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Humans are living far too removed from the reality of sourcing their own food that they end up debating about things they have no idea about on the internet. This wasn’t up for discussion 100 years ago. Not because of lacking moral development but because the question answers itself if you work to produce your own food everyday. Take care of a garden and a few animals and you’ll soon find that life and death is not as clearly defined as you thought it was. You’re not above one another, you’re both serving something higher by taking care of one another. Of course factory farming is horrific. It’s the epitome of unconsciousness. Yet the act of sourcing animal products in itself isn’t the problem, unconsciousness is the problem.

Would that you could live on the fragrance of the earth, and like an air plant be sustained by the light. But since you must kill to eat, and rob the newly born of its mother's milk to quench your thirst, let it then be an act of worship. And let your board stand an altar on which the pure and the innocent of forest and plain are sacrificed for that which is purer and still more innocent in man. When you kill a beast say to him in your heart, "By the same power that slays you, I too am slain; and I too shall be consumed. For the law that delivered you into my hand shall deliver me into a mightier hand. Your blood and my blood is naught but the sap that feeds the tree of heaven." Kahlil Gibran

Wow! Such good advice @Serotoninluv @Identity Of course there’s no validity to it. That point will never come. And reality doesn’t care about your life circumstances. Awakening is so unpredictable, so illogical… We can’t compare it to other things in our life that are developing in a linear manner. Sure, consciousness expands gradually but sometimes also in quantum leaps. For me, the more I get into ‘it’, the less I know. Reality is full of strange loops and I just feel more confused than ever most of the time... I totally resonate with your thoughts though. It’s just fear grasping at you. Might seem like you want awakening, but really it’s the scariest thing you’ll ever encounter. And it sure won’t happen when we want it to. Welcome to reality. You ready to give up control? ;-) What helps me is to stay in a state of not knowing and giving up control over it. We can’t make it happen anyway. My way to approach this issue lately is: I do what I can everyday to devote my life to the truth. All the rest is not up to me and I genuinely have no idea what’s gonna happen with my life.

@Preety_India You seem like you have tons of walls around your heart that no one could ever break through judging from all the posts I’ve read from you on this forum. Just so you know, guys don’t care to pursue you if they feel like they can’t get through to you anyway. Being cold or distant doesn’t intrigue them. Even (and especially maybe) a very good quality man won’t put up with a ton of mistrusting behaviour. Good men value warmth, openness, receptivity and kindness. There’s a difference between being high value and knowing what you want and being distant, distrusting basically afraid of what others can do to you. The line is a fine one often. I’m saying this to you because I used to be the same and I can sense the avoidance just in the way you write. You might wanna look into that, preferably with a therapist. All the best!

@Galyna This is from his journal: “If with closed ears and eyes I consult consciousness for a moment, immediately are all walls and barriers dissipated, earth rolls from under me, and I float in the midst of an unknown and infinite sea, or else heave and swell like a vast ocean of thought, without rock or headland, where are all riddles solved, all straight lines making there their two ends to meet, eternity and space gambolling familiarly through my depths. I am from the beginning, knowing no end, no aim. No sun illumines me, for I dissolve all lesser lights in my own intenser and steadier light. I am a restful kernel in the magazine of the universe. Men are constantly dinging in my ears their fair theories and plausible solutions of the universe, but ever there is no help, and I return again to my shoreless, islandless ocean.” I think everything is said. There’s no way you can deny God for very long if you pay so close attention to nature as he did. I recommend reading his work directly btw, not what others have said about him. Especially Walden and his journals… I can’t imagine a better waste of my time ;-) STAHP

This just brought me to tears, so I thought I'd share it: "You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life? The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light. If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one. In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity. Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour. Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling? For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered? Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance." Khalil Gibran

That's good but might be a bit dry for me to get through. Anyway, if anything particularly related to Psoriasis or auto immune issues come to mind, let me know. Or anyone else reading this :-) Thanks again!

I’ve been struggling with psoriasis since my early teenage years. When I went to the doctor back then she told me that I had to apply corticosteroid-containing treatment if I wanted to keep it under control. I kindly refused. I’m quite lucky since it really only affects (effects? Help me out, native speakers!) a thin line on my scalp. I’m keeping it somewhat under control since my diet is pretty healthy and I lead a rather simple, stress-free life. I go through weeks and months where I forget I even have it. But there are ups and downs. It’s hard for me to really pinpoint what is triggering it. Sugar definitely does. Stress and cold weather probably do too. But so often all of these things go together… For reference: I eat a mostly plant based, whole foods diet. But there’s still some sugar and gluten. I've never used any treatment and as I’ve said, it’s actually quite manageable. To be honest, I get a bit overwhelmed researching this topic. So many different approaches seem to have worked for different people. Some even argue it’s purely psychosomatic. Has anyone maybe experimented with natural treatments? Any particular foods to stay away from? Any recommendations/ thoughts/ experiences are greatly appreciated. Much itchy love from me to you!

@Michael569 Wow, thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I truly appreciate it! I can't quite go back to cronometer yet as I'm trying to get over some obsessive eating patterns but I think from what I remember my nutrient intake should be fine. I take B12 and Vitamin D supplements and I have my blood drawn once a year. I'll check out some sources of zinc! And I should get myself some brazil nuts for sure. Thanks for the tip! Is this only the case for oil or should I stay from too much fat in general? I kind of eat a lot of fat like nuts and seeds, avocados, olives, coconut, etc. Hm, I actually thought about maybe trying fish again since it seems beneficial for so many things. It would feel weird after a decade of not eating it but my brother actually fishes right out the river we live by, so it would be somewhat bearable from an ethical and ecological point of view. Since you're so knowledgeable, do you have any book recommendations for me? I really got into nutrition 5 years ago, I read a lot about vegan diets (How Not To Die by Michael Greger for example) and just lived by what I've learned back then ever since. But I feel like it might be time for some new perspectives. Someone I know recommended "One Spirit Medicine" to me by Alberto Villoldo. He says fish i majorly important and advices to stay away from too many carbs. He then ties the book up in a somewhat holistic way by explaining how we can only align with our true nature if we nurture the body in the right way. Phew, I feel like nutrition is really one of the most controversial topics there are. Sometimes I really don't know where to begin, what to believe and what would even be worth trying out...

@Sleyker I think we can trust the course to get us there :-)

@Eph75 Well said :-) @SoothedByRain Why have so much of your time taken up by thinking about what most woman do, how relationships should be, etc? Woman this, woman that. It’s none of your business (I say that in the kindest way possible :-) You’re losing yourself out in the world. Take this as a gentle invitation that maybe it’s time to come back to yourself. Which of these things are really under your control? Very little. The rest is reality and reality is taking care of it’s own business. Letting others go through their own development = Love. I get the frustration, I often wonder if there really are any quality men out there. From what I’ve seen so far almost all men lie to themselves, they have no idea what to do with their lives, they’re run by lower needs, are selfish, show no integrity, etc. But you can see the drama, the dysfunction, the neediness and still realise that they need to go through their own development. To be honest it really doesn’t bother me anymore. If you know your worth, you just need some patience filtering through a lot of people but eventually the people coming and staying in your experience always mirror your stage of development. So, if you want a woman like you’re describing, you better stay on top of your game and become a very high value man. I know it’s always portrayed that woman have so many options, and in a sense they do. But only because they’ve never been with a man that truly makes them feel safe and seen. Most woman have no idea how good a relationship could feel. So if you develop yourself to deliver that you’ll be invaluable to a great woman in the future. :-) I mean in the end you really only need one. And you better believe she’s out there. Or, of course, if you’re not looking for a long term partner but just casual stuff it might make sense to think about these things. In that case I apologise :-) This is my invitation: Come back to these questions: What do I want? What do I need? What can I give? What is under my control?

Revisit a life we both left behind We don't know the harm Move to the ever moving, all blazing, we go over and over, and over and over again If I wait too long, I lose you from my sight, maybe tonight I could stop dreaming and start believing in forever and ever, and ever and ever again Reunion Reunion When there's burning inside, do you give it up? How long should I wait? There's no need to hide, when there's only you in here There's an end to us with someone else in sight, you shine your light And there goes that feeling, won't let me see them Never not ever, never not ever again Did I See you See me In a new light?

The past weeks I went through a real low. I was majorly confused, I couldn’t get myself to go to the gym, to meditate, I didn’t want to write. I didn’t even make my bed yesterday which is saying a lot if you know me. Haha. Self judgment was huge, questioning if any of this is even working. My mind was so busy and unclear, I felt like my meditation skills all left me and I was a useless, unconscious blob. It’s like I didn’t know who I was anymore. I slept 12+ hours a day, remembering 6 or more dreams every night, dreams of fire and floods, about responsibility, layered dreams of awakening… And then I woke up and went through my day like a blindfolded sheep in the middle of a maze. I’m usually so clear on making decisions, but now, the smallest decision overwhelmed me completely. An ego backlash by the book, what else could I have expected? I should really start counting on those. I somehow do but it’s still such a pain every time I go through it. Leo’s episode on Ego backlash gave me some perspective. Oh boy, I’ve come back to this video so often already. But today, things are slowly getting better again. It’s like life beat me down hard but is offering some reconciliation. A book that came to me at just the right time, a lucid dream, a nice conversation, a good therapy session, hyper focus and presence during meditation even though I slaked off a bit lately. And all of that in one day. My day was filled with wonders. Or rather: I’ve regained the ability to recognise them. That’s just how it always is: A spike upwards, a spike downwards, a slow progression upwards and then a new plateau that was 2% better than the one before. Haha. Welcome to reality. You really can’t rush progress, can you. These lyrics hit home during those days:

@Sleyker I feel like I do live my purpose everyday by helping others. I'm a social worker and I love my job dearly, it's very much aligned with my values at the moment. On top of it I'm learning so much about myself and many practical things that will be helpful to me in the future. I wanna be self employed one day though so I just started taking the course. I'm curious as to where it leads me, I have about 20 different scenarios painted out in my mind about what I wanna be doing with my life

@Sleyker Those things aren’t at odds at all :-) You can help to “actually awaken people” by writing books. You can “help people understand all of reality” as a primary school teacher. You can “raise other people’s consciousness” with food, music, comedy, art, etc. We’re all on a path towards awakening. And look at all the things that have helped you on your way. It wasn’t just Leo. It was all the above and much more. It’s just a matter of finding something that’s congenial with your passion. Having fun along the way, so to say :-) Ultimately you can’t awaken other people anyway. You can’t even awaken yourself. All you can do is assisting people gently in allowing more awareness into their experience. Become an instrument of God and let grace take care of the rest.

So much of me is dying. So much of me is coming alive.

@ivankissI don’t think anyone here can judge the situation for you. What I’ll say is that often, when you’re so involved with a person, it seems like there’s a connection that is unique and that you’ve invested too much to just let it go. Until you do. And some months down the line you’re more free than you’ve ever thought you could be. Possibilities come your way that you couldn’t have envisioned. That’s how it always was for me. As cliche as it sounds: When one door closes, another one opens. If you decide for her, you block the potential for a relationship that could come your way where you can trust fully. That decision is up to you. You can let a person go, knowing that at that time it was just what you both needed to grow, but that the time has come to move on. There’s forgiveness in appreciating what the other person has taught you. I’d say you can forgive and still decide to be true to how you feel. Because the past doesn’t have anything to do with now. How do you feel now? Does it feel healthy to be with her? Stay true to how you feel now. You seem hurt, which is never a good basis for a relationship. You’re not doing yourself, your partner or the relationship any good when you’re in pain or fear. Imagine the decisions you’re making when you’re in these emotional conditions. Seems like too many things happened. I’d say at least take a break. Be apart for some time. See if time shows you the way back to her or not. Be alone. Listen to what your heart says when you've had some distance. Cheating is a real poison. It’s not like you can just forget. Sure, relationships are never easy, you’ll always have something to work out. But honesty is the basis of every good relationship. At least in my opinion (and experience). Toxicity and those ups and downs are exciting, so is the idea of a ‘soulmate’. They keep you emotionally involved, the turmoil keeps feeding your mind, keeps you focusing on little problems. Exciting for sure. But imagine what else there could be. A good relationship can really be a launchpad for maximising love and consciousness in the world. Together. I have no good answer for this. Listen to your tummy. I think your tummy already knows. Take care!

I don’t even know where to begin. A few nights ago I got answers to every question I’ve ever asked myself. A state of unconditional love installed itself and answers came through me as clear as day. It could be described as an egoless state of service, clarity and devotion. This is the third time I’ve experienced this feeling in the past year (first two times ‘sober’, now with some ‘help’ ;-) and every time it happens I feel like it’s stabilising itself more in my everyday life. When I started to ‘come down’ a bit, I asked myself this question: “How do I keep this state when my ego is coming back and I’m starting to resist every moment so much again and my mind is divided?” The answer came immediately: “You love and embrace dividedness. It’s what makes all life possible. You’re here to explore dividedness. Enjoy it. Make your ego your best friend and just see what it does. You won’t get anywhere if you push ANY part of yourself away. Dividedness is nothing but an opportunity for love. If you apply this, nothing can threaten your enlightenment.” So I did. I gave love and non-judgemental attention to every thought I lost myself in, to every bit of confusion inside of me, to not - knowing, to every moment as it was. And the state of love didn’t go away, even though my ego came back. I can still trigger it now if I just remember this truth. Immediately I’m back in a state of oneness, just like that. This is totally overwhelming. In a way it feels light, familiar and ordinary but on the other hand it’s totally unfamiliar and like a boat that I’m not yet ready to steer. It feels like walking on a new planet. I don’t feel ready. I don’t feel worthy. I’m too young, too unexperienced and I don’t feel like I’ve worked hard enough to deserve any of this. My journey has only just begun. I have no words... It's really hard to write any of this down. Anyway, while all of this happened to ‘me’, I wanna make clear that I really can’t take any credit for it. This had nothing to do with me, I’m merely an instrument. I couldn’t stop writing for hours, so here’s a small excerpt of the insights I wrote down: “Q: Where are my negative feelings? A: I left them behind with what I thought I was.” “Q: What is God? A: The thing that experiences everything.” “Q: Am I dreaming? A: I’m always dreaming. How free you are in your dream defines how good your dream is.” “Q: Why is there ego? A: Because otherwise there wouldn’t be life. Life = Division = Movement” “Q: How do I keep myself from backsliding? A: I love my backsliding. When you love yourself as much when you progress as when you backslide, there’s no more backsliding.” “Everything I do is to hurt someone. And deep down I know it. I get presents for people so they feel bad for not getting me anything. That’s how I manipulate them into loving me. Q: How/ When do I manipulate myself/ others? A: Every time I don’t fully love myself. Q: How do I go about this? A: Just awareness.” “Love = Acceptance” “Rush is the opposite of Love.” “Q: What does it mean to love someone? A: It means to love reality.” “Letting others make their own mistakes = Love” “The force of life lifts you up every moment. It’s just a matter of being able to receive it.” “Gods gift is that you have to accept every moment just for one moment. Every moment is a new opportunity to be free.” “I can only decide for this moment. Always. There’s no such question like “Who should I be with in the future?” You should be with whoever reflects your truth at that moment the most. You’re nothing but a reflection.”

@King Merk This is the best video on bulimia I’ve come across so far: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQvNBVvCt3g Here’s how it was for me: Additionally to what she says in the video, I tend to live in the minds of other people a lot. I put everything into perspective for them so I don’t speak up because I ‘understand where they’re coming from’. But in the process of doing this, no one understands and stands in for myself. Being overly empathic I have forgotten who I was, I lost myself in the world and had no sense of self. I often disregarded myself for the sake of others. My way of healing is coming to understand this: I’m important and my only job is to communicate how I feel and stop expecting others to know how to treat me out of thin air. My feelings are valid and important, my point of view is valid and important, I deserve to be respected. You could also call this working on boundaries. Something then fell into place and I suddenly don’t feel like I’m living in a scattered world anymore. Everything becomes very clear and focused. Oh boy it feels good to not have my sense of self ‘out there’ in the world but in my centre directly. It was quite mind meddling to find out that there's really nothing enlightened about putting others needs before yours and I believe those ego boundaries have to harden first before they can soften again. I’m very much like you in the regard of food actually. I’m (sometimes a bit too) concerned with eating healthy but I tell myself that it’s important to eat healthily so it’s a fine thing to obsess over. If you’re anything like me you feel that this is a double edged sword that sometimes works for you, sometimes against you. It’s so easy to abuse something that you have so much knowledge of and that is objectively ‘good’ for your health. So the video is great and maybe you’ll understand or relate to what people come to say here, but it probably won’t really help you. I tried for a long time to resolve this issue myself because it can’t be that difficult, right? But I was just pushing myself further into it until I couldn’t anymore. Going to therapy was the only way out for me. Even if you’re working on yourself a lot, there are many obvious pattern you carry with you that are not in your awareness yet and they’re holding you back. Going to therapy is actually a very simple step but it’s not easy because you have to admit that you have a problem which you can’t solve on your own. But if I did it you can do it. All the best!

"Here, where I am surrounded by an enormous landscape, which the winds move across as they come from the seas, here I feel that there is no one anywhere who can answer for me those questions and feelings which, in their depths, have a life of their own. Be patient with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." - R. M. Rilke

@Bill W That's definitely the case for me too sometimes. That's why daily practice is so important. "Be still and know that I am God." Lovely to see you here. I totally associate you with your profile picture btw, which probably isn't even you!

Resistance is what makes me me. I’m like a stick firmly stuck in a riverbed. Water is life, so life is all around me but it can’t get through me. It’s uncomfortable to always lean against the natural flow of life, to keep asserting oneself. But it’s what I am, what I’ve done all my life so I don’t even realise how much energy it takes to keep this up. The resistance I show is my personality. Think about it, what you resist is what makes you you. Acceptance is the way, I can feel that. I always focused on accepting what’s outside of me, even some aspects about me but never my mind. There’s got to be something terribly wrong with how busy it is in there I thought. But I had a moment of opening where this sentence flashed into my mind out of nowhere: “What would happen if I accepted life as it is? What would happen if there was no division in the mind about how the mind is?” How could I overlook that? I’ve heard this so often yet it was never something I felt. But then, a small door opens and it shows you the way. That’s the difference between knowing and believing. Those kinds of insights stick so hard, there’s no leap of faith required. Accepting life would mean letting go, getting flushed away by the stream, bathing and experiencing what hat been all around me all my life. Becoming it. It would probably feel effortless and light. But… It’s so unknown, I just can’t….! ________________________ @Natasha I think about you often! Much love, thanks for checking in!

@assx95 Feels like you lost touch with your own needs by trying to embody something you’re not. Most of us aren’t ready for the kind of unconditional love Leo is talking about lately. We must first develop ourselves, get in touch with our needs and ‘harden’ our boundaries before we can ‘soften’ them again. Become a mature, stable, grounded human being that knows itself very well. (Then, later, transcendence.) Guess what, even highly conscious people still have preferences on how to live their lives (where to live, what kind of relationship they want to be in, the kind of work that they want to do). They’re not doormats. You’re just begging to be mistreated with this attitude. How do you expect her to treat you with respect if you don’t even respect yourself? It’s also very unattractive to be available anytime. She either decides for or against you and then that’s it. There’s nothing enlightening about letting her ‘be as she is’ and thereby hurting yourself. The more loving thing to do would be to recognise when pain caused unnecessarily and putting an end to it. If you want an intimate relationship and she wants an open one, split up now. You’re simply incompatible, that’s it. It’s never gonna work and there’s no one to blame for it. (Teal Swan has a video on incompatibility. All her videos on relationships are probably great for you to watch.) Love is a process of extending yourself, of growth. So yes, you have to be willing to change. You’re not gonna be able to stay the same person. But that growth is always done in a loving way, not in a self-diminishing one. If he (or she) is disregarding his needs it’s emotional abuse that becomes more and more painful. This has nothing to do with selfishness. I see that kind of gaslighting way too much in spiritual communities. Creates scattered psyches imo. Boundaries are healthy, necessary and sexy! You’ll feel them more clearly when you develop and get to know yourself more. My guess is that you don’t like setting boundaries because you’re either a) afraid to be alone or b) because you don’t know yourself well enough to know what these boundaries are or c) you do know them but don’t respect yourself enough to own them because you think you should be different (or more ‘spiritual’) Why I set boundaries? Because it creates a safe space in which love can grow. Just like children grow and unfold in a stable and respectful environment so does romantic love. Paradoxically enough, limitations can create freedom.

Losing someone you love to addiction might be the hardest thing I ever went through. And it’s been long enough. It breaks my heart to see how substance changes you and consumes every last bit of your being. There’s nothing left I can do for you at this point. I can’t make that decision for you. You’re drowning but I can’t save you. Kicking and screaming, our paths are not the same anymore. This is an act of letting go. I’m grieving even though you’re still alive. Ever since I can remember, you were the most important person in my life. And I’m losing you more and more everyday. And it’s ok. _______ Life is turbulent and wild. New work again, new people again, new passions, new car, finally making music again, so motivated to work on my career. Even daring to get back into dating. I’m really falling in love with life more everyday. Just the usual stuff is overwhelmingly beautiful, exciting, precious. So there are ups and downs. There are. Yet underneath all of this ‘I’ am fine. There’s a background to all of these experiences that just can’t be touched. And it’s growing everyday. It’s a background that doesn’t have any qualities. I can’t think about it, it has no colour or shape in my mind. Yet unmistakably it’s there. And there is peace inside of me, peace of knowing that every minute of everyday of my life I do the best I can with what I have. Always striving to become more of myself. Meditation is really staring to show some real effects in my life. I don’t know how I managed to live before, where every emotion seemed like the end of the world. Life is not happening to me, it’s happening for me. Even the bad stuff. I actually just realised that it’s been a long time since I’ve made the distinction between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things that are happening in my life. Life just is. And I’m working with it, there’s more and more moments of less and less resistance. Way to go!

Back early because life gets in the way and also... I'm a bit weak sometimes