Gili Trawangan

I second this.

I'm actually going through a phase of not wanting to spend time with girls, but this just sounds like a huge exaggeration. What, you should spend your whole life meditating? Have some fun once in a while!

There are four main ways in which you can meet women: - online - night game - daygame - socially Pick the one that caters to YOUR strengths. If looks aren't your strength, obviously online dating isn't for you. Just delete all those apps and forget about it. Focus on meeting girls face to face. Now, are you more introverted or extroverted? If you're more of an introvert, go for daygame. This means you approach women during the day, anywhere you want: a bus stop, the streets, a coffee shop, a library, a supermarket, etc. You don't need high energy, you don't need friends, you don't need money, all you need is skill. You obtain this skill by practicing a lot, which is the advice you got from Leo. If you're extroverted, both night game or social game are where it's at for you. If you have plenty of friends and are a leader, people listen to you and you organize events, parties, stuff like that, then for you it's social game. Girls will flock to you that way. If you're just a fun guy but not a leader of men, then night game is for you. Go out to bars and clubs and approach women. Whichever you pick, just stick to it and become good at it. You will suck in the beginning. So what? How does anybody ever learn anything? By sucking in the beginning. Then try again and again until you no longer suck.

@iceprincess No problem It was actually a good opportunity to put some thought into it, it clarifies it for myself as well.

Ok, let me try to answer your question. To be fair, I don't think the perfect woman exists, just like the perfect man doesn't exist. However, qualities I want in a woman for a relationship (this does not mean for casual dating), in no particular order: - passionate: she doesn't just sit around playing with her phone and posting on social media, she is in love with at least a few aspects of (real) life, she has hobbies or interests or a career that she is deeply passionate about; - feminine: she has feminine energy more than masculine energy. This means she is playful, communicative, more submissive than dominating, more of a follower than a leader; - trustworthy: she understands commitment. When she decides that the relationship is for real, she understands that it takes effort to keep it going and she is willing to make that effort. She doesn't entertain ideas of jumping ship, has clear boundaries about what her relationship to other men is and enforces those effortlessly; - beautiful: there's no getting around this, she is an attractive woman that takes care of her appearance. Yet, she doesn't like/need to show off. She takes care of herself; - conscious: she is not completely enmeshed with her ego. She has at least begun to understand what ego is and at least has the potential to transcend it in the future. If she is already into spirituality, all the better; - supportive: this is tied with being conscious, but she also understands that a relationship is like being in a team and that the goal is to help each other grow and enjoy the process of doing so; - kinky: yes, she enjoys sex a lot and wants to be "owned" by the man the loves in every possible way. She gives herself entirely to the man she loves.

LOL Oh the irony

Don't overlook the fact that this is about unlearning.

That frustration is to be used as fuel. Go out and start approaching women. Drop the texting, it's a waste of time. Texting is to set up dates, nothing else. Approach women. Nothing else will help you.

June was an interesting month, full of procrastination and comfort. For over a year now, in the beginning of each month I write down the mission for that whole month, what I want to accomplish. This was the first time in a year that the goals weren't really specific enough, I wanted to give myself time to learn more about the craft of mixing and music production. In the midst of all that procrastination, something clicked. I bought new software for drums and bass, and after time off from listening to the songs I went back to them with fresh ears. I eliminated the midi sounds that didn't sound realistic and went with different arrangements in some cases. If I'm not mistaken, the songs have taken a significant leap in quality now that I've worked on the arrangements in the past couple of days. Modafinil was a huge help, when I take it I'm able to tackle difficult tasks without resistance. And today I went to the gym for the first time in months. I got so tired during the workout that I almost fainted. I feel like those weeks of procrastination were somehow needed and it feels like I'm ready to get back to a routine of hard work (which is really just enjoyable work). And what's really amazing is that I never judged myself during these lazy days. There was gratitude throughout, happiness. Joy, love of life, love of every moment of existence. I love existing, or, if we want to get technical, I am love. And I'm gradually letting go of those self-judgements of being a lone wolf, and not being with people enough. I just love being alone, I'm never bored, it makes me happy. Being with people is like having chocolate cake. It's delicious but I should only do it once in a while. Being alone is what I'm drawn to. It just happens. Awakening gives you the gift of letting go of comparisons, so I don't have to feel bad because "others" are more social. Yes, it was an interesting month. The level of acceptance I feel is getting deeper, I don't think it had ever been this deep before. It's happiness.

Last week I had tremendous ego backlash. I decided to go on a date with a western girl, for some reason thought it was a good idea. She was into me, and invited me to her place the next day. I went, thought it would just be a good time and maybe a hook up, but it turns out we had nothing in common and then in got awkward when she wanted me to leave, it was so sudden. She'd been talking about all the things she wanted to do with me ("I'll take you here next week, I'll go with you there", bla bla) and then out of the blue she says "I don't feel a connection". I really don't want to believe these things, but my life experience just shows me over and over again that I can't trust women. What they say means nothing. It's one of those beliefs that can only be dropped once I'm shown evidence to the contrary, and that certainly hasn't happened for me yet. They either lie or they suddenly change their mind without hesitation. But how can you have a relationship with such a creature? I once read on some astrological reading that I will meet a woman in the second half of my life that will teach me how to trust. No bullshit, I read it, and I hope it's true. Another thing I've noticed is that most times when I get intimate with a woman these days I end up talking about nonduality, which is utterly silly. Nobody ever gets what I'm talking about, the conversation always takes a turn for the worse. But it just happens, it's a major part of my life in the last two years, if I'm asked about myself in the last two years and I don't talk about it I'm just denying myself. But I want to stop it, this need to talk about it is just that, a craving as any other. Which needs to be dropped. I realized after this situation that I'm still very much identified with my life story, at least most of the time. I'm identified with being good with women, and when I get rejected, for whatever reason, I feel inadequate. I'm identified with the belief that I can never have an intimate relationship with a woman, because I don't trust them. So the thought comes up often that I'll always be alone, and that thought is also identified with. I'm also identified with not wanting to be seen. It's a major component of the character, and I think part of me has been postponing the conclusion of the EP because there's the fear of being seen. And judged. Which means that I'm identified with the character. I'm not in a place where I can just let anything happen. I'm not free. All of this led to more procrastination, I even binged on porn, which I hadn't watched in months. The good part is that through all of this there wasn't much suffering. There was acceptance of what was happening. And a sense that there was absolutely no control over it. There was no charge to it, it was happening and it was being seen. Even now, as I write these things, there isn't much charge. I know it's all bullshit. All of this is just stories. Right now, in this moment, all is perfectly well. And this moment is all there is.

Go to a real astrologer sometime and THEN call it bullshit. Otherwise it's just closed-mindedness. The same for the other stuff.

Short answer: no.

Nicely put.

Great questions, proud of you A possible long-term plan: 1. develop concentration by focusing on a very subtle object, such as the breath at the base of the nostril 2. when concentration is strong enough you will feel it. after that, just let go. rest awareness on awareness. do nothing, negate every object that appears, no matter how subtle. Good luck and all the best to you.

Hey man, I'm living in Vietnam as well, though I'm not from here. I learned a few things about the country from your post, nice breakdown.

This!

My day with modafinil: - woke up around 6:30am - first class from 8 to 10am - second class from 10am to 12pm - lunch and coffee downstairs from school, raining hard, I take my time - back to school, work for around two hours planning all the classes for the following week - at the same time, playing around on dating/social apps and chatting to multiple girls for a meet-up - a few different girls "approach" me online, I'm strangely in demand today; one of them agrees to come to my place for a drink later, she "was impressed that I play guitar" - another class from 5pm to 7pm - I go to the store to buy beers and other groceries, plus dinner - back home, have dinner, take a shower and just in time the girl arrives - we chat for a while, she doesn't want to drink beer and has brought tea instead - when I try to kiss her she says she doesn't want to have sex, I back off - about an hour later she changes her mind and we have sex - we enjoy each other's company, and chat until 1:30am, only then am I able to fall asleep. She sleeps over Today, I'm back to my regular low energy baseline. Yesterday was not a typical day for me, it's incredible what modafinil can do. It provided me with what seemed like inexhaustible energy. And a desire to accomplish, to achieve. I decided not to take it today, it's too powerful to take it two days in a row, I think it should be used sparingly.

lol the dreaded 30... you're in for a surprise, life is not what it seems.

So I've finished planning the whole week's classes, with time to spare. A bit of anxiety began, a slight "wanting to do too much", but I just meditated for about five minutes and regained focus. Feeling amazing again. I have another hour to kill. Today, during lunch, for no reason at all, I started mentally dividing the stages of my life story into chunks where I was mastering something. It's a story, of course, but I'm trying to gain clarity in what to focus on. This is what I came up with: Teenage years: first attempts at being social, awkward attempts though. Still, made some good friends, then began playing music. Nothing was mastered, and there was loads of teenage depression. University years: I master socialization. Against all previous conditioning, I become a popular guy in school, with loads of friends and a clear sense that most people like me. I often meet people who recognise me, come over to say hello with a smile, and I feel guilty that I don't remember them, though I pretend to. I'm a party animal, drinking way too much but also making some meaningful friendships that last to this day. Poetry, philosophy, literature, cinema, I dive into all of these with passion and connect with others based on that as well. There is a lot of frustration with women, because I can only meet girls when I'm out partying and drinking, if I'm sober I suck. Age 25-32, post-university: really hard times. Ego is in full throttle. I have health issues and a lot of physical pain. Mildly depressed, but still functional. I realize that working in an office will crush my soul, and start writing music. I record an album, spend all my money on a professional studio and on hired musicians and it fails miserably. I take it personal and get depressed about it. I'm pushed into a relationship with a woman that I don't really want. It lasts three years, all the time there is a sense of misalignment. We break up because she wants a family, she finds another guy and gets her wish. It was God's grace. Age 33-35: I master travel, independence and dating. After the break-up, I travel the world. I don't even know that I'm searching for God yet, I'm full stage Orange. Hedonism, fun, and a standing on my own two feet. There's no safety net, I don't care if I die at this point. Nothing to lose. I learn game and after about 18 months I've mastered it. All my sexual fantasies and wishes come true, but I'm still spiritually bankrupt. I get into a relationship with a sociopath who teaches me this. The pain of her abuse leads me to finally search for answers within, I've learned that happiness can't be found in objects the hard way. Age 36: I go travelling again in search for answers within, this time. It's a desperate move, I don't know what else to do. I find books on self-esteem, I do shadow work, I discover my childhood trauma. I try therapy, inner work, anything to get me out of that pain. Something clicks when I watch Leo's video on enlightenment, that night I wake up and I hear myself say: "It's true". With no fucking clue yet. But the rational mind says it can't be, I need answers for myself. I need to know. The following eighteen months (awakening): I go on meditation retreats, gradually there's nothing else in my life. All I want is the truth. A strange sequence of events leads me to an island in Indonesia that sells magic mushrooms. I have my first mystical experience, life changes forever. I'm not the body, I'm connected to all things, the world isn't material. On meditation, the sense of self drops for just enough time for there to be a recognition, a sober recognition: "I'm not a person, the 'I' is a thought". I take LSD and realize the Absolute. A few months later an ayahuasca ceremony, and an awakening to infinite love. Manifestation is Love. So why write all this? Besides the fact that I have time to kill now, it becomes clear by looking at this summary that I have NEVER mastered anything work-related. Work ethic is absent from the whole thing. And that's what I want to master, I want to be able to work hard, enjoy myself while I'm doing it, and master a skill in this lifetime. That skill is music making, no doubt. So the next couple of years, at the very least, this needs to be the focus.

I took modafinil today, for the first time in a long time, in several months. Sunday is when I have four hours of classes in the morning, and two more in the afternoon, with a long break in-between. I've been feeling very low on energy lately, and it felt like I needed a boost. It's working, it's subtle but there's an urge to be productive. And it's not neurotic in any way, I have no increased anxiety, it just feels really smooth. I just feel like doing productive work. It's raining hard outside, so, instead of going home for that break, I'm at school and I'm about to do something I've never done before. I'm going to plan next week's classes now. Usually I'd be very resistant to doing something like this... Starting tomorrow, I'll be taking modafinil for the music project. Time to get off my ass and actually finish that record.

Geez, I feel sorry for the guy you're dating. I know this is your journal, so feel free to ignore this post, but I cringe reading your whole approach... I hope you soon find out that lying and deceiving gets you nowhere...

You got some good ones from the others, I second their advice. Lately I cry with just about any movie, it's ridiculous

From that perspective I agree with you.

I could tackle what you wrote from many different angles, there would be much to say. I'll try one or two. This: And this: are the same thing. "Enormous depth" is a projection of yours. Everyone has had nondual experiences, they just don't have the conceptual framework to explain them under that view. When someone sees immense beauty in a sunset, there is a sort of "merging" of subject and object. Ignorance is temporarily unveiled, and this unveiling goes unnoticed. Of course, there is no real merging, there was never a subject and an object to begin with, it was just apparent. So, thinking that there is a difference between others' experiences and yours is just thought. There's no difference between the path of self-actualization and dropping it altogether. Yeah, why not, just drop it. Drop the idea of enlightenment in the future as well, cause that's the only way to actually see what is being suggested by the very notion of enlightenment. It's always the present moment, there is nothing else. All is well, whatever path you take. It's all love. Eckhart Tolle would be a good teacher for you to listen to, btw.

Finally, balanced advice on this thread. Totally agree with this.