Travelling tortoise

This has been good. Thank you all for the comments, it's nice to have some third party eyes on the situation. Even though I could never describe 100% how I feel and what the predicament exactly is, it is very nice and reassuring to read your replies. I've also talked to a good friend and unloaded my situation upon him which really helped put it all out 'in front of me' and I feel like there is some emotional resolve now. My current view on the situation is to keep living together and focus on clear, courageous and confident communication. Resentment builds when anger is left unaddressed. I'm going to try and say exactly what is going on on my end of the universe in a non-violent way, thanks @h inandout & @Farnaby. I also feel like I currently regress into petty behavior from time to time, at which point my festering resentment will come to the surface and really explode. I know I'm doing better when this becomes less both in frequency and intensity. I don't know what the best way to 'systematically' do this would be, but I think I'm going to start by reading different books. The way of men & A more complete beast by Jack Donovan are quite 'radical' books in the sense that they push me to conquer and have it my way. Instead, I'm gonna try and find some books that talk about things less testosterone related. Courage to be Disliked by Fumitake Koga for one, is a book that really helped me 'disconnect' from my roommate and focus more on what I could do for the situation and for him as a friend. Any and all book suggestions are VERY welcome at this point. I might make a thread in the future asking how one could do this or just asking for advice. For now, I'm going to give it another go. Thanks again for the comments, every single one actually helped me a lot and gave me some perspective on things.

It's time to rant. I live with a good friend who is very different in the way of viewing the world. Over the last few years he has become very rigid and, in my opinion, close minded to many ideas. New concepts or ways of doing things are quickly discarded if they are not obviously better than the current situation. For the last couple of years I have been trying to actualize and it's hard. Changing myself is becoming one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do. I want all the help I can to make my life as 'sharp' as I can make it. That also means getting support from my environment, my home for one. My ideal would be to continually improve, change and experiment with my place of living in order to learn what the best environment would be for the person I want to become. this pushes me to improve my home, to keep it clean, making sure it's good for me. However, and this is where problems start to arise. my roommate does not have his drive in the same direction. I would almost say he aims in the opposite direction. His actions are regularly oriented at avoidance of responsibilities and cheap pleasure seeking distraction. Where I would read a book in quiet or actively do something around the house he would be watching Netflix with food wrappers on the floor next to him. We have confirmed, through many conversations, that there is a solid difference in interests and apparent values between us. I have been reading books like Jocko Willink's Extreme ownership, and Jack Donovan's The way of men & A more complete beast. These books push me to take on responsibility and express the values that I deem important. This is often difficult as you might know yourself, but I'm convinced this makes me stronger. However, this also forces me to relentlessly take ownership of the house, my house. ( in the spirit of the Jungian King archetype ) So if I would see the kitchen in a mess, I would think: 'would i want my kitchen to look like that?' and the answer would usually be 'no', or whatever the answer is makes me do the thing that needs to be done. And this gives a huge boost in confidence and trust in myself. It feels really good to take care of your kingdom and set it in order. The problem is that I have someone else living in the kingdom. My roommate. And he does not put this same effort in the house. My clean kitchen? Dirty at the end of the day, until I clean it again. Now this is doable , but after some time though, it starts to itch. I started to build resentment towards my roommate: 'He could live in my clean castle without making the sacrifice of caring for it?' The thought 'It's not fair', or 'he doesn't deserve it' keeps coming back to me... I hope you can see the problem I have here; wanting to take ownership of whatever presents itself to me, but having to carry someone who doesn't appreciate or even recognize the efforts, but still enjoys the benefits for free. From the one hand I feel like i'm being petty and this is something I have to work trough an be a king for anyone in the kingdom, even if it means having this draining archetypal leech attached. This would be a good challenge for growth, but sometimes it just feels like a too heavy load. Not only facing myself in actually DOING the work but also doing it selflessly.... On the other hand I've thought about moving out into a studio just for me, but the logistics of this idea are difficult to pull off because of my education schedule and my financial situation as a student. Moreover, It feels like running away from the situation, it feels like I could learn so much from this period and grow as a person if I can handle it smartly.