Gili Trawangan

I'm not sure that I have any sound advice for you, but the first thing I want to say is that I resonate with your aversion to relationships. I also don't feel like dating or having kids at the moment. The thing is, it's possible that this will change in the future, there's just no way of knowing. Everything is impermanent, all emotional states change and only the thought that they will stay the same keeps us in that very same catastrophic way of thinking. Now, let's go further. What if you NEVER want to have a relationship and have kids? Well then, that's actually fine. The only reason you take it as a negative is because of societal conditioning, you probably think that there's something wrong with you for not wanting a relationship. I suspect that being a woman makes it all the more difficult, because society tends to expect women to want and cherish these things. But there's nothing wrong with you, these are only thoughts in your mind. Depression is hard to get out of, but I'd say that you have two choices. Either 1. you start focusing on something that your are passionate about, whatever that is OR - if there is nothing that excites you because of your depression - 2. you force yourself to do things that you know will improve your mental state. I've been there before, I've been able to pull myself out of depression by forcing myself to do what I know works. These things are: exercise, meditation, eating healthy food, avoiding sources of negativity, like the news etc. Finally, if you're on this forum then you are certainly familiar with spirituality by now. Listen to Eckhart Tolle videos on YouTube, start seeing thoughts for what they are, stories, i.e. NOT YOU. The thoughts are not you. Come back to the present moment, see thoughts for what they are literally. They are words that appear in your awareness that SEEM to have a content to them. This is illusion. Stop following the content, just witness them, bring your attention to your body, come to the present moment where there are no problems. Do this long enough and there will be a shift in consciousness.

I think that's a good choice, it will be easier when you move there. In the meantime, a meditation practice should help you deal with the loneliness and the boredom. Just my two cents...

Ok, that's quite limiting... I suppose moving to a busier location is out of the question? It sounds like you're in a funk, and therefore if I were you I would move to another place and push my comfort zone. Unless you have something really keeping you there, I obviously don't know your life circumstances.

Why are you limited to dating apps? Are there any streets with pedestrians where you live?

The forum has become a distraction for me as well, but I welcome distractions as long as I'm also doing the work. There's a balance to be found and this balance is very 'personal' , so to say. I can't spend all day in meditation or self-inquiry yet, the mind needs time off from that as well. It's a process. Otherwise there is the risk of going in too deep too fast and getting ego backlash (which has happened to me before as well and it's not pretty).

@Leo Gura Maybe you've mentioned them before, but which ones would you recommend the most? I do have your book list, but don't remember seeing any scriptures there...

So @kag101 Why do you say that you should step back? I'm just curious, most people say push on through and surrender...

My heart is still beating fast, this has been experienced and experientially understood for the first time. The experiencer is a thought. It exists only as a thought. The meditator is a thought and it can vanish like any other thought. There was a shit load of fear when this was understood, a lot of energy in the body, but I couldn't surrender to it completely. Writing this right now is actually a way of calming down and a cop out. I guess I'm not ready.

It sounds like he needs to let her go. From your description, I see nothing good coming out of that relationship. It will hurt a lot until it doesn't anymore. And hopefully your brother will find an opportunity for growth in the midst of the pain. My two cents.

I'm going to try LSD for the first time soon. I haven't tried psychedelics in six months, but have been meditating and self-inquiring a lot. Can you expand on what you mean by orientation of inquiry and contemplation? Any tips?@peanutspathtotruth sorry this might be off-topic...

Ideally you should give her a heart-felt compliment, what did you like about her? What made you approach? Tell her that, the truth. Daygame or night game? Up to you, whatever resonates with you the most. I don't like bars and clubs, so for me daygame is the only way to go. But people are different, just do what feels best.

Yes, I mean cold approach Do 100 approaches with no model, just give them a compliment and try to have a chat. The only goal should be to reduce anxiety and get a feel for it. After 100 approaches, if you feel like you still don't know what you're doing, look up the London Daygame Model, it's the best for cold approach in the daytime, any time anywhere. But I want to stress that you shouldn't do any research before you actually start approaching girls, this is crucial. Go for it!

No, I mean you should approach often. I thought you wanted to get rid of the fear. That's how you do it. If you want to date girls, date them; and if you don't, don't.

You have to face that fear head on. It's only fear, realize that no tragedy will occur when you approach a girl. Just do it. And then do it again. And again and again and again. It gets easier

@Rilles I think so. First of all, I meditated longer than usual this week: about three hours on Wednesday (followed by ego backlash) and maybe an hour and a half yesterday. Most of it was self-inquiry, by this I mean relaxing attention and letting awareness reveal itself. But today I experimented with the "do nothing" technique, I just sat down and let go. No expectations, no trying to manipulate attention, just total relaxation. The other side of it was alertness, it's a bit of a paradox but both were present: alertness and intention, together with complete relaxation and letting go of the outcome, and no manipulation of attention. Then it happened, and it didn't take long. @Leo Gura Yeah but that's quite alright, cause I don't seem to be ready for the whole ox yet though I'm going to try LSD for the first time next week, so who knows what's gonna happen...

@Pouya Yeah but today it got real I'd read and heard about it a thousand times, but it only really hit today, and for a brief moment. I finally understood "seeing without a seer", it had never hit home before!

It doesn't sound like you want to play manipulation games, so just let it be. Remain her friend and let things unfold as they will. If you end up growing apart, then it was meant to be. But if she's really your friend that won't happen. Detachment over the outcome would be my advice to you.

@Shadowraix Thanks, I feel better about it, will go for it

I don't know much about LSD, but I have the opportunity to get 200ug of Goblin Den. Is this a good type of LSD for spiritual purposes? Any tips from experienced users will be much appreciated

@Shaun Seduction has very little (if anything) to do with your looks (you made me laugh with the fence post remark though!). That would be the first lesson that you would learn, women are attracted to different things than men. For us looks in a woman are fundamental, but women have different attraction switches. You can learn how to flip those switches, regardless of your looks. As far as enlightenment goes, I'm not cut out to give advice because I'm also a seeker. But I've heard that if we have unresolved wants and desires it is hard to have a quiet mind and transcend the ego. Then again, I could be wrong so don't take my word for it. When it comes to women though I know what I'm talking about.

@Shaun You're a young guy who has never had sex, if I were you I would not be trying to transcend sex altogether, I would be trying to have some sex. You can definitely do it, it just takes some effort. But the process of learning how to seduce women is also A LOT OF FUN. You should go for what you want, not give up because of limiting beliefs. Just my two cents, you are obviously free to ignore my advice.

If it's really bad, consider a twelve step programme. Step 1 is to admit that you are powerless over the addiction. Which is true, you just have to recognize it and accept it. The whole programme is very spiritual, so it is in line with the path you are on already. They also highlight that connection is the antidote to addiction, which is something you've already realized.

@Shadowraix Thanks. I have no idea how to test it actually. To be honest, I'm hesitant to buy it because I don't know the guy who is selling it. But it's also my only option because I'm in a foreign country where I know very few people so I think I'll take my chances. How dangerous is it if it's not that pure?

I learned everything I needed to learn about game without spending any money. But the best product depends on what you are looking for. RSD is good for night game only. For daygame they're pretty bad for example.

How did you arrive at this realization?