Gili Trawangan

That's a classic, wonderful.

Beautiful.

Getting a lot of tension in the body, not just today, but yesterday as well, don't know what this is. Is it existential fear? I've been crying easily, and searching for grounding. There's this sense that ANYTHING could happen, I could disappear in a second. I can't seem to find the thoughts that might be provoking this. Is it the lack of identity?

@Consilience Great share! I've never watched Dragon Ball though, so don't understand the comparison The importance of patience cannot be overstated. And yet I forget about it all the time, so thanks for the reminder.

@Byun Sean Very nice post

Watch the documentary "Super Size Me", I think it's on YouTube. You might never want to go to McDonald's again.

This is just an ego story. The way to be more social is not to add anything to yourself, it is just to remove the bs beliefs like the ones I quoted. And I understand, they arise for me as well, I also spend more of my time in solitude. But when I'm able to let go of mind chatter and bs beliefs, and simply be in the moment, then conversation with others simply happens, and it's smooth and effortless. And fun, words come out of my mouth without anyone saying them, and it's all one happening without judgment.

Feeling very happy today, but also uninspired. I try going to the keyboard and make something happen, but my heart is not in it. Procrastination is what usually keeps me from getting more things done. However, I'm not beating myself up about it, still feeling really good just hanging around and being, nothing else. Will probably watch the movie that won the Oscar last night and be okay with not being productive today. The (unexpected) holiday continues, why not just enjoy it guilt-free? Incidentally, yesterday I hooked up with another girl, this time from a dating app. She was very attractive, much more than I had expected from her pictures. She gave me a lot of shit tests before we had sex, one crazy question after another, and I was completely honest with her. I told her I'm not looking for a relationship, I told her that I often hook up with other women, all the while unsure of how she would react to it, she could have walked away. But that's not how it works, women respond to honesty. I could see her getting more and more attracted to and comfortable with me, until she just let go and made her decision. We had a great time and when she left this morning she thanked me "for everything". I wouldn't mind seeing her again. We'll see. Movie time.

This is the "sexual marketplace", explained in a nutshell. Of course, when men are bitching and moaning about it they are thinking about hot girls, conveniently forgetting and ignoring all the others. And women do the same with men, like what the other video by this same guy was talking about, women ignore the vast majority of men who they simply don't find attractive. You could say that men's attractiveness threshold is lower, but who cares? It just is what it is, you can't rationalize attraction. So bitching and moaning is just a waste of time, as usual.

Very nice, thanks for the share. I can definitely relate to what you wrote.

I think it depends on the person, this is the caveat. But for me (tested very recently), more energy, more testosterone, more confidence and better social skills. An overall higher vibration. Deeper voice (that girls definitely respond to). These are just off the top of my head. Plus, for me, porn is poison that leads to the opposite of everything I wrote above.

This actually gets to the heart of why taking dating advice from women when you're a guy can be a bad idea. The video makes a good point, despite the questions asked of the women being improvable, as was pointed out.

A broken clock is also right twice a day. Same reason.

Loving all these quotes

Back in Saigon, the holiday continues, since the Vietnamese Ministry of Education has closed down schools this week and the next because of the coronavirus. Had I known, I would have stayed in Phu Quoc longer. I find myself making plans for this year 2020. The main one is starting my music project. I now have the gear to record in my bedroom, and have begun writing and arranging new songs. One of them is close to being done, and it sounds good to me. The possibilities of the Digital Audio Workstation I bought are endless, there is every possible instrumental sound, as well as other sounds for producing. I don't need a single musician in order to make a full record. Or at least that's how I currently see it, am still learning the ropes. The idea is to release an EP within the next six months. It's going to take a lot of work, but it's also very exciting. If there is such a thing as a life purpose for this "individual me", besides awakening, it must be music. It's the one talent that shines through and flows effortlessly from within.

I just want to mention that traveling to Bali and Thailand doesn't require much money. You don't have to be filthy rich, you don't even have to be rich. If that's something you're interested in, do some research and you will find that it's much easier than it seems at first glance.

This is your problem right here. Porn only reinforces the addiction. It's not a moral judgment of bad behavior, it's just that it causes craving and therefore suffering. If your particular case is not like that, you're happy with it and it causes no issues for you both, then by all means continue and enjoy

@Bill W The way I see it, everything is God's will.

This isn't true at all. Seriously, the way we are misunderstanding each other here (I mean both genders) is a bit sad.

I've just read a quote by Nisargadatta Maharaj that seems fitting to the discussion: "Don't try to understand! It's enough if you do not misunderstand."

A few random thoughts on the last day of this holiday, as I lay by the swimming pool in the sun: - my awakening is the beginning of an amazing life. the difference before and after is undeniable, every storm that comes these days is short lived and a return to joy, acceptance and gratitude ensues. There is still fear, as I write this there is a subtle thought of "Don't jinx it", but this too is seen as nothing but fear arising; - masturbation and porn are poison, they take away energy, masculinity and natural charisma. today, before leaving, the Czech girl couldn't help but say how charming she thinks I am. She said she'd heard me interact with the American girl when we first met and she could just see how good I am with girls. she also said "and you have a great voice, just wanted you to know all that". the voice, again, which I ruin when I'm masturbating daily and depleting myself of testosterone. this addiction must go; - buying a motorbike in Saigon is fundamental from now on. all fear of driving is gone, I now hop on the bike without a second thought and drive just about anywhere. life in Saigon will be so much better when I'm mobile, and it will also hopefully help with the addiction, cause whenever I get urges I can just go for a drive and maybe even approach some good-looking ladies. There's no way to express how much gratitude, love and happiness is here. People would think I'm weird if I talked about it.

When you take responsibility that is the will of God.

Yes, this is a good idea.

My understanding of nonduality completely flies out the window when I'm interacting with people. As they tell me a personal story I imagine that we are separate and that their experiences are theirs whilst mine are mine. I believe it fully without being aware of the belief in action. The girl I got involved with was telling me about her sexual openness and experiences, and I could see a sense of jealousy arise in me. Mild when compared to the past, but nevertheless there. I have a history of strong feelings of jealousy and suffering under the idea of a woman I'm involved with being with other men. It's completely irrational, where does it come from? It has to be a sense of inadequacy, like I imagine that I fall short by comparison. Otherwise, why would I care? Yes, that must be it. When I was a teenager I was completely ignored by girls. I saw other guys having their experiences with girls and felt horribly inadequate. I couldn't understand why they didn't like me but that experience was so consistent that the one time a girl did seem to like me, when I was maybe 16, I didn't believe it. So I sabotaged it and remained invisible to girls. I only kissed a girl for the first time when I was 18, already as a university student. I think my teenage self is the part that conjures up these feelings of jealousy. If I don't clear these up, there will never be peace in my relationships with women, whether they are short term or long term. It's definitely getting better, I'm nowhere near as jealous today as I used to be. But I'm not entirely clear of these feelings yet. This story of inadequacy is just a story, it's not true. I guess I just have to keep shining awareness on these thoughts and feelings whenever they arise. I'm not separate from anyone, how can I be inadequate? Everything is perfect, everything is alright.

What are you talking about when you say 'I'?