studentofthegame

I'm currently working from a daily checklist on my phone of self-care / daily disciplines. I try and get as many done as possible without becoming out of balance and obsessed with it. I'm feeling better. In addition to sleeping/eating/drinking right, I have learned about and am practising EFT tapping. This is simple to learn and doesn't take long. There is a bit of inner resistance to it initially but it soon passes. I have been going for a daily walk and grattitude journaling in the evening and this is also helping. There are other disciplines I want to make a regular habit and i'll work on them over the coming days and weeks.

Sorry to hear about the covid but as you say, if you use the time to your advantage and you are OK then that can be a good thing ? Keep it up mate. Your persistence and sense of curiosity will take you far. It seems like you are closely monitoring your thoughts and cultivating your awareness.

Two weeks or so in from trying to get a grip on my mornings - it hasn't happened yet. I will keep working on this because I think it is important. I have a daily checklist on my phone home screen and I want to tick as many off as possible every day and I'm sure a good start in the morning is something that will help. Lots of anxiety over last couple of weeks. Some deep-rooted, childhood fears have been resurfacing. I have started making enquiries about EMDR therapy, though it can be expensive and won't happen for a while. In the mean time I have picked up a book on Kindle about EFT, so I can do some tapping exercises at home and see if that is effective. I am not finding the phone-based CBT therapy useful and there aren't many sessions left anway, so that will soon end. Monitoring my inner talk and being very kind and gentle to myself is important. I am also continuing to listen to the power of now on audiobook and practising mindfulness and presence. A lot going on. After reading @Gladius recent post about having insights, I've had one myself as I've been writing this post. It has been a long time since I've had an open discussion with my family about how I'm feeling and this may be something that would help.

Insights and moments of clarity can be very valuable. I have started keeping a notebook in which I write them down, as and when they occur. They can provide therapeutic insights or be used as affirmations. Keep it up. Do you have plans for the rest of the summer?

I have a period of around 3 months before I move house. The move itself will be challenging but will bring a lot of emotional growth with it. In the mean time I will use the next 3 months to establish as much balance as possible in all areas. I still believe that one of my biggest battles is in the mornings. My mornings are typically lazy and I don't feel good. I am functioning, going to work each day and seeing my girlfriend, but aside from that I am spending huge amounts of time sat around doing nothing but getting lost on my phone and on youtube. Instead i want to be reading, studying, exercising, playing music and working on myself, all while maintaining balance. I have mentioned this before in this journal but haven't ever got a consistent grip on a stronger start to the morning. I will look at that again. I am also confident that I am not drinking anywhere near enough water, which was also one of my primary concerns earlier in this journal. 'Back to basics' means specifics like this. I will review progress in the next week or so.

That sounds like quite a journey of discovery you have been on. I can actually relate to sitting alone in an airport, heading home after having travelled to a long distance relationship that i came to realise would never have worked. It is a pretty unique experience. Your positivity and sense of perspective in the circumstances is a joy to read mate. You sir are a warrior on the path - no doubt about it.

@Gladius i'm glad you found CBT therapy useful. I think reading lots of books could be considered therapy if you either did the work as set out in the books, or if it was calming and soothing for the soul to read the books and part of a self-care regime. To answer your question from a couple of posts back, I have discussed with my therapist moving away from 'thinking' based CBT and into more 'feeling' based trauma centred work. We we'll see how future sessions go. I have past experience with psychodynamic attachment-based therapy which has helped me to process some old traumatic memories but I feel like I have only scratched the surface. I'm hoping that EMDR and IFS may help me and I intend to give them a try, possibly alongside something called 'somatic experiencing' which is based on Peter Levine's work. In short, I am interested in trauma therapies for now. Gary Van Warmerdam covered this topic last year on episode 66 of 'Awareness and Consciousness' podcast - I highly recommend giving this a listen to anyone who suspects they might have trauma in their background.

@Gladius it's a good question. I have done psychodynamic, attachment-based therapy for a relatively long time and it has given me tools towards self-parenting and compassion. I still feel that there is a lot of work to do in this area though. Whether that is with another therapist or via self-help or both, i'm not sure. I am keen to give EMDR therapy a go, to address past traumas. It is expensive but i am willing to make the investment in the future possible I would also like to see a nutritionist to clear up some suspected allergies / intolerances, and perhaps a wholistic therapist to provide some alternative solutions. I am open to exploring new therapies when I am made aware of them. Ultimately it is up to me practise self-care and compassion but I am very interested in seeking help where possible. Do you have experience with particular types of therapy?

I have received 4 weeks of CBT until this point so far. I am working to notice my thoughts, reframe them if necessary, and try to let the negative thoughts go. Also looking at breathing and grounding techniques. While I think other therapeutic approaches will be more important for me in the long run, I think I will come away from this course with a greater understanding and some tools. And i imagine it would be useful for many people.

Interesting to read about your experiences punching the pillow. I read in one of Geoff Thompson's books that sometimes when you clean up your diet and lifestyle, sometimes 'shadows' are outted and need expression, whether it is a physical outlet or something else. Very good to monitor it and see it as a sign of progress, as long as it is channelled properly. Keep up the fine work.

Over the last month i have been a functioning dysfunctional person. I am going to work every day and maintaining a good relationship with my girlfriend, but other than that I am standing still or going backwards in most other areas. 'Back to basics' sounds like going back and taking the first step all over again, but to some extent the basics are the hardest disciplines to keep nailed on no matter where we are in life. When everything seems to be going alright, why bother trying to meditate / journal / go for a run, etc? Well those things just aren't a crutch to lean on when things are bad. They still need doing when things appear to be going well. With that in mind i need to make more effort to combat the things that negatively affect my sleep. I need to find consistency again in clean eating and exercise and maintain more of a reading/writing and mindfulness practise. I need to do these things because i have been neglecting these areas, and i feel rubbish mentally and physically as a result. Back to basics. Also I am receiving a short course in cognitive behavioural therapy to see if i can challenge some of the negative thought patterns that are causing me anxiety. I will be able to comment in 5 or 6 weeks how this is going.

Some positive updates lately, it's been good to see. Very good awareness too. Have you done any 'whole life picture' work? I first came across this in susan jeffers book 'feel the fear and do it anyway'. I suspect you are making good contributions in all areas of your life. Keep up the good work ?

Simple goal this week, spend less of my free time sat around indoors and instead get out more. The lack of outdoors time and quality solitude is affecting me. It's on me to make it happen rather than waiting for it to find me. Sometimes it involves saying 'no' to people and this can be a challenge. Alongside that keep working towards nailing the basics of sleep, diet and exercise.

Sounds as if you aren't far away from that next level in terms of a relationship. As you say, becoming the person you'd like to meet is key. Will be interesting to see where you go with your projects. Overall some very positive recent posts mate. Sounds like you are really handling your business and building something solid. Keep it going!?

A few days into a week which is all about restoring balance. It had been a steady few weeks of late nights and alcohol prior to this week. I'd not been getting enough sleep, was getting no exercise and was dehydrated. And working a full time job that can be emotionally tiring and triggering. As such i have been in a bit of a fear state all week. Anxiety and paranoia just below the surface. It is a relief to hit a wall and surrender but with a better balance in life it would not take hitting a wall to trigger necessary change. Much better self care this week. We will see how things are looking next week. @Gladius your most recent post about fear certainly rings true for me too. Understanding and harnessing fear is a lifetimes work. It still bullies me on a daily basis but I will keep doing the work.

Making progress with improving gut health. I have adapted my diet slightly but nothing too extreme. I have noticed an improvement in my symptoms. I have also made a move to get some more talking therapy and am due an assessment soon. I did attachment-based therapy last time, and i can imagine that it'll be CBT based this time. I don't enter into therapy lightly - the aim is to be my own therapist. But I want to try different schools of therapy and take as much from them as I can. Other than that, I am not consistently getting the basics right just yet - but i am working on it. @Gladius thanks for the feedback as always ? I think being more and more present and living in the moment is a lifelong journey and one I am willing to take.

I agree 100%. You don't want to be 'paying' for your holiday for days and weeks after it has finished by overdoing it - but you need some freedom to relax everything a bit and have some fun. Very important for balance and to restore your batteries. That's a great observation about people-pleasing. I have the same issue. Assertiveness is a muscle you have to keep working. Keep up the good work - and more importantly - enjoy the second half of your break ?

I have had some stomach and digestion issues for a while now and have adapted my diet to tackle the issue. I am hoping that this will have some positive effect on my mental health as well. I have read about the gut-brain connection in recent years but havent really done the work and made the correct changes until now. How often is that the case? It makes me wonder about the amount of studying and research i have done over the last decade into all sorts of areas without actually doing the work. Reading is good and books / resources are fantastic. But the growth is in the work. Currently working my way through the audiobook version of the power of now. Eckhart Tolle has a great voice. Remaining present and not living in the past or the future all the time strikes me as the most important life skill someone can develop. I suppose it is balance in all things. I still have 'feeling' healing work to do which does mean some mental time travel. But Tolle says that presence and living in the now is also a way to dissolved what he calls 'pain bodies'. And i buy into his ethos: now is the only time there is, so working towards presence in day to day life feels like a worthwhile goal. Other than that, i am still working on the basics. Sleep, diet, exercise, and monitoring my thoughts.

I have around a week off work. Aim for the next week or so... those magic words... back to basics. Eating more of the right foods and less of the bad. Drinking lots of water and less alcohol. Getting back on the weights, getting outside more and some quality solitude. Start and finish a spiritual / healing book. Journaling. Prioritising sleep. I'll use the coming days as a chance to reset, but i won't be hard on myself. My self-talk has been very negative lately and I want to address that. @Gladius you are right. Balance in everything is the key. I love that even Bruce Lee used to like an occasional mcdonalds, despite his incredible dedication to health and fitness. That is a good lesson for us ?

That's a good summary of your work and a useful reference - thank you for sharing. Lots of wisdom there my friend. ? We are on similar paths in many ways. You are right it's a life long process so a key is to enjoy the journey - the present moment is all we have. Your healing is very inspiring so thanks a lot. Very interested to see how you accomplish your creative goals. Creativity is a real good outlet for trauma. I'm not ready to pursue my creative goals at the moment, so I have to continue to be patient.

Progress is slow across the board. I am working, eating and sleeping and that seems to be the cycle. My free time is spent unproductively and passively. Youtube, internet, ebay. Excess junk food and alcohol has crept in with regularity. I respect the ebb and flow of life and we aren't always going to be 100% on the path all of the time. Still, i'm looking to take some action which sparks something and leads to some momentum building. The days are getting lighter and the lockdown will be easing gradually and it will be a good time to start working harder towards my goals.

I know what you mean. Sometimes boredom is a useful sign that something needs attention, or needs to change, or that something is missing. Sometimes it is another emotion/mood (or lack of one) that needs to be accepted and observed until it passes. Simple as that. Have a good week mate

This week i'll be focusing on rebuilding my gym schedule and gradually reintroducing a morning and night routine. I'll also be mindful of time spent on the phone, as it has been excessive. I have become aware of a consistent level of anxiety that I have been experiencing for some time now. It's mainly in the background, but it does surface in the morning and at night when i am half awake. I do intend to try some EMDR therapy this year and perhaps something else alongside it, but in the mean time I will try and address the anxiety through journalling. @Gladius Thank you ? It is important to acknowledge progress we've made, as well that there is always work to be done.

This past month has been settling into the new job, and not much else. That has been an important step. I have always struggled with conventional jobs with any degree of pressure, but i am making progress here and the job could and should work out. This will enable me to move out of the family home - this is the next important step. in the meanwhile, I have to be patient, because things are moving slowly. Working remotely is increasing the suffocating pressure of the lockdown, and because i am not having to get up especially early to leave for work, there is a laziness to my mornings which carries into the rest of the day. I am working, but doing nothing else. I want to reintroduce gym, journaling and try once again to establish a meditation practise.

I had the same feeling a couple of years ago. I was single, 35 years old. I hadn't finished my degree and didn't know where i was going. Most of my friends were married with kids, and seemed to be further along in life. I was in a small minority who didn't have any of that and still lived at the family home. Things have changed for the better since then. It's normal to sometimes have fears about the path we are on and fear we are on the wrong track, and missing out. It's good to be conscious of what you are doing and make adjustments if necessary, and seek advice. But i believe all the rewards are waiting for you on the path. Keep it up brother