Time Traveler
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Everything posted by Time Traveler
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Day B1 Fap, Internet, Games - 0 Felt sad all day, but decisive to do the trial from beginning. On the other side, felt urge to take a "day off"
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I don't need anything from anyone ! If I had more time. I don't understand - are they stupid or they just pretend ? I am not everyone. I don't care. If only I was born in normal country. My parents messed up my personality. I know the right way, I only are too layzy to follow it. I can depend only on myself. I have a good sense of humor. My arguments are clear and logical.
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Thanks hengFa for well-considered advise ! I didn't write journal to make detailed report on my life's journey, so, to save time, I record the minimal amount of info needed for current task. Current task is try out effects of excluding some addictions from my life. Actually I write it for myself, but so that anyone can keep me accountable. I don't need understanding I need surveillance. Paradoxically, I strive to keep promises made to other people much harder than those made to myself. Hope that explains reading the "Name of the rose" all day long
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I think, effects of FAP/NOFAP are very different for males and females.
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30-40 orgasms depending on free time, but that was when I practiced Mantak Chia's methods for fapping without ejaculation. Then this started to get boring and I reverted to old routine - fast ejaculation and you are free for other businesses.
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I only endured 14 days. Now I'm not sure what to do with increasing tension. Could you suggest something ? I'm not even sure that restriction from sex is healthy for men. Cause sexual energy accumulates all the time, this cannot last forever. One must release it or transform to something different.
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Restart in Day 15 In Day 14 I lost. I fapped. There was a hole in my rules, I wasn't included watching porn in my restrictions list. When I decided "only to watch a little, nothing more" the game was lost though I didn't now it yet. If it was a game played or stupid website visited (which it was too) I could have note this one side step and continue challenge. Not this time. Fapping is different. It's like pressing the spring, the more you press the harder it gets. First days was easy. Now I even don't know if it is possible at all. Cause tension grows every day. I'll try to find, maybe there is some sublimation techniques cause in this case brute force doesn't works (at lest for me). OK, today is Day 1 of restarted challenge, with slightly improved rules: "no porn" added. I have two weeks to find solution for my problem.
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@Cabot Thanks, man ! I appreciate your support ! As for the fasting, I've done it some long time ago. Then I found out that it's effect changes (diminishes) with every repetition. Could be I'll try it again. Sure, it is much easier to quit something (eating, alco, smoking, ...) completely than keep it at moderate level. Days 10, 11, 12 D10 catced cold lied flat all day. D11 read "Name of the rose" all day - no shit (easy) Today (D12) long walk along sea, very tired, no even thoughts about shit.
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Day 9 Over eating. Hard to avoid porn. Didn't visited porn sites, but even in youtube there was female guitarists who hardly can play but are very good at showing boobs. Was reading some stupid article in stupid magazine just because author has huge boobs. Overall feeling on 0 to 10 scale: 100 below zero. Meditated a little without recording time, could be about 1/2 to 1 hour. Studying (and trying out) Shinzen Young paper, looks like easy way cause one can choose from very large array of techniques.
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Days 6, 7, 8 I was very busy these days and restriction from all that stuff was really easy. I just hasn't enough time for that shit. Looks like if less free time one have the easier it is to restrict from addictions
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Day 5 Bit easier, probably because had to work frantically all day. No time for feelings. Felt nervous, but not very much. Fapping - 0 Internet shit - 0 ( checking my mail too frequently) Games - 0 Eating - close to normal. Meditation - 0 People take pauses when they work. Some go and smoke a cigarette, I used to play some little game like solitaire or pool or read some unnecessary shit on net. Can anyone work all day without pauses ? While on challenge I learn Spanish vocabulary to take a moment away. It's like a game cause it's on flashcard software. Maybe to take some 5 minute meditation pause ? Isn't that too short ? Or some physical exercise ? I feel a strong need to immerse in something from time to time to forget about all problems tasks and everything. Then I can come back and continue to drag my burden of life. Looks like my problem is that I'm not excited with my life. When I wake up in the morning I'm not excited about new day, but anxious about pile of problems and necessary tasks I need to deal with. I can remember different times from my past. There was a time when I hate my job so much that in the morning when I drive to job I used to sit in car for 15 minutes and tried to gather my will and get out of car. Or maybe drive back home and tell boss that I am ill. One time I even did that, I went to acquainted doctor and she write fake papers that I am ill and I didn't take phone when boss calls ... And there was a times when I was so happy with my job and so excited to get there that frequently got a taxi to go there faster. And even then I used to play computer games, everyone plays even boss and every night we were drinking at the bar. Hard to put all this into some model or schema what should explain all the facts. Looks like that even when I was happy I tried to escape reality. I realized that maybe I'm doing that whole challenge thing from wrong side: I am trying to deal with symptoms not the illness. Let's put aside fapping for a moment, but games and excessive internet browsing IMO are symptoms of my urge to hide from reality. If I restrict these, I try to replace them with other ones, more legitimate, as hard work, watching Leo's videos, giving advise to other people, etc. OK, I'll try to introduce another practice - when I'll feel that urge to hide (play games, etc) I'll try to use mindfulness and curiosity to that urge.
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Day 4 Hard. Eating and sleeping much. Depressed. Fapping - 0 Internet shit - 0 Games - 0
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64
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Fastball - "The Way" https://youtu.be/5JmuNbX-cXo
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Day 3 Yesterday I wonder how easy it is and got a lesson. Day 3 was hard. Fapping - 0 Internet shit - 1 Games - 0 Emotional eating - 10 Meditated a little. Emotions: agitated, uneasy, flooded with thoughts about sex, angry. Tried to get some help from nofap website, but didn't found anything of value. Before I couldn't become aware, read some email about some bullshit and even go to his website and made a comment. All day long struggled with different urges. Kept my defenses for most of them, but not for eating.
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You asked why we are doing this ? That's how I put it, very simple. I can choose instant and easy satisfaction (masturbation, booze, drugs, you name it) and feel bad later + degrade eventually OR I can choose to put some effort and discipline now (restrict from booze, drugs, meditate, you name it) and feel better overall + evolve in the process. But I am weak and cannot discipline myself so I write this journal to keep myself accountable. I know, theoretically it's weird that I can do something for myself only if someone else looks after me, but if it works why not use it ?
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So, Day 2 ! Much better. Only thing I noticed, was an urge to look if anyone has replied to my post. That, of course, is from different opera, but interesting nevertheless. Seeking approval. Probably parents told me too frequently that I am a complete failure Fapping - 0 Internet shit - 0 Games - 0 (Some 3 times hand started to open my favorite game, but I quickly become aware and cancelled that motion.) Emotional eating - 0 (eating when hungry.) High energy level. Haven't meditated yet, but will start in a moment (I promise) Emotions back to normal, even better Haven't read/watched news for two days, maybe WW3 is started ? But, no, traffic near my house looks like allways, no heavy artillery, no tanks, no even BMP's. All in all I can call it ideal day (in regards to my challenge). Could it really be so easy ? Why did I struggled with this for so long ??? Back to work and see you tomorrow !
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Certainly. If I quit too much bad habits, what would remain from me ? Almost nothing Even if I replace them with good ones too fast, it would not longer be me, but someone else
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Thanks ! Sure, removing addictions make people very unhappy, just like as taking drugs make them happy
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You are right about replacing old bad habits by new ones. I realized it too after my first day. About doing literally nothing - I would be happy if I could achieve that Then I would rank among greatest yogi of all times
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Than you are one day ahead of me. Keep doing good job, I am with you !
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First of all - Big "Thank You" to you all for support and advice ! It really helps and I feel more obliged to achieve my goals. Results: Day 1 1) Fapping - 0 2) Internet shit - 0 3) Games - 0 =========== 4) Emotional eating increased dramatically. 5) More energy. 6) Meditated for 2 hours, which is way more than usual. I noticed that I started to visit our forum frequently and was eating more. IMO it's a compensation for quitting internet and games. Therefore I modified my challenge a little. From now on I'll be recording my actions (as much as I can) that leads to escape. By "escape" I understand everything that helps to avoid "do the do", "feel the real" and "be aware". Othervise I could trick myself into formally playing by the rules, but actually just replacing one type of addictions with another. E.g. quit internet and games but start heavy drinking I think that's what some of you mentioned by "replacing old bad habit with new ones" So now my goal is to become aware of all escapism in my daily life and to eliminate it as much as possible. And of course inform you of my success and failures. Emotionally I felt very nervous with frequent outbursts of rage. On the other hand, I feltmore energy and I did as many heavy / dirty jobs at house as usually in a half year. Meditation was not a necessary burden anymore, but a welcomed and pleasant relaxation.
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sleeping, binge eating, fapping, browsing shit on net, playing video games Hope to get rid of them all except sleeping and (hopefully) turn sleeping into actualization aspect someday. OK, I am starting 30 day challenge today and will made a public journal to keep me accountable. No fapping, No browsing shit on net, No playing video games from today. I'll deal with eating later, it's a little more complicated matter.
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Time Traveler replied to JessW's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
My recent experience with negative stuff. After watching Leo's video about mindfulness I started to put to use in my everyday life and try to watch everything I do and feel, particularly things I am interested in me like anger, laziness, etc. When strong emotion (like anger) emerges, there is just a second before it overwhelms me where I can say: "Oh, looks like I'm getting angry ! Let's see how it feels !" And in a few moments anger disappears. I'd be glad if it lasted longer, so I could investigate closer, but OK, let's wait for the next time -
Thanks, Julian, Anki is pure gold. I almost learned Spanish in few days, just for fun. I can physically feel how my brain grows when I try to recall Spanish phrases for 100th time