traveller

hello interesting a few min ago I was in despair and going to the hole of sadness, melancholy, victim thinking etc. and suddenly someone asked something and I realized I am lost in my mind and mind like the usual which is such emotions and related thoughts ... Now feeling neutral even good..:)) This journey is full of surprises, insights, ups and downs İs it really possible? really is it that easy to change mood? Hope I can remember that every time I need Okey. The problem; I feel stuck in some emotional states and hesitate to take consistent action. Action for creating my own business. What prevent me from doing that? * First I need to solve problems regarding dating and socializing.. ( Not good enough, getting older, nobody want me, there is some improvement yet my past won't let me go I 'd terrible past experiences, how do I say I didn't have a proper girlfriend till this age etc) * Not ready yet( old story, stuck in fear, fear of failure, lack of confidence, etc) * I am not decisive enough * who decide what, who am I ? What do I really want? Are all these my own wants or I just blindly follow leo and other teachers teachings for life I live * Difficult I am late for all this. Oh see now mood change again. !! Right now I want all that life ends and no other struggle .. Because I am really tired of writing to tons of paper, meditating, exercising etc and still not being able to speak up for some little problem in my life. Not being able to be bold. always living in my mind.. doubting myself.. I look everybody seems very good. They are somewhat in life.. living it .. I am in a prison in my mind .. and name of that prison now is personal development.. I am tired.. fuck personal development

So I am going to try to think for myself here in witness of you guys, so it been more than 5 years that I start that journey of Personal development... İt was real though times; anxiety, depressed moods, panic atacks, debt, lies, smoking, lost in many ways. I am so grateful to Actualized.org for being one of my biggest support and source for improving from there to here. Really Thank you Leo Gura. Wish you all the best... Anyway today after all that years I had improved in many areas with my life. I m better in social settings, I got a certificate on coaching and coached for a while, started a habit of meditation, exercised and still doing, quites smoking, better with my financial situations, I was stuck in my small town and moved back to the big city I used to live., start to work again at my former job as receptionist at a hotel ... But last couple of weeks was so difficult times. I was working at night shift and full occupied with the thoughts around ''I must do sth, ı am stuck, it is going nowhere, still I am very weak, I am not able to confront people, all that nice guy shit, even approaching more than 150 girls I am inferior with opposite sex, an most importantly what do I do with that old friends. With whom I am no longer feeling any connection etc. '' And I forced myself and texted all my old friends that we used to be very close group once.. I told them that I want to end the relationship due to lack of interest, not having much in common interests, ... I told them that we are already not seeing each other that much for long.. Yet I want to stop it all together etc. There was a group of 4 they were the friends I used to hang for a couple of years ago.. they were sad but understanding. saying do what make you feel happy etc. The thing is we were so destructive at that time.. We were wasting a lot of time sitting in cafes drinking tea coffee for hours and gossiping, talking politics, criticizing, joking, talking lots of shit and smoking.. So that was my reason. But I told them that life changed, no common interest etc. in fact they are not living that way anymore.. Anyway I wasn't feeling in my best around them and wanted to leave them behind... The other one person was my friend since the high school years.. similar story, we used to be so judgmental about everything with him, we gossip, we critisize, talking back of others, lots of politics, complain, victim thinking etc. Actually I spoke to that person some time ago and told him that I want to finis or distance for some time since I feel many thing changed.. Then again two week ago I texted and told that I want to finish friendship maybe one day if our roads cross we figure out again but till that time I want to cut .. He said ok but later he send me a message and it was tough .. He said that I did that message thing twice and in both times he was in very hard times. He said you did wrong to me.. After all that friendship you treat me so bad. He claimed my language at that text was selfish, high and humiliting him. .etc.. And finally said ok. we are done .. I don't want our road to cross and see you again. İf I die before you don't come to my funeral , for me you are dead.. that kind of things.. I felt terrible.. I called him. he didn't open .. I texted and then called again and he open.. I share all the story behing my messages. Our destructive friedship, his bad behaviours twords me, his humiliating language, his anger, me being so passive around him. My taking every belief of him for truth . Together speaking behind others. etc.. And we finally close the phone with somewhat clearing something.. some confession etc. Yet other day I did delete him from my social media and cut contact again.. And there was 3 other friends that I send message.. two of them say nothing just ''okey, as you wish'' one said ''okey but no crossing road .. Bye to you '' so he cut me from his phone and social media immediately.. Okey now in this point I feel confused. To my mind it was all that people holding me back. I wasn't sharing anything on social media because of afraid their rejection, judgment etc. I was't have good time since if they saw that they would ask why I am not inviting them etc. but after all that and leaving them behind nothing change.. Still same things. Lots of guilt.. Not living the life again because feeling guilty for doing all that to them. treating them bad etc.. Guilt guit guilt.. On the other hand I am done with waiting to live. I want to do something. It was two years ago I was in similar situation and I decided to have coaching class .. Not so much change.. Not sure all that might be due to my traumatic backround childhood. I was a parahiliac for years, almost nobody knows that. I am blaming everybody from my past. I am distancing myself and feeling lonely yet it was all me.. I don't know what to do , I feel sad. ... How will my life will truely change.. I do many things but it backslide again. I tried healty eating but I can't help and make it a religion. Then couldn't stop and do opposite and eat what ı want. Leo's strict approach is very difficult for me to implement. I can't deal with when all that strong emotions fall on me.. I binge eat, Yes this is my only escape since I am not smoking. it is eating and watching netflix..

So far I am a little experieced with different cities. Also I might have kind of similar situation abour country so I think about that as well.. For my experience about changing city, I can say there is no perfect fit. For any option there would be positive and negative sides regarding your uniqe needs, wants, expections etc. İt better to first decide on that. What is most important right now, in that period of your life for you? What are your priorities? Safety, job opportunities, night life, active social life, health care, education, solitude, etc. think on these kind of thing. What do you want to have in your life and which option is better for fullfilling that. İf possible try both, I mean choose one of them and see how it is going and if you don't like change again. As I said first, there is no perfect choice there is the best possible decision that you can make with what information you have in hand. After that it is mostly about loving wehere you have chosen and growing from there.. Good Luck

Let's continue to think, plan etc. First I am going to talk a little bit about my struggles; for example today two of my coworkers had some argument and conflict. İt was a little high tension and I felt bad while witnessing that. Also today there was some other issues that I wanted to issue with one of my colleague yet I couldn't. İt is kind of difficult to make uncomfortable speech, I am behaving so nice so many times. then I feel tons of anger, sadness etc. inside.. I am aware of my conflict avoidance and I am making a commitment to work on that further. I already made this commitment yet I got to remind myself this.. A Lot. I am going to work on my conflict avoiding no matter what and how.. I will become one of the most confident man I ever know.. I will do that!! I promise.

This! İn decision making you can think yourself as learning a new skill. So it will take time to learn and best way to get better is to practice a lot. Decide, decide, decide. ..

Hi there, Yeah it is getting better... The thing about this friendship broke is passing. I can feel that.. Occasionally I feel the urge to call them, sometimes I miss them a lot, then sometimes it is a feeling of guilt and confusion.. but eventually all is passing through me.. I think I will be fine.. All questions will be answered as time pass and as I evolved. I will understand and let all go... İn fact I already let go a lot... Anyway.. There is some other topics that I'd better work on; Career, Dating, Social Circle, Family, Where to live, health, Fitness, Learning new skills, Travel, Actually the thing is I want to design my life in the light of my new perspectives. I used to live a life of total unconscious, everything about me was fake. Until I start to greatly suffer and had panic attacks (thank to god:) I never care about sitting alone and thinking about myself and my life.. So from this day until now many changes happened. I grew a lot .. I am proud of quiting smoking, learning to communicate better, adding some new friends, cutting gossip, cutting huge amount of negativity, stoping destructive and compulsive sexual behaviors, no more escorts etc.. Being able to got my previous job again. etc.. many many improvements.. And Now I want to Make a transition to a path of personal development and self help field, even I changed the city there still is something that I don't like about my location so relocating into the city.. Making some new friends, attending to social events, travelling around world as I find opportunity.. I already start to work on my dating skills approached almost 200 girls.. Yet I'd be better to do it consistently.. I 'm meditating regularly and it will be nice to do some extra spiritual work... maybe, breath work, retreats etc. Yes thats it..

@Manusia You can check Joddy Hatton and Eric Bartel on youtube.. I think they are no longer making beats , no much new videos but there is already a huge collection of very good videos on their channels.

Maybe it would be nice to see your artistic side more. I don't know how but integrating your art side to web site and even videos. Your drawings are very nice.. I remember that cat trying to get it's tail. That sort of graphics, drawings etc. would be so nice to explain absract subjects. Also some live streams in a more natural, friendly manner. a little bit personal life.. at least just to put on blog.

Hey, I'm also interested/working on my finance.. The books; the richest man in babylon and rich dad poor dad are good for starting. Also this woman is doing a good job on yt https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9lKBRxxsDIarUmNaPe0h0Q

To me, sexual intercourse supposed to include some emotional connection. At least pysichal attraction from both part. We are not robots. I agree it is possible to have fun for the one who is paying and some times for the prostitue also..Yet still by buying sex we might contribute to lots of suffering.. Still everyone can choose their own entertaintment sources.

It's around 11:00 am. I am sitting in a coffeeshop and having some cofee. I am wathching araound since my table is just near the window( which is like full of glass a big one). Cars are passing, young man and women are walking, someone is running, the other in hurry for sth. , the sounds of horn and engines coming from cars.. My eyes and ears are like a camera and recorder and watching something super good. The best movie ever. So, this one; every second of realtiy is like a movie. I like this.. And regarding my inner situation movie become sad, thrilling, happy, dram etc. The best parts are a sudden ispration and joyfull motivation which came just after the some worst scenes..

if I wouldn't had sex with prostitude and instead study pickup, or try some other way to improve my relationships with opposite sex I would be much more experienced and lucky. The worst thing about prostitutes when you have sex that way, subconciusly you say yourself nobody want you without paying for. buying sex is serious harm to your self-esteem. Also most of sex workers are doing that with force of somebody that seizured their passports or purely pyhsical forcing. I saw some some of them stay in some dirty shed without appropriate electricty, water etc. if you know how hard is life for them you will stop buying it and not buying that is more of support to that womens. Most of them have similar personal stories, abusive fathers, abusive and achololic boyfriend, gambler husband etc. some are doing it to support their families, their child . also the girls are victim to some life events at some point they start to abuse drugs, alcohol..they might be violent and crazy. finally when it comes to getting sexual experience, for prostitutes the best trade is to spend less time with man and get more money.. they also try their best to manipülate man during sex so it can finish fast and they can leave.. So don't expect that women to be some kind of fairy for you.

Hello everyone,l would like to hear your perspective on something l'm trying to deal with. I want to go and start a coaching course and start to build a business on coaching. But when I search the marketplace there is lots of coach who had good cv. they used to work in big companies as manager and that kind of jobs. I don't have a bright background about career. only for a short period I worked as a coordinator at a small company.. but mostly I used to work at restaurants as waiter, I delivered brochüres, I worked parttime at small shops, and finally I was a receptionist at a hotel .. Even I've graduated from a good university a didn't work well at any big company or with a nice title. Other issue which is pardoxical ; I want to start coaching but I don't have a good backround about most domain of life. I am inexperinced about dating, I ve not start a business till today so no experience about that too. Even I progressed a lot on my personal development journey I still have confidence, esteem related issues. To be a good coach it would be better to advance most domain of life I think. On the other hand without starting a business it will be difficult to be able to feel good and work better on the aspect of life that I want to improve .. Nowadays I even think to start another business first at least to gain some experience but it won't make sense since I am almost totally in personal development. I read, I watch videos and took notes on that. So with not much interest in the industry but interest in doing businesss is it making sense to start a business like selling something, opening a online shopping market etc. summary; --to start at coaching business how much it is important, first to improve and get results by yourself. And to what degree should I wait ? --how is it looking to start another random business just for the sake of learning business and gaining experience before going for coaching business ? -- since for any other business nobody is interested with your personal life. Will it be locigal to approach coaching business that way or should I prove customer that I myself already succeed in life. -- Won't they tell me you don't have any important success in life how are you going to help us ? ( I think that is obviously inner critic and self judgment) So what are your thoughts?

it seems like my passion is studying personal development concepts. But I understand what you mean. Thank you As I understand convincing part is about life experience. So my fear is probably not to be able to find client since even I might be a good coach I am not experienced in different areas of life. Also I don't really think on finding a niche, I used to think I will be a life coach and thats ok. I can coach people about anything. it seems like finding a niche really will be helpful. Most importantly bottom line which I guess is briefly ''just do it'' so clear.. Thank you so much

Name: Ahmet Yıldırım Age: 33 Gender : Male Location: Turkey Occupation: currently unemployed. ( on a search for a career to do with purpose) Marital Status: Single Childeren: No Hobbies: Travel, long walks in the nature, personal development, watching movies, reading, it was 3 years ago when I was in a really desperate situation. Since I used to live my whole life extremely unconcius finally it hit. I got my first panic attack which now I see as a wake up call or gift. Of course it was not looking that way at that time. I lost my father next year. which was my biggest fear at that time .. it was horrible I was in the depth of despair. That was when I met with Actualized.org . I watched llots of videos, not only Leo's videos but a lot of video on anxiety, panic attack, depression and so on.. I read a lot of books on that issues. it was a difficult time when I was self-diagnose myself with all sort of mental disorders. And consuming all sorts of information on web about my percived ''disorders'' . During that time I was working as a receptionist at a hotel. Since I used to work at night shift there was plenty of free time to watch videos, read books and have anxiety crises:)) Long story short; then years passed not easy and not quick but definetely healing, transforming. Back to today ; Challenges I ve overcome - taking control of my panic attacks; almost no panic attack for the last two year - Greatly reducing my anxius and depressif moods ( I was even afraid of going out at that times) -Reconnecting with some old friends - Saying truth to my family about my work ( I used to lie them) - Avoiding some toxic people that I used hang out with - Becoming aware of my self biases, shits, lies, fears, - Finally this year after quiting my job and moving to my home town; quit smoking, starting to work on my diet and made some changes for good, mediatating daily, exercising every other day, journalling, and a lot of other benefits that I gained from that journey that I even forget some and lots of little things that can full a few page.. Something I am currently working on; - since I am recently applying some important concepts to practise there is lots of backslide, depression, confusion I am working on - Dating and relationships in general - Assertiveness - Engineering and thinking a lot on of my life , social circle, family relations, beliefs, customs, - Working on lack of theory and filling the gaps - İn search for Life Pupose, - Personal Finance - Overcoming some family related issues - starting my own business and so on... Thank you so much Actualized.org and Leo for contrubuting a change I even couldn't dream few years ago..

@Flowerfaeiry thank you for this understanding and encouraging words. @The Buddha nice point of view. thank you

Hello there. even I've been member for a long time I'm not active in forum. Among many other reasons; one reason is before posting here a question, I answer my own question in my head but as someone from here answered. Even sometimes I critise myself for askin such a ''easy, silly, etc'' question. This situation confuses me because I feel like I already found answer to my question on the other hand it might be my self judgment and fear of being judged so instead of asking the question I project it on some random people here and got my answer. What are your thoughts on this? another issue is; I like to read posts here in forum. But l am really feeling overwhelmed since l visit forum for a spesific reason but then found myself jumping from one title to another, from one post to another and spend a lot of time here and feeling guilty for that. I read lots of content here it feels like addiction... any thougths or advice will be appriciated. Note: English is not my first language

in my experience I felt most powerfull when I less care about being strong or in your term ''machiavellian'' and connect with my feelings. Here I think the most important thing is to observe yourself, it is not about others it is about you and your emotions. So maybe you can practise releasing. Sedona Method type of work might help. when you are not comfortable with feeling anger and fear against yourself and others, it is difficult to function effectively. so working on your emotions is probably best place to start.. good luck

I really get good results sometimes when I go beyond my comfortzone. Even now by writing this comment I am moving beyond my comfortzone since I am even anxious about sharing sth puplic and fear of not doing well, not expressing well, not good english etc. What l struggle with a lot is not mostly the outer danger. When I decide to try something new or behave in a different way I struggle with confision a lot. Lots of scnerios in my mind? What is my motive? that is the main question mostly. Sometimes the fear of rejection take it is place, sometimes fear judgment, I fear my own judgments tword myself and other, try to find the ''best'' ''fittest'' '' most honest'' etc. answers, behaviors. I don't know it guarantee growth but I think comfortzone is not only external also there is lots of internal comfortzones and they both effect eachother. In my experinces when I am in a comfort inside it is not making huge difference external changes.

I am reading book for a while now and letting go almost everyday any time that I am able to concentrate I don't know if I am doing it true but at first days it was looking difficult but also awesome. But after a few weeks I get difficulties to do the techique and also l have a feeling like l am a walking dead. I don't have too much tension in my body ı feel lighter, l am more relaxed in some situations but also it feel pointless, no desire, no action to do anything, ı don't have a desire to react to any situations which makes me feeling like ghost. Also during that time of letting go practise l've been a lot of dreams, dreams are generally making sense it feels like I am dissolving my wounds or integrating my shadow .. l don't know really what's its like to letting go because now even sometimes it feels amazing most of times l am like no matter what, ı feel no excitement any advise?