can be. But here, be honest. When you are masturbating, what image do you hold in your mind? Sometimes, in the developmental phase, experiences prevent us to develop this normal attraction to females. But in the end, you can change this by evolving your personality and integrate certain aspects. But first you gotta shed some light on your own attractions.

@Strangeloop You are right, sexuality is dynamic. Realise that your sexual preference is entirely dependant on your personality and your brain's chemistry. Your initial sexual identity forms when you are young. The way you feel then, will determine what sexuality you grow into. You start to masturbate, watch porn, orgasm and start to develop your neural pathways in association with your initial sexual preference. one reason that you may have gay or trans attractions is because you may not have claimed your own sense of masculinity.unhealthy attachment and experiences may have prevented that. Let's say you start to work on your personality and start to develop a sense of masculinity, you start to change and gay attractions will lessen. It won't make you instantly attracted to women. I don't know how old you are, but let's say you have been expressing your sexuality for 15 years. That's 15 years of conditioning to your brain. You have learned to associate the strongest sexual arrousal with the types of porn/acitivites/thoughts that you are attracted to in these 15 years. Start to become a man. Notice areas in your life where you avoid tension and get into the tension hands on. No more running away from what you fear. Courage is what will get you on top of this. The reason that you can't get your dick hard may be a bit of nervousness, but most likely because you haven't really developed attraction to the feminine (because it does not polarize your internal energy)