Gili Trawangan

It's a very nice song, I really like the arrangement. You've got some really nice backing vocal sounds that really go well with the song, and they have plenty of reverb (or other effects, not sure), it's nice. What I would try to improve is the vocal performance and vocal mixing, you were out of tune at times, and you could solve this through melodyne, or just re-record until you hit those notes just right. You have a nice falsetto voice as well. Believe me, I know how vocal mixing can be a pain in the ass, I'm still making mistakes with it as well. Oh, also, your forgot to edit out a few sounds, like breath noises, or the chair squeaking in the end. Anyway, good stuff, glad to hear it!

@SamueLSD Oh, you're only 18. Holy shit, no wonder you fell for it... it's a lesson you'll have for life.

Disclaimer: this is NOT about finding a long-term relationship, because that is not something I’ve mastered. I’m talking purely about casual dating and sex. I’ve been reading this subforum lately and felt compelled to write this, because I get the feeling that most guys who post here need to hear this perspective. I see posts about how only looks matter, or about how it’s money, or charisma and extroversion, or whatever else. I see posts complaining about the online dating world, or the offline dating world, or how women only pick douchebags and assholes, or whatever else. And, first of all, whenever you start writing a post of that nature, or indulge in such thoughts in your mind, you’ve already significantly hindered your ability to get laid. That’s the first thing. And that’s because focusing on how you’re not getting what you want only leads you further away from what you want. Aside from the whole spiritual “law of attraction” aspect (I won’t be going into that at all), it demonstrates a lack of resourcefulness, and I can sense it a mile away from some of these posts. Now, don’t get me wrong, money and looks are assets in the dating world, there’s no doubt about it. However, they are not IT. IT is resourcefulness. If you really think about it, what money signals to a woman is the man’s resourcefulness. His ability to go out and get what he wants. His ability to assert himself in the world and make his desired reality go from desired to actual. That’s resourcefulness and that’s what women reward, whether they know it consciously or not. A woman wants a guy who wants her and who has the ability to get her. This sounds circular, but I can’t put it any more clearly. Much of what she’s reading off you when she’s getting to know you is your resourcefulness. Unconsciously, they’re screening you: “Does this guy sleep with attractive girls like me? Can he make it happen?” I’m going to use my real-life examples to argue the point, otherwise this will all be theory. First of all, I don’t have money and never have. I have enough to get by, but I’ve never accumulated any savings, and I make it a point to not pay for the women I date. I will occasionally buy them a drink, when I actually feel like doing so, and that’s it. If they’re expecting me to pick up the check, I don’t. So much for the money factor. You might think that I have looks then. Well, nowadays I guess I’m considered handsome, but this wasn’t always the case, not even by a long shot. I remember being ranked by teenage girls from my class as below average. I didn’t kiss a girl until I was 18. I was always shorter than most guys I hung out with, too skinny, and I still have crooked teeth. I have never had women flirting with me as I was growing up, and I would see them go for friends of mine, or strangers, always thinking that my looks were the problem. Today, I have maximized my looks because I am resourceful. I have one good outfit that looks good on me and I wear it on dates. I use a professional photo on my dating app profiles that makes me look good. You might think I’m very charismatic or extroverted then. Nope, I’m an introvert with low energy. I don’t do dancing monkey game, and I’m not particularly funny. I don’t do asshole game either. In fact, these days I don’t game at all. I’m completely and utterly myself, without apologies or insecurities. I accept every outcome. Then you might think that it’s because of where I live (though I've only lived here for 2 years). I live in Asia as a white man, and everybody knows that white men in Asia have it so easy. Well, throughout my life I’ve slept with women from 40 different countries, from all continents and backgrounds. So it’s safe to say that it goes beyond geography or culture. So what is it then? Simple, I’m resourceful. I make shit happen. I spent two years learning seduction because I wasn’t happy with the way I related with the opposite sex. That’s resourcefulness. I approached well over a thousand (maybe two thousand, who’s counting?) women during the daytime, on the streets of multiple cities throughout the world, learning as I went along. That’s resourcefulness. I got rejected by more women than I can remember, and just kept going and trying again. That’s resourcefulness. I consciously pushed boundaries and lost girls so that I could learn where the limits are and how much you can get away with. That’s resourcefulness. I’ve pushed through the limitations of logistics by leading women to sex on hostel bathrooms, kitchens, or buildings under construction, making shit happen where most men would have given up. That’s resourcefulness. I can fly to any city in the world, by myself, and within anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, I will sleep with an attractive girl there, whether it’s online or offline dating. That’s resourcefulness. When I think of a place where I want to live, you bet I'm going to take women and dating into consideration, along with many other aspects. Are the women there attractive? What about my perceived attractiveness? Maximizing that is resourcefulness. I still remember one time, in Lithuania, when I was teaching myself how to approach women. Early morning, I approached this cute girl who turned out to be completely available, so I spent most of the day with her. I was awkward on escalation back then, so I made a bunch of mistakes along the way. Of course, she picked up on these and rejected me. I just kept at it, pushing whenever I saw the opportunity, and at a certain point she let me kiss her and then said: "wow, you're a fighter, huh?". She didn't sleep with me, because I clearly didn't feel like I deserved her at the time, but the point had been made. What did I do after that? I accepted the rejection, continued to approach other women, and kept learning and developing my skills. This is what you want to develop. Develop your resourcefulness. It won’t happen overnight, nothing worthwhile ever does. Just don’t accept defeat by any means, if it doesn't work then try something different. Just try again, and again, and again. Learn from you mistakes. And have fun along the way ?

I've had a very traumatic experience with a woman with NPD, not BPD. Some of the things you describe are different, but others are the same, like the gaslighting and the abuse. In hindsight, it was very necessary for my spiritual growth, but it certainly didn't seem that way at the time. As others have mentioned, there is a reason this happened, you need to look within and find out why you stayed with her for so long. It's not easy and it will certainly take time to heal, but do know that it will. Entirely. For me, that relationship was what prompted me to really start introspecting and looking at my childhood traumas and doing shadow work. Ultimately, it put me on the spiritual path as well. Best thing that ever happened to me. How do you stop fantasizing about the good times? That's a tough question, I think time is needed. Pushing thoughts away is probably not going to work, just allow them. And allow yourself to feel bad, it's ok. There is no easy answer to trauma of this kind, but it's important to love and accept yourself when you're feeling bad, or when you're reminiscing, or when you're feeling angry. Just allow everything to be, and take your time.

@Striving for more That's the spirit! @charlie cho Good point! And cheers to all the other people who commented, I'm glad you've taken something away from the post.

I traveled long-term in the past, not anymore. I did budget solo travel around the globe, saved up as much as I could beforehand, and then worked online during the trip and kept expenses to a bare minimum. You'd be surprised how much you can accomplish if you're resourceful (and, I must admit, pretty lucky too)

@RendHeaven Thanks for making this point, and you made it rather eloquently.

@Jacobsrw Both. Resourcefulness is something you need (from a relative perspective, of course) in order to actualize your desires/dreams. Isn't that an intrinsic payoff? Yes, I have a fulfilling creative outlet. I know what you mean, I've had that feeling in the past. I thought that sleeping with a bunch of hot women would make me happy and it didn't. Which is why I'm not advocating any of this in order to be happy. Happiness is what we are, and it should come first, without reason or circumstance. Nowadays, I'm happy despite sleeping with multiple women. I do it because I enjoy it, not because I'm searching for happiness. It doesn't take much of my time to find women who are looking for the same thing I am, so why not? Yes, I do enjoy it. But, again, I don't need it.

@Thought Art I have no idea what this addiction formula is. Is it a song structure?

@SamC In a weird way, it sort of led me to it. It was deep suffering from issues with a girl that ended up putting me on the spiritual path. But I really don't think it's required in any way... it's just that suffering has a way of kicking you and pushing you in the right direction

@SamC Roughly three months. But after that I wasn't consistent for a long time, for over a year. And, really, it was only after having a few awakenings that I feel that the old patterns of insecurity have left me and it all sort of became effortless. It depends on where one starts from, but it might take a while. Luckily the whole process is fun!

@Thought Art Amen!

@LfcCharlie4 Definitely agree with you, and I've made my peace with the idea of music being just a hobby for me, even though I'm trying and will continue to try to make a living from it. If it does remain a hobby, it will be just as significant for me.

@SamC Thanks for making the point for me. I thought it was clear... This post is getting no love from the ladies

What do you mean? I've done cold approach all over Europe... especially in Eastern European countries.

@Peter Miklis We agree then, we're just calling it different things. To me that's resourcefulness

@Rilles Yeah sure, but that's not even what I mean. Granted, music that sells has value. But I'm talking about all the music being made that doesn't sell, not because it doesn't have value for people, but because it doesn't even reach people in the first place. As a musician, you know that one of the most difficult things is getting your music heard. I don't mean liked or anything, just heard. I have no doubt that there are incredible musicians out there who, because they don't know how to get their music heard, would fall under this "no value" category. That's what I meant, I wasn't referring to higher or lower consciousness. And yeah, Arcade Fire are great, I saw them live once in Brazil when they were still unknown, and it was a hell of a show

@Surfingthewave I can understand how some of this might seem off from your perspective. First of all, I'm addressing men who struggle with dating and attracting women, therefore that's what I focused on. It's a very male-oriented perspective regarding attraction. But also, quite frankly, a lot of what dating is about initially is the man conquering the woman, that's the mating ritual. During this mating ritual, a personal connection may be formed, or maybe the connection comes afterwards, or it may never come, but the ritual always takes place. I do treat women with respect (I'll grant you that wasn't always the case), so much so that I'm completely honest from the beginning. I make sure to tell them beforehand that I'm not looking for anything serious, and they either reject that entirely (which happens often) or they are looking for the same thing I am and therefore there are no misunderstandings or hurt feelings. I fully agree that women aren't a difficulty to overcome, but that isn't always the way it seems when you're a guy who struggles with dating them. Again, I wrote this with those guys in mind, in an attempt to help out

@Leo Gura Yeah, but if we're going down that route then that last sentence of yours is too simplistic. More often than not marketing plays such a big role in getting people to pay for your music. Practically speaking, one would have to get good at marketing in order to not only find an audience that resonates with the music, but also convince them to pay for it. So it's not just that: music that's paid for = good value. I don't think it's that simple.

I honestly don't know the answer to this. I make music because something compels me to do it. Does it have value? What is value anyway? Nothing really has value, or everything has value.

Great video, thanks for sharing.

How to Heal the Shame that Binds You, by John Bradshaw.

You're not seeing yet how much fun it can be.

Going on holiday today. It's been a year since the last one and I'm looking forward to having some time off. It's only a week, but I guess I can count myself lucky that I'm able to travel, most people aren't able to do that. Will be visiting Hoi An, it's supposed to be picturesque and quaint, and it probably won't be overcrowded the way it used to be pre-covid. It's by the beach as well, and I'm always up for being near the ocean. The goal: to rest and recharge.

I don't really know why I feel compelled to start writing here. Is this any different from a private journal? Probably not. At some point I'll probably write about the so-called self-actualization journey, whatever that is, but right now I just want to write about today. Granted, all of this is going to be a story. There is only what's happening, the Now, but in the Now one can write about a story, why not? In the last few days the illusion of ego has been seen through again and again, and there are moments when everything is brand new, fresh, with no memory or me in them. Just the present moment, without thoughts. Then there are moments of pure ecstasy, for example today when listening to the Rupert Spira meditation "Nothing can make you happy". It is recognised that happiness is This already, only sometimes clouded by thoughts and feelings. And the feeling then was Home. Nothing needs to be done, this is it. But then I go to a work event in the evening, and a gorgeous girl sits in front of me, and the life story starts to appear in the form of thoughts and feelings. And a pull towards her. And jealousy of every guy who is talking to her. And the feeling of inferiority. And the wanting to live up to a formerly created identity of being good with women. Oh, but right now I can hardly talk to women, or anybody else, for that matter. Attention falls away from chit-chat into something else, and there's no presence in the conversation. And there is the thought and the projection that I'm weird. "Nobody else behaves this way. Everybody else is just focused on what's in front of them." And all of these stories make me feel queasy, until the event is over and I come home. And on the way there are horrible self-defeating thoughts that I'm a hypocrite, telling myself that there is no me and I'm home when all it takes is a pretty girl to bring me right back into believing the story of me, the story of the guy who has a certain history and inclination. With the wind in my hair, thoughts give way to what's happening, and everything starts fresh again. There is no me, there is constant renewal, nothing ever sticks. And it's so fucking overwhelming, it's utterly groundless, there's no leg to stand on. I don't know how anyone can do ANYTHING in this world. There's nobody here, how the fuck does anything get done?! Yet tomorrow is another day, and something else is bound to appear, out of nothing, into the everything that is Now.