flume

Aw, thanks a lot I don't even know what DCD means to be honest Enlighten me!

Oh I love that man Like nobody can He moves mountains and pounds them to ground again

Best-man-I-ever-met-kind-of-guy

You can make money with almost anything. The real question is: Are you deeply passionate about it?

The Marriage of Heaven and Hell “The Giants who formed this world into its sensual existence and now seem to live in it in chains, are in truth the causes of its life & the sources of all activity, but the chains are the cunning of weak and tame minds which have power to resist energy, according to the proverb, the weak in courage is strong in cunning. Thus one portion of being is the Prolific, the other the Devouring: to the devourer it seems as if the producer was in his chains, but it is not so, he only takes portions of existence and fancies that the whole. But the Prolific would cease to be Prolific unless the Devourer, as a sea, recieved the excess of his delights. Some will say: ‘Is not God alone the Prolific?’ I answer: ‘God only Acts & Is, in existing beings or Men.” - William Blake https://the-inward-morning.com/journal/the-marriage-of-heaven-and-hell

Not Quite Back Yet Primal therapy has changed me, in subtle and obvious ways. I feel like I'm having a much wider view on reality now, whereas before I could only see a tiny bit. It also seems like the beginning of a process that will unfold for many weeks, months and years to come. I'm not quite ready to come back to high-energy-me as I'm feeling extremely vulnerable and open, but in a good way. I just need time to rest now. This felt like doing an 8-day surgery on myself, putting myself through a meat grinder, taking it all apart in agony, just to lovingly put the remaining pieces back together at last. Jesus Christ. Time to rest. "There's no freedom without freedom from the past." Many things cooking though. Things are getting very interesting. Love you all so much! And to everyone who’s not getting responses from me at the moment, thank you for your patience and understanding. https://the-inward-morning.com/journal/not-quite-back-yet

Awesome tantra playlist ?? https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5Z7j0sZAsoEabE3T7MjAus?si=be98841d32944bb7

Well, at least it gave me the "ew-feeling". I think nothing ultimately comes across that isn't genuine. Could be. Learning day by day

@Raptorsin7 Depends. In the morning: me. After coffee: him

Needing space (entry from one week ago) We've gotten a bit agitated at each other the past days. We're planning on moving in together soon and we're spending a lot more time together than we used to. Going from long distance to moving into the same apartment is quite a step. So something felt off. I felt needy and unfulfilled, even though we spent a lot of time together. I felt like he was somewhere else in his head. Not really with me. And that all the sweet things he did for me, he didn't always want to do. He felt a need to pull away. He needed to be alone. He needed a break from all the craziness I'm going through. It got strongest last night, when I got my period and was in a lot of pain. He decided to stay, to "be there for me" even though he actually wanted to be somewhere else. That was not a good idea. I somehow felt it and felt like shit. None of the soothing he gave me was really satisfying. When we honestly started talking about it today, it made me feel horrible to have been "taken care of" against his innate desire. He was there for me because he felt obligated to? Eww. Such a disgusting feeling in my body to hear that. I'm glad we're finally talking about it though. This has been building up for a few days. _______________ Gladly, we're currently reading a book that talks all about a mans need to pull away from time to time. So even though we both know now that that tendency is heathy, it just felt scary for him to admit. It would be so easy to neglect that feeling that says "This doesn't feel right anymore, I think a boundary is crossed". I had the same feeling in reverse when I sometimes let him do things in bed I didn't feel like doing in that moment. It's difficult to put a stop to it. You want to do it to make the other person feel good, so why not play along. There seems to be this belief that, if you love someone, you should always want to be there for them. Be a servant to their every wish, always wanting to be close. And if you start pulling away, you'll never come back. I'm basically admitting I'm not in love, right? Wrong. You can't actually feel love and attraction to another person if you don't spend time apart. We're both very creative and independent people with many cool ideas and interests. It's a full time job to honour them all. But it makes us who we are. It also makes us into the person the other one loves and appreciates. So we made an agreement to honour our individualities more. To consciously schedule in time apart. To not loose feeling ourselves as individual people. And to thereby enrich our relationship. Yes, I love it when he's there for me, but I can tell if it's real or not. He can love me more deeply when he feels himself fully. When he comes from that place, there's pure love in his eyes and taking care of me actually makes him stronger. And if that is not the case, I have other people and tools available to help me. I'm ultimately guiding myself when it comes to healing my shit, and I don't feel like putting this onto him alone anyways. Sometimes we're just not ready to be with each other yet. And that's ok. I miss my alone time too. So here's our agreement, we hung it up on the fridge: It says: Agreement 1. Boundaries I, Erik, agree to practice taking space when I need space. I, Maria, agree to not taking it personally or making Erik feel guilty when he needs space. We both know that a mans need to pull away is healthy & natural. It allows him to be more loving & present at the times he does spend with his partner. 2. Alone time & individuality We both agree to honour the other's individuality and need for alone time, and make an effort to schedule it and communicate about it. We both understand that our relationship will only benefit from the time we take to explore our own interests. 3. More boundaries I, Maria, agree to practice not neglecting my boundaries in bed just because I want to make Erik feel good. I, Erik, agree to practice not taking it personally when Maria says she doesn't like something. * It's not gonna be easy to implement this, but it's really the only chance we have. We're not gonna settle for a relationship that doesn't feel good. Nothing but 100% honesty is gonna fly. So we did. Here's a few thoughts on the time we spent apart: Maria I spent time with my family. It took a lot to not retract into making him feel guilty. That day was a bit of a roller coaster ride to be honest. But I enjoyed spending the day connecting with the kids, spending time in nature, take my favourite book, take a dip in the river. So many creative ideas bubbled up that can really only come when I'm not surrounded by other people. I could really feel myself again, my creativity. Feels great to be me again. The me only I know. Erik Felt really scary to just go with what I deep down feel like. Am I admitting I'm not in love? That's the fear. But it's wrong. I still love her just as much. But I feel like working on something alone right now. Is it about other women? Nope. Don't feel like having any woman around at this moment. I'm not even thinking about sex, and porn couldn't hold my attention. I just feel like getting purposeful work done, and talk to guys about getting purposeful work done. What if I never come back? Ah, the good old false fear that a state is permanent. A state is never permanent. Just gotta trust.

Happier Than Ever ?

Scarcity is a mindset, abundance a reality. Hashtag homegrown ??

Primal Therapy Off to a primal childhood decondtioning retreat. This is gonna be such a trip. A trip of personal growth, trauma healing and embodied spirituality. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm already glad I decided to do this. _________ Dear childhood self: I'm here now. Picking up the pieces and parts of me I left behind. I promised I would come back one day and make it right. Now's the time. Hurt people hurt people. Let's break the cycle. "Peace with our past, love in our present, and openness to our future." See you in 2 weeks folks. More pictures: https://the-inward-morning.com/journal/primal-therapy

"Love is the sea where intellect drowns." - Rumi

Thanks for the feedback Michael!

When a child is born When a child is born, the world seems to holds its breath. Time stands still. Presence fills the room. The presence of innocence and love. Looking at this child, we can’t help but be touched by the mystery we live in. Looking at each other, we suddenly know that its nothing short of a miracle that we’re here. https://the-inward-morning.com/journal/when-a-child-is-born

After my first "awakening experience" I had no idea how to put into words the beauty of what I've seen, the trust it created, the meaning it gave to my life. Some time later, I heard this excerpt from The Divine Comedy and I teared up because it so perfectly described what I've seen. All I wanted to do was read this poem for days. "I have been in that heaven the most illumined by light from Him And seen things which to utter, He who returns hath neither skill nor knowledge. For as it nears the object of its yearning, Our intellect is overwhelmed so deeply It never can retrace the path it followed. But whatsoever of the holy Kingdom Was in the power of memory to treasure Will be my theme until the song is ended.” - Dante

I really love that mechanism. Can observe it in so many things. INFJ to the core I'm not sure about Enneagram types. Do you know a good test you can recommend? I get different numbers every time I take one. I also don't get the "wing" thing. So I haven't really looked into it. I get 4 and 5 a lot. Also 9.

"In all intellectual debates, both sides tend to be correct in what they affirm, and wrong in what they deny." - John Stuart Mill

Overwhelm Part 2: Resolve and shifting the lens Dear uneasy feeling of overwhelm, thank you for helping me. I'm not sure how to deal with you when you arise, but I'm sure you're only here to help me evolve. I'm here now, to listen. I'll be as open as I can to your answers. What is it you want to tell me? So you're being as open as you can? Yes. Then you wouldn't have a problem with me arising. Are you forcing me to stay open? You're still trying to anchor yourself in things that don't define you. I'll just crank up the heat until you get that that doesn't work. Isn't that a super ungrounded way to live? When nothing is certain? It's probably the most sane way to live. Look around you, how do people live who want to secure things into place? Read full journal post: https://the-inward-morning.com/journal/overwhelm-part-2-resolve-and-shifting-the-lens Side note: This was 2 days ago. Can't say I'm implementing what I've learned at the minute. I'm a stressed chicken if there ever was one

@RendHeaven I don't even know what to say about that

Bigger vision! “If you want to build a ship, don’t herd people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea. One will weave the canvas; another will fell a tree by the light of his ax. Yet another will forge nails, and there will be others who observe the stars to learn how to navigate. And yet all will be as one. Building a boat isn’t about weaving canvas, forging nails, or reading the sky. It’s about giving a shared taste for the sea, by the light of which you will see nothing contradictory but rather a community of love." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Overwhelm. Again and again. I woke up in pain. Emotional pain. The pain of going through the same struggles again and again and again. "I should have gotten up earlier. I should have read, meditated, done yoga, etc. by now." I feel anxious about work, like I've already done everything wrong even though I haven't even gone there yet. Like its inevitable that I'm gonna disappoint... Read full journal post: https://the-inward-morning.com/journal/overwhelm-again-and-again

So exciting! Hands down, best descriptions of Ni I've ever read. Beautiful! This journal man... Written like a true INFJ. Wanna be best friends?