tastefullyoverdone

Love your insights! The more you learn to trust your guidance from the universe, the easier it will be to bail on things that don't align with your higher self (university) and go do whatever your heart desires. Follow your passion and excitement, they are the breadcrumbs leading to THE WAY. It takes the death of the ego to break the chains of familial obligations (like going to university because that's what they want/society expects) but the more you chase consciousness, the more you'll see that true happiness is only found in doing what feels great. It doesn't owe a single moment to another person's expectations. Just wanted to say that so you can see how you're actually defying yourself in order to please something outside yourself. Hopefully once you're done university you will stop appeasing others who are dictating the plan for your life.

Sounds like a beautiful plan! You are supported and loved by the Universe! You're a masterpiece, mastering peace!

I have narcolepsy, which is claimed to be incurable, and I've noticed that since I started spiritual development that my symptoms have improved so dramatically that I believe I will overcome it entirely. I was taking 10mg of Ritalin every 2 hours, 8 times a day. Today, I'm MAYBE taking one or two and there's days when I don't take any at all. Before, I absolutely could not get through the first hour of my day without taking medication. I had my awakening by accident. I hit the bottom, thought I would kill myself and instead found myself in counselling to chip away at the mess that was my mental state. Depression is commonly linked to narcolepsy and my counsellor said that it can mirror bipolar at times so I really felt there was a shit outlook on tackling it, not to mention the crippling anxiety and baggage from a traumatic childhood. I thought I would be a mess forever. In the past 15 months, I've done a lot of spiritual purification (I just thought I was taking better care of myself) and that also was by accident. I didn't know I had, had an awakening and no one that I knew could understand what I was going through so I scoured the internet for every "10 ways to change your life" list that I could find and applied everything. The most powerful things that I applied to my life which changed my state of affairs are the following: - positive affirmations. I wrote them on little cards and put them up on my mirror. They are very fine tuned to the life that I want to be living and include things like "I am healthy.", "I am embracing happiness.", "I love taking care of myself." I have about 20 cards that I read to myself, with great feeling, as many times as I see them. I also recorded my own voice saying them and play it on a loop sometimes while I'm sleeping. In the beginning I downloaded some of them from youtube and would keep headphones on throughout the day to interrupt the habit of negative thinking. Since I'd been shit talking myself for so long I needed to hear nice things about myself ALL THE TIME until the voice in my head started cheering me on. And it will. Feel the emotion when you read the cards. Believe that the Universe is on your side. - hypnosis. This was critical to go in there and reprogram the deep emotional damage that was causing all of the mental chaos. I hated myself. I mean, I thought I was awesome sometimes, but mostly, I thought I was a loser who wouldn't accomplish anything and you know what? At that time, I hadn't. There's lots on youtube and many are specific to your own ordeals, sometimes they're called guided meditations. I've done hundreds of them. Sometimes I'd spend the whole day listening to them. - visualization. I started seeing myself as my future self. My true essence of the Creator. She's there healthy, happy and abundant. And when I'm lost, I see her and she says to me "We are one. I am you and you are me. Come to me." She's the only person I listen to. - keeping to myself. I stopped keeping in touch with people who I had always told all my problems to. When I wasn't outpouring my stressed out status quo to anyone who would listen then I stopped cursing my life with it. There are about 10 other things that I have incorporated into my life but they came as byproducts of the progress these other things put into action. I've lost 40 pounds in this time and I quit: smoking, sugar, fatty foods, binge eating, binge drinking, putting myself at risk, reckless partying, party drugs, shopping for shit I don't need, negative thinking, toxic relationships, doing things out of obligation, telling people my problems, wasting time on the internet, procrastination, hoarding...etc. All of this was relatively effortless, I never had to crack the whip. Some things where challenging, and I slipped a few times but in the long run, I've accomplished them all by believing that I can do anything I put my mind to. Counselling can only take you so far. I had to break up with her so I could believe in my own health plan rather than her always trying to drag me back into the box of narcolepsy, depression, bipolar...blah blah blah. I've been off antidepressants for 2 months now and I can't believe I was ever on them. The problem was in my mind. Also epigenetics research claims that the power of the mind can heal the body and that really influenced my willingness to believe I could do it. Good luck! Love you!

What are your thoughts on epigenetics and reproduction between two enlightened people?

Did you tell them about it because you always tell them about everything? Telling your family may have just been a habit that you have when something new happens in your life. Are there any people who you might know that you suspect may already be receptive to the information? Follow your intuition when it comes to talking about with others. Maybe prepare a feeler sentence and see what they say before diving in. Absolutely no one in my family understands what I'm doing. Dropping them was like taking the pins out of the doll in the Robaxacet commercial. The last time I saw my step mother she told me that she thinks I'm losing touch with reality and that I really scare them when I talk about how God is actually within us. I have little, or no, contact with my family. I feel like I can only be the person they think I am and I don't want to be anyone but my truest self at all times. Being around them meant being subjugated to their low consciousness anxieties and hearing the latest hardships of everyone. I refuse to pick up any more fearful antics after I've worked so hard to turn my mind towards progress and positivity! As I pulled out each pin, my mind got clearer and clearer to focus on my own pursuits. I remember hearing a quote a long time ago that said "If you're not losing friends, you're not growing up." I made a list of the qualities I wanted in a real friend. Then I went through all the people I thought were my friends and held them up to my list. Only two people made the cut. I've spent the last year of my life teaching most of the people in my life not to contact me. There is a small group left who are those that I can share my journey with. One is working on self actualization. I don't want to take what I can get anymore and I know it may take some time to curate all the right people for my dream team. Until then, God is love and the more you learn to appreciate your power in solitude the sweeter it gets.

The only way you can move past this is to actually go in there and assess each and every little thing that happened to you that still hurts you. You need to nurture the little you inside there and show him the way into the light. Healing is actually the process of getting out of the hole we're in due to our traumas. Focus only on self love. Don't worry about the little details. In every moment assess whether or not you're acting in the most loving way. Try to change your self talk or inner dialogue. Any thoughts or feelings of self loathing that you have, have been programmed in there by your experiences and relationships with other people. Why would you think those things about yourself? I mean really? When you're not cheering yourself on inside your mind then you're going in the wrong direction. I found positive affirmations really helpful for this. I put them up on the mirror, and listened to them in headphones whenever I could. Otherwise the mind just rattles on with painful memories that reaffirm those negative thoughts. You have to reprogram it.

Imagination creates reality. If you keep thinking that you'll never have a relationship then that's what you're putting out energetically. Start telling yourself that you attract loving relationships and that you're truly worthy of one.

Personally, I think that one's over. You should apologize for being so wishy washy with your feelings and give her the respect to get on with her life. You really sabotaged that relationship by kissing someone else. When a person seeks attention outside of the relationship it means they don't want to be in the relationship. Subconsciously, you may be attracting this into your life and it probably comes from deep rooted feelings of unworthiness. Don't be offended that she freaked out when you told her about the prostitute. For most women, it's hard to understand why a person can't control their sexual urges that they would need to pay a woman to subjugate herself to such a thing. That's a low consciousness thing to do but it's common still in our society so don't blame yourself. See it for what it is and forgive yourself. You don't have to disclose everything you've ever done to every partner you have. When you're in the present moment, you just are. You are not the story that follows you around needing to be loved. Maybe loving relationships are really unfamiliar to you. Have you ever really loved someone before? Maybe not. Sounds like you can't really tell what the feeling of love is. Do you love yourself? Have you ever actually said in the mirror to yourself "I love you." and meant it? I realized the first time I did that, that I had actually NEVER told myself those words. You know the phrase "You can't love someone if you don't love yourself"? This is real. Explore attachment styles. Look back into your childhood and at the relationships you have with your parents. Start telling yourself everyday that you love yourself. You need to change the dialogue in your head. Stay out of relationships until you feel worthy that you can have one, and respect what a gift it is.

I have had so many narcissistic partners in my life. My friend said once that if I put every guy I've dated in one room together and no one would know what they had in common. I always dated a different "type" of person but inside, they were all narcissists. I gave up dating altogether 2 years ago when I realized that *I* was the pattern. Since that time, I've done a lot of introspection about my childhood and realized that my mother is a narcissist and that my relationship with her created the pattern. I also could see how many other narcissists there were in my life (some of my best friends) and just how much energy they were taking from me. I was always having really juicy ideas or opportunities and many people in my life took the wind out of my sails by making my dreams seem unrealistic. Narcissists smother you with their fears and try to keep you in a box below the bed. They're always stirring the passions within and it's unhealthy if you really want to focus on personal development. I'd encourage you to give up dating. Take it off the table altogether the same way you'd give up smoking if you were trying to quit cold turkey. Then look inside yourself, in the silence, and ask yourself the questions you need answers to. I had a lot of success with this by using self hypnosis audios I found on youtube. They can take you back to the moments in your life when issues like this were created as you may have blocked out the trauma. Look into terms like: attachement styles, trauma bonding, narcissistic abuse syndrome, death drive. When you're really whole, you won't need to look for your life partner. They will enter you life at the right time.