Gili Trawangan

I'm 38 and still single. Who cares? See judgement for what it is, an unconscious thought pattern. Whether it comes from you or from your family. Enjoy life with no excuses.

Well, waiting is seeking. It comes from a place of lack. As in, "I'm not in heaven right now, maybe I will be in the future". This is what creates unsatisfactoriness. My claim is, and please take into account that I'm using language and therefore duality, that the one who wants to be in Heaven and Infinite Love Forever is Leo Gura, not God. God needs not the experience of Heaven (the Heaven you have visited many times and I have once) to be infinite love forever. God IS Infinite Love. Already. Always. Now. From a certain perspective, you're right. There are still beliefs operating here that I'm a body-mind, and definitely my ego is not all-loving. So you get no argument from me here. However, ultimately Infinite Love is what I, You, Infinity, the only "thing" that exists, Am already. Nothing needs to happen for that to be the case. The 'me' you are speaking of is definitely not conscious, again I agree with you here. But what I posit to you is that this experience of being unconscious, not conscious enough for Infinite Love, is itself Infinite Love. Already. The ultimate beautiful paradox of God.

@egoeimai There's nothing like learning from experience

@Leo Gura This is where I fundamentally disagree with your perspective. Even though I know the experience you're talking about, this is still duality. As in, Heaven is somewhere else, and I need to do something in order for it to materialize. It sounds like you're waiting for something. Well, what if the dream is EXACTLY what You want? What if everything, every single moment, is exactly what it needs to be? Including all of the ego, the experience of being an individual, the experience of being in time and space, the delusion, and all that jazz? I just don't see how Heaven can be anywhere else but Here and Now. Always. No matter what the so-called experience is.

What stands out for me is that after two dates you're already making all kinds of stories about a relationship. Notice that. Mind you, it's understandable. It's what you want at the moment, so it's only natural. But it prevents you from letting things unfold naturally. You don't even know where she stands on this. Why don't you just keep seeing her and see what happens? Maybe it will evolve into a long-term relationship, maybe it won't. Maybe you'll get extremely attracted to her, or maybe you'll find out that you're sexually incompatible. Who knows? It's making up stories and fantasies about it that is bringing about issues that aren't even there yet.

You will never understand existential Love until you have a deep awakening. It can't be explained to you, it's impossible to explain, it's impossibly miraculous, it's outside of everything you consider possible. Deny it all you want, or be smart and try to find out what it is, not by arguing about it, but by going for awakening.

Hell yeah, look around

This is Home. Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water, after enlightenment chop wood and carry water.

Non-doership is now utterly obvious. Thoughts and intentions arise out of nothing, there is no doer. It's just like a dream, it just unfolds. In a dream, no effort is required whatsoever, it just unfolds within a mind that knows not what's happening. Same with this so-called Reality. It is just unfolding, there is absolutely nothing to regret, to feel guilty for, to feel proud of, life - not only death - is the great equalizer. There seems to be a deepening of this realization. Though sometimes the belief in doership arises again, and the belief in being the body-mind. It's chaos, sometimes it all feels personal, sometimes it feels totally impersonal. It's never consistent, it's constantly changing. A beautiful experience, never boring. And all resistance comes from this belief in personal doership. It arises out of nothing, just like everything else. All week there has been plenty of resistance to working on the music project. My friend has shown me the first version of the artwork, it looks quite good to me. Only the album cover is missing. And yet, there is still so much resistance to opening Studio One and working on the mixes. There is a sense of overwhelm. So I don't do it, something else gets done. And that's fine, it's exactly how it needs to be.

Allow it to unfold, everything is fine.

It's a memory occurring now.

Geez, man, just reclaim your authority already and get to work. Spoiler alert, they're all talking about the same "thing". So was Jesus, the Buddha, Mohammad, Ramana Maharshi and all the sages. No one is going to give you answers!

Great speech.

Hmm, not true. If you listen to him carefully, he knows perfectly well what he's talking about. He does speak with plenty of nuance and caters to where the particular seeker is on the path, therefore it may seem that way if you listen to him out of context.

It was also the Divine that banned him. Those non-dual insults were hilarious though

Ayahuasca can be terrifying, I wouldn't do it.

It's all just thoughts, pay no attention to them. Bring awareness into the body, or, better yet, if you can, further back into awareness itself. Thoughts are NOT you.

Don't take this the wrong way, but this really doesn't resonate here. First of all, what is it to fully awaken? You can always go deeper, that's Infinity. Second, you don't really stand to gain (or lose) anything. You are It already. Awakening changes nothing, you are always It. OP can relax.

Ok, ok. But how was the bj?

@IAmTheHolySpirit Take a chill pill, man.

If you have become conscious of nonduality, i.e. Reality is Not-Two, then you haven't thought this through yet. Fear is the sense of separation. "You" fear that which isn't "you". But that is delusion, there aren't two. There isn't separation. Love is inclusion. And because there aren't two, everything is included. Therefore, Love is Truth and fear is only delusion.

Strong determination sits.

I've decided to postpone the EP release. July was the original launch date, but I'm not gonna make it. I've been getting feedback on my songs as I'm mixing, from a music/production/mixing forum, and the consensus is that my mixes are just not good enough yet. One of my songs was torn apart by a member because of the midi instruments. There's a trumpet, a trombone and an organ, and he said they sound like a video game. Ouch. He's right though, they don't sound realistic. Also, I've been having consistent issues with drum sounds throughout all songs, they just don't sound real. I was surprised that I didn't feel much hurt when I read the comment. The first few hours after realizing that I still suck at mixing there were definitely thoughts about it and an unease feeling. Including thoughts of quitting. But after a while they dissipated and another thought came: "Of course, what else did I expect? I'm a newbie." What was obviously unrealistic was to think that I could pull it off, with the gear I have, and actually come up with a great sounding record. I noticed ego ideas of being a great musician, gifted, and all that ego bullshit, and decided to at least try to make peace with the idea of never actually being any good. If it turns out that I'm just an ordinary musician, so be it. None of it is who I am, whether a genius or a fraud or anything in between, I am none of it. I left it all for about five days, and just focused on teaching, now that the lockdown is over I'm being given more classes. And today, now that I've cooled off, I feel like I need to relax and be patient. I need to get even more curious about the whole thing. Get interested in the sounds of instruments and developing my ears to hear the fine distinctions. What makes a trumpet sound like a trumpet? What do real drums sound like and how are they played? And this process needs to be enjoyable, so I don't want to feel pressure. Therefore, the release is postponed indefinitely (though in my mind the date September 1st is what comes up, I'll try to make that date). Besides, I've asked an old acquaintance for help with the artwork, and she hasn't delivered yet. I'm depending on having artwork to build the website and can't release anything without it anyway, so why be in a hurry? It was generating a lot of agitation, trying to make the deadlines. Fuck it, it's not authentic to me. I once read Tim Ferriss' "The 4-Hour Workweek" and I hated it. It's all about being productive, it feels totally neurotic, it's not my way of doing things. I like doing things slowly, I like the peace of having a quiet mind, and anything else feels inauthentic to the soul and generates suffering. This isn't a race, there's no one to race against.

Good post. Patience is something I regularly need to be reminded of. Every now and then it's like: "oh shit, of course, forgot to be patient again"...

It's funny how persistent this need to "get it" is. You'll never get it. Your mind will never make sense of it, let it go (if you can, haha). Having said that, when "you" (the one who claims to be conscious and who is asking about whether 'others' are conscious) fall away, or die, or whatever one wants to call it, then there are no questions left. Until then, you're just spinning the wheel. Which is fine, spin away