Gili Trawangan

Agreed. I used to make assumptions about all women based on the women I had dated. I thought, because there were many of them, that I had a sufficient sample size to be able to draw conclusions. I was obviously wrong, precisely because of what you say here.

This is the last thing I'll tell you, ignore it at your own peril. If she has a lot of issues and you were so terribly attracted to her, that means YOU have a lot of issues. We are attracted to people at our own emotional level of development. I've been where you are now, not so long ago. You have inner work to do, man.

You're starting to get it. It really sounds like what you want is to establish a genuine connection with someone. What you need is an abundance of self-esteem, not abundance with women. You need to look within, take some time with it. You can start by reading this: http://therawness.com/reader_letters.pdf It will take time to heal, but the solution is not out there in the world of pickup artistry, it's in facing your own demons.

Absolutely. That's putting it mildly. I used to think like that too, just date more girls, have "abundance", that's what the pick-up jargon says. And it's true that it works to get you more sexual options. There's no arguing with that, pick-up will get a man laid if done correctly. But as you do that more and more it leads you further and further away from the possibility of developing a healthy relationship. I know because that happened to me. If what the OP wants is to get laid with many girls, by all means he can go ahead and take that advice, keep going to RSD and game girls. But if what the OP wants is a healthy relationship, he should start looking within into why he is always second guessing himself. What are the underlying issues that make him need "pick-up" skills? See, men who don't have psychological issues such as trauma or low self-esteem don't need to learn pick-up. The entire concept makes no sense to a well-rounded guy. "Why would I have to learn to attract women? I'm just the way I am and I naturally attract some women." Insecure guys go for pick-up because they don't have the inner confidence to attract women in the first place. It's this inner insecurity that needs to be addressed. OP needs to work on his self-esteem. Once that is sorted, he will stop agonizing about what he said wrong or what he didn't say to a particular girl.

I can't tell if you're joking, but that happens too! Just a lot less often One learns how to spot the "fakers".

This is sound advice!

@TheThingy It's the minimum duration. It means you skip whatever is optional and do the bare minimum for the "mandatory" techniques. It lasts you a lot longer because you're going for the maximum duration

@Flatworld Crusades Like @Shin said, be honest with guy 2, suggest a drink instead. Ditch the rest. Having said that, what guy 1 did girls do all the time. It's common practice

@Stevo nice! It was helpful to embrace the idea for a few minutes. I think it's true, there's so much to life! Not being in a relationship is fine.

@LastThursday nice list! I'm 37 and single, and I also wonder whether or not I should eventually find a partner. Your list made me feel like I'm ok... for now

@leintdav000 I'm 37 and I still have the lone wolf syndrome And I definitely wasn't as aware as you seem to be. Only recently have I discovered that it is a combination of childhood trauma and natural introversion. I have three older brothers that wouldn't include me in their group when I was young. The family was dysfunctional and I naturally isolated. It became a pattern. However, just like you, I also have good social skills when I wish to use them. I developed them when I was in university, and I became a popular guy. I wanted to change and saw that I could do it. You can too. I was your age when I made that shift. You are very young, you can work on it. If you're like me, it just takes effort. You're not doomed, that's just a limiting belief. Let go of your ego and of pre-conceived notions. Get interested in other people, everybody responds well to that. And don't let specific situations strengthen those limiting beliefs. You can be whoever you want to be! If you're like me, you will always need alone time to recharge. There's nothing wrong with that.

@still_no_satori It sounds like you've prepared well. I didn't, that's why it was so painful. If you're already sitting for an hour, there's no reason to worry. It will still be challenging, but nothing too bad.

For me the sitting was painful. The strong determination sits caused a lot of fear at some point because of the pain, and I was pushing hard and working on equanimity. If you've been meditating for a while it shouldn't be much of a problem. In either case, take the opportunity to strengthen your pain resistance, it's worth it. Once you're able to let go and just observe, the fear (and pain) goes away. I also wouldn't have any expectations about a major breakthrough, what I experienced the most was a huge boost in concentration. Good luck!

Well, you say that consciousness and not this ego will experience all lives. Right. But doesn't that mean that all egos will be experienced? And identified with? It is a freaky notion... of course only one ego is experienced at once, but I have to admit that this is a scary idea. Like in this life I got lucky but the next one might be horrible... I do agree that it's all conceptual, though. Mind games, in a way.

@RichardY Ok I understand what you mean. I neglected to mention in my OP that I have a job, neither connected to music nor spirituality, that gets me resources. Half of my time is devoted to that job, what I was questioning was what to do with the other half besides my passion for it, spirituality has the benefit of being virtually free, whereas music would require monetary investment. Thanks for your reply.

Although I realize that ultimately the answers must come from within, I would really appreciate some advice. I'm currently in a good place, emotionally more stable than ever, seeking self-realization but enjoying life along the way. I feel very fortunate and have nothing to complain about. But, having said that, the mind does tend to wander... here's what it thinks about these days: I'm struggling to find a balance between 1. complete acceptance and living in the present moment; and 2. self-actualization. Somehow the idea comes that I should make the most out of this life and use the talents that I've been given. In Leo's post "What is Self-Actualization?", it's there: "self-actualizing people are actively nurturing their talents". I've always had a talent for music. It showed from a very young age, but I wasn't pushed into it by anyone and I was unware of it until I turned 16 or so. I even resented my mother for having seen that talent early on and doing nothing to encourage it. Then I started to develop it by myself and, to make a long story short, I pursued a musical career that was not commercially successful. I made one album that didn't sell and by then I had spent all of my money and energy. At the time I was 100% identified with my ego so I took that failure very personally. I gave it all up and moved on to other things. I have no regrets about what happened, it needed to happen just the way it did. But when I think about self-actualization, there is no question in my mind that this is my biggest gift. When I tap into it, I hear whole symphonies in my mind, or songs, or melodies, the potential there is incredible. I hadn't heard the concept of infinite intelligence then, but that's what it feels like, like the music just appears in my awareness effortlessly and there's nothing to do but transfer it to the "real world" (ok, it's actually difficult to do that, but you get the point). It also remains dormant when I'm uninterested in it. And this brings me to the crux of the problem. I haven't been interested in it for five years now. I was very passionate about music before, but then I became passionate about travelling - did that - and now I'm passionate about spirituality and self-realization, so I'm focusing on that. When I think about making music again, it doesn't stir up any excitement. I'm not interested in success, and making music the way I hear it is especially time-consuming and difficult (I tend to hear a lot of different instruments, orchestral "big" music). Am I squandering away this talent? Should I try to activate my interest in it? It feels like nothing material really interests me these days, and that's a little scary. I'm 37, it feels like I shouldn't be so disconnected from the world of form. On the one hand, like Ramana Maharshi said, "self-realization is the biggest gift you can give to the world"; on the other hand, God gave me this musical gift. Any thoughts or advice will be much appreciated!

@RichardY Ok, I understand now, I looked it up. I think for some spirituality might be a talent, some people have a natural ability for it. I don't seem to have it. Whereas with music, I do have that natural ability. I'm still not sure what you're trying to point to, to be honest...

@tedens I hope you don't mind but I'd rather remain anonymous... don't worry, you would probably be disappointed! Mostly it was musicians who seemed to like my songs, they weren't very relatable. Plus they're not in English... @RichardY Would you care to explain what you mean? I didn't understand a single idea...

@Leo Gura Simple and clear! thanks

@7thLetter I see where you're coming from. I could say the same thing, except that together with all that joy in the past there was also a lot of suffering. Yes, a lot of joy and excitement when things are "going well" and a lot of suffering when for some reason things don't go your way. Nowadays things are more balanced, less spikes in excitement but also less negative spikes. One way to look at it is that you are attached to certain experiences and all experience is impermanent. So we have to learn to appreciate every moment regardless of what is happening, whether there is joy, excitement, peace, or whatever emotion. Accept where you are now, and see that it most likely will change as well, everything is impermanent. Having said that, remember that you can create the life you want. If spending too much time alone doesn't give you joy, then perhaps you can try to meet people. Is that what you really want? This isn't coming from someone who has it figured out, I relate with what you wrote in many ways... I used to have a very social and exciting life. Nowadays I spend much time in solitude, and there is much joy and happiness but not much excitement. It's a phase, it's impermanent like everything else, and at the moment it seems to be what I want, because I'm not taking any steps to change it. So I keep doing spiritual practices and going to work, there is no pull whatsoever to doing more social activities. Figure out what you want I know, easier said than done...

@ColdFacts Evolution does what's best for humans' survival. Consider the possibility that survival has nothing to do with truth.

@noselfnofun thanks man, the best of luck on your journey as well!

Hi all, It's my first post on the forum, but I've been lurking for a while. I hope to start contributing from now on, even though this goes against this body-mind's conditioning, my ego has always felt uncomfortable being part of online communities... or any community for that matter but I'm trying to go against that for a change. Just a bit of background: I came across Leo's videos while searching for personal development stuff about a year ago. At that time I was an atheist with much conviction and would have never been open to any other world view aside from the materialistic one. The night I saw Leo's video explaining enlightenment I went to sleep and had a dream (or not, I actually don't remember any images) and thought that I was going to die. I woke up startled with the heart racing and found myself saying "it's true". By the way, if you happen to read this, Leo, thanks the only reason I was able to even hear the information with an open mind was because I identified with you. A few months and a few meditation retreats later I had a mystical experience on mushrooms. My body dissolved and I became one with the universe. It was the most beautiful experience of my entire life, whatever comes second is far behind All my notions of reality were shattered. Still, only a few months later the ego was and is still trying to doubt that experience sometimes. Since then I've been focusing on meditation and self-inquiry, and started doing kriya yoga a few weeks ago. So here I am, still a bit of a newbie and trying to make sense of things experientially. So please forgive me if the following questions seem silly to people who are farther along the path: In my direct experience, I have come to the conclusion that I am awareness and sometimes I'm able to fathom that there is no self. There is awareness of thoughts, body, mind, feelings, perceptions. These happen by themselves. But how is it that awareness is able to "inform" those thoughts and feelings? I mean, I am not the thoughts, but awareness of them ends up creating thoughts based on that awareness. The knowing of a thought or feeling influences the next thought and the next feeling. What I mean is, awareness doesn't seem to be simply an observer, formless and witnessing everything that happens. That same awareness "informs" the body and the mind. What comes into awareness changes the outcome of the thought processes. And to make things even more confusing, there are also things informing the body-mind that are not in awareness, such as the subconscious. I don't understand these connections. Awareness doesn't seem to be all-encompassing because there is the subconscious. So how does one make sense of this? I hear so many gurus say that awareness is untouched and that awareness is merely the witness... I don't get it. Many thanks in advance for your responses. Wishing you all the best.

I don't know, but I sometimes experience a strong sense of deja vu... I had it today, it felt for a few seconds that I had experienced that moment before. I'd be interested in knowing people's opinions on this as well.

@Joker_Theory In everyday experience there is definitely the illusion of a witness. When there is a sound there is a sense of self that distinguishes the sound from itself (or myself, that's how it seems to be). Every now and then I see that sense of self for what it is, a thought or a collection of thoughts. So, even though what you are saying makes sense, it is not in my direct experience most of the time. Plus, even when I get very close to realization (I clearly see that the self is an illusion, a thought), this realization is forgotten and the ego comes back like nothing had happened. A few days ago, I clearly saw that my idea of self was just a story and I even wept, grieving that loss. But now, a few days later, I'm writing this as if nothing happened and the sense of self is present, alive and kicking, distinguishing "me" from everything else. It's very tricky...