flume

These feelings usually only become more as time goes on. For how many years have you had these thoughts? Considering you wrote a post like this 2 years ago... Also, she's not supporting you, small talk… For how many red flags are you waiting? You don't need more patience. You don’t even really need advice. If you read your own post carefully, you already know what to do. What you need is a good portion of courage. There you go: (I put some in the free space for you to grab whenever you're ready to take it) Don’t do some spiritual gymnastics to proof how evolved you are by staying with someone when it doesn't make you happy. People mesh together spirituality and intimate relationships, usually not a great idea. If you want a fulfilling relationship, be on the same page. @loub Sorry honey

Yeah, if you do all that it’s over even faster Totally agree. Once you get beyond being completely hormone-driven that can happen. And it's beautiful All I'm saying is that it's great to have an orgasm every once in a while as a woman... But I guess I'm just lazy @somegirl Hey, now that explains a lot if it was your first time. Just give it some time, most girls I know didn’t find their first time any good :-)

Well, that might be true but I know other green circles to be fair And how can a society get to green when not even green is letting people move up? Or when we don't put an emphasis on tier 2 thinking to take the edge off a bit? What he’s saying is that green shouldn’t stand in its own way by blocking other peoples development to green. Yes, all of tier 1 does that. And the above might be a minor problem in the US, but in countries with a larger green population, it’s definitely a problem. They basically encapsulate themselves by creating huge echo chambers... Quite literally a (top of the) first world problem, but an issue nevertheless. You answered your own question here, he’s advocating yellow because it’s the only way to move people up to green in healthy way. Green can't see the validity of other stages yet, so less healthy development is possible. I don't see how your opinions are at odds. To be fair, he talks about the many up- and downsides of all stages in the book. This just struck me as something really crucial where I’m living right now so I wanted to share it. Not real a ton of his work yet though, but I haven't noticed that he emphasises it so much... Weeeeeell, I agree that his language use can sound dramatic but calling it fear mongering might take it to an unnecessary extreme. I don’t think many people that aren’t ready for tier 2 would even make it 10 pages into a Ken Wilber book. The damage is probably very small

I hate to break it to you, but sex just doesn't feel amazing for most woman. I think most girls have the "I thought this was gonna be amazing"-experience when they start sleeping with men. And then they think they're doing something wrong and distrust their feelings about it. Good sex is not a given, especially for women. You need a guy that a) really turns you on and b) knows what he's doing. And honestly, 99% of guys have no clue what they're doing. Sure, you can do some research as well, but good sex is mostly a man's responsibility (because he's leading). Look into tantra. Maybe together with your bf. If you really think it's an emotional issue, consider therapy. Maybe some disappointing/ traumatic experiences occurred when you started sleeping with men. That can easily shut you down.

Shadow work I’ve actively communicated with my shadow for a couple of months now. Checking in with it almost everyday, acknowledging it, asking how I can show it respect and making sure I give it all the space it needs to just totally be itself with no judgment from my side. Nothing crazy, literally just talking to it. I did my best to build a relationship of respect with everything that is dark inside of me. (Check out video I posted earlier) So the other day I met my shadow for real for the first time as I was laying down once again. I always feel my “dark” side as an extension of my body on the left side and behind my back. Like a 1- 2 meters extension of my body that builds an aura of dark flames. So this time it didn’t want acknowledgement from a distance, it wanted to burn and rage. I felt this intense, hot presence that really needed some room to express itself. I lovingly held space for this to happen as much as I could without getting overwhelmed. I got up at some point, but it took almost en entire day. It felt like I had a fever of some kind… I was fine throughout the experience though, I knew it had to happen and that this is the way to go. Here’s the notes I tried taking in between: "WISDOM OF THE SHADOW: SUPPRESSION CREATES MONSTERS I’ll burn for all the times you made your thoughts and feelings less important for the sake of other people. And then you grew up and used spirituality to perpetuate the same pattern. Every time you “objectively observed” your feelings and emotions, as though you could just stay unengaged, observe and ignore them until they go away, they went right into your shadow. It’s like intentionally withholding love from a child that begs for your attention. Of course those thoughts go crazy then. Those things are here to help you. And you used spirituality to ignore yourself once again! It inflamed your entire being, it’s the cause of all of your agitation. You just went on calling yourself stupid, ignorant, egotistical… Like it’s a noble thing to push yourself down. This is the real meaning of inflammation. Meditation is supposed to be the opposite of denial. Yet you did exactly that. Not lovingly checking in with your experience, but trying to change all the things that just want your attention." I don’t think it’s done burning, but I’m ready for it to come back whenever it wants to. Thank you for teaching me. If I could translate the feeling into music, it’d probably be Bölzer: Dark, deep, blazing and devouring my entire being. Inner calm, outer storm My demons seeketh rest Amidst cold, raging times I am but a demon at best

Ow yes! Time to share my favourite raw hot chocolate recipe 4 TBSP of raw cashews 4 dates 2 Tbsp of raw cacao powder A pinch of vanilla bean powder A pinch of salt 2 cups of water Blend in a high speed blender until completely smooth. Heat up when needed. (Recipe by Kate Flowers) P.s.: You profile picture makes me so happy @fridjonk

Amen!

You choose the ones that feel good until you feel safe enough to slowly evolve without them. By learning to trust yourself you’ll realise that you don’t need to grip them so tightly anymore. Once you don’t feel the need to abandon and deny anything anymore (including you being a person with memories, perspectives and narratives), they’ll naturally wither out of your experience. Forcefully trying to throw them out just leads to concepts-layering (like ‘no concept’)… You’ll never rid yourself of these things wilfully… You mature beyond them by being interested in why they’re here and how they’re serving you (essentially the same thing). Befriend them and you’ll soon be able to see beyond them. Spot on!

This lockdown has been an interesting experience. I’m off work for almost all of November because I had a meditation retreat, a non-duality workshop and a seminar planned that I was kind of looking forward to for a long time. Now all of that has been cancelled due to Corona (yey Corona!) and I’m just sitting at home with loads of time on my hands. But I actually don’t mind that at all I’m not really seeing people and I have lots of uninterrupted time for creative projects and contemplation. This made me realise, once again, how much I truly benefit from being by myself and doing things on my terms. Every time I feel stressed, overwhelmed or insecure it’s basically a signal for me to spend more down time alone. I think my personality type is really made for lockdowns, I’m actually striving in this environment I’m very blessed to not really be effected by any of the (financial) consequences of the lockdown. My heart goes out to those that are! For a minute I thought about just doing a retreat at home, but after thinking about it for some time I realised that that just isn’t me anymore. Yeah sure, I could’ve come up with a crazy schedule and restrictions just to prove to myself that I can do it… And then what? Feel great about myself if I succeed, and terrible if I don’t? Nah… My life’s a bit retreat-like already anyways, so who cares. Somehow there’s just not that difference anymore between “spiritual” pursuits, creative ones, intellectual ones, family, work… The lines are becoming very blurry, which feels way better. A nice, organic transition to where it feels like my life is becoming one moving part. One of the beautiful things about the lockdown is that so many people are spending time in nature, because nature can't be locked down I’ve had a wonderful hike with friends yesterday. Here’s a picture:

@Applegarden I do, but I never recorded any of it professionally. If I do, I'll post it here

I used to have a massive habit tracker of 10-15 things to do everyday and I was quite rigorous with it. Now that doesn’t resonate so much anymore and I let go completely of any kind of to-do list for a while. Yet I still like to have an oversight of the things that are good for me. But just writing them down as a list didn’t seem very appealing either… So I’ve carried this idea of an inspiring to do list with me for weeks… I knew there was something forming in my head but I could never quite grasp it. Yesterday I was so relaxed and it suddenly just clicked. In a matter of 2 minutes this was on paper. Intuition just never lets me down I love how it has this kind of aliveness to it… Probably because it contains all fibonacci numbers Very pleased!

Me after 2 days without seated meditation Yeah, you'll never get there. You'll only ever get here. And still it's worth the journey Welcome to my journal. Happy to have you here

I don't know him too well and that's also not usually something I spend much time thinking about

Thought I’d share this recipe I always make when the colder weather comes around. It’s 2 different kinds of shots you can make without a juicer. I saw that those kinds of shots are very expensive to buy so I tried making my own… And I’m pretty happy with the result Citrus - tumeric shot 1cm of ginger 1 cm of turmeric 2 oranges 1 lemon Some cinnamon 1 tsp of raw honey (optional) Few drops of olive oil (for turmeric absorption) 1 cup of water Ginger - lemon tea shot try instead of ginger pills before tripping 4 lemons 3 cm of ginger 1 cup of water 1 tsp of raw honey (optional) Combine ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth. You’ll get this really intense thick paste. At this point you can strain the mixture through a kitchen towel (and make a huge mess), or you just use the paste as a base for drinks. I always make a big batch and freeze the paste in ice cube trays. Each morning I grab a cube out of the freezer and put it in a bis glass of either hot or sparkling water, wait a few minutes and enjoy Stay healthy everyone!

Stan is such an inspiring and nuanced thinker. It's amazing how clear and open minded he is, especially regarding his age. This interview really got me into his work a few years ago. 10/10, can recommend

@Adam M It's a fun combo

Happy you guys like it! Good point!

My approach to spirituality has changed drastically the past months. Having discovered a more loving path for myself, it feels like I’m having an allergic reaction to concepts like: No-Self, jailbreak your mind, your ego is tricking you, disassociate from your thoughts, observing and micromanaging yourself all day… It really hurts me how people are picking themselves apart on the forum sometimes and endlessly judging themselves for having an ego. It’s like saying: “Here’s a million things you do wrong everyday and hence why God is over there and you need to be super obsessive with your spiritual techniques to get there and until then you’re less than.” Like the all loving God set up some game and you have to fight yourself to get to God and then he’s gonna be pleased with you. Matt Kahn made a really good point once about not projecting parental qualities onto the universe/God. I think that’s a super crucial thing to think about. It’s the eternal problem of getting into spirituality before taking proper care of your life circumstances and issues. I mean… How loving is it to call yourself an idiot? It always strikes me as really odd when people preach love as the highest truth and go on intellectual debates about what love is and what it isn’t. Paralysed, whipping themselves into shape, feeling uptight and disassociated instead of turning love into a practice. I’m baffled, and at the same time I’m not. I’ve done it myself. Everything just shifted so radically that that approach seems like a different lifetime by now. So my daily practise now is literally: I lay down, greet every sensation, thought and emotion with love and ask how it’s here to help me. I respect what my mind tells me instead of insisting it to calm down. I love my mind, and I found out how helpful it is. Working for my benefit all day, and in turn I give it times of openness and relaxation. I just don’t overstimulate it. And if it’s calm, I meditate :-) Trying to keep up a special posture, state of mind or practise is far from my reality all of a sudden. One truth I’ve always felt very deeply is: The only thing that matters about your insights is how much you demonstrate what you’ve learned in your life. I’m lashing out a bit because I can’t believe I didn’t know how to love myself all this time. I had a good break down cry after finding out that after all of this “work on myself”, I still treated myself like my parents did: Only deserving of love when performing right, only feeling good about myself when I’m following a certain schedule. And if you think Matt Kahn brainwashed me, you’re right ;-) But at least, I’m starting to really feel confident in myself for the first time. Or rather: The confidence I always carried inside is bold enough to spill into every domain of life. I’m more capable of really caring for others, having stable energy and resources to do the things I love, and bringing love into my creative work and relationships. There are still difficult days, but more and more, love is carrying me through. Some part of me is still going crazy about letting go of my insane dedication and daily schedule. “You’re gonna loose all your progress and turn into an unconscious blob if you don’t keep up the practices!” The other day I asked that thought what it wants from me and why it’s here. It answered, it just wants me to recognise how far this kind of thinking has gotten me. It’s really made me pull through on some pretty amazing stuff and made me build a life wherein I can relax now. It’s not true that this kind of rigorous meditation and scheduling didn’t do anything for me. It not right of me to dismiss all of that. So I won’t. Thank you. I could only get here by going through all of that. I can only trust myself like this because of the work I’ve done before, because my life is super calm and I mainly do and crave things that are healthy for me. This time was really necessary, and now it’s time to move on. :-) My path has led me to follow love now, and love, I found out, is what feels good in the body. This is what it is now, and tomorrow my perspective is probably different. And that’s ok. I’m here for the change :-) “There’s nothing wrong with spiritual techniques, but nothing can do what love can do.” Matt Kahn

"Winter, with its inwardness, is upon us. A man is constrained to sit down, and to think." (Journal of Henry David Thoreau)

@RendHeaven Wow! What a dream Welcome to my journal. Always welcome to spam it with some good music

Love your style of drawing! We need more artsy journals on here. Much love!

Sounds more like a good direction than a bad one. Maybe you just need to give yourself some time in those new habits before expecting them to resolve one of the core struggles of human experience. That's why we're given 90 years. Now that is a domain by itself and no amount of meditation or exercise will resolve that kind of unworthiness out of you. You'll have to return to that wounded part of your child-self one day; how you do, and when is up to you. Maybe therapy can help, psychedelics, working with a teacher one on one. You can't escape this or suppress it with other techniques, it's the very mission life trusted you with. So it's not "in the way", you're just getting to know the subject

No one's permanently awake. We all need some sleep

What do you think he's hiding?