Natalya
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Everything posted by Natalya
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Thanks, everyone!
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Hi all, I haven't visited in a while, so forgive me if I'm digging up a topic that's been resolved and buried multiple times, but I haven't been able to find sufficient and practical advice anywhere online on how to stop being overly sensitive. I know Leo has videos on how to deal with and filter emotions and how to stop worrying about what people think of you. But I'm sure there're more techniques out there. So how do you stop reacting and getting insulted by what you can't change? I'm referring to people's shitty actions in general that are out of your control. Has anyone been able to find some practical strategies that work for you?
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@egoeimai yes, some women are not looking to settle down. I'm talking about the majority of women who want to meet a guy that's right for them.
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@electroBeam You're not getting my point. Think of it as a one-time test that's temporary and is conducted to simply determine if the guy she's dating has serious intentions. It's not for everyone, but it works well for those who need answers.
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@electroBeam it has nothing to do with manipulation. It's about protecting oneself as a woman with a filter that helps avoid wasting years away with the wrong people. You'll be surprised to what lengths guys go to get laid. You'd need to be a woman and go through what we go through to understand.
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@egoeimai, just 2 young guys (possibly one with 2 profiles) trying to get attention.
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@S33K3R, it's true some people do such things for fun because their moral values are twisted, but I think the majority is just living a low-conscious/low-integrity life and is driven by their basic needs without thinking of others. Rarely people harm other people intentionally. Most of the time, it's pure selfishness and sometimes stupidity that leads to disasters.
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@egoeimai, have you read The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider? Or He's Just Not That into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo? Highly recommend these.
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It's not really about stating your expectations clearly. Especially with men. One of the differences between men and women is that women talk, and men don't hear. Guys seem to only understand action. In my experience, men don't get motivated to change until they have to face the harsh reality (like you leaving him). By the same token, guys usually don't feel the need to step up as long as they already have everything they need - your warmth and sweet support and being there every time he needs you. Unfortunately, the more you try to make it work, the more he pulls away. This is why couples that move in together are less likely to get married -- they already have all the convenience they need! So why bother with a wedding? You could try this: start pulling away. Don't initiate phone calls/texts and don't answer his every call/text, don't be available for him. Go out with friends more, and keep yourself busy - without him. If he doesn't realize he's losing you and if this moves the relationship closer to its end, be it - it wasn't meant to be.
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@Natasha Privetik, I'm originally from Russia (St. Petersburg). I live in NY. If you're ever in NY, I'd be happy to meet up with you!
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@PretentiousHuman Despite all the useful information the internet throws at you, it's perfectly fine to take breaks from it. It's ok to take a break from TV, news, books, music, people, forums (including this one!) etc. I periodically deactivate my FB account when I need to focus on my job or studies. Take the time you need, then come back when you miss it.
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Depends on what you use social media for. I never post anymore, I've unfollowed most of my friends, except for some that post some really awesome stuff. But I'm subscribed to many useful pages that show up in my newsfeed, like cooking, art, professional development, etc. I've also joined many groups of interest on FB. Besides, it's a good filter for the important news, since I don't have the time to keep up with what's going on in the world. If it's important, you'll see it posted multiple times. Twitter is best for professional/career development and for keeping up with the latest trends in the areas of your interest. Facebook is more for keeping in touch with old friends and making new friends through FB groups and friends of friends.
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@dan seeker it's always best to talk to the boundary violator first before going to a supervisor. As you said, people don't always realize they're doing something wrong.
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It's not a disorder. It's the lack of discipline. You want someone to tell you it's a disorder, so that you can relax and continue living a lazy victim-minded life. But I'm here to tell you: you're not sick, and you need to lift your butt off the couch and start making serious efforts before you find yourself being 60 years-old and having missed all the opportunities.
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Sounds like a bad case of anxiety to me. Practice catching every negative thought in your mind and turning it into a neutral or positive one BEFORE it turns into a huge pile of disaster. Talk to yourself in a compassionate calming way to slow down your thoughts and dissolve some of them. Tornadoes don't happen out of nowhere, they start slowly. You need to learn how to turn your thoughts around. For a temporary but quick relief, give this video a shot:
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I get apathy from overexertion. Perhaps, you should take a short break (say, one week) and see if you feel any different?
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I feel the same way. And the more self-developed you are, the less topics in common you find with people who don't work on themselves. But you can't just exclude yourself from everyone's lives, so you have to maintain your basic social skills. For example, you can't skip meetings and happy hours at work, unless you want to become an obvious black sheep and eventually get fired. But even though it helps to have a wide networking circle because it means more opportunities, you don't have to connect with many people and you don't have to try too hard to be everyone's friend. At least, that's what I was trying to do for a long time. Eventually, I've learned that long-term relationships with most people should be low-maintenance and even shallow enough because it's when you get too close to people or try to develop meaningful connections, you get disappointed. The good news is that eventually, you do meet some people who you do find some common grounds with, so the conversations are not as boring. What I'd suggest is try to be selective about who you're willing to give more attention to, and only if you must or if you truly like to. Otherwise, you don't need friends. Most of the time, friends hold you down, anyway.
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Here is what you need: 1. Ditch dating online. 2. Join local meetup groups. 3. Go to local events. 4. Meet people in person. Don't take online dating seriously. People will treat you just like another profile, as opposed to a human being. When you meet people in person, there is no ambiguity. Either they want to talk to you or they don't. And the best thing is these people are there to meet other people, just like you! Nothing to be afraid of and no reason to feel awkward.
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Look up Noah Elkrief on youtube and pick whichever topic you like. His style is more gentle and compationate and provides immediate relief in some cases. He's great for sensitive people who get stuck in the victim menality.
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How do you deal with a demanding control freak that happens to be your new boss (she got hired 3 months ago as a replacement for the previous manager). Quitting is not an option, HR and her boss are not interested in personality issues. I've already reached out to them. What techniques would you recommend for avoiding conflict and emotional distress?
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It's actually a well-known practice. The principle is the same as practicing public speaking. At first you are terrified, but once you keep exposing yourself to it, you stop worrying. It's true that this technique is not for everyone though and should be applied to only minor PTSDs. Severe traumatic memories may make it worse, especially if you're doing it on your own.
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I've always had abandonment issues, coming from early childhood, but I'm not here to blame my parents or curcumstances - too educated to play a victim. I'm posting because I'd like to learn how to deal with this constant concern in the back of my mind that ruins my relationships with people. The level of mistrust has grown proportional to unsuccessful relationships to the point that I completely lost hope that someone will be willing to stick around. People come and go so quickly, moving on to the "greener grass." I guess I should stop worrying about the future and go with the flow, but how do I do that?
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Thank you for the video! Interesting perspective, similar to Leo's enlightment videos. I just started to dig into the concept.
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Thank you for the video! Interesting perspective, similar to Leo's enlightment videos. I just started to dig into the concept.
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Thank you all so much for your recommendations and guidance!
