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I’ve never been completely raw for a long time but I know the more raw food I eat the more energised I become. When I eat mostly raw, it’s like I wake up with 5 energy drinks in my blood. I feel out of this world. Almost to a degree that it’s uncomfortable because I don’t know what to do with all the energy. If I wouldn’t eat root veggies and grains to ground me, I think I’d literally fly away. I’m thinking it could be good for long mediation sessions as raw food is usually easily digested and leaves you feeling light and with a crisp mind. As @Michael569 said, on the long run it’s gonna be difficult to get everything you need as such a diet is not nutritionally adequate. Especially protein, calcium and zinc. If you wanna be serious about this, maybe get some raw protein powder and supplements (and do a lot more research on it). It’ll be hella expensive too! I only do it in the summer when I’m able to grow most of what I eat myself. I also couldn’t do without warm, cooked, spiced food when it’s cold outside, but that’s just me. If you do it, you’ll have to eat a lot, eat often, chew a lot, pay a lot. You can for starters try to maybe eat one raw meal a day or just incorporate more raw fruits and veggies in general and see how you feel. A combination of both works best for me. It’s not true (from my research) that eating a vegetable raw for example is always better than cooked. Cooking makes some nutrients more absorbable and others less. It’s just different.

I see lots of (good) advice around here concerning fasting, gym programs, food plans, etc. All of this is great if you’re trying to loose some pounds and get into shape. But if food is anything more than nourishment for you, if it consumes your thoughts and you’re stuck in cycles of restriction and shame, sometimes for years, then the problem lies somewhere else. Simply put: If you eat in response to negative emotions, health advice is not what you need. The only reason why you’re carrying excess weight is because you think you need it. It serves you in some way. Think for a minute about how being big/ overeating serves you. There’s reasons there. Here’s some reasons why you might be carrying excess weight: Nothing/ no one can hold you, so you must hold yourself, sooth yourself. Maybe you’re afraid of people hurting you. Paradoxically enough, in our society being fat is a great way to hide. The opposite sex won’t be interested in you, so no one’s able to hurt you. You’re protecting yourself from the attention of men/woman unconsciously. Maybe you hold on because you’re afraid you’re gonna be denied at some point in the future. If you have an eating disorder, your relationship with food equals your relationship with love. What you might have learned in early childhood is that you need love so desperately to feel soothed, but it's scares. When you get it, you can't control yourself around it because there's such desperation for it. And when you do take it in, there’s a consequence. You feel guilty, you over - indulge, it’s poisonous. What happened when you showed negative emotions as a child? Were they validated? Hell no. You were taught they’re not tolerated. You were conditioned to deny and reject them, to run away from them and fill the pain in an ‘acceptable’ way. You’re probably still doing that. Think about when you started gaining weight. Probably something significant happened. A difficult relationship with food is a good indicator for sexual abuse or other severely traumatic childhood experiences. It could also be more subtle than that. I know for me, I always felt like I need to take care of my own needs, that no-one is looking out/ providing for me. I can’t be sure that there’s food for me when I’m with my parents. Basically I can only trust myself and I’m scared to be left alone to die if I give some of that responsibility away. That made me greedy and controlling… It’s disgusting, I used to hate that about myself. I can hide it and I learned how to be generous with others but it’s much more difficult to let loose with myself. You must learn to see that being overweight/ binging is serving a purpose. They actually tried to make overweight people to stop overeating/ loose weight and a big number of them fell either into brutal depression, panic or rage. Some of them became suicidal. You might have looked at that problem in the wrong way all together. You don’t need to be told what to eat, you probably know perfectly well what to eat. You need to be listened to and understand why you eat. Being overweight is a signal. It’s trying to tell you something. It’s not a problem in itself. Stop asking what’s wrong with you, start asking what happened to you. It’s not a problem in itself, it’s an indicator. You need to heal. Just as a personal example I’ve been eating healthy pretty much all my life. I love cooking and have a passion for food and working out, yet still I gain weight when I’m (too) alone. If I don’t have people around me I can rely on it just happens, even though nothing about my eating changes. I get into a weird obsessive spiral as soon as I think about it too much, my relationship with food changes completely and then it’s all downhill from there. It’s my way of coping. It could just as well be cigarettes or drugs, it really doesn’t matter. There’s probably so much more to say about this, but who cares. The most important thing is that you get help. If you’re an emotional eater and if any of those things ring true to you, get help. You’re trapped and you’re not gonna get out of this alone. The first and most important think is to talk to someone about it. Just talking about it has a significant potential to better things. Don’t lock it away! Find a member of your family or a friend that you can fully open up to about this. Or go to a therapist. Talk to someone face to face, not on the internet. Feel free to send me a message anytime if you need someone to talk about this, I’m happy to listen. I mean it, don’t hesitate. Please. Just. Fucking. Talk. To. Someone. DO IT!

@billiesimon I’m terribly shy as well. Meditation helped me a lot to find an inner ground that can’t be shaken by the outside world anymore. It’s still small but it’s growing everyday. I can recommend ‘The Six Pillars Of Self - Esteem’ by Nathaniel Brandon to learn and practice inner stability as well. You might come to a point where you genuinely don’t have to rely on other people’s opinions about you anymore and it will be much easier to be authentic in social settings then. If you have to retrieve till then, let yourself. There’s a time and place to get back out of it and there’s a good chance you’ll love and appreciate people much more once you do. Buuuuuut…. You can also dance around shyness and other obstacles quite a lot. I do that all the time. It’s like a blind spot. Especially when you’re alone, you might not realise a lot of things that are actually standing in your way. So I’d say it’s a good thing that you recognise where you’re ‘stuck’. Of course to learn you must also practice. Commit to doing something to push yourself out of your comfort zone everyday or every week. Don’t overdo it, one step at a time. Maybe you’re also just not excessively social. That’s fine. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Many self help teachers portray the outgoing extrovert ideal, but that’s not the only valid way to go about life. (Read ‘Quiet’ by Susan Cain if you identify as an introvert) Together with mindfulness mediation and challenging yourself regularly, these books might make you more comfortable to go about social situations your way.

I was fully awake all the time, until it wore off and I felt those little 'worms' moving inside of me. Then I was falling asleep slowly. The shocks woke me back up a bit but I was quickly gone. (What the hell, I just typed the first sentence, made a mistake and wrote 'worms' loving inside of me instead of moving inside of me. Even the first time I tried to correct it, I typed it wrong again. Then my brain skipped a second and I felt a weird shiver in my body. Hahahaha literally laughing out loud right now.) To be honest, I'm a bit scared of that. But you have a point, seems to be a good gateway for these kind of questions. Thanks! Haha I'm not ready to die

If she's leaving you for that you don't want to be with her in the long run anyway. Woman have to work on themselves just as much. It doesn't all depend on you. Maybe they go for them first because they seem secure and confident. But I'm guessing they're not staying for long. And if they do, then it's probably not very fulfilling. I'd say most relationships are actually very unhealthy. So don't use them as an indicator. If you want a woman to provide you with an open heart, you'll need to provide her with a sense of direction and confidence first. It's all about being able to give and to receive. It's a beautiful game. The good thing is, you can get there. I'd say stop hiding. You have one life. Try and be yourself. See what happens. If you really wanna be happy, there's no value in hiding :-) Easier said than done, I know! Good luck :-)

Thanks for all of your replies. @SunnyNewDay @ThinAir @Natasha The thing is, I literally don't really feel different or like anything has been cleared at all. Maybe at some point I'll understand what it was, now I'm just puzzled. It felt like someone elses emotions that just needed a body to work it out. I never heard about something like that though. @Flatworld Crusades I say 'dark' because it was physical pain in my body and it felt super dense and stuck. Before my inner eye the colour black came up. Not necessarily evil, more like 'hurt'. @tsuki Because I don't really know where to start. I thought maybe someone had a similar experience. How can I work through something that isn't mine? It literally just happened 'to my body', it didn't touch me. It's gone again as fast as it came.

@billiesimon @Psyche_92 I get that it might seem sadistic, but I think it’s something else. The truth is, most woman have probably been in the situation where a guy left them right after having sex. (Or whatever other ego - gratification they needed) They liked them for their shell and threw them away afterwards. Going through that makes men seem very untrustworthy. I’m guessing that’s where that behaviour comes from. It’s such deep suspicion that you’re basically always on the lookout for what the other one needs from you or wants to get out of being with you. (I think this problem runs much deeper than that. In a sense ‘love’ is always tied to ‘getting something’ for most people. Maybe we just pick up on that immediately and get defensive. Non - neediness is probably the ultimate goal. But let’s not get into that now.) So to get these urges under control might be really hard but you’re probably gonna be a ‘one in a million’ kind of guy and lots of good things will come your way in return. Woman want sense of continuity, groundedness and direction, not only in sex but also in life. It’s just much clearer to see during sex initially. What you get in return is an ever giving heart and compassion that can heal you deeply. Of course, you need to be vulnerable enough yourself to receive those things. It all comes down to inner stability, a sense of centeredness that never goes away. A still, deep ocean, grounded in itself. Without that taking over your humbleness, openness and vulnerability of course. It’s a difficult line to walk, but it’s possible. It’s something you’ll become better and better at anyway if you do lots of personal development work. So in a sense you don’t have to worry about it. There’s no way you can fake that anyway.

@DrewNows I understand where you’re coming from but that just wouldn’t work. You have a fundamental connection to your parents, they birthed you. You’re loyal to them no matter what. It’s not always a good connection, but it’s a connection nevertheless. They’re not gonna accept a guru. Taking children away is the total opposite of moving towards love. They did that a lot years back (and still do). They saw that it didn’t work. Taking them away is/should be the very very last option you consider in case of emergency. Whenever you take people’s choice away there’s resistance anyway. And I’m not sure that there’s any greater pain than having your child taken away from you. Work with the parents, not against them. Raise their consciousness and help them to be mindful. They genuinely want the best for their children, they just don’t always know how. Lots of things they’re doing well. If you’re not willing to see that, you’ve lost them already. Raising children is a lot of work too. There’s a good chance you only have the endurance to do that for your own children. If you really want them to express love and creativity, you need to be present with them. One guru (or even many) is not gonna cut it. Also not sure if no contrast in human beings is what we’re looking for? Aren’t we here to experience what it means to be a separate human being? (I don’t know, just thinking out loud :D) I like to think that you need to develop fully as a human being first in order to let it all go again. And that means a secure background, knowing where you’re coming from. Imo taking children away from their family would probably leave both side in despair and would move everyone even further away from holism.

I don't know. How could I? ;-) I'm just speaking from experience. You can trust your books if you want to. Obviously it takes more than a bit of humour and social skills to land a woman. I know you know but I'd say try for yourself. Put in the work and report back to us in 5 years. The moment you stop needing their approval is probably the moment they'll all come flying towards you. The energy of an authentic, developed, confident, loving man (or woman for that matter) is insane. It's like a magnetic pull you can't resist ;-) Works like magic. Maybe check out this post: All the best!

@arlin @jbram2002 As far as I’m concerned, I don’t think you can separate looks and personality so easily. How you feel and think about the world and yourself reflects in the tone of your voice, your posture, if you make eye contact or not. Your outside reflects your inside. Not in what colour your hair is, but in the way you carry yourself. Nothing comes ‘first’. And even if, good looks might give you a slight advantage, but you can’t hide being boring, arrogant or a macho for long. I like to believe woman pick up on that in no time. Probably men do too. Also, we make out our mind about someone in a matter of milliseconds anyway. You can’t go about attraction ‘the wrong way’. It’s nothing you ‘decide’. (My theory, not truth) Well said! :-)

Hi @Shaun, I've experienced that on a small scale before. It feels terrible to let things go that you thought would always give you refuge and joy. Like everything is emptiness. Sometimes creativity and joy comes back three times as hard at the end though, and you'll suddenly want to create for different reasons. So I'm glad I didn't throw out all my gear yet. You sound very drained though and I sense a strong wish to connect. Isn't there anyone on this forum living in your area? Maybe check out this site too: https://spiritualcrisisnetwork.uk Must be hard to feel like this for many months. I wish you all the best!

Curious if maybe some of you are in a similar situation and this resonates. I’ve been living abroad all of my adult life. I moved 5 times, new people every time, new languages. Everything I own fits into one backpack. Always ready to move. Meeting lots of people but never really making lasting connections. I barely have friends at all. No real responsibilities, no one responsible for me. I feel like that’s the dream that is portrayed to/by my generation. If you can afford to see lots of the world, you’ll somehow be happier, know more, be more mature than the rest. And yes, travelling taught me great lessons: Taking responsibility for my life, being alone with myself, taking in lots of different ways of living, being open minded. It always felt very ‘me’ to have all my options open. Move on impulse, take risks. Somehow though, over the years, I felt more and more like I was fooling myself. Having nothing and nowhere to hold onto left me feeling alienated. Lost. Like having no roots. Like floating through space. Naturally I was thinking about ending this adventure and going back home. I pushed that thought away for years. I somehow have this image of myself travelling the world. Tons of options, hundreds of voices in my head. “It’s just not the right country. You haven’t done it long enough. You’re just scared of really being alone. Don’t risk getting comfortable. If you go back, you’re missing out on great lessons.” So I found myself standing in front of my next decision: I am moving again. What country is next? Or am I going home? What to do when there’s hundreds of voices in your head? Here’s what got me out of it: Intuition. Leo has a video on it where he talks about how the right choice (or your intuition) doesn’t defend itself. It’s an idea, standing surrounded by stillness. No strings attached. Look and see how all the other options have lots of “because” surrounding them. Believe me, I’ve made tons of pro and con lists in my head, about all sorts of things. For me, it never led me to the right decisions. This simple trick really works if you’re somewhat in touch with yourself. When I finally decided to go back home I broke down in tears. I’m so happy I’ll be close to my family again. Do you ever feel pulled back to where you came from? Enough individualism for me at the moment. I’m excited to be part of a community again, ready to serve. Finding fulfilment in living for others. I couldn’t admit for so long how dishonest I’ve been to myself for many years. My ego is huge when it comes to this whole travelling thing. Like really huge. I can see much clearer now how it’s just hurting myself. Of course it also pains me to admit to that and finally putting it down. The dream I thought I had. But what I’ve recently felt more and more is that there’s nothing’s really “out there” anyway. “I’ll be happy when…” literally never works.

"The light which puts out our eyes is darkness to us. Only that day dawns to which we are awake. There is more day to dawn. The sun is but a morning star." - Henry David Thoreau

@Shin Haha I actually just did a couple of weeks ago when I signed up here.

@bejapuskas @ivory @Shin @Gabriel Antonio Thank you for your lovely replies. It's a bit of a silly thing to struggle with but that's why I'm here. I wanna practice and make myself uncomfortable. Get out of the identity - mindset. It's funny because for years now I just avoided social media and thought I've gotten over the problem. So no, I'll keep my picture and I do want to share personal things Haha, this is already killing me.

@Leo Gura That's not what I wanted to say with this post at all. I think this post might have come off a lot more offensive than I intended to. I don't actually want the forum to be any different. I'm just sharing what I'm still struggling with.

INFJ. Almost scary how accurate.

@Jj13 I second that! Good luck. Do whatever split works for you. I know, personally, I'd prefer working on both things daily. Mornings and evenings for meditation, yoga, reading and journaling and then working hard during the day. I find the practices can influence each other nicely.

@ThinAir you suck

@ThinAir Totally! Let's do it! Maybe we could hang out in some random book store and drink coffee or try to read each others thoughts. Anyways, hit me up for sure. I'll beam you a message with my phone number right now. Let me know if it worked. Can't wait to give you a hug! Truly yours on forum, M.

sounds lovely! definitely my 2 favourite parts of the report

I've been taking cold showers every morning now for several weeks. Obviously, there's lots of physical benefits, as they apparently help fighting disease by strengthening the immune system. Personally, it helped me to feel more grounded in my body, as I live in my head quite a lot and as a result I don't really feel very connected to my body. If you're interested, check out this podcast: https://www.russellbrand.com/podcast/70-heal-yourself-with-the-ice-shaman-with-wim-hof/ This really convinced me to give it a shot. Most importantly though, it taught me how pain in my daily life is self inflicted. It's a one minute shower. Yet my mind potentially makes it into hours of dread, moaning about it and trying to find excuses. Such a little thing - yet so much resistance. If you take a closer look though, I don't have a problem if I'm not standing in the shower with the cold water running over me. I set myself a challenge to see how little I could suffer doing something quite uncomfortable. Because, actually: Going to bed the night before - no problem Taking off my clothes - no problem Stepping into the shower - no problem Showering - the resistance usually goes away after 10 seconds. So most of the time, I'm just anticipating something, that isn't even real yet. Realising this really helped me to take a bit of that power that my mind has over those silly things away. I see it in other areas of my life as well. What's the gain from dreading something you know you have to do anyway? Why not dance through it by taking your resistance down? And yes, I've definitely heard about the difference between pain and suffering before. It made sense in my head, but the experience of it drilled it into me much more efficiently ;-) Maybe this post can be of encouragement for some of you to try something new and uncomfortable. Make it your yoga. See how you react doing the same thing everyday. Give it a chance. Be open and learn.

Oh, Eckhart is one of a kind, isn't he? I used to think I don't 'need' his teachings. That they're maybe nice, but hey, I heard about all that stuff before. Yet every time I read his books, it does something with me. And when I listen to his voice, I don't doubt that there's nothing but truth coming out of his mouth. It's the way he presents it though. It would be so easy to just skip through. Everything he says is so obvious. He speaks so clearly that it makes it difficult to see. It's easy to miss. Like a light, so bright, and right in front of you, that you need to develop some skills to look at it for any more than a few seconds. Otherwise it does nothing to you. "The Unmanifested does not liberate you until you enter it consciously. That's why Jesus did not say: the truth will make you free, but rather: 'You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.' This is not a conceptual truth. It is the truth of eternal life beyond form, which is known directly or not at all." Again and again: words are not enough. Warm regards!

Hi, here's some of my thoughts when reading this: You said you're not pursuing sex because of this worry that you couldn't perform. And you feel like you want to get 'back' to 'normal' - how it was before, when you could perform and you wonder what has changed. I often experienced that in self development there is no way back. It can be quite scary when something has been a certain way all our lives and everyone around us is doing the same. Like chasing sex and getting a sense of satisfaction from it. But observing the mind forces us to look deeply into our patterns and often shows us how empty they leave us. Seeing things clearly robs you of the ability to get a fix from it. Automatically, you detach from it. I know the same thing happened to me when I started meditating. My sex drive disappeared for months, yet I felt more loving than ever. I guess you might also wonder whether you will ever have 'normal' sex again. All I can say is: You might not, but there are better things ahead of you. You'll attract more meaningful connections where you can be truly open and vulnerable, which also means sex on a whole other level. Did you ever ask yourself what would happen if you saw this whole situation as growth, rather than an issue? Maybe chasing girls just doesn't serve you at the moment. Consider it. Sometimes it's the ego wanting to make a problem out of things that actually aren't really problems. Playing those kind of games keeps you involved in things that aren't actually problematic. What is it you feel bad about? Or do you maybe just think it's something you should feel bad about? Kind wishes!