studentofthegame

Settling into the new job. Almost gone from one extreme to the other - from doing very little in the closing months of 2020, to being busy in a full time job and the related pressures - and i'm too busy / tired to incorporate all of my self care habits and routines into my week. Plan is to settle into the job and gradually introduce the practises back into my day. Having said that, I am reading more. I am turning screens off at a decent time and reading fiction at night, which is the basis of a good night routine for me. @Gladius thanks man! i appreciate the support as always.

Yeah, the lockdown does present a different context. Recruitment has slowed down in some areas (maybe sped up on others). Plenty of time to plan ahead and make the right move. Thanks for the suggestion on the guide to meditation on netflix - i'll be certain to check that out. And a belated happy new year mate. Looking forward to seeing your progress over the coming months

It's taken me 7-10 days to start feeling like i'm recovering from the Christmas and new year binge. After two weeks of excess, there was a lot of anxiety, particularly at night and in the morning when at that point between being asleep and awake. it was like my mind was saying 'you think you can overdo it to that extent and then expect not to pay the price afterwards, but pay you will.' Aiming for balance in the week ahead.

2020 was difficult for obvious reasons but I managed to create a gym habit and consistency. I don't know why the conditions were right for me to be able to do that in a lockdown. I suspect it was because I didn't have a nagging voice saying I should be somewhere else, doing something better - we were in lockdown, so it wasn't possible. I also for the first time felt the benefits of journalling, and cultivating a communication between left brain / right brain, or adult / inner kid. I didn't read many books in 2020 but I did read the body keeps the score (van der kolk) and developed my understanding of trauma. At the end of the year I got a job. My first employment in a mental health field, and plans have been made to move out late in 2021. These are two of my biggest goals, so I am happy to be making progress here. The other major goal is to continue my healing journey, and i won't be slowing down this year. Over the next month or so, after a break for christmas/new year, it's the three magic words: back to basics. -- prioritising sleep -- daily exercise and time in nature / solitude -- clean diet, proper hydration -- mindfulness practise --read / write / journal At some point during the year, perhaps during the spring, I want to try some EMDR therapy, but will cross that bridge when it comes. Wishing everyone a good 2021.

I like that approach and let's see how it goes. Wishing you a great 2021 and will be interesting to monitor your progress

@Gladius thank you my friend i appreciate that. I also value your feedback in my journal. I see it like spotting for each other on the weight bench. And it's very inspirational and grounding, as well as just good for the soul to have a buddy who is also on a pathway and willing to share traveller's tales! will do my own 2020 review today.

Well done for your hard work and breakthrough's in 2020. It's good to see an end of year review, and looking forward to seeing the final review and goals for 2021. It's a good time to look at the big picture over 12 months - what worked, what didn't, how can i apply this knowledge to my approach next year? I need to do the same! Also looking forward to watching that ted talk you posted in your previous post. Thanks for that. Will set aside some time this evening to watch that.

@Gladius good question mate. I think what i am struggling with is self-discipline. I've got long term goals and i need to work each day at them, but have lacked the discipline to get it done. I think part of the reason is i lack structure to the day and i'm attempting to put that right with a solid morning routine. I've made this the priority and will update over the coming days and weeks. Cheers for dropping in ?

What i am working on is waking up at the same time every day. It sounds simple, and I have tried to master this before and failed. But i believe it could be the most useful thing i can put in place. I am also going on a stricter diet. Will update.

Really glad to hear it mate. Very inspiring. It's always good to see hard work pay off. Well done ? I know exactly what you mean about feeling grief / sadness coming up when you have experienced success. It happens to me too. I suspect it's part of the healing / growth process. And a sign that you are someone with empathy and compassion. Congratulations!

Well, I decided to treat the last few weeks like a bit of a holiday. Late nights, excess alcohol, and a lack of discipline. Now i'm paying for it with low mood and low motivation. I'm gradually making progress and it's important to acknowledge that. But it's time to give myself a kick and step it up. I'm going to look at disciplining myself in one specific area and seeing the effect. Will update next week.

The issue about having too much time on your hands is a good one. And one that i'll reflect in my update as well. 'The devil makes work for idle hands'. Still, it's all part of the learning process.

Still seeking balance. Work needed on diet, exercise, and commitment to the meditation app. That is the focus of the week ahead, as well as continuing the job search.

It's good that you have had a clear insight into what is going on internally. That's empowering. In addition to re-parenting your inner kid and being liberal with self-compassion, i wonder whether some schema therapy would be useful. Might be worth exploring. Keep up the good (hard) work ?

Lockdown part 2. Will focus on a cleaner diet over the coming month, meditation each morning using the 'waking up' app, and plenty of time in nature and solitude. Looking for balance rather than extremes.

Started using the 'waking up' meditation app. A meditation practise is something I have been unable to establish so far. Will see if I can make this a habit. Also been studying digestion and gut health as I have been having some issues. Have started taking a pre and probiotic, and will monitor what i am eating and its effect. Other than that, back to basics. Sleep, hydration, eating small and regular, exercise, self-therapy. I have slipped in all areas and am getting back on track. Cheers.

@Gladius I can very much relate to your latest post. I find that a collapse back into old habits (porn, eating and drinking too much, basically indulging the lower senses) often follows closely behind a period where i have stretched myself, stepped outside the comfort zone, done something big / different, and things like that... and as a result am mentally tired. Sometimes it feels like the ego flaring up... it doesn't like change and is resistant to growth. It helps to prepare in advance for this: i anticipate that when i have done something that involves any discomfort / uncertainty, when it is all over and i am physically and emotionally tired and have gone home to relax, the mental guard is weakened and the lower self takes advantage and makes its move. By knowing this in advance, i am gradually more able to mitigate for it (but i still have a lot of work to do). There is an old samurai saying which i have mentioned on here before: “At the moment of victory, tighten the straps of your helmet.” ― Tokugawa Ieyasu.

Still navigating choppy waters - i am experiencing some change to my week, and i don't usually respond well to change - and there is more stress from situations that those around me are experiencing. I have always been a bit of a sponge and can be affected by other people's struggles to the point that it affects my functioning. While I don't feel capable of doing a lot, now is the time to double down on the basics of self-care. Ensuring sleep, eating regularly, staying hydrated and getting some exercise. @Gladius thank you mate. I should remember that now is a perfect time to have dialogue with the inner kid.

Since finishing 3 years of attachment-based talk therapy at the end of last year, i have found myself frequently tearful this year. The therapist told me i would be processing our work together for at least 6 months after we finished. It's all part of the healing process. Tears are not always a sign that something is 'wrong'. Anyone with a depth of consciousness, and perhaps doing some inner healing work, is likely to experience tearfulness. Welcome it. Ancient warriors are said to have routinely and collectively cried after battles. It was seen as a necessary and strong course of action. In terms of how you feel afterwards, perhaps practise compassion. Talk to your inner kid as you would any other small child, and listen carefully to what they are asking for. Do something nice for yourself. It's a brave post and i wish you luck on your journey.

@Superfluo thanks for this. A lot of insights to digest

@Gladius well done for continuing to observe and make adjustments where needed. A couple of weeks off can be extremely valuable too. I also had an experience of reconnecting with an ex after almost 10 years... it was of course about sex... but it also allowed me to resolve some issues. Be mindful of boundaries and enjoy the experience.

@Superfluo thanks mate. That seems a good overview of the process. Aside from the talk therapy, which finished last year, i am moving out of my comfort zones and pushing past resistance towards being the functioning person i want to be. It's scary and painful. I am confronting childhood trauma and am learning the importance of feeling, grieving, and self-compassion. I am reading, journaling and spending time in solitude. Aside from things like EMDR which I would like to experience, I would like to manifest a mindfulness practise. Meditation has always been difficult for me, but I won't give up. IFS is something i intend to study. Where are you in your healing journey? What have you found to be most helpful and what else do you want to explore? Thanks again for the excellent feedback above.

@Matt23 hello Matt. Great review of the book. I have nearly finished it. Have you started to do any of the work suggested in the book? Which parts of it do you think you will consider? I'm very interested in pretty much all of it. EMDR in particular. I have spent some time in talk therapy but feel that there is still much work for me to do in order to heal and have better functioning mental health. Good luck.

I am currently in a bit of a survival mode. I am processing some painful truths. I have a lot of fear and sadness. I am in conflict with loved ones and feel overwhelmed. It feels as if I am on the edge of a crisis. I can see that I am dependent on others around me to regulate my feeling of wellbeing and being in control, to allay my fears and calm down the traumatised inner kid who is scared and in fight or flight. At the moment, those around me aren't in a position to do that for me. I'm on my own and it's on me to cope. I can't rely on others for my regulation in dark times and I need to learn how to weather the storms. But the ability to do that feels a way off. I have a lot of work to do.

I am side-stepping the schedule i proposed a few posts back, at least for a week or so. I am not feeling quite right mentally. Even the pressure of a self-imposed schedule where i only answer to myself feels too much currently. The only item I will look at implementing is getting up at the same time each day and having a morning routine. That's it. It doesn't matter what I do for the rest of the day. I'm expecting that a short period of this is a necessary step and will help me in the short-term.