Gili Trawangan

Here is the problem. If I were you I would replace the word love with acceptance. The word love seems to have you confused. Just accept whatever it is that you're feeling, or not feeling. Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. Not just of yourself, but of everything that is happening around you. Your feelings may change after a while if you do this. But here's the kicker, don't use acceptance as some bridge to get to love or whatever concept you're holding. You have to REALLY accept what's going on, with no ulterior motive. There's no goal but to accept what is already.

I've been getting this effect as well while meditating with eyes open, very trippy.

I'm caught up in this addiction too. Currently can't seem to find a way out of it. I have no doubt that it's detrimental, there's all kinds of negative consequences.

In the midst of tremendous ego backlash, I want to have a positive outlook. It seems like the ego is just trying to say "I DO fucking exist!" and there's so much mental havoc that it might be good to look from a different perspective and maybe give it a treat. Five years ago I was in a relationship that made me miserable. We were living together and she'd had a miscarriage from an unwanted pregnancy (unwanted by me). The relationship was about to fall apart, and I was deeply depressed. Everything seemed bleak. I was a materialistic atheist with a very strong ego, and it seemed like I would never be able to have a life that would satisfy me. After the break-up, and rock bottom, there was a gut decision that came out of nowhere. I would quit everything and go travelling around the world for a year. Back then, many dreams were still unfulfilled. I wanted to see the world. I wanted to quit the rat race and stop working a 9-5 job. I wanted to be attractive and have women desire me, and fulfill my sexual fantasies. I wanted to be important, to contribute to the world, to be acknowledged. Or so I thought at the time. What was clearly there was a sense of lack. Something was missing and I didn't know exactly what it was. During the next four years so much was accomplished, at least from that initial perspective. I was able to find a new career where I no longer work 9-5, and it's actually become very enjoyable, as well as flexible. I have seen much of the world, and had so many adventures during those eighteen months of travel (stretched the one year to eighteen months in the end). I have had countless affairs which fulfilled every possible fantasy I could have imagined (and learned in the process that women can't make you happy). And in the last year there were the awakenings, and the discovery of the true nature of Reality. And the confirmation that no object, or relationship, or accomplishment, can make you happy, happiness is always Here and Now. But the ego is alive. The stories come back and are still believed, yesterday that was made pretty clear. There are deep issues that surface every now and then and they have to be dealt with. But that's okay, it's for another time. I just wanted to give the ego a pat on the back, look at how much things are better now compared to five years ago. I look at life in a completely different way now. There's gratitude and wonder, there is acceptance and joy, at least most of the time. And then there are moments of self-sabotage, and feeling like I'm going insane, and anger, and shame, and every possible emotion, a roller coaster. What doesn't seem to be here yet is balance. Right now, it's a bumpy ride.

That was a great read. The PMO thing is also a struggle over here, I never thought that could be a theme that would appear on psychedelics, thanks for sharing!

I'm an introvert myself and I can tell you that you don't have to rely on absolutely anything to find relationships i. e. bars or online. Just start approaching women. In a coffee shop, on the street, at a bus stop, wherever. You don't need bars, you don't need to be loud, you don't need alcohol, you don't need the endless boring online chatting.

It's a great video, I can't believe I actually watched all of it

So glad I just watched this, thanks for sharing.

Amazing movie.

Yes, that's a good start. One thing you can do is go to shopping malls at a quieter time and go inside the shops that are mostly empty. Start talking to the staff, there are a lot of bored people working there who are up for some chit chat (some are pretty girls). Someone will come over to help you, just start talking to him/her. Ask them how their day is going, get interested. Over time, you can even start to flirt a little. Anyway, it's a win-win, no pressure kind of scenario. You're making their day more interesting and practicing your social skills at the same time.

@Mada_ The last example I remember was watching the movie Interstellar. I had an utterly profound transcendence experience, beyond words. There's no way I can communicate it properly. This is just the last one I remember, it happens a lot with music too. Also with great literature.

Agreed. It's one of the downsides of making videos right after coming out of these experiences, there wasn't time to integrate the trip properly. Don't take it too seriously, or too literally. I sure don't.

Art can help you transcend the ego and all concepts better than language-based teachings. When a powerful work of art hits you, there is a shift in consciousness.

"It's real." "No, it's imaginary." "No, it's an illusion.“ IT IS. I AM.

You don't get it yet. Watch Rupert's video again You ARE happiness.

Of course it works.

And here's a woman's way of doing it, avoiding confrontation at all costs and not giving a guy who after all is your father the satisfaction of hearing another word from you. No explanation, nothing. I think that's pretty cruel, pun not intended. This is much better advice, he at least deserves to know why you're cutting him out of your life. If he doesn't get it, then that's really ok. You will have done it right. Good luck.

Perhaps by being honest with him? It sounds quite reasonable to me that you would want to cut him out of your life. Just tell him, why not? He'll probably understand too. Just my two cents.

How did you get over jealousy in order to have an open relationship? Was it not even an issue for you?

Do you still go into thought stories about the past or the future, meaning "your life"? Is there a sense of self experienced in the body? Do you feel separate, with the knowing that you aren't? Or is your moment to moment experience one of no-self?

@Surfingthewave @aklacor727 @outlandish Thanks for the advice and the recommendations, will definitely check out those books.

There are certain beliefs that are ingrained in me. They keep coming back, because events take place that seem to confirm them and thus end up reinforcing them. The one that bothers me the most these days is: "I'm not good with people." I spend a lot of time on my own. I don't get the chance to practice socializing much, and quite frankly I also don't make the effort to meet new people. But when there is a situation where I do meet people (like at a training session today for work), I find myself uninterested in speaking up, or maybe afraid, or maybe I feel (socially) inferior. It ends up bothering me. Do you have any practical advice on how to change core beliefs? Let's just assume that I don't have the opportunity to just practice being around people much.. what else could I do?

@Visionary Awesome, I've just read the first few chapters and I see what you mean.

A meditation retreat would give you a fast boost in concentration. But like any muscle, you then need to keep practicing and using it in order to keep the gains.

@Commodent Thanks, this is very useful. I can see how I've been falling into that trap of focusing on some issues. It's not just the socializing one, it's other old stuff that has been coming up lately. There's plenty of good advice here, I appreciate everyone's contributions.